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My pants WILL fall off!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

OK, so when one wonders where one should wander for only the worst dietary advice from the most nationally/internatioally renoun paranoid person, one need wander no further than...........Kevin!!!

That's right Kevin Trudeau. Author of a series of books that "THEY" don't want you to know about. You know, "They". Those evil doctors and pharmacists. Yeah, I notice none of his homeopathic advice involves tin foil being worn over one's cranium. "They" probably made him forget to mention that one.

That being said, I have a weekly ritual where I go to the library and take out a random diet book, usually trying to find one even more stupid than the previous week's find. I flirt with the poor librarian who is checking me out (checking me out from a "letting me take out book" perspective, not actually "checking me out"). I joke as I bring each passing book to the counter that there is "NO way that this could POSSIBLY fail". The librarians usually get a chuckle out of it. I Haven't been maced yet

So I happened accross Kevin's "Natural Cures "THEY" Don't want you to know about" (Updated Edition: 5c0r3!). In it, he has a product recommendation for Organic , Unrefined, Virgin Coconut Oil. He calls it a weight loss secret. shhh. Regarding it, he says the following:

"Oh, and here is a major side effect: If you are overweight, you will probably lose ten pounds!"
(yup, with an exclamation point. You know he's serious.)

But Wait, there's More!!!

"When I started taking this within three days all of my pants were falling off. This happenned in just three days. I didn't get on the scale, so I don't know how much weight I lost, but all of my pants were falling off. They were all too big in just three days. I couldn't believe it. Try it then write me with your success story"
(p. 453)

Well there you go:
* Kevin: 1
* "They": nada

So, of course, I've bought the coconut oil and have started putting it on my toast twice a day instead of butter. Don't tell "They".

While part of me is really excited at the prospect, another part of me is afraid. What if it doesn't work? What if my pants just continue not falling off me!!??

Even that doesn't scare me half as much as when I follow Dr. Kevin's fiat to write him my "success" story. The IM session might go really poorly:

(imagination sequence begins)
TD: zup dude
KT: nomuch dawg
TD: pntz no fall!!1
KT: ??
TD: i trid the ccoil n my pants didnt fall
KT: OMG ur a tard
TD: imnot a trd, ur a taRD
KT: sthu ur stupid
TD: u suk
KT: oya? ur suxor 2d m4x0r!!!!!11
TD: =:P
KT: wutevr!!
TD: ...
KT: lol
TD: lol :D
TD: bff?
KT: sur d00d
TD: ok by
KT: l8r
(imagination sequence ends)

I'm sorry you had to witness that.

Wish me luck....unless you're "They" (if you're "They", b3..... j34lou5!!!)

-TD out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWOMIC 3/1/2010 6:55PM

    lol, emoticon

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TSEWARD 2/17/2010 6:03PM

    I love it! I think I say that every time I read one of your blogs, but it bears repeating.

I too revel in picking out a new diet book each time I go to the library. Except I would always cringe and want to disappear...especially when I took out the 'binge eating' book. I don't know who hires our local librarians, but they are all waifs. Delicate, fine boned, soft spoken, and worse than all of that...really nice. There are a few regular folk i have known for a while that I could check out a book on pooh and not feel weird. Oh to approach life with such a sense of humor!

I have had a bad cold all week, haven't been to work since Monday, and ankle surgery was postponed. I haven't had much energy to waste on being disappointed...trying to get better first.

Maybe I SHOULD start getting a flu shot...might be something to it after all.

Sending you safety pins and a really cool pair of spongebob squarepants to wear, so when your pants fall off you will be styling!

Comment edited on: 2/17/2010 6:04:18 PM

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YOGINI_JACKIE 2/16/2010 8:06AM

    First of all, I was laughing so hard at this image of you approaching the circulation desk. You have a real knack for writing, so hopefully it's something you do as part of your job or for fun. Otherwise, I am expecting you to publish your memoirs one day, hehe.

I actually have heard good things about coconut products, but I am always skeptical about claims that you will drop 10 pounds overnight. But here's to your experiment!

