15,000-19,999 SparkPoints
TRENTDREAMER's Recent Blog Entries

By 6.29? 7.29?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Goal Weight: 195
Last Week 207.8
This Week 208.4

OK, so things didn't go so well yesterday eating wise and not so well exercise-wise last week.

in order to make 195 by 5.29 I need to lose a few ounces shy of 2 pounds per week for 7 weeks straight. Granted last weeks mid week had me at 206.4, but still. Basicaly, I need to lose a lot of weight and I'm not sure that it's reasonable. I WILL eat a ton of Fruits and Vegetables, I WILL boost the fiber intake and I WILL keep working out. I'm just not sure that I can get there by then.

"But don't give up. You can do it!!!!"
* Maybe, but it's not likely

"Tomorrow is another day"
* I've had so many tomorrows that haven't been another day. It's not that I don't believe you, but.....

It was a noble goal and if I had eaten right and exercised regularly, maybe I could have done it. We'll see. I have seven weeks. If I don't weigh 207 or below by next week, it's over. We'll take it a week at a time.

- TD Out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SROBBINS02 4/12/2010 2:55PM

    Eating healthy is it's own reward (and yes, bearing in mind my last few weeks, I am FULLY aware of how hypocritical that makes me sound ;) ) and hey, if you don't hit 195 on the button, who's to know? A lot of the time it's how you feel in yourself that influences how you look.

You're one of the kindest, funniest people I've ever come across, and I know you won't let an arbitrary number on a random scale beat you. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
EMMIEKAE 4/11/2010 5:10PM

  Don't give up now!!! You still have SEVEN WHOLE WEEKS that is a LONG time and I'm absolutely positive that you can do it!! Just take it one week at a time, don't focus so much on the end goal, focus on the small goals. Don't let six ounces trip you up when you've worked SOOOO hard.

I vote for keeping your longterm goal of 195 by 5.29... but put it aside for now and focus on next weeks goal FIRST!!

YOU CAN, CAN, CAN, CAAAAANNNN do this!!! emoticon

Today is emoticon... just take it one day at a time.


Report Inappropriate Comment
HICALGAL 4/10/2010 2:05PM

    you know yourself better than we do. if you feel the need to adjust your plans and goals, then go for it. whatever you decide on...i'm rootin for you all the way! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

So...What It Is Wit Da Cargoes?

Monday, April 05, 2010

Anyone who has read my blogs in the last month has probably noticed three concepts repeated ad nauseum. Pop quiz!! Fill in the blanks.

1) _ _ _ by _._ _

2) I'm going to the _ _ _ _ _.

3) and will wear a pair of _ _ _ _ _ _ _

They beg many thought provoking questions:
* Would 196 be so bad?
* Exactly what type of beach would a 195 pound Super-Stud like Trent choose to go?
* What would the Jabberjaw theme sound like in POLISH?

* etc.

The real question, though, that I'm sure all of the ladies are truly asking, or rather demanding to know is......

Ladies: What's the deal with the cargoes?

Thanks Ladies! Here's the deal.

The late 1990's were when I was at the top of my game. Life was really good. I had a great job, even if it didn't pay all that much. I was in great shape (worked out 6-8 times a week). I drove the stereo typical 10+ year old car. Fuel injection? phhht! I had fm radio, baby, FM Radio!!!

I would cruise with my friends from school. I'd listen to all of the legendary pop stars and their unforgettable songs of the day. You know who I'm talking about:

* Vitamin C!

* Len!

* Splender!!!! (OK, they were technically very early 2000's, but still)

* And who could possibly forget THIS song?

I know! How is it that we don't still hear them every 5 minutes on the radio?

The late 90's were definitely My third of a decade. Mine you hear me! All Mine!!! Yeah...

And who doesn't remember the fashion of the day. Ovoid sunglasses (NWO 4 life!!), bowling shirts, BSB style t-shirts with 1-2 small stripes across the front. Vans/AirWalks.

