Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Let's face it, there are a lot of roadblocks in life. Things that hinder us for success and happiness. Even when we are able to overcome them, they still take a piece of our life and a piece of our heart. But they are things that we still need to overcome to be truly successful, happy and at peace.
I'm talking things like:
* Emotional pain and suffering
* People who need to end deep thoughts with, "I'm just sayin..."!!!
* Monkeys giving CATS BATHS!!!!
* BABY PREACHERS!!!!!
(Hmmmmm, I hope that this whole YouTube/Internet thing catches on someday.)
Today, I'm going to take on something tougher than all 6 combined.
There is a lot of guilt associated with being overweight, over-eating and not exercising. This is especially the case when others are affected by it (spouses, children, friends, etc.). It's bad enough when one sits pathetically alone on Friday nights eating a whole bag of chips in the one pair of pants that still fits, unable to simply physically stop putting food in one's mouth.
How much worse when one can't walk the mall with friends for fear of knees hurting or eat out at a restaurant with a spouse/date for fear of judgment. The beach and swimming pool are a whole other blog.
I've lived with the sense of shame and guilt of my excessive weight and poor appearance. I know.
Please hear me on this one. There is a way out.
I beg you to take it.
Here's why I no longer struggle with guilt.
First off I looked at motive. I didn't really want to be overweight. I didn't want to live life at half-mass when hanging with friends. I didn't want to eat 600-1000 calories of junk food a day. I didn't want to look disgusting in swimming trunks.
As hopeless as they were, the looking at and trying of all the diets was a cry for help stemming from a desire to not do and be all of those things (Heck, their failure got me here onto SparkPeople).
Was I ignorant of the solution? Yes. Did I know that I was living below my potential? Yes. Was I deliberately doing it to hurt myself or someone else? No. Definitely not.
Failing miserably at life? Yes
I felt guilty because I thought I should have control over my eating, despite the very cold, clear and obvious reality that I didn't. Once I finally accepted the possibility that I didn't know enough of what I was dealing with to stop trying and start learning, I took my first step to freedom from guilt.
I admitted to myself that:
* I had a sugar addiction
* Trying to give up sugar for good with just "will power" was not working.
* There may be a way out that I didn't know about and that someone else might have the answer.
Then it was no longer "What's wrong with me"
It was "OK, what can I do or will it take to fix/overcome this?"
Please don't misunderstand me. I was responsible for my health and what I ate, I don't deny that. But I was no longer of the mind-frame that *I* was the problem and that *I* was was in some way a bad person. It was an *actual problem* I had that was the problem. And maybe I could figure out what it was and fix it.
That was the first step toward me becoming free of the stronghold that sugar had on me and the end of the guilt in my life.
For your sake, and for the sake of those who you love (and love you (including me)), please take that step. Make sure that the guilt that you experience is real. Test it. Do you really want what you have. Are you really doing this deliberately to hurt yourself or others. If you do and you are, then the guilt may be warranted, but if you're not.....
Identify any strongholds and figure out how to conquer them. Doing so could lead you to a guilt-free life like the one I'm experiencing today.
Doing so would be one of the (if not the) most freeing thing you will ever do for yourself.
I'm just sayin...
- TD Out!
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
This week's weigh-in is probably not going to be like any of the stellar ones recently. I've started exercising again. That always causes an increase in appetite. Friday night, I'm having dinner out with a friend (Night before weigh-in). The salt itself will probably cause a higher number by water retention.
All that and, let's be realistic, 7 pounds in 4 weeks. If I don't run into a plateau soon, I will actually be concerned.
I may or may not be above 200 Saturday, but I may or may not care. OK, actually, I totally won't care. I am really happy with the way my health and nutrition is going now. I'm planning on doing a half marathon over this month (a total of 13.1 miles of running, walking or elliptical over 28 days). I tried this over the last 1/2 of January, but never finished. So I'm lowering the bar for February. I'll work my way up to a full one over a moth's time by the end of the year
Who knows, maybe I'll run an actual 1/2 marathon later this year. In one day even. I know, crazy talk.