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HICALGAL 2/15/2010 11:15PM

    i heard of ccoil years ago by vegan drs on a radio prog. an example of a wife cooking with it and hub lost weight. never tried...2 good 2b true...but you may have just switched me over. interesting to see if "were falling" continues.

keep up the humorousity! emoticon

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DAMOTIVATION 2/15/2010 10:12PM

    This post is screaming for a rousing rendition of "Pants on the Ground" -- however, I will not go there.

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BURGHGIRL 2/15/2010 9:36PM

    I am dyin.....funny sh!t man. Good luck with the oil ;-)

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SROBBINS02 2/15/2010 8:11PM

    Dude. Or my duck. I don't think we have Kevin here, but I wish we did... we just have an annoying shouty lady called Gillian McKeith who likes mung beans faaaar too much. And I don't know about pants, or trousers as they are properly known emoticon but I do know that you rock my socks.

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BILBY4 2/15/2010 8:00PM

    Haha! I'm a habitual picker-through of the bargain bins outside bookstores...methinks diet fad books just go straight from factory to remainder and never actually touch the shelves! Amazingly crazy advice out there. The last book I saw claimed exercise was bad for you and would harm your weight-loss efforts...wth?
Good ol' Kevin! If he was Australian we probably woulda made him Prime Minister by now.
Great blog.

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STLRZGRRL 2/15/2010 7:20PM

    Let me no when ur pnts fll off...

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And the Countdown Begins: 14 Pounds to Go

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Last Week: 210.8
This Week: 209.0

I am 14 pounds away from my goal. It's becoming even more real. It's gone from "Wow, I'm actually losing weight" to "Wow, I'm not all that far from my goal" to "Wow, it's just a matter of time".

I've found a good kickboxing class to add to my Pilates class. I'm going to slowly build up a good repertoire of fitness classes.

I've started upping my walking, which means I'm hungry more and eating more (and by proxy, my weight loss may slow a bit). Boy, I remember when this used to bother me.

Now it's like, "dude, I've changed my routine so I'm going to be hungrier. Meh"

To paraphrase Garfield Arbuckle: "They say in times like this you should fight eating more. I say, "Why fight an old friend?".

I'm going to focus on upping my fruit consumption and lean protein to offset the calories. If not, I'll just ride it out. "Whatever", I say. This is freedom

Have a great weekend!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HICALGAL 2/15/2010 5:59AM

    14 lbs from goal?? enjoy the ride...victory is sweet! emoticon

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DKAB55 2/13/2010 10:29AM

    I'm excited for you and a little envious as well; I cannot imagine what it's going to feel like when I'm 14 lbs away from my goal...
I agree whole heartedly with the comments below, you are a motivating example of the power of positive thinking....or the "upward spiral".
Take care my friend,

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TSEWARD 2/13/2010 8:44AM

    Great 'tude, man. You are on a roll. I watched the boy band, it was fun. A coworker came up behind me and said "what are you watching? Where did you find that?" I think he was a mite jealous he didn't have a cool boy band to watch......

I enjoyed your blog yesterday as well. You are a motivating example of the power of positive thinking....or the "upward spiral".

Always enjoy your suggestions and apply them with glee. You are a great help and encouragement!

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YOGINI_JACKIE 2/13/2010 8:26AM

    Love it. It's so awesome that you're so close. And nice work spicing up the fitness routine. I LOVE kickboxing--it's a great way to take out your aggression when you're having a crummy day. Definitely keep us updated on how it goes.

Keep it up!

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YOYOMATT 2/13/2010 8:11AM

  You're right - why fight the hunger? The better shape you're in the more your body requires a good amount of fuel for the day. Trainers will tell you that world class athletes eat A LOT of food. It's just a) what they eat and b) how much of the bad the eat. Athletes don't eat like mice. They eat a lot of protein and carbs. Those are the things people "dieting" tend to avoid but really they're great for you if you're working out and in shape.

Congrats to being on the right path! Good luck hitting goal.

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IMFIT4ME 2/13/2010 8:04AM

    WAY TO GO!!! this is VERY exciting news!!! Here I am - CHEERING YOU ON - ALL THE WAY!!! YOU CAN DO THIS THING!!

