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The Real Fruit of Victory

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Last night I went to a party (It's like an off-line version of SparkPeople that doesn't involve weight loss. There was real human interaction). This was my first one since joining SparkPeople. I had a great time. Traditionally, I've hated parties. Last night was great though and I owe it all to SparkPeople.

So what was so great about it?

Did people comment on how much weight I've lost?
* No

Did I eat really healthfully and stay within my calorie range and resist all of the temptations to overeat?
* Again, no.

Did I get to wear some new shirt/jeans in a size that I previously couldn't fit into?
* Nope, wore the same sweater, shirt and trousers as when I started SP

Last night was not a victory. It was the first night I got to collect on the fruits of victory. You see, I no longer felt self conscious about my appearance. "Confident" is perhaps a strong word, but definitely not self conscious.

I felt that with some polish, I was presentable. I didn't feel like "the fat guy". No longer feeling the need to be jovial to overcompensate for an inadequate appearance. I was comfortable talking to people who I'd never met. Yes, even people of the female persuasion (*)

Basically, I felt normal! It was the most comfortable I've ever felt socially. My weight was no longer a barrier.

Yes, I was by no means the healthiest and most attractive guy there. Yes, I understand that most people really don't care about how I looked and would have had the same conversations with me 10 pounds ago. And yes, by this time next year, I will probably be a lot better looking and a lot healthier and that will probably make me feel awkward in an entirely different light (**)

But oh, what freedom it was just to be able to not feel like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. No feeling like the girl I'm talking to is thinking "Oh my gosh, the fat weirdo is talking to me. I hope that he doesn't ask me for my email"(***).

Thanks to SparkPeople and all of my SparkFriends(****)

-TD out

* 3 good conversations, 1 email address. w00t!!1
** We'll jump off that bridge when we get to it :D
*** It's now just "Oh my gosh, the weirdo is talking to me..."
**** Who I love very much.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SROBBINS02 1/18/2010 4:30PM

    Loves ya too dude. Being more confident really rocks.

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BESSHAILE 1/12/2010 8:12PM

    Wow! I would call this - not a victory, but a TRIUMPH!

I'm so glad you felt comfortable as the real you.

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YOGINI_JACKIE 1/11/2010 7:48PM

    Hey hey! Very nice blog, and funny too! It's great that you are building confidence. Maybe next party you'll snag a phone number ;)

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TSEWARD 1/11/2010 6:26PM

    I am chuckling aloud to myself after reading your blog. "oh my gosh the weirdo is talking to me" I am positive that thought didn't even cross said female's mind, but it is soooo good to know that I am not the only one who thinks these things to myself.
I am very happy for your new confidence. I am sure it simply radiated off of you. And left you lots of room to be your witty and charming self!
I am intrigued that this feeling was totally unrelated to what you wore or how well you ate. Here is to more parties just like that one.

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TRADTRAV 1/11/2010 9:01AM

    What a great feeling!!

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CPTANNE 1/10/2010 10:25PM

    What a great way to look at it. Congrats on what you have accomplished. Sometimes this part is more difficult than losing the weight.

Keep up the good work.


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TEENY_BIKINI 1/10/2010 8:42PM

    That is soooo awesome. I wish to do that one day soon... Congrats on your new life.

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Oh, I get it!!! I'm a total hypocrite!

Thursday, January 07, 2010

OK, you know that joke that your ol' uncle Herschel tells. Come on, you know that you do. Yeah!! THAT one. He's been telling it since before you were born and when you were like 5 or 6 it was the funniest thing that you had ever heard. 20/30/40 years later, eh not so much.

I have one that I'm officially retiring.

When friends/coworkers/stray animals/etc. ask for suggestions regarding restaurants (of which I, of course have many) they often make a comment like, "Wow, you know a lot of/about restaurants." My usual "humorous" reply is patting my stomach and saying, with great bravado, "Yeah, ya don't get to be my size if ya don't know food."

Think about it mathematically: Fat guy + Fat guy drawing attention to the fact that he's fat + Fat guy making a self deprecating comment + bravado = 24K comedic gold!! Bouyaaaaah!!

My friends and co-workers who've known me for awhile always get a chuckle out of it. They knew me when I was a lot heavier and it was fitting. The other week, I made the hilarious comment to the substitute receptionist at my doctor's office who just stared at me with that "What are you...retarded?" look. That's when it occurred to me that.
(a) I really don't look fat
(b) The joke was stupid to begin with.

