TRENTDREAMER   15,048
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Weigh-In 06/21/14

Saturday, June 21, 2014

**Warning. This blog contains expressions of frustration. If you are someone who doesn't feel comfortable with this (or needs to squelch such expressions with the usual "don't beat yourself up" or "tomorrow is another day" yada yada), then please either don't read or read and don't comment**

**THIS WEEK
Did not get my footing a lot of stress. Didn't even log onto SparkPeople. Didn't really address the SparkDiet. I'll get to it tomorrow.

**IN GENERAL
I'm frustrated with my weight. I'm stuck at around 205, I'm unmotivated to go to the gym. I didn't even eat out that much. I feel like no matter what I do or how much progress I make, this is really always going to be a negative force/burden. It's old and annoying.

I hate the religious aspect of SparkPeople. The "I did well"/"I didn't do well". I lost this week (who hoo) or gained (#fail). I'm really tired of the burden that most food commonly available seems to lead to being fat.

I think that I'm going to give myself 5 more tries on the SparkDiet Fastbreak stage. I don't seem to have what it takes to track, which is a fundamental of this site/diet.

I don't have control over eating, which makes tracking an even bigger burden. I am a complete failure when it comes to being able to control my weight/eating. To add to this, I am not really helping anyone or adding any value to anyone's journey.

Have I mentioned that I hate that motivator award anytime recently? I'm giving serious thought about getting a new account just to scrub that damn thing off my page.

A stressful week causes me to not focus on eating, which causes me to eat a lot, this makes tracking difficult (even more so), which causes weight gain, which causes stress, which results in a stressful week.......which causes......

** The SparkDiet
Again, I failed last time, so I'm going to give it another try. I honestly don't think I have what it takes to select the goals that are necessary to succeed, so maybe this time I'll just pick two really easy ones and one hard one. This time it will be tracking.

If I can't get food tracking under control, this site is pretty much a total bust for me. I dunno.


**THE NUMBERS
So since recommitting to SP here are the numbers:
Goal: lte 195.0@15%
Week 0: 206.2@21
Week 1: 204.2@20
Week 2: 203.8@21
Week 3: 206.2@20 (gained 2.4 pound. Back to starting weight)

So far: No progress weight-wise. Maybe down 1% bodyfat. Will probably gain it back the next week I lose weight.

All in all...no progress.

- TD In

p.s. **If you're some one who feels the compulsion to use stupid cliches that mock others' frustration ("pity party", "whine tasting" etc.), become a better person. I love you, but become a better person.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKELAZ 6/23/2014 12:15PM

    Inclined to agree with MEADSBAY - 'snap out of it'. Which of course you will.
There is obviously stuff going on in your 'real world' that is taking over the virtual world of Spark. Spark is a tool - if it's not helping you, put it back in the toolbox and consider your options. A different approach - a different site - an eating group of some sort. Or just give yourself a break - maybe stop trying. No goal - no failure.

All that said - I and many many others would be gutted if we didn't 'see' you here - the risk we all run when we establish any kind of friendship. Just has to be borne.

Do what's good for YOU - nothing else matters. Will be thinking of you tho.

Comment edited on: 6/23/2014 4:40:16 PM

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TOOTERFISH 6/23/2014 8:07AM

    hello Trent.
i would like to offer, maybe a solution to your award.
did you know.. that you can delete them?

well i learned this today. and perhaps it will be freeing for you. maybe.

so. go to the tracker page.
at the bottom with the spinner.. to the right, there is a 'manage trophies' or similar..
click.
then choose which ones to 'remove'.

i've never been motivator.. which is quite fine.. so am unsure if it Will allow this to be removed, but thought i'd give you a way to at least look at the possibility.

:) be well.
-Toot

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A_RARE_BEAN 6/22/2014 4:16PM

    Well yeah it was a tough week and you feel sucky, fair enough mate fair enough, we all go through them! Tough weeks are good for one thing though, much more so than good weeks....they illuminate what works and what doesn't work for you and what blocks might need different/better planning in future. Take it as information gathering, nothing more or less.

I'm with Cathy I HATE tracking, it's soul sucking and leaves you constantly obsessing about food and numbers. So I decided there was no way I was gonna track calories for the rest of my life...lifestyle change right, so this stuff is meant to be permanent...no thanks. I don't track. Lots of people don't track, lots of plans don't require tracking, you can still lose weight without it on WHOLEfood plans, like paleo/plant based/ whichever suits you better and is how you want to eat.