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The Power of Negative Thinking (Part II): Slacking

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I am racking my brain for an actual goal that I have met since starting SparkPeople that has been more than a two day affair and frankly nothing is coming to me. Let's recap:
* I gained weight my first week on SP.
* Spent 7 weeks trying to lose a grand total of .6 pounds to get below 220. Several times saying "This is the week". Went under for 1 week and then immediately flew back above for three.
* Have given up chocolate at least 3 times. still eating it.
* Decided to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks on a challenge. Didn't lose 10 pounds. Not even close.
* I set a 1 month goal to eat Cheetos every day and I even screwed that up. Yes, you read that right: I wasn't even motivated enough to eat Cheetos.

Yet somehow I'm losing weight. Selah.

Being a young 2000's slacker type male, I'm constantly surrounded by other slacker broheim type rlfs. It turns out that much of the advice that they've given me both explicitly and implicitly is actually what works. It's advice that I am going to start taking.

You see, there are three motivators for a slacker:
1) A rigid program/safe situation: When I was in college, I played a c**pload of video games. There were certain ones that I could beat with my eyes closed. If I had an exam, I crammed for it. I made sure that I got the grade, but I put as little actual effort as possible to do so. I certainly wasn't going to sacrifice my free time anymore than necessary. I attended lectures and took notes so I didn't have to read the text books (Hint: the books don't write the exams)

One of my friends was an artist who often had to spend 6 in class hours per class and many more outside for projects. a mutual friend of ours was all like "you work so much harder than him." and I was like, "dude, not even close".

I wanted to graduate with top honors from college and I figured out how to do it with as little effort as humanly possible (I was a B- student in high school). It drove certain profs nuts, but give the dreamer his due. I graduated with said honors. I knew the system. I worked the system. I politicked when necessary. I made it so.

2) Only if it feels good: I had a friend in the early/mid 2000's who just couldn't hold a job even if it had handles and was handcuffed to him. He hated work. Lived in his parent's basement (I can only aspire to such slackerdom. I cried when watching "Failure to Launch". SJP is still cute, imho). Not the early-to-bed... type.

Yet, up until a recent ankle injury he was 6'0" and weighed 165 pounds. Why? Because he likes (no loves) to run. Unlike employment, it took a doctor's orders to keep him from running. In the last 3 years, he actually found a line of work that he really likes. It is fulfilling to him. It's now something that keeps him spiritually alive.

3) Nowhere to go but down: You see when failure is free it's an easy price to pay. When I was 249 pounds, pretty much any token healthy thing I did was a step in the right direction.

Another slacker friend of mine was telling me about some New Year's resolutions that he made. He mentioned no concrete goals and a very loose program. I started giving him advice on how to set goals and how to set reasonable expectations. He patiently waited until I was done and said "Oh, I'm not really bothered if I don't actually achieve the goal". Truly revolutionary. He's lost quite a bit of weight with relatively little effort.

For me, it comes down to 2 with a little bit of 3. There is no rigid program with a minimal performance yield like in college. I need to find what I naturally enjoy doing and (as I've been doing) try stuff and fail at it until I stumble across something that works. Implement and repeat the process.

It comes down to motivation. I'm going to find healthy foods that I enjoy eating and fitness classes that I enjoy taking. No more "I'm going to lose x pounds by random date". No more, "what if I fail?". Remember, a ship at the bottom of the ocean can't sink.

All slackers, if you're with me stand up and shout.

(slackers look at Trent apathetically)

Alright, slackers if you're with me stare at me apathetically and say "dude" or "meh"

(slackers mumble and continue to look at TD with blank facial expressions. An occasional "meh" is uttered)

I think we've had another breakthrough!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HICALGAL 2/13/2010 5:49AM

    this is one time, i have nothing to say (i'm thinking out loud) as i am not a slacker...BUT i am your with that thought going thru my mind...congrats on another breakthrough! emoticon

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SROBBINS02 2/11/2010 8:11PM

    Dude! (But I always greet you like that. Not that I'm a slacker. Um, yeah. Meh.) Quit being so hard on yourself... you may not be down every single day, and you may not have sworn totally off chocolate (seriously, what sane person does that, really?) but you've moved downwards. You're wearing your hot jeans. It's happening. Meh to rigid rules, and bring on slackerdom :)