Voice in TrentDreamer's Head: So why are you a hypocrite? Herschel's not a hypocrite. He's just not funny anymore.

TD: Ah, glad you asked, voice in my head.

I constantly leave comments to and even have blogged about people who beat themselves up and put themselves down. I piously and sanctimoniously make the comment like, "would you say that to me if at ate 29,000 calories worth of marshmallows in one day". I even dare them to post the insults that they hurl at themselves at me for a similar bad day. My soapbox has footprints on it.

Yet, I'm doing even worse than beating myself up. I'm making fun of myself for being overweight!!! So let's apply the same logic. If someone who was overweight were to give me restaurant advice, would I say jokingly, "Wow you don't get to be your size if you don't know food" and then pat them on the stomach. H**k no, I wouldn't. So why should I say that about me?

Voice in TD's head: Why should you?

TD: I shouldn't. Shut up voice!!! OK, for once and for all....Joke!!

Joke: Yeah?

TD (Vinny-Mac style) Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu're FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joke: Dude!!

I think that we've had a breakthrough.

- TD out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SROBBINS02 1/18/2010 4:21PM

    Werrllll, I'm a little late getting to it... but dude, as always you rock my socks. And I could totally do with taking your blog on board. When I'm allowed back into the office I may even print it (come on, of course I don't have a printer at home) so I can take it out at inappropriate moments and remember just how right you are.

Hugs! (I'm not contagious, don't worry!)

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BESSHAILE 1/12/2010 8:16PM


yep. 'bout time that joke got retired. Nothing wrong with knowing a lot about food and a lot about restaurants and next time someone says "Wow you sure ...." it's perfectly alright to say "Yep." Never hurts to have knowledge.

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TSEWARD 1/8/2010 6:58PM

    Sounds like you had an awesome turning point. The best part of it is that your self respect is admirably high. I have no doubt you always had confidence in all other areas (Hel-lo Best Writer). But wow, your self respect regarding your appearance has got to be improving with every minute (hence no more pick on yourself jokes). I have found it is just as much about the act of treating our bodies better as it is about the actual weight loss. Man, you have set a goal and look at you go!

I am still making the fat jokes. Especially when I put other things before my weight loss goal, or when unavoidable things prevent me from following my normal routine. I find when I am doing the work to reach my goal I don't do it as much.

Dude! Hope you have a fantastic weekend.

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STLRZGRRL 1/7/2010 7:27PM

    Yup Yup Yup... those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, consult.

It's safer to make fun of yourself... pre-emptive... if you make a joke of your weight, you won't have to suffer the pain of hearing someone else say it...

We really are much harder on ourselves than we would ever allow anyone else to be...

NOW you're gonna go digging into that cluttered psychological closet where we keep the reasons why we don't value our selves... who told us we weren't good enough or smart enough or THIN ENOUGH?...

Where did our cultural conditioning comes from?

Where did I put that jar of peanut butter?... I mean... good job for recognizing the behavior, Trent...

The first of any 12 step program is admission of the problem...

You are WELL on your way... keep going and get some new material, wouldja'?!

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TRENTDREAMER 1/7/2010 7:19PM

    "Smile and Laugh Every Day! (just forget the tired- worn out joke)"

Oh yeah. The joke has been marked "not eligible for re-hire"

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HEALTHY2MORROW 1/7/2010 7:14PM

    Yep, you're right you are a hypocrite, welcome to humanity! We all do it. But, when we realize it, we can change. So, congrats! emoticonyou've taken the first step towards change.

Smile and Laugh Every Day! (just forget the tired- worn out joke)

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GINNJEN2000 1/7/2010 7:07PM

    Wow! That is a breakthrough we along the way find that we do and did things to cover for our weight issues. Making fun of our size is probly one of the most common I know I have done it.

Great blog to share with everyone. Thanks

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I'm Not Winning This Weight Loss Fight....

Sunday, January 03, 2010

I've already won it!!
(Reporters gasp in doubtful amazement. Cameras flash)

Reporter #1: (incredulously) How can you say that?
TD: Because I'm Superman.

Reporter #2: But you're 20 pounds away from your goal weight.
TD: Not for much longer. Nothing's actually going to stop me from getting there.

Reporter #3: (inquisitively) But what about all those setbacks last year? The binges? The holiday parties where you overate?
TD: I dunno. What about them?

