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TRENTDREAMER's Recent Blog Entries

The Power of Negative Thinking (Part IV): Got Guilt?

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Let's face it, there are a lot of roadblocks in life. Things that hinder us for success and happiness. Even when we are able to overcome them, they still take a piece of our life and a piece of our heart. But they are things that we still need to overcome to be truly successful, happy and at peace.

I'm talking things like:

* Emotional pain and suffering

* Heartbreak!

* Loss!!

* People who need to end deep thoughts with, "I'm just sayin..."!!!

* Monkeys giving CATS BATHS!!!!


(Hmmmmm, I hope that this whole YouTube/Internet thing catches on someday.)

Today, I'm going to take on something tougher than all 6 combined.


There is a lot of guilt associated with being overweight, over-eating and not exercising. This is especially the case when others are affected by it (spouses, children, friends, etc.). It's bad enough when one sits pathetically alone on Friday nights eating a whole bag of chips in the one pair of pants that still fits, unable to simply physically stop putting food in one's mouth.

How much worse when one can't walk the mall with friends for fear of knees hurting or eat out at a restaurant with a spouse/date for fear of judgment. The beach and swimming pool are a whole other blog.

I've lived with the sense of shame and guilt of my excessive weight and poor appearance. I know.

Please hear me on this one. There is a way out.

I beg you to take it.

Here's why I no longer struggle with guilt.

First off I looked at motive. I didn't really want to be overweight. I didn't want to live life at half-mass when hanging with friends. I didn't want to eat 600-1000 calories of junk food a day. I didn't want to look disgusting in swimming trunks.

As hopeless as they were, the looking at and trying of all the diets was a cry for help stemming from a desire to not do and be all of those things (Heck, their failure got me here onto SparkPeople).

Was I ignorant of the solution? Yes. Did I know that I was living below my potential? Yes. Was I deliberately doing it to hurt myself or someone else? No. Definitely not.

Failing miserably at life? Yes
Guilty? No

I felt guilty because I thought I should have control over my eating, despite the very cold, clear and obvious reality that I didn't. Once I finally accepted the possibility that I didn't know enough of what I was dealing with to stop trying and start learning, I took my first step to freedom from guilt.

I admitted to myself that:
* I had a sugar addiction
* Trying to give up sugar for good with just "will power" was not working.
* There may be a way out that I didn't know about and that someone else might have the answer.

Then it was no longer "What's wrong with me"

It was "OK, what can I do or will it take to fix/overcome this?"

Please don't misunderstand me. I was responsible for my health and what I ate, I don't deny that. But I was no longer of the mind-frame that *I* was the problem and that *I* was was in some way a bad person. It was an *actual problem* I had that was the problem. And maybe I could figure out what it was and fix it.

That was the first step toward me becoming free of the stronghold that sugar had on me and the end of the guilt in my life.

For your sake, and for the sake of those who you love (and love you (including me)), please take that step. Make sure that the guilt that you experience is real. Test it. Do you really want what you have. Are you really doing this deliberately to hurt yourself or others. If you do and you are, then the guilt may be warranted, but if you're not.....

Identify any strongholds and figure out how to conquer them. Doing so could lead you to a guilt-free life like the one I'm experiencing today.

Doing so would be one of the (if not the) most freeing thing you will ever do for yourself.

I'm just sayin...

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARCYNA 2/15/2011 8:49AM

    So lovely thanks!!! emoticon

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SCRAP317 2/13/2011 11:26AM

    "Identify any strongholds and figure out how to conquer them. Doing so could lead you to a guilt-free life like the one I'm experiencing today."

emoticon Love it! You are absolutely right! Guilt is for the guilty - we need to "identify any strongholds" (name it) and "figure out how to conquer them" (fix it). We have the tools and the power to do it. Knowledge is our greatest weapon! Once we figure out step-by-step what our road blocks are we can over come them step-by-step.

Well done, TD! Well done! xo Chris

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ANEPANALIPTI 2/9/2011 9:34AM

    I loved it. YES. YES. YES.!

I agree- It's about identifying what we're actually going through and taking the steps, we're not internally flawed, just dealing with something, OK, so there's a solution, there is!!

You did it! I can too!!! :)


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MEADSBAY 2/8/2011 9:01PM

    Wow- one giant stop down the road on your journey to better health.
It truly does start on the inside.
Most of it is on the inside!
I'm just sayin'

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State of the Dreamer (02.05.2011)

Saturday, February 05, 2011

Below are my starting numbers for the year and where we are as of this morning.

