TRENTDREAMER   15,056
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Let's be REAL Honest Here.......

Friday, May 21, 2010

Last week I didn't quit.

I finished a process of quitting that I started about three weeks prior.

(The Past: 195 by 5.29!! and previous)

I started making excuses in my head: "I may not make it", "More than two pounds a week is not healthy so I shouldn't strive for it".

It would have been bad enough if I had been making said excuses after it was clear that I was totally done for. But I was making excuses after losing over five pounds in 3 weeks!!!! I was just waiting for the bad weigh-in.

While everyone was cheering me on, while everyone was telling me not to give up, I felt a pressure to not fail, to not lose

I took "control" of the situation, by blogging for three weeks that I might not make it. Letting everyone know that they shouldn't expect anything of me (lest I let them down). One by one, pretty much everyone eventually accepted (or at least verbalized acceptance) that I was doing the right thing.

I think one person actually bought it....me.

Sure, the rationalizations made sense.....sort of:
Rationalization 1: "6 pounds in two weeks is too much, it's not healthy"
* So isn't weighing over 250 pounds and that didn't kill me.
Rationalization 2: "I may not make it"
* So what!? Maybe I would have.

GaHHH!! I've done this every time. Not just in weight loss. Everything in life. I start doing something that will make my life better. I get good at it. I get strong. I start to see the finish line. All my friends believe in me.

Then.......

I feel higher expectations. I feel pressure. I become critical of myself. I fear failure. I create "escape" routes.....

Then.......

I rationalize.

Then.......

I choke.

Then.......

I quit.

The one time in my life I succeeded to my full potential on something. I rationalized my success to be a failure with a face. I "fooled" everyone into thinking that I'm something that I'm not.

** I WAS smart enough to graduate Summa Cum Laude D*rnit!!! I STILL AM!!!**

(The Present 191 by 9.11!!)

I watch the BL at least a week delayed on hulu. There was an episode where one of the contestants gave up on a challenge that they knew deep down that they could win. As I was rationalizing my "pending failure" a person on one of my teams emailed me about the episode, trying to get me to stay on track (not quit).

The night after I wrote the official resignation blog of my 195 by 5.29! goal, I watched that episode and it hit me.....That's what I did. I saw the regret in the contestant's eyes and voice and felt it for what I had done.

Two words: (1)Not (2)Again.

This time will be different. There is a saying on the 24 hour fitness gym on the BL that quotes Bob as saying "Stand up and finish what you started". Atsa what Ima gonna do.

This time WILL be different. I don't care if I have to lose 3 pounds a week for 4 weeks straight. I don't give a care if I have to lose 12 pounds in one week. I will fight to the very last minute with all my strength. I may fall short of the number after all is said and done. But I will not quit! I will NOT QUIT!!! I will fight to the end.

This time WILL be different.

191 by 9.11!!

- TD Out

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIFEGENESIS 5/23/2010 11:30AM

    Game on warrior boy. Better get your game face on! I'm coming after ya!

260 by 9-11!



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RUNJEWELRUN 5/21/2010 8:08PM

    You know what, this blog may not be that funny but it is real! I think you are a really awesome guy :)
I just saw a girl's youtube video about running her first marathon. She said basically what you said, that the things we tell ourselves(self talk), really does effect us.
So be encouraged! You will do this :)
You have a lot of friends supporting you(and I think I can touch base with you atleast once a day-be warned you might get a little annoyed lol).
You rock :)

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TSEWARD 5/21/2010 3:37PM

    Great Insight! It seems we rail against the saboteurs that are 'out there', only to sabotage ourselves while pretending we aren't. Ain't human nature grand? I am in awe of your determination. I am clapping while my keys are tapping....and looking forward to all of your adventures!

