Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sometimes things in life that once worked well (or just worked) stop doing so. Ideas, concepts and paradigms lose their novelty and effectiveness. The inventions that revolutionized a year,decade or generation just years later are a reference to how outdated and outmoded those times are now.
Whatever your political views are, watch any presidential inauguration. Invariably while the new president is speaking, the camera will briefly capture the outgoing president for a second. The man who just four/eight years ago represented a new era, new future and energized the country just looks tired with the "my time is so over" countenance.
Same as with almost any sitcom after it's 3rd or 4th season. They all jump the shark eventually. Writers run out of ideas. The actors get bored. Ratings plummet. The audience doesn't care about the new cute kid. What was once a show that you couldn't wait to watch has become just a monotonous ritual of TV watching.
Throughout college and even since, my dating has reflected that of an overweight guy with low self esteem. My requirements in a dating partner have been really rigorous. They show strong interest that I might ask them out (no possibility of rejection).
I've chosen the "safe" people. The ones that I could enjoy spending time with but ones that clearly wouldn't work out (their parents usually didn't like me, they had serious baggage, etc.). It was "safe".
They could treat me like dirt, manipulate me, push me away. It's was OK though. Dating a headcase was better than being alone.
The good quality ones (you know, ones with self esteem) were usually taken, but hey. They wouldn't want to spend time with me, anyway. Even if they did, they would probably ultimately reject a wedding proposal. So why bother? Come on! I'm the fat kid! Right!?
There has been a strong underlying mentality of, "I don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship."
Last year it all came crashing down when I met the girl who I most recently dated. I figured that we would have a good six months and then she'd start pushing for the ring, I'd push back and we'd break up. Turns out she just wanted to date as well. That really scared me.
To boot she actually found me attractive when we met (I was 15 pounds heavier then). That was really hard for me to figure out. I always took the mentality that if a girl found me attractive, there was something seriously wrong with her. Scary thing was having lost 25-30 pounds, I could see where she was coming from towards the end and that really scared me.
After an 11 month very rocky (as usual) relationship, we had the "just friends" conversation. We tried and then she started really pushing me into the background. Friendships to me are very deep and I don't take demotions well. We officially broke off communications about a week and a half ago. It was tough, but I am more at peace than ever.
She represents the end of an era that has lasted most of my life. An era where I would give my love to someone who was supposed to love me but wouldn't or couldn't. An era of seeing myself as having to take what I could get dating-wise. An era where I could tell myself that people I dated were interested only in my personality (certainly not attracted to me physically).
Gone are the days I settle for someone whose parents think that I'm not good enough for their daughters. Gone are the days when I date someone who would pick them over me. Gone are the days of dating girls who use tears to manipulate me. Gone are the days of trying to keep someone interested in me when they're clearly looking for my replacement.
No longer will I ask someone out solely because she will give me the time of day. Someone else can have that. No longer will I accept "That's just who I am" when I point out that something they're doing is hurting me. No longer will I accept the scraps of time that someone is willing to deign to give me when they're no longer interested in investing in the relationship. My time is too valuable for that.
I'm too valuable for that.
I don't want a "safe" date-to-failure relationship. I want a good healthy one. I don't want to have to carry someone's mental baggage and not be able to confide my struggles to them because they can't mentally handle it. I'm not looking for someone who is completely issue-free. At the same time, I don't want to invest myself into a relationship with someone whose issues are running/ruining their life (and by proxy mine).
I love her and I wish her the absolute best. I really do. But I need my dating relationships to be more like my friendships. Healthy and fulfilling (for both of us). Both of us can stand on our own but be there for one another when we need each other.
My past mentality can't be part of my future dating life. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than go through another relationship like that.
"I don't deserve to be in a healthy relationship."
* Really!!?? Pfft!! I will accept nothing less.
Trentdreamer's dating paradigms (college-2011), Rest In Peace.
The era is OVER!
- TD Out.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
**This weekend was rough and I'm still processing (Broke up with a girl who I really care about). I will blog about it sometime in the next week or so. This blog is unrelated to that**
It just seems like every time I feel down about the fact that I've been stagnating weight-wise, someone I haven't seen in awhile makes a comment that reminds me that I'm looking fit/good. Today though took the cake.
I enjoy exercise classes. I started taking step . Later, before I stopped working out all together, I took some spinning classes. Back in mid 2009 when I started working out again, I found iZumba!. It was fun. I got to learn new dance moves. For my fitness level, it was a good class.
One thing one learns quickly about aerobic fitness classes is that instructors usually remember any male that takes their classes if they've come a couple of times (we rarely represent the voting majority and therefore stand out).
So the other day, I made my triumphant return to one of the two iZumba! classes from a couple of years ago. The instructor asked the usual, "is anyone new to iZumba! ?" A couple of the women raised their hand. Then she looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You've taken Zumba before?". At first I thought she was kidding.
I was like, "yeah" and she was like "good"
She seriously didn't recognize me. I definitely look different 30 pounds later, but still. That one floored me.
Just thought I'd share.
- TD Out!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
This Week: 198.8 (-1.4) WhaaaaaaaT!?
Back on Track.
This week was kickboxing and lots of walking (9.1 miles total. 4 left to complete my 1/2 marathon for the month). The hunger was bad because I lapsed from eating the foods that help me fight sugar cravings. I picked those back up later in the week.
This week, I'm going to do 2-3 boxing kickboxing classes, more walking and maybe a kettlebell workout.
The kickboxing instructor on Monday is amazing, she puts a lot of ducking and body shots into her routine. With most other instructors, you can do kickboxing with little taxation on the abs. Definitely not with this one.
The past few weeks have been busy so I haven't had the time to be on Spark as much as in the past. I hope that that changes over the next few weeks. I love you all and miss you all.
Thanks for being there for me and leaving comments.
- TD Out!
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