Start: 204.8
Today: 198.8
(-6.0 Pounds)
A healthy BMI would have me at 182.0. That's 17 pounds to lose. That comes to about a third of a pound per week on average.
* I will continue to take this measurement once a week.

Body Fat %:
Start: 21%
Today: 20%
When I gain water weight as I did last night, my scale always knocks me down a %. It does the opposite if I lose a good amount of weight. This may or may not be back up to 21% next month

8-19% is listed as healthy for me. I am not too concerned about this. I believe that as I lose the weight, change my diet and work out increasingly throughout the year, the number will be well below 19% by the dawn of 2012.
* I will continue to take this measurement once a week.

Start: 41.0"
Today: 40.5"

I have one of those body types that loses fat and size everywhere before my gut. I expect to see this number go down really slowly until most of the weight is gone. At that point, I think the stomach will start to shrink more rapidly.

I've got to research this stat more to determine what is the healthy range for my height. I believe that this will correct itself as I exercise more and eat more healthfully.
* I will continue take this measurement once a month.

Blood Pressure:
Start: 122.33 / 73.66 (average of three measurements)
Today: 119.00 / 76.66 (average of three measurements)

* Normal is below 120 / 80. we're doing good :D YA!
* I will continue to take this measurement once a month.

Resting heart rate (bpm):
Start: 71
Today: 70

Not sure about this. I think had 72 and above as being something to watch, but I don't remember for sure. I'll look into this
* I will continue to take this measurement once a month.

Cholesterol: (TBD)
About half way through the year, I'm going to get this checked. I want to have lost some weight and made some changes that would give me a healthy reading. This is a tough measurement to get frequently so I'm going to make it count

Bottom Lines:
* January was a great month
* I have about 17 pounds to lose (about .4 per week).
* Overall, I'm happy with my health and we'll see how the rest of 2011 goes.

I will continue to post a monthly blog with updates to all of these numbers

Happy February 2011 to you!!

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEN-TINK2 2/6/2011 5:36PM

    What can I say You Rock Baby!

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SCRAP317 2/6/2011 8:14AM

    Good job Trent! I was flipping channels and I was watching the show "The Doctors" and they did a segment on resting heart rate. They said significantly below or significantly above 60 was cause for concern. Mine was 61 at that time. My son's was near 80 and his pediatrition was concerned so we have to take him for a cholesterol check. My son met me at the doctors from lacrosse practice, so it could have been high from recent activity. Maybe yours too? Did you exercise an hour or two before?

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ANEPANALIPTI 2/5/2011 11:26PM

    So we're totally going to be at Healthy BMI this summer. emoticon

ps. I think that the working on your sugar should help with the reducing the waist... I've noticed it helped for me!! Seems its the first place the sugar goes!

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KT-NICHOLS-13 2/5/2011 7:33PM

    You are doing great! I'm loving this positive vibe ...
"I have one of those body types that loses fat and size everywhere before my gut." ME TOO! BOO!
Thanks for your continued support on this journey. emoticon

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MEADSBAY 2/5/2011 6:14PM

    Holy crap!
Did you lose 6 pounds just in January?
Here am I: emoticon
green with envy.
Not that it's gonna stop me from going out for Mexican food tonight. emoticon
You are doing grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

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Best Bad Week Ever

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

This week's weigh-in is probably not going to be like any of the stellar ones recently. I've started exercising again. That always causes an increase in appetite. Friday night, I'm having dinner out with a friend (Night before weigh-in). The salt itself will probably cause a higher number by water retention.

All that and, let's be realistic, 7 pounds in 4 weeks. If I don't run into a plateau soon, I will actually be concerned.

I may or may not be above 200 Saturday, but I may or may not care. OK, actually, I totally won't care. I am really happy with the way my health and nutrition is going now. I'm planning on doing a half marathon over this month (a total of 13.1 miles of running, walking or elliptical over 28 days). I tried this over the last 1/2 of January, but never finished. So I'm lowering the bar for February. I'll work my way up to a full one over a moth's time by the end of the year

Who knows, maybe I'll run an actual 1/2 marathon later this year. In one day even. I know, crazy talk.