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ROCKINFOX 5/21/2010 2:16PM

    Go for it!! Never quit or give up on your goals!
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STEELERCRAZY 5/21/2010 12:14PM

    And THAT'S what they call perseverance. THAT'S what they call true strength.
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Comment edited on: 5/21/2010 12:14:14 PM

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AZCUPCAKE 5/21/2010 11:21AM

    You have all the tools and all the brains - you can get this done! YOU CAN. And you WILL!! I have the utmost faith in you and your capabilities - don't ever sell yourself short. If you met the real TRENTDREAMER your friends know and love, you would be AMAZED at what he has accomplished so far!! emoticon

You are back in the game, and I am proud of you! Have a great weekend, TRENT! emoticon

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CWOMACK138 5/21/2010 10:56AM

    emoticon

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EVILKLOWN 5/21/2010 7:55AM

    Man, that would drive me nuts.

When I first started I set "goals" -- lose X pounds by X date. There was all kinds of pressure. I finally realized I have no control over how fast my body decides to lose weight. I only have control over how many calories I eat.

So I blew off the goal dates and instead I just plan my meals/calories a few days in advance and try to stick with that plan. I don't obsess about the daily numbers as much as I try to keep my weekly average in line. Then ... I wait. I don't let weigh-ins get me too upset or too happy ... I just post the weight and keep going.

Churchill once said "if you're going through hell, keep going!" Although, this isn't really hell. I get plenty to eat. Good luck to you!!

Comment edited on: 5/21/2010 7:55:49 AM

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YOGINI_JACKIE 5/21/2010 7:25AM

    You can, and you WILL do this. Just keep visualizing that finish line as a reality, not an unattainable dream. You definitely have the ability to do it--don't underestimate the mental strength (Summa Cum Laude--smarty pants!)

I'll be there cheering you on the whole way.

-J

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PTCAKES 5/21/2010 6:18AM

    GO FOR IT! And thanks for the quote, "Stand Up and Finish What You Started!"
I will.

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ANNABELLA007 5/21/2010 6:16AM

    You Go!!!! emoticon

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The Diet Itself is Stupid (imho), but.........

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I have a ritual where I go to the library and pick out 1 or 2 diet books. I joke with the librarian that said diets, "can't POSSIBLY fail". They're all kind of the same(the diet books not the librarians). They tell me that I can eat whatever I want and then give me a rigid program. If I'm lucky, I get a principle that I can apply (South Beach Diet/F Factor). The smart money always involves starting at stage 3, but even that usually doesn't work.

The oddest diet by far was "The Shangri la diet". Not only didn't it spend the perfunctory 60-70 pages telling me why all other diets were horrible, it actually quasi endorsed one and said how I could integrate this diet with any eating plan. It was weirdly written (but mercifully short).

While the diet itself involved drinking 150-400 calories of plain sugar water and light oils (safflower, extra Light Olive, Canola) spaced well between meals, the principles behind it were not so weird. I don't generally sip the sugar or oil, but I do a few other things that are recommended and they have been working. Over the past few months, I've been losing weight and my cravings, especially for sugar, have gone down

I strongly recommend reading the book, but not following the actual diet itself. Understand the principles behind it and focus on his 6 "Extra Credit" (The guy's a college professor) suggestions.

Below is what I've been doing

1) Eating Foods that are slow to digest: Whole grains, lean proteins and healthy fats (nuts and flavored oils)

2) Eating different foods and at different places: I still eat a candy bar or pastry every day but it's a new one or one that I haven't had recently. I usually don't crave any more the one. My lunch is still 600-900 calories, but I try to eat at different cafes/restaurants. When I eat at familiar places I order items that I haven't ever, rarely have or not recently eaten. I always feel full after.

Again, I recommend reading the book (It's a very short book, that's why I took it out), but don't recommend the diet itself. The precepts have been really working for me. My cravings have gone down and I've been losing weight.

191 by 9.11!!

- TD Out

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCKINFOX 5/21/2010 2:21PM

    I do #1 and #2 (I'm not talking about those, lol) and it has worked for me. I tried out a different gellato flavor at Greenlife...chocolate chili cinnamon. I may need to check out diet books and see which ones have good principles and which ones I can laugh at.

