Monday, April 05, 2010
Anyone who has read my blogs in the last month has probably noticed three concepts repeated ad nauseum. Pop quiz!! Fill in the blanks.
1) _ _ _ by _._ _
2) I'm going to the _ _ _ _ _.
3) and will wear a pair of _ _ _ _ _ _ _
They beg many thought provoking questions:
* Would 196 be so bad?
* Exactly what type of beach would a 195 pound Super-Stud like Trent choose to go?
* What would the Jabberjaw theme sound like in POLISH? www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WJWq
The real question, though, that I'm sure all of the ladies are truly asking, or rather demanding to know is......
Ladies: What's the deal with the cargoes?
Thanks Ladies! Here's the deal.
The late 1990's were when I was at the top of my game. Life was really good. I had a great job, even if it didn't pay all that much. I was in great shape (worked out 6-8 times a week). I drove the stereo typical 10+ year old car. Fuel injection? phhht! I had fm radio, baby, FM Radio!!!
I would cruise with my friends from school. I'd listen to all of the legendary pop stars and their unforgettable songs of the day. You know who I'm talking about:
* Vitamin C! www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckcCq
* Len! www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1fzJ
* Splender!!!! (OK, they were technically very early 2000's, but still)
* And who could possibly forget THIS song?
I know! How is it that we don't still hear them every 5 minutes on the radio?
The late 90's were definitely My third of a decade. Mine you hear me! All Mine!!! Yeah...
And who doesn't remember the fashion of the day. Ovoid sunglasses (NWO 4 life!!), bowling shirts, BSB style t-shirts with 1-2 small stripes across the front. Vans/AirWalks.
Then there was the GAP and their khakis and cargoes. I owned one pair of Khakis and two pairs of cargoes. I looked good in them and they felt great!! When I was 195 the 38" waisted khakis hung off me.
The 36"cargoes fit absolutely perfectly.
The early to mid 2000's didn't go so well for me. Lost my job, broke up with the only girl who I can truly say I ever loved. I ate the pain away. 195 became 205 which became 215 then 225, 235 and eventually 249. The cargoes became really uncomfortable and eventually wore out from the stress of my weight (long before 249). The khakis faded at the cuffs.
When the cargoes were clearly on their last legs (no pun intended), I bought a replacement pair of 36"s. You see, cargoes are a magnifying glass for one's shape. On thin TD, they accentuated how lean I looked. On fat TD, they accentuated how fat I was. I've since tried on 38" and 40" ones. They don't work. Plus I had a pair that I would someday fit into again.
Ten years later, that someday is in 8 weeks. That pair of cargoes sits there in the corner of my room. They kind of fit now, but like the old ones did in their final days. That will change.
You see, it's really not just about a pair of pants fitting. It's a symbol of me taking back the life that I once had, enjoyed and squandered.
1997-1999, leave the porch light on. I'm coming home. 195 by 5.29!!!
- TD Out
Saturday, April 03, 2010
Goal Weight: 195
Last Week: 207.2
This Week: 207.8
On the plus side my body fat % was down to 21 for the first time. I also had a very heavy dinner last night at around 7:30. We'll see what happens next week. I'm not worried.
That being said I have about 10-12 pounds to lose in 8 weeks. It's going to be close, but I can do it. There are three things that I believe will get me there:
1) Continue getting more Fruits and Vegetables (3-5 per day this week)
2) Continue upping my cardio
3) 25-35g of fiber per day
195 by 5.29!!!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
If there is one thing that my SparkFriends have never and can't ever accuse me of, it's being subtle. I'm not obnoxious (at least I try not to be). I read blogs of both friends and non-friend SparkPeople and I'll see a pathology. It leads me to write a blog about what they're struggling with. I ask the tough question(s). I mean the really tough questions:
* Why do you beat yourself up?
* How can good and evil truly coexist?
* I know you are...but what am I?
* Who in their right mind would get a home lawn from THIS Guy!? www.youtube.com/watch?v=87T6j
(Incidentally, I believe that the guy giving the testimonial IS actually a robot. I'm just saying.)
Today though, I'm going to ask the really REALLY tough questions. They have to do with how you see yourself. Specifically if you hit your goals or ideal weight, how could you be something that you don't see yourself as. They may not apply to you. If they do, though, please let them sink in and ask yourself the even tougher ones. And awayyyyyyyyyyy we go!!
