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The End of an Era

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sometimes things in life that once worked well (or just worked) stop doing so. Ideas, concepts and paradigms lose their novelty and effectiveness. The inventions that revolutionized a year,decade or generation just years later are a reference to how outdated and outmoded those times are now.

Whatever your political views are, watch any presidential inauguration. Invariably while the new president is speaking, the camera will briefly capture the outgoing president for a second. The man who just four/eight years ago represented a new era, new future and energized the country just looks tired with the "my time is so over" countenance.

Same as with almost any sitcom after it's 3rd or 4th season. They all jump the shark eventually. Writers run out of ideas. The actors get bored. Ratings plummet. The audience doesn't care about the new cute kid. What was once a show that you couldn't wait to watch has become just a monotonous ritual of TV watching.

Throughout college and even since, my dating has reflected that of an overweight guy with low self esteem. My requirements in a dating partner have been really rigorous. They show strong interest that I might ask them out (no possibility of rejection).

I've chosen the "safe" people. The ones that I could enjoy spending time with but ones that clearly wouldn't work out (their parents usually didn't like me, they had serious baggage, etc.). It was "safe".

They could treat me like dirt, manipulate me, push me away. It's was OK though. Dating a headcase was better than being alone.

The good quality ones (you know, ones with self esteem) were usually taken, but hey. They wouldn't want to spend time with me, anyway. Even if they did, they would probably ultimately reject a wedding proposal. So why bother? Come on! I'm the fat kid! Right!?

There has been a strong underlying mentality of, "I don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship."

Last year it all came crashing down when I met the girl who I most recently dated. I figured that we would have a good six months and then she'd start pushing for the ring, I'd push back and we'd break up. Turns out she just wanted to date as well. That really scared me.

To boot she actually found me attractive when we met (I was 15 pounds heavier then). That was really hard for me to figure out. I always took the mentality that if a girl found me attractive, there was something seriously wrong with her. Scary thing was having lost 25-30 pounds, I could see where she was coming from towards the end and that really scared me.

After an 11 month very rocky (as usual) relationship, we had the "just friends" conversation. We tried and then she started really pushing me into the background. Friendships to me are very deep and I don't take demotions well. We officially broke off communications about a week and a half ago. It was tough, but I am more at peace than ever.

She represents the end of an era that has lasted most of my life. An era where I would give my love to someone who was supposed to love me but wouldn't or couldn't. An era of seeing myself as having to take what I could get dating-wise. An era where I could tell myself that people I dated were interested only in my personality (certainly not attracted to me physically).

Gone are the days I settle for someone whose parents think that I'm not good enough for their daughters. Gone are the days when I date someone who would pick them over me. Gone are the days of dating girls who use tears to manipulate me. Gone are the days of trying to keep someone interested in me when they're clearly looking for my replacement.

No longer will I ask someone out solely because she will give me the time of day. Someone else can have that. No longer will I accept "That's just who I am" when I point out that something they're doing is hurting me. No longer will I accept the scraps of time that someone is willing to deign to give me when they're no longer interested in investing in the relationship. My time is too valuable for that.

I'm too valuable for that.

I don't want a "safe" date-to-failure relationship. I want a good healthy one. I don't want to have to carry someone's mental baggage and not be able to confide my struggles to them because they can't mentally handle it. I'm not looking for someone who is completely issue-free. At the same time, I don't want to invest myself into a relationship with someone whose issues are running/ruining their life (and by proxy mine).

I love her and I wish her the absolute best. I really do. But I need my dating relationships to be more like my friendships. Healthy and fulfilling (for both of us). Both of us can stand on our own but be there for one another when we need each other.

My past mentality can't be part of my future dating life. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than go through another relationship like that.

"I don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship."
* Really!!?? Pfft!! I will accept nothing less.

Trentdreamer's dating paradigms (college-2011), Rest In Peace.

The era is OVER!

- TD Out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLUEMRSM 3/27/2011 10:25AM

    Great wisdom! You can imagine how much those of us who chose spouses poorly (the first time around) wish we had had your wisdom.

P.S. Re-read your blog every month or so to remind you of your great insights.

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FOREVERFAYE 3/26/2011 6:42PM

    Good for you!

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SCRAP317 3/26/2011 1:19PM

    BRAVO, my friend, BRAVO! I only wish I could hug you in person and tell you that you are finally seeing what we see - a truly wonderful man that any girl would be lucky to share a life with! Stick to it Trent you are worth it! xo

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BYEBYEFAT. 3/26/2011 9:44AM

    " But I need my dating relationships to be more like my friendships. Healthy and fulfilling (for both of us). Both of us can stand on our own but be there for one another when we need each other. "


I loved this blog.. I can relate VERY WELL!! You deserve it, no doubt :)

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AZCUPCAKE 3/25/2011 5:21PM

    Oh Trent, you have literally 'moved mountains' with your new revelations! I am so glad to hear you feel worthy to accept only the best and stride right past the rest! You are worth it - you are amazing - you are the TRENTDREAMER! Watch out, female population: the latest edition of TD is SO INCREDIBLE ~ !!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATYMACK 3/25/2011 1:33PM

    You deserve the best. I'm glad you finally see that. (just figured that out for myself-by the way) Settling for less than what we deserve will no longer do in my book. Good for you!!!!!