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AZCUPCAKE 5/20/2010 7:38PM

    The library has the greatest stash of DVD workout videos, too! MY problem is that the workout doesn't work if you just check the DVDs out and leave them sitting on top of the TV until their due date is up! I need to figure out how to fix that little glitch in the system....! emoticon emoticon

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FITGRL124 5/20/2010 2:35PM

    Checking out "diet" books from the libaray is an awesome thing...I believe I may start doing this! emoticon I'm not sure why I didn't think of this before now! emoticon

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CWOMACK138 5/20/2010 9:08AM

    Very interesting Trent, I will look for the book at the library.... thanks for sharing.

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HICALGAL 5/19/2010 7:43PM

    i'm glad you found something that's working for you. improvising, adjusting and a little common sense can go a long way in all things...;) emoticon

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RUNJEWELRUN 5/19/2010 6:34PM

    I thought I was the only person who went to the library and grabbed all the diet books lol. I would never try them but I would read them cover to cover haha.
Hope everything goes well for you.

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TEENY_BIKINI 5/19/2010 6:27PM

    Sugar water sounds weird. But I definitely do #1 and 2 for sure. Umm.. That was weird. I eat whole grains - yadda yadda - it really does make a huge difference.

You sound like you have a realistic doable plan. Can't beat that with a stick. Rock this.

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STLRZGRRL 5/19/2010 6:23PM

    I was gonna have a bonfire of all my diet books... but you make a good point, TD... why limit the joy to myself when I could be spreading the oddball knowledge all around... Imma call up the li-berry... if they want 'em... I'll take the tax deduction.

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KRITKRIT 5/19/2010 5:38PM

    I have a MAJOR sweet tooth and it KILLS me!!!!!! I mean, I am eating an Eileen's cookie right now..as I type this...oops!

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I might have to take a look at this...I need to lower my sugar cravings!!!

Thanks TD, you're still the best!

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So What Would a Smart Alec Say to These? (Part II)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Alrighty right right. So I've failed on yet another goal but am facing the possibility of being below 200 for the first time in a long time. I'm crushed in spirit yet hopeful for tomorrow. So what to do? Must choose carefully..........mmmmmmm....... I got it!!!!!

I can be an IDIOT!!! Again!!!!

Roll that beautiful blog footage, Tito!!1

Tito: Okey Dokey (Tito rolls footage)
=========
A - Age:
* before beauty

B - Bed size:
* Well, (blushes) it's not the best pickup line I've heard, but it will have to do (Winks back).

C - Chore you hate:
* I can only pick one?

D - Dog's name:
* Finius Otis VonWoofenburgh (I know, nothing too original. If I had a dog it would be in couseling now.)

E - Essential start your day item:
That "waking up" thing has been known to play a sizable part.

F - Favorite color:
* That pinkish/reddish color that my girlfriends of the past's faces usually turned right before those fun little light hearted "We're through!!!" chit-chats. Ahhh memories, light the corners of my mind.

G - Gold or Silver:
* No thanks, I'm driving.

H - Height:
* Some where between these two guys
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfJMfRMrKTw&
feature=related


I - Instruments you play:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhQe1nEx4fo

J - Job title:
"Captain of the gravy train". Just like THIS guy
www.homestarrunner.com/vcr_homsar.ht
ml

but I'm not a friendly reminder ;)

K - Kid(s):
* I arguably am one(s)

L - Living arrangements:
* No, the last arrangement passed away in 2006.

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth:
* That "Yeah, but what have you done for me lately?" question I asked my mom after she gave me the "I nursed you in the womb for nine months" guilt trip.

P - Pet Peeve:
* pass it on questionnaires with gimmicks

Q - Quote from a movie:
* Pretty much everything SHE says in this scene:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU90ZsKlp_0
Sadly, I've had far less functional/productive conversations with girlfriends of my past.