Then there was the GAP and their khakis and cargoes. I owned one pair of Khakis and two pairs of cargoes. I looked good in them and they felt great!! When I was 195 the 38" waisted khakis hung off me.

The 36"cargoes fit absolutely perfectly.

The early to mid 2000's didn't go so well for me. Lost my job, broke up with the only girl who I can truly say I ever loved. I ate the pain away. 195 became 205 which became 215 then 225, 235 and eventually 249. The cargoes became really uncomfortable and eventually wore out from the stress of my weight (long before 249). The khakis faded at the cuffs.

When the cargoes were clearly on their last legs (no pun intended), I bought a replacement pair of 36"s. You see, cargoes are a magnifying glass for one's shape. On thin TD, they accentuated how lean I looked. On fat TD, they accentuated how fat I was. I've since tried on 38" and 40" ones. They don't work. Plus I had a pair that I would someday fit into again.

Ten years later, that someday is in 8 weeks. That pair of cargoes sits there in the corner of my room. They kind of fit now, but like the old ones did in their final days. That will change.

You see, it's really not just about a pair of pants fitting. It's a symbol of me taking back the life that I once had, enjoyed and squandered.

1997-1999, leave the porch light on. I'm coming home. 195 by 5.29!!!

- TD Out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SROBBINS02 4/12/2010 2:52PM

    Ooh I'm late to reply... But you can totally do it, and look even hotter than (I imagine) you do now! I don't think I know anybody who's losing weight, who HASN'T got an ideal item in their room somewhere to spur them on... Personally I've had 5 different items I've aimed for and fit in, and currently have a rather tiny looking pair of jeans hanging on my bookcase lol.

Never mind you can do it, you ARE going to do it emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERMELLEN 4/9/2010 9:03PM

    Great blog. And I totally get the obsession with the cargoes!! You are going to do this, no question!

Report Inappropriate Comment
STEELERCRAZY 4/8/2010 2:40PM

    I wish I could be there to tell you IN PERSON how great you're doing! YOU...ARE...ALMOST...THERE! And I wish I could be there when you climb into those cargoes (I'll turn my head!) and you survey the lean, mean, awesome-machine TD in the mirror! Crank up that FM Radio, rev that engine because you're at the starting line and you're rarin' to go. You should be so daggone proud of yourself!

Love the music, too, btw!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 4/6/2010 12:11PM

    YOU ARE SO CLOSE! Hang in there, TRENTDREAMER! I can "hear" the VICTORY in your "voice!" You have so much to be proud of so FAR, and so much to look FORWARD to in the months to come! This is a great blog -- congratulations on channeling your 90s TD and revamping him into someone even BETTER!! As Dr. Seuss says, 'OH, THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!' emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/6/2010 12:16:52 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
HICALGAL 4/6/2010 9:33AM

    never questioned your need for cargoes...figured it was the same reason i keep that "little" black dress hanging on my door. leaving the light on cause we're both going to have a homecoming partay like no other!! Woot!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/6/2010 9:34:38 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
10IN2010 4/6/2010 9:18AM

  good luck!

Comment edited on: 4/6/2010 9:18:52 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
CWOMACK138 4/6/2010 8:43AM

    i can feel your determination & motivation through your blog & it's inspiring!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
1DEBIE1 4/5/2010 10:12PM

    You sound like a 90's baby and looking sharp. Sorry to hear about the break up that contributed to the weight gain.

How ultra fabulous that you are now losing the weight and sounds like you are getting yourself back to a healthy stage; physically, mentally and emotionally.

You are fabulous Mr. T and you WILL make your goal...don't make me go over there and kick some butt!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment

Weekly Weigh-In

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Goal Weight: 195
Last Week: 207.2
This Week: 207.8

On the plus side my body fat % was down to 21 for the first time. I also had a very heavy dinner last night at around 7:30. We'll see what happens next week. I'm not worried.