I'm one vegetable away from the top of my goal range of five for the week. That's five more than usual. the 13.1 miles over 28 days is 13.1 miles more than usual.
So here's to my best bad week ever!
Crowd: (lifting champagne glasses) Here Here!!
(Crowd starts clinking glasses)
Trent: There you go.
- TD Out!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
(1.) Weekly Weigh-in (01/29/2011)
This Week: 198.0 (-2.0)
6.8 pounds in 4 weeks Yayy!
(2.) What's Different This Time
Last time my weight went below 200, let's just euphemistically say, I was a bit excited.
I had done an unofficial re-weigh the morning after the previous day's official one and was just ounces above 200. I had the week off from work, I knew with a really concerted effort of eating right and not eating out the day before the next week's weigh-in, I could definitely cinch "below 200".
I hoped that that would springboard me down to the 190-195 pound range where I would stay.
That week, I posted a blog every day, building excitement in myself and friends who were following me until that weigh in and then BAM!!! It happened. I hit 198-199 and published the celebratory blog. Tons of congratulations from tons of friends.
It "Sparked" me to continue down until I was literally less than a pound away from my goal at the time of 195.
I started going back to my ways of eating that had held me back at 200-205 pounds
I gained 10 pounds in a matter of weeks.
I stayed there for 4 months
What's different this time is that the number means practically nothing to me. Yes, I am happy that I'm below 200. Yes it is a milestone. But the reality is that it is just a number (come on, that's always said after a bad weigh-in. It applies here too)
What's different this time is that I am no longer a slave to food/sugar addiction, slave to calorie counting. I really don't work too hard to eat healthy (4 vegetables was my only nutrition goal this week). Heck, I had a chocolate binge yesterday, but today I can probably not touch the stuff if I want.
Earlier this month, I truly came to terms with a problem that I had, have found a potential cure for it, am trying it part of it and am overcoming.
Challenge: Today, please start making the decision to make the change by becoming real about what's holding you back. It may or may not be what you think. Make the decision to put it on paper and start the fight to eliminate it.
It was a little over a month ago, when I was 203-204 pounds, the day I wrote the words "sugar addiction" on a piece of paper. I decided to spend the rest of my life, if necessary, to figure out how to either (a) destroy the addiction itself or (b) abstain from it if necessary.
That was the day that made this day possible.
Please do likewise with whatever it is that has been holding you back. Write it down and decide not to fight it, but to slay it.
- TD out
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
So late last year, before the ghosts visited me, a dear SparkFriend and I decided to try to motivate each other. We were both a few pounds from 200 and shooting for 195. We decided to motivate each other by rewarding each other with medals for our year end weight.
I don't remember the exact numbers. I think it was less than 200 was Bronze, less than 198 was silver and 195 or less was Gold.
Suffice it to say neither of us ended up hitting 200.
Now, I never believed in giving oneself SparkGifts. Not that I give them out in general. It just never clicked that giving myself a "day at the spa" meant anything. Until recently.
I'm trying to add more vegetables into my diet. So last week, I decided to resurrect the medal system with new numbers.
Bronze: 1 vegetable per week
Silver: 2 vegetables per week
Gold: 3 vegetables per week
(Yes, my OTHER dear SparkFriend, I know I know.)
Friday afternoon I ate a cucumber thus making my vegetable count 3 for the week. Gold!!!!!!!!
This week, I'm going to keep it mostly the same, but make gold a little more of a challenge:
Bronze: 1 vegetable per week
Silver: 2 vegetables per week
Gold: 4 vegetables per week
I had another cucumber for a mid morning snack so I've got a "leg up on the pile" so to speak.
Challenge: Take an area of nutrition or exercise that you are completely dead in the water on and set up a similar reward system for yourself (Make the numbers really small at first and work your way up slowly each week). Better yet, set up something like this with a friend. I think it's more special if done in pairs or groups (Let me know if you'd like to do this with me. I've got SparkPoints to buy medals).
Go for the GOLD!
- TD Out
p.s. To the SparkFriend I talked about in paragraph 1-3. I still have your bronze medal polished if you want it when you hit 200. Let me know. I'm proud of you either way.
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