Saturday, February 20, 2010
There are two questions that haunt me. One perplexes me and keeps me in a complete tail spin weight loss wise. The other one is the one that I am more afraid of than anything else in the world.
Question 1: Why exactly am I doing this?
SparkPeople has three clear pillars of success: nutrition, fitness and motivation. While it's easy to only focus the first two because they are tangible and clearly contribute to weight loss, don't underestimate the third. When you're falling down on diet and nutrition, it's the motivation that reminds you why you started and why you should pick it all back up and try yet again.
There in-lies a problem for me. I've never really thought this whole motivation thing through. I mean, I've thought about it, but never really came up with anything. I'm an accomplishment oriented numbers type of person so just accomplishing something usually keeps me going. But still. I don't have what it takes, motivation-wise, to keep trying to lose weight when I'm tempted or have a bad week.
But let's assume for a second I scrounged and found something to trick myself into being motivated enough(health, physical appearance, etc.). I choked the pounds off and made my goal weight. Alas, the second far more daunting question awaits:
Question 2: So what?
Yeah, I went there. So what if I lost the weight? Would my life be any better or even different. So what if I'm healthy? Will my friends care about me any more or less. I have a desk job. My boss/company doesn't care if I'm healthy or not (nor should they), as long as I can help contribute to the bottom line.
And so what about my physical appearance? There isn't a human being on this planet who is less interested in being in a relationship than I am. So what if I were the most attractive person in the world. Who would benefit? Again, so what?
The only possible benefit might be a longer life and even that actually being a benefit is up for debate to me. Heck, I have a family member who has made it explicitly clear that my life so far has represented more of an ever increasing problem for them than a blessing. (I don't think harshly toward them. I hate to agree with them, but they are kind of right). My friends are all going to ultimately get married and I'm probably going to end up alone.
Frankly, I would rather only deal with a couple more decades on this planet than have a "long healthy life" (if God would so grant).
Basically I'm burnt out on trying to lose weight because I really don't have any really serious motivation to get to my goal. Once I get there, I don't have any real reason to sustain the weight loss.
So, what motivates you? What is your reason for losing weight? If you're there,what got you there? What has kept you there? What difference will it make for you? What are your thoughts? Any insights are appreciated.
I love my SparkFriends very much. If I have been a blessing to you I consider that an honor worth fighting for, but the other 22-23 hours a day can be a very heavy burden.
Monday, February 15, 2010
OK, so when one wonders where one should wander for only the worst dietary advice from the most nationally/internatioally renoun paranoid person, one need wander no further than...........Kevin!!!
That's right Kevin Trudeau. Author of a series of books that "THEY" don't want you to know about. You know, "They". Those evil doctors and pharmacists. Yeah, I notice none of his homeopathic advice involves tin foil being worn over one's cranium. "They" probably made him forget to mention that one.
That being said, I have a weekly ritual where I go to the library and take out a random diet book, usually trying to find one even more stupid than the previous week's find. I flirt with the poor librarian who is checking me out (checking me out from a "letting me take out book" perspective, not actually "checking me out"). I joke as I bring each passing book to the counter that there is "NO way that this could POSSIBLY fail". The librarians usually get a chuckle out of it. I Haven't been maced yet
So I happened accross Kevin's "Natural Cures "THEY" Don't want you to know about" (Updated Edition: 5c0r3!). In it, he has a product recommendation for Organic , Unrefined, Virgin Coconut Oil. He calls it a weight loss secret. shhh. Regarding it, he says the following:
"Oh, and here is a major side effect: If you are overweight, you will probably lose ten pounds!"
(yup, with an exclamation point. You know he's serious.)
But Wait, there's More!!!
"When I started taking this within three days all of my pants were falling off. This happenned in just three days. I didn't get on the scale, so I don't know how much weight I lost, but all of my pants were falling off. They were all too big in just three days. I couldn't believe it. Try it then write me with your success story"
Well there you go:
* Kevin: 1
* "They": nada
So, of course, I've bought the coconut oil and have started putting it on my toast twice a day instead of butter. Don't tell "They".
While part of me is really excited at the prospect, another part of me is afraid. What if it doesn't work? What if my pants just continue not falling off me!!??
Even that doesn't scare me half as much as when I follow Dr. Kevin's fiat to write him my "success" story. The IM session might go really poorly:
(imagination sequence begins)
TD: zup dude
KT: nomuch dawg
TD: pntz no fall!!1
TD: i trid the ccoil n my pants didnt fall
KT: OMG ur a tard
TD: imnot a trd, ur a taRD
KT: sthu ur stupid
TD: u suk
KT: oya? ur suxor 2d m4x0r!!!!!11
TD: lol :D
KT: sur d00d
TD: ok by
(imagination sequence ends)
I'm sorry you had to witness that.
Wish me luck....unless you're "They" (if you're "They", b3..... j34lou5!!!)
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Last Week: 210.8
This Week: 209.0
I am 14 pounds away from my goal. It's becoming even more real. It's gone from "Wow, I'm actually losing weight" to "Wow, I'm not all that far from my goal" to "Wow, it's just a matter of time".
I've found a good kickboxing class to add to my Pilates class. I'm going to slowly build up a good repertoire of fitness classes.
I've started upping my walking, which means I'm hungry more and eating more (and by proxy, my weight loss may slow a bit). Boy, I remember when this used to bother me.
Now it's like, "dude, I've changed my routine so I'm going to be hungrier. Meh"
To paraphrase Garfield Arbuckle: "They say in times like this you should fight eating more. I say, "Why fight an old friend?".