That being said I have about 10-12 pounds to lose in 8 weeks. It's going to be close, but I can do it. There are three things that I believe will get me there:
1) Continue getting more Fruits and Vegetables (3-5 per day this week)
2) Continue upping my cardio
3) 25-35g of fiber per day

195 by 5.29!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CWOMACK138 4/5/2010 12:17PM

    emoticon You are doing all the right things that your body love Trent....Way to go!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
1DEBIE1 4/3/2010 9:28PM

    You are doing an awesome job, and you'll get to your goal!!! what's up with no picture?????????????

Report Inappropriate Comment
SROBBINS02 4/3/2010 5:03PM

    You can totally do it :)

Report Inappropriate Comment

Then How Can You...?

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

If there is one thing that my SparkFriends have never and can't ever accuse me of, it's being subtle. I'm not obnoxious (at least I try not to be). I read blogs of both friends and non-friend SparkPeople and I'll see a pathology. It leads me to write a blog about what they're struggling with. I ask the tough question(s). I mean the really tough questions:
* Why do you beat yourself up?
* How can good and evil truly coexist?
* I know you are...but what am I?
* Who in their right mind would get a home lawn from THIS Guy!?

(Incidentally, I believe that the guy giving the testimonial IS actually a robot. I'm just saying.)

Today though, I'm going to ask the really REALLY tough questions. They have to do with how you see yourself. Specifically if you hit your goals or ideal weight, how could you be something that you don't see yourself as. They may not apply to you. If they do, though, please let them sink in and ask yourself the even tougher ones. And awayyyyyyyyyyy we go!!

If you lose the weight, then how can you....:

1) Be invisible?
Yes, part of the joy of being overweight is not being noticed. Not literally invisible of course, just not noticed. You don't stick out. Expectations are low.

If you are healthy and attractive then more people (bosses, co-workers, neighbors) will notice you and maybe expect more. People will notice your weight loss and, by proxy, you. Not for the faint of heart, I assure you.

2) Feel guilty?
Whether it was your parent(s), teacher(s), religious leaders or God Himself (as you were taught/raised to see Him), most of us had someone whose expectations we couldn't meet. It wasn't always a finger in face "you should be ashamed of yourself!!!". It was often the *sigh* "oh well, you did the best you could". There was something nebulously, yet definitely wrong with you.

You feel guilty about being overweight. You feel guilty about wanting to be thinner and/or more attractive (finger wagging "put others before yourself"). Heck, if you're religious, you probably even feel guilty about feeling guilty about the other two.

Changing your lifestyle into a healthy one would involve dropping the guilt. Making those who play upon your guilt look at and treat you differently. You yourself would have to question the very uncomfortable guilt that has comforted you for most if not all of your life. Who knows, you may even have to look at yourself as *gasp* adequate or OK.

3) Be a failure?
Do you consider yourself to be a failure because you either (a) ignore all of your successes or (b) convince yourself that your successes were actually failures at a different level (always could have done better). If so, then what happens when you lose the weight and hit your goal weight?

You will have to face the possibility that you actually can be successful at stuff. Rather than being able to say to yourself "Well, I'm a failure" and not succeed at/try new, better or tougher challenges, you'll have to take setbacks and actually deal with them as one who could have avoided them.

Not to mention you'd actually have to deal with successes and consequent higher expectations from self and others (and you thought the Boogey Man was scary.).

4) Be the funny fat friend?
When you're the jolly fat friend, you can hide behind both your girth and your humour. You have a shield, two actually. People can enjoy your company and you don't have to face real rejection. Either your weight or humor is why they don't like you (Think Darius from the Biggest Loser). Yeah.
If you lose weight, you drop a shield. People look at healthy people with more respect. Being the comic relief may not be a safety net any more. You may have to deal with people on a more real level.

5) Be the unattractive one?
Being unattractive is as safe as it gets, take it from me. You don't have to compete with your friends for attention from the opposite gender. Again, think Darius. Your more attractive friends won't be threatened or jealous. You don't have to worry about losing the competition for attention (they won years/decades ago) .

