Saturday, June 21, 2014
**Warning. This blog contains expressions of frustration. If you are someone who doesn't feel comfortable with this (or needs to squelch such expressions with the usual "don't beat yourself up" or "tomorrow is another day" yada yada), then please either don't read or read and don't comment**
Did not get my footing a lot of stress. Didn't even log onto SparkPeople. Didn't really address the SparkDiet. I'll get to it tomorrow.
I'm frustrated with my weight. I'm stuck at around 205, I'm unmotivated to go to the gym. I didn't even eat out that much. I feel like no matter what I do or how much progress I make, this is really always going to be a negative force/burden. It's old and annoying.
I hate the religious aspect of SparkPeople. The "I did well"/"I didn't do well". I lost this week (who hoo) or gained (#fail). I'm really tired of the burden that most food commonly available seems to lead to being fat.
I think that I'm going to give myself 5 more tries on the SparkDiet Fastbreak stage. I don't seem to have what it takes to track, which is a fundamental of this site/diet.
I don't have control over eating, which makes tracking an even bigger burden. I am a complete failure when it comes to being able to control my weight/eating. To add to this, I am not really helping anyone or adding any value to anyone's journey.
Have I mentioned that I hate that motivator award anytime recently? I'm giving serious thought about getting a new account just to scrub that damn thing off my page.
A stressful week causes me to not focus on eating, which causes me to eat a lot, this makes tracking difficult (even more so), which causes weight gain, which causes stress, which results in a stressful week.......which causes......
** The SparkDiet
Again, I failed last time, so I'm going to give it another try. I honestly don't think I have what it takes to select the goals that are necessary to succeed, so maybe this time I'll just pick two really easy ones and one hard one. This time it will be tracking.
If I can't get food tracking under control, this site is pretty much a total bust for me. I dunno.
So since recommitting to SP here are the numbers:
Goal: lte 195.0@15%
Week 0: 206.2@21
Week 1: 204.2@20
Week 2: 203.8@21
Week 3: 206.2@20 (gained 2.4 pound. Back to starting weight)
So far: No progress weight-wise. Maybe down 1% bodyfat. Will probably gain it back the next week I lose weight.
All in all...no progress.
- TD In
p.s. **If you're some one who feels the compulsion to use stupid cliches that mock others' frustration ("pity party", "whine tasting" etc.), become a better person. I love you, but become a better person.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
So last week for the fastbreak portion of my SparkDiet I read the chapter addressing the cornerstone of "Focus". It includes three building blocks:
* Values and Beliefs
* Purpose and Vision
* Goal setting
Each one builds on the one before it in the process. I'm not going to lie. As a guy I found it kind of touchy-feeley at first. The goal setting thing made sense, but the other two seemed kind of enigmatic and unnecessary. I read the section about 5 times and by the end, I got it.
My failures have come not from lack of effort nor lack of goals. Rather it came from a lack of integrity. My goal of 195@15% comes from a very small portion of who I am. The concept of achieving it is good, but honestly very irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
**ABOUT ME (Values and Beliefs):
1) What truly drives me is achievement and growth. I like a new challenge and feel trapped when I've achieved something and have nowhere to go. Having the goal of 195@15% has been a weak goal in that it has represented an end of the line with no next steps.
2) My friends mean everything to me. I tend to only have a few friends at any given time, but they are always very deep friendships. I don't totally know how that applies to weight loss, but I'm not sure that it has to.
3) Helping others gives me life. In college I was a tutor (best job ever). When I volunteer, it's helping people further themselves, grow, or somehow better their lives. I like accomplishing something and then helping others in my shoes to do so. It's taking achievement to the next level in that it leaves a legacy of sorts.
**WHAT'S KILLED ME MOST....
What's killed me the most about setting a very reasonable 2 part goal and not being able to achieve either part is that I feel like I'm not much value as a friend to others trying to achieve their goals (that's why getting the motivator award bugged me).
That's why the whole "You gotta do it for you" mentality has always been fingernails against the chalkboard to me.
Someone tells me that I've inspired them when I haven't done anything inspirational. It doesn't really lead to any changes in their life. I feel like a failure (and a patronized one at that).