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KRITKRIT 3/25/2011 1:30PM


"I'm too valuable for that."

Damn right...nuff said.

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ANEPANALIPTI 3/25/2011 1:25PM

    Trent......... precious blog. Worth re-reading, SO FLIPPING dsjakdfj;alsdkfjal;sdkfja;sldfja;sl
dfj ;asdlfj;sldfj GOOD.

YOU DESERVE THIS and I am SO HAPPY I READ THIS TODAY. For both of us, you're absolutely right.



hope you have a great weekend :)


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AKELAZ 3/23/2011 1:39AM

    I really admire the way you dig into yourself and come out better for it. Guess it's a painful process each time but so worthwhile. Possibly this self-realisation regarding relationships was the most painful - who am I to know? Sounds like you're on your way to a a better relationship not only with others but with yourself - physically and mentally.

Power to you TD.

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JBARSTOW 3/22/2011 11:05PM

    Thank you!!! I see this sentiment a log on blogs, but it's almost always from the ladies. I'm always happy when a lady realizes her true worth and value, but it so seldom comes from the men.

I appreciate you reminding us that the emotional pounding and hurt happens on both sides of the gender line.

And congratulations on your personal declaration of independence...'cause that what this is. A firm declaration that you're no longer bound by the constraints of the past. Kudo's to you for saying "I choose something better for myself."

Much success in your journey!

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WALKOFFWIN 3/22/2011 10:06PM

    Just happened to check out your blog because your Spark name sounded familiar and I wanted to see if you were someone I've known from Spark before. But that's not important now, because I'm so impressed with your blog that it doesn't matter if I've known you before... I'm just glad I know of you now.

That was some very well written, very effectively expressed self realization you shared with us. I've been where you've been before, and I also had to come to the same realization you have come to. In my case, this realization opened up the opportunity to meet a woman who is my best friend as well as my passionate lover, and she never gives me any reason to doubt her love for me. She is a wonderful companion and she so often selflessly gives of herself to me, when I really need it. I try my best to do the same for her...

But I would never have had any relationship with her, if I hadn't come to realize what you now know as well. Hold on to what you've learned and now claimed for yourself, and you'll also make your opportunity possible to find the woman you deserve as much as she deserves you.

Wishing you the best of luck Trent,


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MAMADWARF 3/22/2011 9:59PM

    OMG! That was the best thing I have read in a long time!! You have truly changed, you see your own value and are ready to accept it and enjoy your life without settling...I am sooo proud of you!!! (I would let you date either of my daughters!!!)

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TEENY_BIKINI 3/22/2011 9:08PM

    Right on!

That was beautiful.

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MEADSBAY 3/22/2011 8:28PM

    Of course, TD!
Part of getting healthy is to throw away all the crap and be able to articulate what you really want and need and then-GO FOR IT!
You deserve a rich, happy and healthy relationship.


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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/22/2011 8:02PM

    "I don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship."
*Really!!?? Pfft!! I will accept nothing less.

If you could see me now ... I'm standing up, shaking my head, saying a "he11 ya, you do and smiling ear from ear. Oh yes! You do deserve a healthy/happy relationship. Now that you know it the girl you are looking for & deserve will find you.

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ALICERIEGER 3/22/2011 7:39PM

    And aren't you glad!! So much more to look forward to.

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Weekly Weigh-in (03.19.2011)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Goal: 182
01/01: 204.8
02/05: 198.8
03/05: 200.2
03/12: 198.8

This Week: 199.2 (+0.4) meh.

I ate very little early in the week, ate a lot mid-week, and had a good day yesterday. I want to strive for more consistency throughout the week. I've got two weeks left in March and could easily be 195 by my April's "State of the Dreamer" blog.

I've started doing lighter weight workouts. Rotating core/legs and upper body. I'm going to go back to Pilates class this morning. I can already feel some of the definition coming back. I just want to off-set the hunger that has traditionally come with weight lifting. My midweek and end of week body fat measurements were 19% and 20% respectively. So we're making progress.

I think I'm going to resurrect the medal system only the focus will be on dairy. I'm going to need the protein. We'll see.

Thanks to everyone who has left comments on my blog and page. It was a rough week, but I'm doing OK. Saturdays tend to be the toughest day because that was the day we usually spent together.

I really appreciate you.