**Above all you don't have to face the threat of people finding you attractive or being interested in you.**

If you get down to a healthy weight, you may find yourself in competition with and in the doghouse by the "pretty" ones. Rather than being the pitied one, you may be seen as a threat to their dating life. Scariest of all, you may have to face the reality that you are attractive and desirable to others (Boogey man definitely not lookin' so scary at this point).

That's all for questions.

As I started losing weight this past August, I had to face most if not all of the issues above. It totally wasn't easy. But it was worth it. I now realize that I actually am attractive to others and it's not so scary. I don't feel guilty about working out and wanting a better life for myself (Heck, God probably enjoys the hour off He gets from me while I'm at the gym.)

My weight is the one area in my life I've never had real success with. That's changing. While I still struggle with looking at myself as successful, that's slowly coming around. We'll see who is definitely NOT a failure come 5.29 (195 BABY!!!).

If you struggle with these, really. Ask yourself the hard questions: "Why do I view myself this way?". "How true are these thoughts, actually?" "What would be the worst thing that could happen if people noticed me or expected more of me?", "Am I really a failure?" Challenge yourself on these.

The answers may astound you and change you. If you ask the questions, I hope that they do.

As Buddy the funny barking dog would say....

Amen, Buddy! Preach it!!!!

-TD Out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKELAZ 4/2/2010 5:47AM

    Trent! Never never leave this website your presence and reflective and insightful thoughts that you are not afraid to share keep me going and I know Im not alone in that. This blog will touch so many hearts in a positive way.
Your 195 is coming close I, for one, will be at the finish line cheering for you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 4/1/2010 8:28PM

    You are right on the money in all of the ways we "hide" behind our chubby cheeks. The tough questions you pose are the keys to getting out of the proverbial "jail" our over-nourished bodies have provided us with through all of those years of giving excuses and saying "I Can't Lose The Weight, Because (fill in the blank). It is always an eye-opening experience to shake ourselves out of our misplaced complacency and realize that life is not WAITING for us to start LIVING IT! And all of those fears and anxieties vaporize once we get past the fact that they are LYING to us about who we can be! I was/still am guilty of feeling anxious over several of your "tough questions" .... but, boy, do I want to overcome all of those issues someday! Thanks for the reality check!

Report Inappropriate Comment
1DEBIE1 4/1/2010 3:01PM

    I used to be my biggest critic. I didn't need anyone else to put me down, I did a mighty fine job all by myself.
Didn't realize I was invisible until I lost weight and then started getting so much attention it was overwhelming uncomfortable.

Check out my blogs about my own struggles. Love of Thy Self, and Losing Weight vs. Jealous Co Workers.

I had a male friend tell me when I first started this journey, "Debie, stand in front of the mirror naked (EWWWW) tell youself you are beautiful, you are smart, you are losing weight and smack yourself on the azz with each comment to physically feel those comments".
He also told me, " If you had a friend who talked to you the way you do, they would no longer be your friend, therefore, why do you allow yourself to take so badly to you?"

Every day give yourself a compliment. At first they were like, "wow, you have freshly brushed teeth, (or) you smell nice today"....eventually I moved up to "hey you're not bad looking, you're losing weight" and now I tell myself, "You are Super fantastic, you are a great woman. You are Smart, You are hot & sexy, You are the ULTIMATE!!"

Gotta love ourselves before extending our hand to others!!
Good job on the blog Mr. Trent!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CWOMACK138 4/1/2010 8:52AM

    Trent, you are extremely wise and insightful to be so young - you have a real gift for this my friend. Have you considered a career in psycho therapy? Or as a motivational speaker or writer at least??

Comment edited on: 4/1/2010 8:54:25 AM

Report Inappropriate Comment
YOGINI_JACKIE 4/1/2010 7:41AM

    Amazing. Such thoughtful questions, and so true. I think I might have to look back to this when I'm having a bad day--thanks!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HICALGAL 3/31/2010 9:03PM

    when we lose weight, the mind also needs to follow suit and strip those layers of 'mind fat' accumulated over the years, if we're to realize the worthy and beautiful person that always was and is. congrats on getting it!!