The fact of the matter is that as a goal. 195@15% may be a good goal or it may not. From what the next building block says, I need to develop a purpose and vision based on my core values and beliefs.
This means more reflecting. I will blog about it next week.
Thanks for reading.
- TD in
Saturday, June 07, 2014
** PROJECT RESTART
So last week, I made the decision to recommit myself to SparkPeople. Unlike last time, this time is going to be about following the program as designed. I got heavily involved in the community aspect of the site back in the late 00's early 10's.
I've been reading the new member guide and it points out 3 basic pillars to the site:
* information (articles/videos)
Tracking has always been something that I've struggled with. I've always treated the information aspect as nice to have for sparkpoints. Over these 6 weeks, I plan to change this.
1) Track food 5-7 days: Today is the last day of this week. I've tracked 4 so far. I will meet goal this week. Next week, I will probably more standardize my eating regimen which will make tracking easier (already kind of started that late this past week). I know that I didn't get certain days right, but the book talks a lot about giving oneself grace when starting something new like this. So I will do so and try to get better.
2) 10 minutes of exercise a day: I did a lot of brisk walking on breaks. I wanted to do more hardcore gym type exercises, but realized that that might be overdoing it, given that my main emphasis was diet/tracking
3) Read from a motivational book each day: Have done so every day. Read from "The Spark". Did this to get the lay of the land and the spiritual underpinnings of the program
All three goals met or about to be so for this week.
I've spent a lot of time focusing on the actual Cornerstone of Focus. This is the section that talks about things like:
* Establishing one's core values and purpose in life
* Establishing a vision based on those
* Evaluating whether life patterns/decisions are getting in the way of or in conflict with said values/purpose
* Creating goals (long, medium and short term) that are in line with one's core values and purpose
It goes one step deeper than motivation. It helps one create, establish and even document the reason behind one's life. I will continue to read from other areas from the book, but will definitely focus on establishing these things for this week (or at least addressing if I'm not there yet). Midweek blog might be a bit late this week
Goal: lte 195.0@15%
Week 0: 206.2@21
Week 1: 204.2@20
(Down 2.0 pounds and down 1% bodyfat)
I'm happy with the progress so far. my jeans are definitely getting looser. My breakfasts are in line with what I want caloric-ally. I may try to hone the actual nutrients a little, but will probably save that for either phase 2 or 3 (when it becomes a goal)
This week, I will continue the fast break portion of the diet.
In this spirit in which it was written.
So far so good!
- TD In!
Tuesday, June 03, 2014
So recently, I've decided to give SparkPeople a true try. Over thee last few years I have been not done well. I wonder if the program works. Whenever I wonder if something really works or not, I choose to follow it. By its own defintion, both in letter and in Spirit
So I am now doing the SparkDiet and reading the book "The Spark" by SP founder Chris Downie. I am also going through the new member welcome guide.
As I read the book this week, I am reading the chapter on The Cornerstone: Focus. The chapter that focuses on purpose, core values and motivation.
For the SparkDiet, I have picked the following 3 FB goals
Tracking calories: This was always something that I shied away from. I ate too much to track when I first started. The tracker was not very user friendly. Now I find it very easy and my eating is such that it is easily trackable.
Tracking is the one thing the SparkPeople have most consistently sworn by and I have most consistently shirked. So let's see if it helps.
10 minutes of exercise per day: 10 minutes is not the challenge. It's the consistency of it. ON the site it talked about streaks that involve not missing a day (with an ambiguous, but if you miss a day). The book's version of the diet talks about 5-7 times per week. That's what I am striving for.
Read from an inspiring book: I'm reading the Spark. It's making me think. The focus section is encouraging me to put together a plan and clearly state my motivation. I plan to blog about this mid next week.
I'm reading the chapter over and over again at this point, because I seem to notice something new each time. I'm going to write down my core values and corresponding long term goals (with short term building blocks) and see what comes of it.
Again, I'm not just going through the motion. I want this to transform my life beyond, "Wow this sounds like a good idea.
So we continue.
- TD In!
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