Saturday, September 04, 2010
OK so it's 5th down and 20 and I'm in the penalty box for an offensive foul (See Steelkickin, I knows me my football. Go Pirates!).
OK so I totally dropped the ball on the 191 by 9.11! goal. My weight has, let's just say, not gone in the right direction recently. Let's recap
It begs the questions. You know: The tough ones:
* Do I really want this?
* Am I more afraid of success than failure?
* How do I turn the situation around?
* Have I turned into THIS TEAM!!??
OK, so if it's really 5th down and whatever else I said in my first paragraph where I proved that I know jack-nothing about sports, then it's clear. It's obvious......(dramatic pause)......
There is only one thing to do!
Voice in TrentDreamer's head: What's that?
TD: Hold on I'm thinking.........
I've got it!!!!
I need to turn into a Vampire!!!
Voice in TD's head: Huh!!??
TD: Yes, I need to turn into a vampire. And no, not one of those girly sissified sparkling/vegetarian vampires. I'm talking the real deal ones. You know the ones that bite people and kill them or turn them into zombies!! Yeah! uhhhhhhh (taps pencil on desk thoughtfully)...... Hmmm. biting people on the neck is kind of gross.
Voice: Yeah, and you actually own a necklace with a crucifix on it. Wouldn't that burn your chest?
TD: Yes, good point. I would be damned to wearing turtle necks until the scab came off of that sucker.
OK so maybe the sparkling/vegetarian/flower-picking vampire is the way to go after all.
So here's the sure-fire bullet-proof plan that will get me down to 195 by Halloween (at which point I will turn back into the non-vampire version of Trentdreamer that you have all come to know and roll your eyes a lot at):
* Make my background all black and depressing/emo
* I will update my profile pics Weekly. Yes, weekly.
* My profile pictures will be all eerie, scary, nasty and spooky. If you get scared easily you may want to have a friend go on my page first and warn you about the extreme scariness.
* I will use more internetty type words like "omg", "lol", and "ru" and "l8r" (I don't know if vampires, sparkling or otherwise, actually do this. i41 think th3y shud tho :p)
Don't worry, I won't bite. Remember, I'm vegetarian (and I sparkle (and probably also play with dolls)).
Hmmm, maybe the real vampire thing wasn't so bad after all.
So anywayz, On HALLOWEEN NIGHT (thunder crashes and lightning flashes). YOU will s33 the dreamer ride again. sayest not that thou were warned not!!!!!!!!!!!!
Werewolf in background: Aroooooooooooooooo!!!
TD: yup, forgot to feed Fido again. l8r bffs!!
(Trentdreamer leaves to feed Werewolf named Fido)
- TD Out
p.s. A vegetarian vampire is one that doesn't bite other humans. If they were actually vegetarian as in they don't eat meat, that would be cool.
p.s.s. I think I will turn into the vampire sometime in the next day or so. stay tuned :)