R - Right or left handed:
* Those are my only choices!?

S - Siblings:
* None who would admit to such an ignominious lot in life.

T - Time you wake up:
* Usually about 5 minutes after the voices in my head do.

U- First word that comes to your mind for "U":
* "ubiquitarianism" as if that wouldn't be everyone's first one.

(Ironically, the site that I found that word on had at the bottom "I hope you have found this site to be useful." **I swear I'm not kidding** )

V - Vegetable you dislike:
* I did not become a SparkPerson for being so discerning on the matter

W - Ways you run late:
* Hmmmm. I'll answer this one after Y

X - X-rays you've had:
* OK maybe the pickup line in B wasn't so bad after all.

Y - Yummy food you make:
* I did not become a SparkPerson for being so discerning on the matter.

Z - Zoo favorite:
* Sounds like a grunge band in the post Cobain era 1995/1996ish

- TD out!!
=========
The original:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=2919496


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRITKRIT 5/25/2010 10:25AM

    You never fail to put a smile on my face! You're pretty much amazing!! Keep it up TD!

Rock n roll Runza!!!!!

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AZCUPCAKE 5/20/2010 7:28PM

    Your insane humor is so absolutely OBTUSE, yet so downright CHARMING! I would love to meet the kind of girl you would take home to your mother: a combination of Meg Ryan with a smattering of Julia Roberts, and one heaping dose of Jennifer Aniston, perhaps??? The above-mentioned woman would have to be super-incredibly funny in a straight-man kind of way AND have that annoyingly high IQ with which to temper YOUR intelligence!! Why do I bring this up, you say?? Because when TRENTDREAMER gets the body he wants (as in, really, like, two weeks more!), he will have to fend off the droves of women assaulting him with their phone numbers every time he steps off of his front stoop! You sound iincredibly upbeat and sparkly today, Friend! I LOVE it when you are in a good mood....keep that up!!!! I am SO AMUSED by you! Really! emoticon emoticon

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HICALGAL 5/19/2010 7:45PM

    "I can be an IDIOT!!! Again!!!!"

*when were you the first time? funny, cute, adorable...yes, but never the other stuff. emoticon




Comment edited on: 5/20/2010 10:24:51 AM

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YOGINI_JACKIE 5/18/2010 7:42AM

    "ubiquitarianism" ":-D

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I Got What I Wanted, Even If.....

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Ali: TRENTDREAMER, Since starting SparkPeople, you've lost 21.6 pounds. Last week your weight was 203.4. To stay on the 195 by 5.29 challenge, you need to have lost at least 2.4 pounds. This week your weight is...

(Weigh-in music starts playing. Camera shoots to all 195 by 5.29! contestants. The music crescendos. The scale vacillates with random numbers between 190 and 230 and makes random beeping noises.....)

Scale: 203.8 [+0.4]

(silence fills the room)

Trent: Well, I guess the four sliders, two bowls of mac and cheese, and ice cream at my friend's graduation party last night wasn't the smartest idea.

Ali: Trent, your weight this week was above 201. I'm sorry to tell you that you are not going to be 195 by 5.29.

Trent: Thank you, Ali

(Trent walks somberly out of the weigh-in area. Somber music plays in the background. Lit name panel with "Trent" printed on it fades)

(Scene changes to close up of Trent outside of the gym (wearing a GAP t-shirt that says "dreamer" on it))

Trent: What I didn't count on was that when I hit 203 I would be as happy with my appearance as I am.

In fighting for 195, I focused really heavily on eating better and not exercising much beyond basic walking and Pilates.

If I were to have started real strength training, my weight would probably have gone up both from muscle and extra eating. I couldn't afford a gain like that in trying to reach 195 by 5.29.

I was losing weight but not looking much better for it and not really feeling healthier. Frankly the cargoes aren't going to fit unless I start shaping and toning up the body. I mean they fit OK now, but not well.

