Tuesday, June 29, 2010
So I have a lot to sort out mentally. It seems like whenever I'm at my worst emotionally, one of my SparkFriends/Teammates taunts me with one of these. Only 25 this time. WhEEEEEEEEEE!!!
1. Do you have any pets?
* Yes, they do my taxes for me. I love cats!!
2. Name 3 things that are physically close to you.
* Existence and the quandaries that it brings in my computer.
* A metaphorical representation of my life in my possessions
3. What's the weather like right now?
* Repeat after me.....W-W-W-.-W-E-A-T-H-E-R-.-C-O-M. Good Quizzie!! Here's a cookie!!!
4. Do you drive? If so have you crashed?
* I'm glad that this one stopped at two questions. I was afraid it would start psycho-analyzing me.
5. What time did you wake up this morning?
* Who says that I did?
6. When was the last time you showered?
* Geez, skimp on the deoderant ONE morning and even the quizzes turn on you.
7. What was the last movie you saw?
* This one!!!! www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eZcV1UuUzI
I don't think that was really Jackie Chan....
8. What does your last text message say?
* lik omg thz qzz r stpd =P
9. What's your ringtone?
* Picture that question being asked by a slightly tipsy girl who is really trying too hard. You'll see why I am rotfling now.
10. Have you ever been to a different country?
* Most would argue I was born on a different planet. Does that count?
11. Do you like sushi?
* More of a ska fan actually
12. Where do you buy your groceries?
* At a GROCERY STORE (Whaaaa!! Dreamer 1: Question 12? g00s3 366!!!11)
13. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster?
* Don't need 'em. My pastor's sermons are available online in mp3 format.
14. How many siblings do you have?
* Does my cell phone count? What about the toaster?
15. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop?
* An IBM mainframe is arguably neither.
16. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
* As if my current age is such an irrelevancy
17. Do you wear contacts or glasses?
* No other possibilities, eh?
18. Do you color your hair?
* Yes, I color it the exact color of my natural hair. Strand by strand.
19. Tell me something you are planning to do today.
* Wonder why I filled out yet another one of these
20. When was the last time you cried?
* at the end of "ACCEPTED"
21. What is your perfect pizza topping?
* I didn't become a SparkPerson by...
22. Which do you prefer-hamburgers or cheeseburgers?
* TrentDreamer asks, "Why choose?"
23. Have you ever had an all-nighter?
*blushes* Well, I'm not "THAT kind of guy"......But if you're interested.. ;D
(This question is almost as smooth as the ringtone girl in 9)
24. What is your eye color?
* Which eye are we talking?
25. Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke?
* Yes, I can! That University diploma has certainly paid for itself!
Wait a minute (records scratches to a halt). I just actually kind of answered a question. Man I'm losing my touch.
191 by 9.11!!
- TD Out!!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I guess this is the blog that I hoped never to write.
I can't stop eating. I really hate myself for this. It started a few weeks ago when I really started exercising more. I thought that my hunger would subside and that I would be able to slow down, but it's not happening. I Just keep eating and eating and eating and eating and....well, you get the picture. Why can't I stop eating? I really hate myself for this....
I hate my body. I really do. 46 pounds total lost and I still look like a typical fat American. Ticks me off. I've been working out for awhile now and my body fat ratio sticks right around 21% give or take. I'm afraid that I could lose another 35 pounds, be at the bottom of my healthy body weight range and am still going to hate what I see in the mirror. Why bother? I hate my body. Hate it hate it hate it.
I hate chocolate. I can't stop eating it, but I totally hate it. I say to myself that I will try to limit consumption, but then two candy bars later.....then the next day. Then the next day. Then the next day. I hate chocolate. I can't stop eating it, but I totally hate it.
I hate my weight. I'm stuck at another 2-3 pound range. The scale once again said 205 this morning. I want to be 191 pounds by mid September. I don't want to do the same as last time. Hang at the same weight for 7 frickin weeks, have to play catch up and then miss my goal. I just don't know what to do about it. I can't stop eating (chocolate and in general). I hate my weight.
Honestly, I'm just kind of tired of life at this point. I'm burning out. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck. I'm burning out.
I really don't care anymore. I want 191 by 9.11. I will do what ever it takes, no matter what. If I have to abuse my body through excess workout, so be it. I don't care. If I have to take appetite suppressants,I don't care. Starve myself? Oh, if only I could at this point. If only I could. There is nothing at this point that is off the table.
Copy that? Nothing.
I'm sick of my life as it is. Sick of missing goals. Sick of being fat. Sick of not having control over my weight. Sick of losing weight and still hating my body.
I'm sick of it.
I'm really just sick of it all.
191 by 9.11!!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A very dear SparkFriend of mine who I love very much posted a blog about a funeral that she attended for a former neighbour and good friend of hers. He was a good man. He was a fun man. He lived very large. He ate a lot of unhealthy foods. He drank a lot.
Sadly, he died prematurely as a result. I weep for his family.
Let's face it, when we see someone die young (or face life-long/terminal illnesses) for not so good health choices, we invariably start to ask ourselves the hard questions (no funny YouTube clip on this one):
* Will/Could this happen to me if I don't turn around?
* What choices am I making that could lead to this for me?
* What do I need to or can I do to avoid this?
Now the intelligent person knows that if they continue a life of poor eating and over-indulgence on high fat foods, low nutrients, simple carbs, etc. they face a good possibility/probability of such a death.
They know that they can, in theory, totally turn around and eat nothing but the healthiest foods and never indulge for the rest of their life and probably prolong their life by a good chunk of time. But is that realistic?
What is the balance? Where should the line be drawn that would balance the two?
I say it shouldn't. I say choose "Light Grey"
A line creates a black and white scenario. "White" is a life of nothing but healthy, totally clean eating (indulgence free). Totally void of any ANY "bad" foods. "Black" is all double cheeseburgers, Twinkies and non-diet sodas (or the like).
"Light Grey" to me represents a general transition in from "Black" to "White". It means making changes in one's diet and exercise lifestyle one-by-one. Doing it over time until eventually one desires to eat clean and healthy. For the most part one will do just that. For the most part.
At the same time, one will go on vacation or a cruise with a buffet. One will be in a scenario where the office brings lunch with limited healthy options. One will attend a very well catered wedding reception. Even some of my cardio class teachers admit that they sometimes indulge, especially around the holidays (Before SP this used to really annoy me because I thought that they were just trying to "be like us" in saying that, but I get it now).
A big Thanksgiving meal and Christmas dinner with one day of indulgence between them will add up to 3 not-so-healthy heavy eating days out of about 60 for November and December combined. That's about 57 less days for me than before joining SP.
Unless your doctor/nutritionist is telling you that you need full score "White", I say go for "light grey". Make it a goal to live a life of predominantly healthy eating and exercising. Get your body to crave healthy nutrients and a good workout. Don't draw a line saying, "I can't eat this" or "I can only have 1 of this" as a regular habit (Unless of course you have addictions to said food or drink). Yes, there are times where saying these things are helpful, but not always always.
I ask you the vending machine questions:
Scenario: A person is at a vending machine and wants to buy a snack but knows that it's not "good for them"....
1) If for the rest of the week said person has eaten mostly lean proteins, healthy fats, 7-9 fruits and vegetables, lean dairy and healthy whole grains, how bad would one candy bar a week be for them, assuming no addiction to chocolate?
2) If for the rest of the week that person ate nothing but fattening meats/dairy, All processed and refined carbs, a lot of chocolate and no fruits or vegetables, how much good would not buying the offending snack do them?
I say strive for "light grey"
191 by 9.11!!
- TD Out
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