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRITKRIT 3/22/2011 11:33AM

    Consistency is the key..and sounds like you know that!

Sorry Saturday was hard. It will take time buddy! You do know how much everyone on the site adores you right!?!?!? WELL WE DO!!!!! What can you do to make this Saturday fun!?!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/21/2011 12:16PM

    Your plan sounds good. How are you doing with the veggies?

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FITGRL124 3/19/2011 1:03PM

    Planning & Consistency - if I can offer you any advice at all - this is it!

Good wishes to you for a successful week!!!


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MEADSBAY 3/19/2011 9:50AM

    Consistence is certainly important.
Cycling (calories and carbs) may help.
Planning is crucial!

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AKELAZ 3/19/2011 9:29AM

    You don't need to beat yourself up about a small gain - frustrating though it is. Be proud that you are not madly eating your way through your break-up situation - such a hard time and truly I'm sad for you. It's a pain that may not be life threatening but is so hard to bear.

Sounds like you're staying active and not losing motivation - congratulate yourself on that - it's too easy to throw away your efforts when times are hard.

Sending you BIG emoticon

Enjoy the Pilates . . . emoticon

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She Didn't Even Recognize Me

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

**This weekend was rough and I'm still processing (Broke up with a girl who I really care about). I will blog about it sometime in the next week or so. This blog is unrelated to that**

It just seems like every time I feel down about the fact that I've been stagnating weight-wise, someone I haven't seen in awhile makes a comment that reminds me that I'm looking fit/good. Today though took the cake.

I enjoy exercise classes. I started taking step . Later, before I stopped working out all together, I took some spinning classes. Back in mid 2009 when I started working out again, I found iZumba!. It was fun. I got to learn new dance moves. For my fitness level, it was a good class.

One thing one learns quickly about aerobic fitness classes is that instructors usually remember any male that takes their classes if they've come a couple of times (we rarely represent the voting majority and therefore stand out).

So the other day, I made my triumphant return to one of the two iZumba! classes from a couple of years ago. The instructor asked the usual, "is anyone new to iZumba! ?" A couple of the women raised their hand. Then she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You've taken Zumba before?". At first I thought she was kidding.

I was like, "yeah" and she was like "good"

She seriously didn't recognize me. I definitely look different 30 pounds later, but still. That one floored me.

Just thought I'd share.

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITFABJENN 3/18/2011 7:39PM

    That is pretty sweet, actually. Congratulations on losing 30 pounds.

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ANEPANALIPTI 3/17/2011 2:54PM


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SCRAP317 3/16/2011 6:55PM

    Awesome Trent! What a great feeling! BTW sorry to hear about your break up. Hang in there - you are worth investing in and we are here to tell you that you rock and we are glad to know you!

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SHELMG2010 3/16/2011 10:58AM

    emoticon to not be recognized (if that makes!!! I hope you enjoy your classes you're taking!! Have fun!

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SYN-CA 3/15/2011 9:15PM

    Trent, that is a nice positive in a week that has not been;) Thirty pounds does make a big difference! You must be one of the folks that affects your face with just a few pounds;)

P.S. Keep up the good work!

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FITGRL124 3/15/2011 8:23PM

    I'm sorry to read about your break-up. Hope you're hanging in there okay.

However, unrelated to that - HOW
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/15/2011 8:23:46 PM

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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/15/2011 7:35PM

    "I made my triumphant return to one of the two iZumba!" Woo Hoo.
"She seriously didn't recognize me." Love the feeling when that happens! That happened to me when I went home after dropping a significant amount of weight ... my mom walked right past me.

Keep on keeping on. We'll fight this fight to the bitter end and we will WIN.

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SBLACKWELL93 3/15/2011 6:39PM

    Now those are the best successes!!

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KRITKRIT 3/15/2011 6:32PM


So proud of you TD!!!


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SONGOFLONGAGO 3/15/2011 6:29PM

    Sweet! 30 lbs. can make a HUGE difference.
Pun intended. emoticon

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Weekly Weigh-in (03.12.2011)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Goal: 182
01/01: 204.8
02/05: 198.8
03/05: 200.2

This Week: 198.8 (-1.4) WhaaaaaaaT!?

Back on Track.

This week was kickboxing and lots of walking (9.1 miles total. 4 left to complete my 1/2 marathon for the month). The hunger was bad because I lapsed from eating the foods that help me fight sugar cravings. I picked those back up later in the week.

This week, I'm going to do 2-3 boxing kickboxing classes, more walking and maybe a kettlebell workout.

The kickboxing instructor on Monday is amazing, she puts a lot of ducking and body shots into her routine. With most other instructors, you can do kickboxing with little taxation on the abs. Definitely not with this one.

The past few weeks have been busy so I haven't had the time to be on Spark as much as in the past. I hope that that changes over the next few weeks. I love you all and miss you all.