195 x 5.29 YEAH BABY!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

The Countdown Continues 12 pounds to go

Monday, March 29, 2010

Goal 195
Last Week: 207.6
This Week 207.2

It all started when I was shopping at the Banana republic near my home 5 years ago. I found a pair of jeans that I liked. I tried on a pair of 38" waist. Couldn't button them. Not even close. I think I weighed near 250 pounds at the time. It broke my heart as it occurred to me that there were now stores that I couldn't shop at because of my weight. Banana Republic is definitely a store for the slender of build.

Don't get me wrong, I've bought stuff from them (ties, t-shirts, etc.). Trousers and jeans, though? Not even close.

So this weekend, I was browsing the clearance rack at BR (yes, the exact same BR) and I noticed a pair of black rock-washed jeans. I love black jeans. Being the glutton for psychological self-inflicted punishment that I am, I decided to take a closer look.

I asked the clerk if they had size 40". She said no, but that she could probably look them up and find them at a nearby store. The largest size that they had was (drum-roll..........) 38! If figured I could try them on to see if I could even come close to buttoning them. Clearly Banana Republic 38s were going to be too small. The question was "How too small?" If they were close enough, maybe take the gamble on ordering the 40s. Otherwise move on.

It was a brilliant, well thought out plan that was reasonable, measured, and took all possibilities and contingencies into consideration. Except for one.

Yes, I am thrilled and amazed to say.......I'm still having trouble believing this.......the 38s actually fit! I'm tearing up as I write this.

Now the jeans themselves fit poorly from an actual fit perspective. Yes I could button them with no problem, but low rise jeans on someone with my build are not flattering to say the least. But buttoning them was no problem. I am going to buy an actual 38" belt from them later this week, Lord willing.

5 years later I can actually fit into Banana Republic jeans. Thanks, SparkPeople!!!

-TD Out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YOGINI_JACKIE 4/1/2010 7:27AM

    That's awesome! There's nothing better than going to the store and feeling good about yourself. YAY! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMADSTYLE 3/31/2010 11:23PM

    I absolutely LOVE this Blog TD. I am sooo proud of you. I went down like 2 sizes in jeans since the last time I even Tried to try things on! So that made my day...But wow I am sooooo sooo sooo soo proud of you. LOL!

Great JOB!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
1DEBIE1 3/30/2010 2:01PM

    Hey hey baby...what a great story. I know the feeling (see my blog re: JC Penny). The incredible feeling that washes over you is almost indescribable; the denial that you couldn't be THAT small, the clothes must be cut large, you grabbed the wrong size, because you just pee'd you don't have that "water" weight, etc....

But it takes trying on that smaller size, looking at yourself...and for me it was the FIRST REAL look at the NEW woman in the mirror....I mean REALLY REALLY LOOK and become acquainted with ME!

I know the emotional feeling that surges through you and you have ever right to get all teary eyed...You've EARNED IT!!!

Now post a picture of YOURSELF!!!!!! Don't make me keep asking you, I'm an old lady and may not have much time on this earth...mauwhahahaha..NOT....I'm here for the long run sweets, but I WANT A PICTURE...(stomping my feet, and shaking my fists in the air) WAH-hhhhhh

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRITKRIT 3/30/2010 9:54AM


You pretty much rock TD! I look forward to reading your blogs and always love the words of encouragement you leave on my wall!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HICALGAL 3/30/2010 7:57AM

    it's an awesome feeling...isn't it!..and they will fit and look great on you eventually. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SROBBINS02 3/29/2010 7:05PM

    Yay! So happy for you emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
AZCUPCAKE 3/29/2010 6:14PM

    I am smiling as I write this, I am so happy for you! You have come so far, and you have EARNED it! I cannot tell you how excited I am for May 29, 2010 to roll around....because you are going to be at your goal, I just KNOW it! Watch out, Banana Republic, this is only the BEGINNING for TRENTDREAMER!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 Last Page