Slackers unite! (or... be too lazy to do so, but be generally welcoming to the idea of being vaguely against hard work and rigidity) emoticon

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DKAB55 2/10/2010 8:50PM

    "Dude" I understand your plight...and this really scares me!
I've grabbed on to your tail wind and along for the same journey...this makes more sense to me; not all Oleg Cassini's are created equal. We all need to find what works for us...not a one size fit's all thing; if that were the case we'd all be tall bronze beauties!

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The Cassinis Fit!! (Update)

Monday, February 08, 2010

Original post: Saturday, November 14, 2009
(Update at End)

Two years ago when I was 20 pounds heavier, I bought two pair of Oleg Cassini jeans. Yeah, I called good ol' Oleg and ordered me some. The conversation might have gone something like the following:

(imagination sequence begins)
Oleg: (picks up phone )Hello?
TD: Oleg! Baby! Wassup!?
Oleg: Hi loser, what do you want?
TD: I need Jeans and I need them hasta la chop-chop-snap-snap.
Oleg: OK, let me get your measurements. What's your waist?
TD: 38
Oleg: (snickers)Is that in inches or feet?
TD: Oh, Ha ha. You're funny. Inches.
Oleg: Wow, what are you going to do? Stop eating for two years straight?
TD: Shut up, man! I can fit into that. Just send them when you're done.
Oleg: OK. Say, what's that chomping noise? Are you eating baco...
(TD slams phone down)
(imagination sequence ends)

Yeah, that's exactly how my purchase went (*1).

So anyway, suffice it to say neither pair fit. One had the faded-front look with a 7 for all mankind type design on the back pocket. The other was a pair of the pointy flapped back pockets with a metal button. The former was so tight, my back almost went into spasms after 30 seconds. The later simply wouldn't close even with gut totally sucked in. I chose not to return them because I figured that they would fit on that someday when I finally lost enough weight.

Well, two years and 20 pounds later, I am proud to say that I wore the faded-front pair all day today and they felt good. I even wore them outside of the house. I am really excited. I have a new pair of jeans and they look really cool. Anyway, don't ask me why I felt the need to share this (*2).

- TD out
(*1) Or maybe I found them cheap at Marshall's. Definitely one of the two.

(*2) Oh, OK, you can ask. No big deal. I may not have a great answer though.

** Update: I wore the other pair, the ones with the flapped back pockets yesterday. They don't fit great, but I think it's more the general fit of the jean than the waist. My sense is even if I lost another 10 pounds, they will still fit awkwardly. **

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SCORBITT 2/10/2010 9:48AM

    congrats, its so great to get into what you want!!

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YOGINI_JACKIE 2/9/2010 9:12PM the blog, and what an achievement! Just keep rockin it! :)

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DMOMMYOF3 2/9/2010 2:20PM

    thats great! way to go

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BESSHAILE 2/9/2010 6:47AM


Oh that is SUCH a reward! Congratulations!!!

And you can just call up o'l oleg and tell him Yah Yah PBBBBT.


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TSEWARD 2/8/2010 11:12PM

    Ah! Fitting into a favorite and previously unattainable pair of jeans..Sweet Victory!
congrats on your hard work paying off. thank you for your suggestions on overcoming sugar. focusing on adding good stuff instead of taking away sugar is much more positive. And one small step at a time. Why must I always fall back into "all or nothing" thinking?

You have made such progress. What a great day celebrating in your spiffy AND comfortable jeans. Definitely a 10 day.

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DKAB55 2/8/2010 7:07PM

    You got me laughing so hard that I lost my breath!

Seriously, write a book you're funnier than Erma Bombeck and Steven Right.
Love to read your blogs!

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SROBBINS02 2/8/2010 6:38PM

    Yay good for you!! Fitting into goal items is SUCH an achievement emoticon

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    Good for you!

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You RUINED it for me!!