I'm going to focus on upping my fruit consumption and lean protein to offset the calories. If not, I'll just ride it out. "Whatever", I say. This is freedom
Have a great weekend!!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I am racking my brain for an actual goal that I have met since starting SparkPeople that has been more than a two day affair and frankly nothing is coming to me. Let's recap:
* I gained weight my first week on SP.
* Spent 7 weeks trying to lose a grand total of .6 pounds to get below 220. Several times saying "This is the week". Went under for 1 week and then immediately flew back above for three.
* Have given up chocolate at least 3 times. still eating it.
* Decided to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks on a challenge. Didn't lose 10 pounds. Not even close.
* I set a 1 month goal to eat Cheetos every day and I even screwed that up. Yes, you read that right: I wasn't even motivated enough to eat Cheetos.
Yet somehow I'm losing weight. Selah.
Being a young 2000's slacker type male, I'm constantly surrounded by other slacker broheim type rlfs. It turns out that much of the advice that they've given me both explicitly and implicitly is actually what works. It's advice that I am going to start taking.
You see, there are three motivators for a slacker:
1) A rigid program/safe situation: When I was in college, I played a c**pload of video games. There were certain ones that I could beat with my eyes closed. If I had an exam, I crammed for it. I made sure that I got the grade, but I put as little actual effort as possible to do so. I certainly wasn't going to sacrifice my free time anymore than necessary. I attended lectures and took notes so I didn't have to read the text books (Hint: the books don't write the exams)
One of my friends was an artist who often had to spend 6 in class hours per class and many more outside for projects. a mutual friend of ours was all like "you work so much harder than him." and I was like, "dude, not even close".
I wanted to graduate with top honors from college and I figured out how to do it with as little effort as humanly possible (I was a B- student in high school). It drove certain profs nuts, but give the dreamer his due. I graduated with said honors. I knew the system. I worked the system. I politicked when necessary. I made it so.
2) Only if it feels good: I had a friend in the early/mid 2000's who just couldn't hold a job even if it had handles and was handcuffed to him. He hated work. Lived in his parent's basement (I can only aspire to such slackerdom. I cried when watching "Failure to Launch". SJP is still cute, imho). Not the early-to-bed... type.
Yet, up until a recent ankle injury he was 6'0" and weighed 165 pounds. Why? Because he likes (no loves) to run. Unlike employment, it took a doctor's orders to keep him from running. In the last 3 years, he actually found a line of work that he really likes. It is fulfilling to him. It's now something that keeps him spiritually alive.
3) Nowhere to go but down: You see when failure is free it's an easy price to pay. When I was 249 pounds, pretty much any token healthy thing I did was a step in the right direction.
Another slacker friend of mine was telling me about some New Year's resolutions that he made. He mentioned no concrete goals and a very loose program. I started giving him advice on how to set goals and how to set reasonable expectations. He patiently waited until I was done and said "Oh, I'm not really bothered if I don't actually achieve the goal". Truly revolutionary. He's lost quite a bit of weight with relatively little effort.
For me, it comes down to 2 with a little bit of 3. There is no rigid program with a minimal performance yield like in college. I need to find what I naturally enjoy doing and (as I've been doing) try stuff and fail at it until I stumble across something that works. Implement and repeat the process.
It comes down to motivation. I'm going to find healthy foods that I enjoy eating and fitness classes that I enjoy taking. No more "I'm going to lose x pounds by random date". No more, "what if I fail?". Remember, a ship at the bottom of the ocean can't sink.
All slackers, if you're with me stand up and shout.
(slackers look at Trent apathetically)
Alright, slackers if you're with me stare at me apathetically and say "dude" or "meh"
(slackers mumble and continue to look at TD with blank facial expressions. An occasional "meh" is uttered)
I think we've had another breakthrough!!
Monday, February 08, 2010
Original post: Saturday, November 14, 2009
(Update at End)
Two years ago when I was 20 pounds heavier, I bought two pair of Oleg Cassini jeans. Yeah, I called good ol' Oleg and ordered me some. The conversation might have gone something like the following:
(imagination sequence begins)
Oleg: (picks up phone )Hello?
TD: Oleg! Baby! Wassup!?
Oleg: Hi loser, what do you want?
TD: I need Jeans and I need them hasta la chop-chop-snap-snap.
Oleg: OK, let me get your measurements. What's your waist?
Oleg: (snickers)Is that in inches or feet?
TD: Oh, Ha ha. You're funny. Inches.
Oleg: Wow, what are you going to do? Stop eating for two years straight?
TD: Shut up, man! I can fit into that. Just send them when you're done.
Oleg: OK. Say, what's that chomping noise? Are you eating baco...
(TD slams phone down)
(imagination sequence ends)
Yeah, that's exactly how my purchase went (*1).
So anyway, suffice it to say neither pair fit. One had the faded-front look with a 7 for all mankind type design on the back pocket. The other was a pair of the pointy flapped back pockets with a metal button. The former was so tight, my back almost went into spasms after 30 seconds. The later simply wouldn't close even with gut totally sucked in. I chose not to return them because I figured that they would fit on that someday when I finally lost enough weight.
Well, two years and 20 pounds later, I am proud to say that I wore the faded-front pair all day today and they felt good. I even wore them outside of the house. I am really excited. I have a new pair of jeans and they look really cool. Anyway, don't ask me why I felt the need to share this (*2).
- TD out
(*1) Or maybe I found them cheap at Marshall's. Definitely one of the two.
(*2) Oh, OK, you can ask. No big deal. I may not have a great answer though.
** Update: I wore the other pair, the ones with the flapped back pockets yesterday. They don't fit great, but I think it's more the general fit of the jean than the waist. My sense is even if I lost another 10 pounds, they will still fit awkwardly. **
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