Thanks for being there for me and leaving comments.

emoticon emoticon

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNJEWELRUN 3/17/2011 10:45AM


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HICALGAL 3/14/2011 6:58PM

    love and miss u too! emoticon

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STREAKFREAK 3/13/2011 8:43AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ANEPANALIPTI 3/13/2011 8:24AM

    have fun at your classes!

and do NOT come back to 2ville! :)

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JEN-TINK2 3/12/2011 2:38PM

    Your Rocken'!

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SBLACKWELL93 3/12/2011 12:24PM

    emoticon on getting back on track. Keep up the good work!!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 3/12/2011 11:46AM

    "This Week: 198.8 (-1.4) WhaaaaaaaT!?" AWESOME JOB!
Sounds like you are enjoying your kickboxing classes too ... I'd love if my gym offered that class again. Great job on the walking too. I've fallen behind in my miles since joining four nights of zumba classes and staying with my one night a week step class.

Great job friend!

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MEADSBAY 3/12/2011 9:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Have I told you my sweet potato secret?
It might help with your sugar craving.
And you'll get a veggie in there.
Do you like sweet potatoes?

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SULFABABY 3/12/2011 6:55AM

    Sounds like you're working hard. Way to go! :)

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MARCYNA 3/12/2011 6:21AM

    Glad you're improving so much, you're on my mind emoticon

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State of the Dreamer (03.05.2011)

Saturday, March 05, 2011

Below are my starting numbers for the year, last month and where we are as of this morning.

- Start: 204.8
- Last Month: 198.8
- Today: 200.2 (+1.4 this month : -4.6 total)
* Ugh. Totally stagnated. Tried new strength exercises that made me hungry. Going to focus on cardio this month. Get a good calorie burn and build/tone the muscles a bit more gradually.

Body Fat %:
- Start: 21%
- Last Month: 20%
- Today: 20%
* Legitimately getting leaner. If I had eaten well this month, I believe that I would have been down to 195 pounds and probably 18%

- Start: 41.0"
- Last Month: 40.5"
- Today: 40.5"
* Res ipsa loquitur (it speaks for itself)

Blood Pressure (average of three measurements):
- Start: 122.33 / 73.66
- Last Month: 119.00 / 76.66
- Today: 121.33 / 72.66
I find this number to be more variable than the rest. That being said, the three readings were all with in 1 point of each other on both systolic and diastolic. I'm happy to see the diastolic as consistently below 80 as it has been. I would like to see the systolic lingering at 115 sometime soon. (I definitely like it better than the typical 145/90 readings of 2005)

Resting heart rate (bpm):
- Start: 71
- Last Month: 70
- Today: 66
My physical fitness is definitely improving. No bout a doubt it :)

Cholesterol: (TBD)
When I hit 190, I'm going to get this checked. I want to have lost some weight and made some changes that would give me a healthy reading. This is a tough measurement to get frequently so I'm going to make it count

Bottom Lines:
* I'm extremely disappointed with my eating and consequential lack of weight loss.
* My vegetables tapered at the end of the month
* I need to get a better cardio burn going.
* I need to really control my eating a lot better.
* I'm sick of stagnating.
* I'm happy that my resting heart rate is climbing downwards
* I want to weigh between 190 and 195 by April 2 (next State of the Dreamer Address)

Happy March 2011 to you!!

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KT-NICHOLS-13 3/7/2011 2:49PM

    * I'm sick of stagnating. - I could yell this from the roof tops.

You have a lot of positives here ... are you feeling positive at this point?

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JEN-TINK2 3/6/2011 9:23PM

    Doing great as usual

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SCRAP317 3/6/2011 8:35AM

    Hey there rock star - you are doing great and learning so much in the process. Thank God you are tracking everything because otherwise you could overlook the areas where you are doing awesome and have a real pity party (I know I would!). I think you will see a tremendous difference when you up your cardio! Go TD Go!

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ANEPANALIPTI 3/5/2011 12:26PM

    i love your tracking everything!!!! feb sucked for me too... ANDE (lets go in greek) we'll make march awesooooome :) *hugs*


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MEADSBAY 3/5/2011 10:56AM

    "Res ipsa loquitur"

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DREMARGRL 3/5/2011 9:42AM

    Since I am a dreamer, too, I am dreaming of a healthy, fit YOU!
emoticonDon't get too impatient, darlin'.....You are losing and improving your numbers, so don't dismay....Just keep on keeping on!

Don't forget....I say you are emoticon!!! You are trying and working things out in your head to make improvements. I see that as "ALL GOOD!" HAVE A LOVELY WEEKEND (even when the sun ISN'T shining!)
XXOO MaryAnn emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/5/2011 9:43:31 AM

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FITGRL124 3/5/2011 9:24AM

    Overall your health stats are looking good though! Keep your head up and keep going!! emoticon

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