If you lose the weight, then how can you....:
1) Be invisible?
Yes, part of the joy of being overweight is not being noticed. Not literally invisible of course, just not noticed. You don't stick out. Expectations are low.
If you are healthy and attractive then more people (bosses, co-workers, neighbors) will notice you and maybe expect more. People will notice your weight loss and, by proxy, you. Not for the faint of heart, I assure you.
2) Feel guilty?
Whether it was your parent(s), teacher(s), religious leaders or God Himself (as you were taught/raised to see Him), most of us had someone whose expectations we couldn't meet. It wasn't always a finger in face "you should be ashamed of yourself!!!". It was often the *sigh* "oh well, you did the best you could". There was something nebulously, yet definitely wrong with you.
You feel guilty about being overweight. You feel guilty about wanting to be thinner and/or more attractive (finger wagging "put others before yourself"). Heck, if you're religious, you probably even feel guilty about feeling guilty about the other two.
Changing your lifestyle into a healthy one would involve dropping the guilt. Making those who play upon your guilt look at and treat you differently. You yourself would have to question the very uncomfortable guilt that has comforted you for most if not all of your life. Who knows, you may even have to look at yourself as *gasp* adequate or OK.
3) Be a failure?
Do you consider yourself to be a failure because you either (a) ignore all of your successes or (b) convince yourself that your successes were actually failures at a different level (always could have done better). If so, then what happens when you lose the weight and hit your goal weight?
You will have to face the possibility that you actually can be successful at stuff. Rather than being able to say to yourself "Well, I'm a failure" and not succeed at/try new, better or tougher challenges, you'll have to take setbacks and actually deal with them as one who could have avoided them.
Not to mention you'd actually have to deal with successes and consequent higher expectations from self and others (and you thought the Boogey Man was scary.).
4) Be the funny fat friend?
When you're the jolly fat friend, you can hide behind both your girth and your humour. You have a shield, two actually. People can enjoy your company and you don't have to face real rejection. Either your weight or humor is why they don't like you (Think Darius from the Biggest Loser). Yeah.
If you lose weight, you drop a shield. People look at healthy people with more respect. Being the comic relief may not be a safety net any more. You may have to deal with people on a more real level.
5) Be the unattractive one?
Being unattractive is as safe as it gets, take it from me. You don't have to compete with your friends for attention from the opposite gender. Again, think Darius. Your more attractive friends won't be threatened or jealous. You don't have to worry about losing the competition for attention (they won years/decades ago) .
**Above all you don't have to face the threat of people finding you attractive or being interested in you.**
If you get down to a healthy weight, you may find yourself in competition with and in the doghouse by the "pretty" ones. Rather than being the pitied one, you may be seen as a threat to their dating life. Scariest of all, you may have to face the reality that you are attractive and desirable to others (Boogey man definitely not lookin' so scary at this point).
That's all for questions.
As I started losing weight this past August, I had to face most if not all of the issues above. It totally wasn't easy. But it was worth it. I now realize that I actually am attractive to others and it's not so scary. I don't feel guilty about working out and wanting a better life for myself (Heck, God probably enjoys the hour off He gets from me while I'm at the gym.)
My weight is the one area in my life I've never had real success with. That's changing. While I still struggle with looking at myself as successful, that's slowly coming around. We'll see who is definitely NOT a failure come 5.29 (195 BABY!!!).
If you struggle with these, really. Ask yourself the hard questions: "Why do I view myself this way?". "How true are these thoughts, actually?" "What would be the worst thing that could happen if people noticed me or expected more of me?", "Am I really a failure?" Challenge yourself on these.
The answers may astound you and change you. If you ask the questions, I hope that they do.
As Buddy the funny barking dog would say....
Amen, Buddy! Preach it!!!!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Last Week: 207.6
This Week 207.2
It all started when I was shopping at the Banana republic near my home 5 years ago. I found a pair of jeans that I liked. I tried on a pair of 38" waist. Couldn't button them. Not even close. I think I weighed near 250 pounds at the time. It broke my heart as it occurred to me that there were now stores that I couldn't shop at because of my weight. Banana Republic is definitely a store for the slender of build.