Reporter #1: (Skeptically) And what about all of the plateaus, setbacks, social situations and temptations that you are going to face this year? What about those?
TD: (sarcastically) Hmmmmmmmmmm. Gee whiz, that's a tough one. um......OOH OOH, I got it!!! I'll get through them and learn from them!!!! (makes mock crowd cheering noise)

Reporter #2: What makes you so confident? How do you keep such a positive attitude?
TD: Let me put this simply. "I decided to lose the weight."

I never made the decision to try to lose weight. I made the decision to actually lose the weight. It was a decision to make it the number one priority in my life. I looked into several options. SparkPeople happened to be the first venue that I tried and it's working. At the same time, if it didn't. I wasn't going to lay down and die. I would keep trying other things until something clicked.

Once I realized that SP had the right program. I started following it. Yes, some days more closely than others. But I've never given up.

The four things that have made me successful with this program are simply:

1) I learned how to do it the right way:
Slowly, methodically and consistently. Make minor changes over the long run. The all or nothing mentality always leaves one with nothing in the long run. Gradual changes.

2) Analyzing a bad day.
What was different in my morning eating than on a good day. I review my food logs from both good and bad. "Oh, I didn't get enough lean protein that day", "I felt hungry because I didn't get enough fiber". "Shoot, I got no healthy fat in the morning". The next day, I recalibrate based on my analysis.

Read my lips: This has NEVER failed for me. Never. Bad days became learning experiences, which lead to future victories, which has lead to increased confidence.

3) Leaned on others' experience.
When I was going through a plateau, I wanted to break it as soon as possible. It took a couple of polite but honest friends to say, "just ride it out". I did and I'm losing weight again. I will probably have another plateau sometime this year. It won't bother me. I'll get through it. I got through the last one. Been there done that. Whatever else I may face, someone else on this site has faced it or written a blog/article on it. I'll search for it.

4) Letting a bad day/week/month be just that:
After two weeks of extreme overeating and gaining a total of 0.2 pounds, I started to realize what people had been saying all along. When one starts exercising, one feels hungrier. A month later, when I upped the leg workout, I knew it was coming. It came. I rolled with it.

On days where I actually made bad decision(s). I analyzed and moved on. If possibly facing the same situation, I would plan for the next time. I don't beat myself up, because I am free and empowered to simply pick it back up the next day. That's where the freedom is, imo.

Based on all that, I know the lay of the land. If something new and crazy happens. I'll look into it. I may hit some bumps and snags, but hey. I've decided to lose the weight and I am going to do it. Healthfully, safely, and with support of my awesome SparkFriends (who I love very much btw.).

Thank you.
(cameras flash. Reporters continue to ask questions as TD walks out the door)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETTIN2OLD4THIS 1/10/2010 3:05PM

    That is a great post.

Although, WHAT do you think those reporters are going to write about you if you act like such a diva around them?


I remember the two bad weeks you had where you didn't gain barely anything. That was cool.

I like this helped me out. :-)

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TSEWARD 1/7/2010 8:03AM

    Amen and Amen. Just visiting your super motivating blog again before I take on the day. Also enjoyed the additional comments on it! I agree with the praise, couldn't have said it better myself.
(sigh) If only you could sing it for us! How about a weight loss jingle? Seriously, if this blog were set to music I could sing it in my head all day.
I hope your week is going awesomely! emoticon

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CARLEY2010 1/5/2010 6:44PM

  God you are amazing!!! I cant say that enough. I really really loved this blog. I needed something like this to pick me up after my fall.

You are exactloy right. I made the same decision, to lose the weight not try to lose it! I am going to do it. one day at a time with help from amazing spark friends like you

Youre great. Thanks for giving me exactly what i needed! I feel completely remotivated!

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AZCUPCAKE 1/5/2010 11:26AM

    Hi TRENTDREAMER! I love this blog! You are so gifted as a writer and humorist! I just know that with the commitment that is flowing through your veins, you will achieve your goal! This is the year! You are the mistress of your destiny! Do not think for a moment that you are not going to win what you deserve!

I am glad the holidays are over, personally....too many cookies and treats for me to overcome. I am starting the new year on the same page you are. Let's DO THIS THING!!!! emoticon

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MITURN 1/4/2010 1:28PM

    Amazingly written!!!!

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SROBBINS02 1/4/2010 5:21AM

    "Bad days became learning experiences, which lead to future victories, which has lead to increased confidence."
Dude, you're so wise! Can you teach me to do that please?? All I do is sulk! emoticon

You're totally going to get there.