I know you are giving this spark diet your full whack but i don't like seeing you call yourself a failure because this might just not be the right plan for you and the best way for you to operate. I would be really sad to see you go, you can stay on spark even if you aren't following their plans/ideas, there are plenty of us here just for the support whilst doing our own thing to get to health and wellness. Me personally I am totally flying by the seat of my pants and pretty much doing everything spark doesn't recommend lol, but it works for me and the weight is coming off, albeit slowly.

So I don't think you should leave, would be gutted if you did, but respect that whatever you need is what you need.

I also believe that you can do this and can make it work, by 'this' I mean lose weight and get healthy. You just need to find the right way that is specific JUST for you. Adapt, take bits from all over the place, learn nutrition, see what your body likes, then make and carve out your own path! Yes spark is a great diet plan, but we aren't all some homogenous group that need to just do everything exactly as told and magic happens, some people do well on high protein, some on low fat low carb. Trial and error my friend, not failure, trial and error until you succeed.

Wishing you a less stressful week, and some more self belief really...I believe in you and know there is a path for you that is just right, it may very well not be tracking, but whatever it is it does exist.

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CATHYGETSFIT 6/22/2014 1:47AM

    Every single person on here has had a bad day, week, month, etc. Life isn't always easy. I have had my share of sh!tty times. So you had a stressful week. You didn't track your food, you didn't try to watch what you were eating. You just have to start over again this next week. The difference between you and everyone that is successful in losing weight on here is that when they have a sh!tty day, week, month, or even year they just keep trying until they get it right.

You know what, I HATE tracking my food too! Which is why I love the Fast Metabolism Diet which is essentially clean eating and I don't track my food. Back to SP though... When it comes to setting your goals just use the KISS principle. Keep It Simple Sweetie... You don't have to have 10 goals or even 5 goals. Make however many you feel comfortable with and that you think are work to get to and yet attainable without pushing yourself to the point where they are so hard that it will take having an absolute perfect day, week, month, etc... Remember life is never easy and you are going to have a bad day or week or whatever now and then. It happens to everyone. Feeling sorry for yourself and being mad at yourself isn't going to get you anywhere. What happened when you were in college and you did poorly on an exam?? You might have been upset about but you just tried harder on your next exam. Right??

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FITGRL124 6/21/2014 9:27PM

    I think you wrote this blog about my life! I feel the EXACT same way right now. We're a pair. emoticon

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1DERLAND14 6/21/2014 6:09PM

    I think you've earned the spark people motivator title. :) You have been a great spark friend to me, picked me up and dusted me off when I've been down. We all have tough moments/weeks. You've made phenomenal life changes. I have every faith in you that you can do this. I can relate to what you are saying about tracking. That is an area I can always tighten up in. Sending you a huge hug from Texas, my friend. I hope you're feeling better today. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEADSBAY 6/21/2014 9:26AM

    Ohmyeffinword!
How about a smack across the kisser and Cher's
Iine in Moonstruck
"Snap out of it."
You are wallowing and it is counterproductive.
emoticon

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Weigh-In 06/14/14

Saturday, June 14, 2014

OK, so I didn't really stick to my fast break goals this week. Tracking is really hard for me. Fact of the matter is I eat a lot and I am not consistent with my eating patterns. I don't have that bowl of cereal with fruit every morning for breakfast, sandwich/salad for lunch. I snack throughout the day so remembering is hard and writing everything down is a chore to say the least.

I'm still ruminating over a small portion of the book that I had planned to read every day.

Though I'm pretty sure that I got 10 minutes of exercise every day, I'm not sure if brisk walking counts (especially at my weightSo today I am restarting the Fast Break stage). I will review possible goals.

There are foods that help me eat less when I eat them, so those will be a focus this week. If I can integrate that into a nutrition goal I will.

**Please note that I am not beating myself up, simply giving it another try**

I am still following the SparkDiet

So since recommitting to SP here are the numbers:
Goal: lte 195.0@15%
Week 0: 206.2@21
Week 1: 204.2@20
Today : 203.8@21 (Down 0.4 pounds and up 1%)

So Far: Down 2.4 pounds (Average 1.2 per week. That's healthy)

So far so good, I'll figure out the Fastbreak goals today.

- TD In!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHYGETSFIT 6/15/2014 1:22AM

    I think you're doing well. Giving it another try is great! Just take it one day and one moment at a time. You're still staying on track and losing a healthy amount of weight each week and you're focused on your goals. emoticon emoticon

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A_RARE_BEAN 6/14/2014 11:06AM

    That's the spirit that will get you where you want to go in the end: " giving it another try" and persevering.