Yesterday I did a full cardio and upper body workout. It felt awesome.

I got what I really wanted out of this goal, even if I didn't get the stated number. In the meantime, it's time for me to come up with a new vision and a new plan. I will do that over the next couple of weeks.

(looking right into camera)
SparkPeople! The next time you hear from me it will probably be early in the week and I will write one of my usual midweek blogs. Nothing fancy.

195!

-TD Out

(end credit music starts playing)

* To all of my Sparkfriends: I love you all and am extremely thankful for your love and support.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HICALGAL 5/17/2010 3:59AM

    "I was losing weight but not looking much better for it and not really feeling healthier. Yesterday I did a full cardio and upper body workout. It felt awesome."

*you will gain muscle weight, strength, definition, tone up and isn't that what we all want. then maybe one day you'll consider sharing a pic of Trent with us. never say never...;)


"TRENTDREAMER says 191 by 9.11!!"

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GOSSAMERFIREFLY 5/16/2010 7:42PM

    We will all have setbacks and temptations in life. The important thing is that you're keeping your eyes on the prize and moving in the right direction. Good luck on your goal :0)

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AZCUPCAKE 5/15/2010 10:41PM

    TRENT, you are a DREAMER & a WINNER, not a QUITTER! You are only "quitting" your old plan - and more or less trading it in for a new, revised plan. You are a hero to me! Don't be a stranger, and don't let the sliders, mac and cheese and ice cream play with your head any longer!

You will reach your goal. You will be the size and shape you want to be. You have the grit and determination to carry on.

You didn't QUIT at all! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LESSOFJEN 5/15/2010 4:38PM

    one pound of muscle and one pound of fat are two totally different things so if you gain or stay the same it could be that you're building muscle and muscle rules!...we're here to puuump you UP LOL

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SROBBINS02 5/15/2010 1:26PM

    I worried about the same thing- when I WAS at 140, I had very little muscle because I'd just come back from 2/3 months of hospital and not eating much cause I was sick, rather than being 140 cause I was in good shape. This time, it's going to be the real deal! Much better to be 195/140 and look good, than just be skinny and untoned! emoticon

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Yes and No

Thursday, May 13, 2010

As many of you know, I've been struggling with my goal of 195 by 5.29. I'm extremely happy with my weight and control over my eating (though it's been a bit of a rough week). There is a harsh reality that I face.

I'm probably not going to be much below 201 this Saturday, if I am at all. That gives me two weeks to lose 6 pounds. That is very steep, given that I've been pulling some fairly aggressive numbers these past few weeks.

Because it was in a SparkMail I won't mention who it was, but someone who was encouraging me asked the question, "Do you want your goal?". She then continued by basically saying to put in the extra effort and make it happen.

The question gave me pause. Do I really want my goal of 195 by 5.29? A very reasonable question, though asked rhetorically. That's when it occurred to me
* 195? Yes! absolutely. No compromises. I want to be at that weight.
* By 5.29.......? Meh.

When I originally set the goal, I needed to lose an average of 1-2 pounds a week. Quite reasonable. Now, I'm going to need to lose 2-3 pounds a week. That's way WAY too much. I got started with the actual weight loss a little late in the game.

I think of it this way. Let's say I want to drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco. I set the goal of getting there by 7:00 (Nothing pressing, I just want to get there to check into the hotel at a reasonable time). I leave at noon, but I get a flat tire and it takes me some time to put on the spare. Other minor things like having to get gas and I hit some traffic. All of this and three hours in, I've made 1 hour of progress.

Can I still get there by 7:00, sure. If I drive crazy over the speed limit, I probably can. But is it worth it? No, San Francisco isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Do I stop trying and turn around? No, I can still get there by 9:00 or 10:00. If I drive normally. Later than I wanted, maybe. But no less enjoyable.

My weight loss is like that trip in certain ways. I'm behind where I want to be. I could in theory make 195 by 5.29 healthfully if I have a really out of the blue great week and the scale says 199, but that's probably not going to happen.