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TSEWARD 1/3/2010 4:28PM

    Thank you! Brilliantly written. All of it really clicked, but especially the statement: "The all or nothing mentality always leaves one with nothing in the long run."
I will be reading and re-reading this blog. You have covered all of the main reasons I have felt like I will never get there.
I will ruminate over your press conference throughout the day today. Amen to the healthfully and safely part.Your SP friends all love you back. What a vast group of friends we have to learn from and cheer us on! Thanks for taking the time to share your kryptonite.


Comment edited on: 1/3/2010 4:29:07 PM

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LAAVITABELLA 1/3/2010 3:53PM

    HAHA awesome!!!...Loved it!

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PEPCEA 1/3/2010 3:09PM

    Love it!

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THEMANSLAYER 1/3/2010 2:23PM

  You can do it!!!

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Scale Withdrawal

Friday, January 01, 2010

OK, so I had a really good day eating today. Tomorrow is the day that I would usually celebrate by getting on the scale, seeing my weight go down. I would then feel really relieved and then totally slack off tomorrow and Sunday eating-wise, pick back up on Monday through Friday and repeat the process. It's different now though.

I made a commitment to only weigh myself once every four weeks or so. It is what I speak of in the previous paragraph that inspired me to do this (and a dear SparkFriend of mine who has been doing this as well). The rush of seeing the number go down was driving my life. Just the fact that the weigh-in was then seven days away gave me, in my mind, carte blanche to eat really poorly for the next couple of days.

No More. I want to get my healthy life in order. I want the number to be a measurement of my lifestyle, but no more than that. No more games. No more "I don't eat out on Friday nights because of the salt" no more "whew, I can eat whatever I want today" after artificially eating well for two days to get a good number.

Yes, I'm already missing tomorrow's weigh-in. Yet, I know that this is for the best. Wish me success.

-TD out

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BESSHAILE 1/12/2010 8:20PM

    oooo TWIN! I have done something similar. I have gotten a divorce from Mr.Scale. We have a monthly supervised visitaiton but as for having him in my life on a daily basis? Nope. nada. we've found we are incompatable.

Yay for you - and for me too - as we trust the system.

Happy happy new year. I've enjoyed reading your blogs.

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GW197234 1/2/2010 10:31PM

    Resist the temptation tomorrow, because it will be just that... I don't even have a scale to step on. I decided that I will weigh in at my doc's office every few weeks because it is on my walk route. Smart, huh? lol

Have a great night!



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TSEWARD 1/2/2010 7:13PM

    Greetings! I agree with SROBBINS02..."a post without emoticons is a sad thing indeed..."

I am glad to here you are putting the scale in it's place. That, to me, is the ultimate self control. I struggle with staying away from the scale long enough to weigh in once a week. thank you for motivates me to think more about lifestyle/healthy habits than what the numbers say.

Where do you come up with your nifty pictures? Me thinks we all enjoy them. I still haven't caught up on your blogs...shame on me! I am going back right now and having a peak.

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SROBBINS02 1/2/2010 4:45PM

    You're totally going to kill it. Yay! emoticon Bring on Memorial Day, I'll find a Brit beach and we can have a day out (sorta) in us swimmers.

EDIT: posted without emoticons, and a post without emoticons is a sad thing indeed...

Comment edited on: 1/2/2010 4:47:48 PM

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Fast Break Goals II

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

OK, I think that I've got it. My three goals are (cue drumroll)
* 2 Fruits/Vegetables
* 10 Minutes of Stretching per day
* Motivational pictures

This morning I weighed in at 211.6. Wow! It's really starting to hit home that I am actually getting close to my goal weight. Kind of scary actually.

The more weight I lose, the more I realize that I've been kind of hiding behind my weight (or at least been identifying myself as "the fat guy"). When I hit 210 pounds, I will be 15 pounds away from my goal. I had a high sodium lunch today and didn't eat so well in the afternoon. I don't think that I will make it down to to 209.8 for tomorrow morning.

This, however, I will say: "Thank you to SROBBINS02 and LIFEGENESIS. I owe this morning's midweek to you. Both of you spurred me on when I was going to give up and slack this week. I really appreciate both of you. Who knows, maybe Friday I will hit 209.8 if not tomorrow."

Either way, I can't wait until next month when I go to only weighing myself once a month. I really can't wait.

-TD Out!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SROBBINS02 12/31/2009 8:11AM

    Ooh! Not only am I first to comment, but I feel famous! Hehe. Dude, I'm sure LIfEGENESIS will agree- you've got no-one to thank for your progress but yourself ;)

Way to go! emoticon

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