I'm one vegetable away from the top of my goal range of five for the week. That's five more than usual. the 13.1 miles over 28 days is 13.1 miles more than usual.

So here's to my best bad week ever!

Crowd: (lifting champagne glasses) Here Here!!

(Crowd starts clinking glasses)

Trent: There you go.

- TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TANNERS 2/5/2011 9:03AM

    Thanks for all of the perspective. I know you are donig it for you, but it really helping me with my journey and attitude. Keep up the great work! I'm so proud of you!

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CWOMACK138 2/2/2011 5:27PM

    SO glad you are focusing on your health instead of a number on the scale Trent!!!

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ANEPANALIPTI 2/2/2011 2:20PM

    Aweeeessoooommmeee on the freggies.

Hey, all runner talk is crazy talk. ;-) :D :P

I love that we're around the same place (I'm at 204.8) this week, can't wait till we're cruisiiiiiing into summer together in the 180s! :D

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AKELAZ 2/2/2011 5:00AM

    * I am really happy with the way my health and nutrition is going now*

GO YOU!! That's what REALLY matters - tho the veggies and half marathon are good too.

Here's to you - I'm raising a glass in salute . . .

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MEADSBAY 2/1/2011 9:28PM

    Love the devil-may-care winning attitude!

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BIRRRDY 2/1/2011 9:18PM

    Wow! How inspiring! Very awesome. I need to get running. I've never really tracked how many miles I do a week, but after reading this, I'm thinking I should. =]

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JEN-TINK2 2/1/2011 8:32PM

    I hope you have a better week

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KT-NICHOLS-13 2/1/2011 6:01PM

    "... but I may or may not care. OK, actually, I totally won't care. I am really happy with the way my health and nutrition is going now." What's this crazy talk .... LOL, you are the best, absolutely the best!!! Love the new attitude, veggie intake and a throw down on the half marathon this month.

(Crowd starts clinking glasses) - OOOPS, I got so excited I broke my glass.

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Weekly Weigh-in (01/29/2011) and What's Different This Time

Saturday, January 29, 2011

(1.) Weekly Weigh-in (01/29/2011)

Goal: 182
01/01: 204.8
01/08: 201.0
01/15: 201.4
01/22: 200.0
This Week: 198.0 (-2.0)

6.8 pounds in 4 weeks Yayy!

(2.) What's Different This Time
Last time my weight went below 200, let's just euphemistically say, I was a bit excited.

I had done an unofficial re-weigh the morning after the previous day's official one and was just ounces above 200. I had the week off from work, I knew with a really concerted effort of eating right and not eating out the day before the next week's weigh-in, I could definitely cinch "below 200".

I hoped that that would springboard me down to the 190-195 pound range where I would stay.

That week, I posted a blog every day, building excitement in myself and friends who were following me until that weigh in and then BAM!!! It happened. I hit 198-199 and published the celebratory blog. Tons of congratulations from tons of friends.

It "Sparked" me to continue down until I was literally less than a pound away from my goal at the time of 195.

And then:
I started going back to my ways of eating that had held me back at 200-205 pounds

And then
I gained 10 pounds in a matter of weeks.

And then:
I stayed there for 4 months

What's different this time is that the number means practically nothing to me. Yes, I am happy that I'm below 200. Yes it is a milestone. But the reality is that it is just a number (come on, that's always said after a bad weigh-in. It applies here too)

What's different this time is that I am no longer a slave to food/sugar addiction, slave to calorie counting. I really don't work too hard to eat healthy (4 vegetables was my only nutrition goal this week). Heck, I had a chocolate binge yesterday, but today I can probably not touch the stuff if I want.

Earlier this month, I truly came to terms with a problem that I had, have found a potential cure for it, am trying it part of it and am overcoming.

Challenge: Today, please start making the decision to make the change by becoming real about what's holding you back. It may or may not be what you think. Make the decision to put it on paper and start the fight to eliminate it.

It was a little over a month ago, when I was 203-204 pounds, the day I wrote the words "sugar addiction" on a piece of paper. I decided to spend the rest of my life, if necessary, to figure out how to either (a) destroy the addiction itself or (b) abstain from it if necessary.

That was the day that made this day possible.

Please do likewise with whatever it is that has been holding you back. Write it down and decide not to fight it, but to slay it.