If it said 201, I could really clamp down, fast, do some really drastic and abusive things to my body (metaphorically speaking, drive really crazy fast). But for what? I don't have a special occasion that weekend. 195 by the fourth of July would make me happy. If I was trying to meet a weight requirement for a job or something, yeah I'd do it. But I'm not.

But turn around? Absolutely not. I am not giving up on 195. I just don't absolutely need it two weeks from Saturday. It was a great goal, but ultimately it was and still is an arbitrary date.

Traffic has cleared and I'm losing weight and making decent progress (cruisin' up I5). Would I like to have made it by 5.29? Sure. Will I be any less proud of 195 if it happens on June 12/19? No. Not at all. I'll get there between 10:00 and 11:00 and check in before the lobby closes.

As always, thank you for your support. It has and will continue to make a great difference in my journey. I will let you know how this weekend's weigh-in goes. Who knows, I might catch a lucky break. If not, it is well with my soul.

195 by 5.29 (perhaps for the last time)!

- TD out

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SROBBINS02 5/14/2010 6:56PM

    You're so brilliant! That is such a good analogy to make and a really healthy state of mind. Have fun weighing in tomorrow, it's just another mile marker on the interstate (haha american word!) emoticon

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AZCUPCAKE 5/14/2010 6:49PM

    Your attitude is awesome. Your analogy is awesome. YOU are awesome! That is awesome to the third POWER! emoticonThe important part is that you are understanding that the journey is getting you to your destination. If it takes a few more weeks, that does NOT make the success any less sweet! emoticon

SO PROUD OF YOU!!

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Comment edited on: 5/14/2010 6:49:35 PM

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TSEWARD 5/14/2010 6:21PM

    Fantastic illustration! Driving crazy fast on the road is so not worth it. Neither is freaking out to lose the weight by said date. I appreciate how you honestly analyzed your goals and made an important self discovery. Yes to the goal, no to the time line. Your reasonableness is inspiring! So many of us beat our selves up repeatedly. It is always as refreshing as a cool breeze to read your blogs. Thank you for sharing with us!

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CWOMACK138 5/14/2010 8:50AM

    I couldn't agree with you more here Trent...DO NOT do anything drastic to your body - haven't we in the past been down that road...??? I will not let food rule my life in either direction and just take each day as it comes & do the best I can to try to eat healthy - I'll make my goal when I make my goal & then I know that I will always have to work at maintaining that goal weight....but just like you said, it's all well with my soul....
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YOGINI_JACKIE 5/14/2010 7:52AM

    The driving analogy is awesome--and yes, if you drive too fast on the home stretch, the likelihood that you get pulled over or ever crash is that much higher. Better late than never, for sure--and 195 is not going anywhere.

Also, you're clearly well aware enough to know that 195 is just a number. Healthy eating, regular exercise, and a positive frame of mind are so much more valuable. And also, Memorial Day is only the start to the summer-you will reach that goal soon, and have the summer to enjoy it!!

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FITGRL124 5/14/2010 6:46AM

    Trent - your blogs are always awesome! I LOVE stopping by to read them because they are full of humor as well as knowledge. You'll get to 195 safely; that is one thing that I'm sure of. Let's make today fantatic together!!

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STEELERCRAZY 5/14/2010 12:28AM

    Well, it's like this. You COULD do it. Like you said, you could do some drastic things to make it happen. But it's not worth it...nine times out of ten you would gain it right back if you lost it quickly anyways. That's just the laws of nature. Loved your parable about the speeding car to S.F. That basically sums it up.

I think you've got a terrific head on your shoulders. You'll do what's needed. You always do. I would trust you to make a diet plan for ME. You've got a lot to be proud of, TD. And I just love you to pieces.

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MEADSBAY 5/13/2010 10:27PM

    I love your how your mind works.
We can only do the best we can do at any given moment.
We are, after all, human beans.
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