Don't get me wrong, I've bought stuff from them (ties, t-shirts, etc.). Trousers and jeans, though? Not even close.
So this weekend, I was browsing the clearance rack at BR (yes, the exact same BR) and I noticed a pair of black rock-washed jeans. I love black jeans. Being the glutton for psychological self-inflicted punishment that I am, I decided to take a closer look.
I asked the clerk if they had size 40". She said no, but that she could probably look them up and find them at a nearby store. The largest size that they had was (drum-roll..........) 38! If figured I could try them on to see if I could even come close to buttoning them. Clearly Banana Republic 38s were going to be too small. The question was "How too small?" If they were close enough, maybe take the gamble on ordering the 40s. Otherwise move on.
It was a brilliant, well thought out plan that was reasonable, measured, and took all possibilities and contingencies into consideration. Except for one.
Yes, I am thrilled and amazed to say.......I'm still having trouble believing this.......the 38s actually fit! I'm tearing up as I write this.
Now the jeans themselves fit poorly from an actual fit perspective. Yes I could button them with no problem, but low rise jeans on someone with my build are not flattering to say the least. But buttoning them was no problem. I am going to buy an actual 38" belt from them later this week, Lord willing.
5 years later I can actually fit into Banana Republic jeans. Thanks, SparkPeople!!!
Friday, March 26, 2010
When I was freshman in high school there was a really gifted student named Lisa. Kind hearted girl. Really intelligent. She graduated as I finished 9th grade. My dad and her dad, Frank, were both active in our town.
Years later when I was midway through college, my dad told me a story that I will never forget about what Frank did for his daughter.
Apparently as Lisa was graduating from high school, she got accepted into an absolute top of the line school. I'm pretty sure that it was Ivy League, I want to say it was either Cornell or Notre Dame. Definitely not a "Drive through and get your degree with fries" school. Nor was it a school that tossed out full scholarships to seal the deal. You want it? You pay for it. Not cheap.
Frank took a job which my dad referred to as a "pressure-cooker" situation. The money was extremely high, but Frank really hated every minute of working there. He did it to make sure that Lisa got through school. That was the only ONLY thing that kept him there.
As my dad put it, "he resigned the day he mailed out the last tuition payment". Later when I recounted the story and said, "he resigned when she finished college", my dad corrected me. "No, not when she finished. When he sent out the last tuition check." (The implication being that he stayed not a minute later than he had to.)
While, I get the "You gotta do it for you!" attitude of motivation, I really believe that Frank actually had the right idea. His motivation came out of love for someone close to him. He was willing to sacrifice three and a half years of his life and deal with the misery to give his daughter a better education and future life. He wouldn't chase the money with that job just for his own gain (His timely resignation proved that).
So how does this all apply to weight loss?
If you are struggling with staying motivated, think like Frank. Start with the question "why?" Do you really need to lose the weight and how quickly? Who are you doing it for?
If you are really overweight, your health is at risk, you have someone who you love deeply or have committed your life to and it could (or has) affected your relationship, wight loss probably needs to be a top priority. This can be tough if the consequences aren't staring you right in the face (It was easier for Frank to see the need for sacrifice because it was right there).
If you are going to have kids someday, think of how your example and life can lead to them living healthfully. If your spouse/friends/kids are worried about your health, then make it a priority and let the relationship be your motivation. Not that all of the benefits and perks of weight loss shouldn't be enjoyed. It's just that they can be fleeting from a motivation perspective when the times get tough.
On the flip side, if you are a few pounds overweight and your weight loss effort is negatively affecting your most important relationship(s), maybe try making it a slightly lower priority. I have a female rlf who obsesses about her weight (weighs herself twice a day and restricts herself a lot). Her husband has expressed a strong desire to throw the scale out the window. She holds herself to the absolute bottom pound of her healthy weight range (she lives in fear of getting fat someday). Said obsession is putting a strain on her marriage.
It's not that you shouldn't lose weight if you need to. Just maybe make smaller changes and don't sacrifice a fun night out with a loved one by being a slave to tomorrow's weigh in.
Really, in the end it's about love. Who you love and who loves you. Who is most important to you and who are you most important to.
Frank got it right. I really believe that he got it right.
- TD Out
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