Sunday, February 07, 2010

I have a friend who enjoys him some food. He's really into cooking. He got addicted to "Good Eats" back in the mid 00's. Anytime I have a question about food, I can ask him. He knows a lot.

One of the ways that I've been able to reduce my eating out is isolating the foods that I tend to eat when I do eat out and learn to prep them at home. I passed this tid-bit of advice on to my friend, for financial reasons, when he lost his job.

So a couple of months ago my friend and I got together. We both talked about our health. He mentioned that he was down 10 pounds or so. And that some of his old clothes were starting to fit again. "That's nice", I thought.

Hours after that conversation, my friend out of nowhere says "You've ruined it!!". I was taken aback and asked him to clarify. He mentioned that now he doesn't enjoy eating out as much as he used to (because he knows how to cook better than most restaurants. I've eaten his cooking, and I'll vouch for that).

So later that night as I was driving home, it occurred to me....

The advice to learn how to cook his favorite eat out dish led him to learn how to prep his favorite meals on his own. Because he cooks better then most, he doesn't eat out as much. He's lost weight (I'll vouch for the fact that when I don't eat out as much, I lose weight).

I guess I did "ruin" it for him emoticon. Please allow me to ruin it for you.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMADSTYLE 2/24/2010 11:36AM

    That's awesome. I wish I can cook better than that amazing mexican place in Victoria! But it does make sense to experiment and try new things at home that way you know what is in every dish...THanks Trentdreamer!!!!!

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STEELERCRAZY 2/7/2010 11:43PM

    Okay, ruin it for me. Let's go.

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GEMINISUE 2/7/2010 6:15PM

    Thanks, If I go out, I get a box to go, and put 1/2 to 2/3 of the meal in the box, except for dessert (I have to be honest, here) but lately I have been giving the rest of it to my brother, so I am eating less of it, too.

Bonus two more meals most of the time, so that is a blessing in disguise.

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AZCUPCAKE 2/7/2010 4:28PM

    Truer words were never spoken! You are so on target with your concept of making great food yourself that you once enjoyed in a restaurant. It DOES spoil you, because you know what you are putting in it, it ALWAYS costs 90% less than when you order it out, and even the satisfaction of accomplishing the act of making a meal yourSELF! I can totally identify with that! I used to love McDonald's fish sandwiches, and they are one of the the WORST things you can eat! So, with some tweaking, I now make my own super-quick "fishburger" with some canned salmon, one egg white, and some bread crumbs out of my cupboard. After heating it up in a non-stick little frypan (no grease this way!), VOILA! I put it in a bun with a giant lettuce leaf, some fat-free tartar sauce, and my craving for the old McD's fish nightmare is a thing of the past!

What are some of your fav things to make ?? I would love to hear!

Thanks for this great blog -- !
Hey, who are you rooting for in the Superbowl??? I like the Colts this time.
emoticon emoticon

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SROBBINS02 2/7/2010 2:06PM

    I try to only ever have food out that I don't have the skillz or patience to make... namely sushi and curry emoticon

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HICALGAL 2/7/2010 11:32AM

    ok...ruin it all you want. i'm a ready and willing participant but don't hurt me...or i'll have to hurt you

ps...thanks for commenting on my latest are one of a kind. i appreciate it. have a great week...eating in.

debbie emoticon

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FITGRL124 2/7/2010 9:57AM

    Too funny but I think this is WONDERFUL!!!! emoticon

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MRE1956 2/7/2010 7:49AM

    Maybe one day your friend'll look back on this and laugh.....and maybe another day he'll look back and say "Thank you, buddy"! Here's to that day!


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RIDLEYRIDER 2/7/2010 7:17AM

  If that's what 'ruining' is, I'll take it any day! So much healthier!

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LESLIETX 2/7/2010 6:53AM

    Ok this is funny. I can cook everything Or anything I want to consume, but eating out is about social events for me. So I will add another little hint. It is quite possible to go out and not clean the plate. I don't go much, but when I do go I never finish the absurd portion that is served. I usually get a to go box so I don't get into that head game of "waste" then often the wildlife around my yard end up with the food. I have a bunch of friends who say "oh I Couldn't do that..." Why not?

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