- TD out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEN-TINK2 1/29/2011 7:33PM

    What can I say? O I know
You Rock Baby

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KT-NICHOLS-13 1/29/2011 4:42PM

    You are a Rock Star! I need lots of paper to write all my "its" down ... but I know exactly where to start. Thanks Friend - my light bulb flashed bright as I read your blog.

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MEADSBAY 1/29/2011 10:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
on your progress!
and a big emoticon
for sharing this today-
I needed to hear it.

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ANEPANALIPTI 1/29/2011 9:11AM

    Thanks Trent, you're absolutely right. And I'm so proud of you. ((hugs))

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SCRAP317 1/29/2011 9:03AM

    This blog rocks! You totally get it TD! Find your weakness and destroy it - I too am addicted to sugar - not just sweets, but the sugar that empty carbs convert to. I find that if I, like you, am purposeful of what I consume, I have no temptation to over do it. But, boy, start me on a donut and look out! I think we can find a way to over come, as a matter of fact, I know we can. And I have to believe that it won't mean giving it up forever - I really believe it will mean finding a way to have it without losing control or letting it defeat us.

Look at us, Trent, taking control of our health! Woo hoo! xo

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TANNERS 1/29/2011 8:35AM

    I am so proud of you on so many levels!! Your blogs are so refreshing right now and really make me rethink my attitude right now. To be honest, I think you have helped me to improve my attitude about myself. Keep up the good work on yourself. And like I said.... I'm so proud of you!!!


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Give that Dreamer a Medal!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

So late last year, before the ghosts visited me, a dear SparkFriend and I decided to try to motivate each other. We were both a few pounds from 200 and shooting for 195. We decided to motivate each other by rewarding each other with medals for our year end weight.

I don't remember the exact numbers. I think it was less than 200 was Bronze, less than 198 was silver and 195 or less was Gold.

Suffice it to say neither of us ended up hitting 200.

Now, I never believed in giving oneself SparkGifts. Not that I give them out in general. It just never clicked that giving myself a "day at the spa" meant anything. Until recently.

I'm trying to add more vegetables into my diet. So last week, I decided to resurrect the medal system with new numbers.
Bronze: 1 vegetable per week
Silver: 2 vegetables per week
Gold: 3 vegetables per week
(Yes, my OTHER dear SparkFriend, I know I know.)

Friday afternoon I ate a cucumber thus making my vegetable count 3 for the week. Gold!!!!!!!!

This week, I'm going to keep it mostly the same, but make gold a little more of a challenge:
Bronze: 1 vegetable per week
Silver: 2 vegetables per week
Gold: 4 vegetables per week

I had another cucumber for a mid morning snack so I've got a "leg up on the pile" so to speak.

No Probalo!!

Challenge: Take an area of nutrition or exercise that you are completely dead in the water on and set up a similar reward system for yourself (Make the numbers really small at first and work your way up slowly each week). Better yet, set up something like this with a friend. I think it's more special if done in pairs or groups (Let me know if you'd like to do this with me. I've got SparkPoints to buy medals).

Go for the GOLD!

- TD Out

p.s. To the SparkFriend I talked about in paragraph 1-3. I still have your bronze medal polished if you want it when you hit 200. Let me know. I'm proud of you either way.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JEN-TINK2 1/25/2011 7:13PM


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SHELMG2010 1/25/2011 1:31PM

    Awesome idea Trent! great work too. It can be a real battle getting those veggies in! emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 1/25/2011 12:50PM

    Loving the idea. I'll use it for my boot camp's.
Bronze: 2 boot camp per week
Silver: 3 boot camp per week
Gold: 4 vegetables per week

Enjoy those veggie's ...

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CALLIKIA 1/25/2011 10:32AM

    This is a brilliant idea! I'ma think on that one...

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MEADSBAY 1/25/2011 10:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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KRITKRIT 1/25/2011 9:53AM

    TD that is a great idea! My goal is to work out 4 days a week. I should do something like that. 1 workout, Bronze; 2 workouts, Silver; and 4 workouts, GOLD! I have over 7,000 goodie points to use!!!

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ANEPANALIPTI 1/25/2011 7:04AM

    emoticon Thank you for the blog comment yesterday!!!! It really made me smile and was a big motivation to me this morning to get out and run.

Oh yesssssssssssss I still want it!!!! It's only a matter of tiiiiiiiiiiiime. :) Just like everything in life, huh?


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SCRAP317 1/25/2011 6:48AM

    What a great idea! Thanks for sharing!

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