Still on track, identifying sticking points, and forging forward emoticon

Enjoy your weekend and good luck for next week emoticon



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MEADSBAY 6/14/2014 10:06AM

    A bit over a pound a week is perfect-
no deprivation-
no loose skin-
no hunger pangs-
just loose pants and emoticon

Oh, and brisk walking absolutely counts!
emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 6/14/2014 9:03AM

    You can make your goals, it isn't easy but it can be done!

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WIFE48 6/14/2014 8:54AM

    One day at a time, one step at a time. You are focused. emoticon emoticon

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RIDLEYRIDER 6/14/2014 8:15AM

  Never, never, never give up! emoticon

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Focus: Values and Beliefs

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

**FOCUS

So last week for the fastbreak portion of my SparkDiet I read the chapter addressing the cornerstone of "Focus". It includes three building blocks:

* Values and Beliefs
* Purpose and Vision
* Goal setting

Each one builds on the one before it in the process. I'm not going to lie. As a guy I found it kind of touchy-feeley at first. The goal setting thing made sense, but the other two seemed kind of enigmatic and unnecessary. I read the section about 5 times and by the end, I got it.

My failures have come not from lack of effort nor lack of goals. Rather it came from a lack of integrity. My goal of 195@15% comes from a very small portion of who I am. The concept of achieving it is good, but honestly very irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

**ABOUT ME (Values and Beliefs):

1) What truly drives me is achievement and growth. I like a new challenge and feel trapped when I've achieved something and have nowhere to go. Having the goal of 195@15% has been a weak goal in that it has represented an end of the line with no next steps.

2) My friends mean everything to me. I tend to only have a few friends at any given time, but they are always very deep friendships. I don't totally know how that applies to weight loss, but I'm not sure that it has to.

3) Helping others gives me life. In college I was a tutor (best job ever). When I volunteer, it's helping people further themselves, grow, or somehow better their lives. I like accomplishing something and then helping others in my shoes to do so. It's taking achievement to the next level in that it leaves a legacy of sorts.

**WHAT'S KILLED ME MOST....

What's killed me the most about setting a very reasonable 2 part goal and not being able to achieve either part is that I feel like I'm not much value as a friend to others trying to achieve their goals (that's why getting the motivator award bugged me).

That's why the whole "You gotta do it for you" mentality has always been fingernails against the chalkboard to me.

Someone tells me that I've inspired them when I haven't done anything inspirational. It doesn't really lead to any changes in their life. I feel like a failure (and a patronized one at that).

**NEXT STEP

The fact of the matter is that as a goal. 195@15% may be a good goal or it may not. From what the next building block says, I need to develop a purpose and vision based on my core values and beliefs.

This means more reflecting. I will blog about it next week.

Thanks for reading.

- TD in

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHYGETSFIT 6/13/2014 1:45AM

    Tooterfish said it well...it can be really hard to figure out Who You Are.

I haven't ever read the Spark and not sure if I ever will. I haven't hit my goal weight yet but I'm working on it. My scale isn't working correctly so I'm not sure if I've lost lbs or not but I have lost inches. I think that what you are doing now though is going to help you to figure who you are, what you want, where you want to go, how you plan on doing why. Why can be one of the most important parts in getting to know who you really are. Good luck with all of it!

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A_RARE_BEAN 6/12/2014 5:03PM

    Wow Tooterfish said it very well. I firmly believe that this work you're doing is key to long lasting progress and change, understanding yourself fully and truly.

(you probably noticed I'm all about the touchy feely on my blog emoticon , like you I've been on spark for ages and haven't hit my goals and want to know why I repeatedly fail myself!)

Much respect to you Trent, and hope things are falling into place for you through your insights.

Bean



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TOOTERFISH 6/12/2014 6:53AM

    sometimes figuring Who You Are seems a most daunting task.
it is a bit touchy-feely.. because you're examining the most vulnerable sections of yourself and your beliefs - and not everyone might like them (even yourself)
difficulties can come from understanding that only You can answer the question, "Who Are You?"
though Trent, there is No Wrong Answer.. truly. because the answers ARE Who You Are.
What You believe in IS what you believe in. And it IS ok whatever it is, because that's Who You Are. get it?

I've never read Spark, and am unable to know the way it is explained, so i'm unsure if sharing my method with you would be helpful in any way..
-- For me, i just started a list of things i believe in, things i know to be true and beneficial for ME.
You can see an older version of my 'mantras/mission statements/beliefs' in my blog titled EASY PEASY. (it's on the last page of my blogs)
and even when i did entire sparkpeople page edits and removed almost everything i had ever done here, Those foundational bits for my health and myself have always remained.
because those bits make up Who I Am. See?

I give you a lot of credit for working your new program with such a willing spirit. I prob will never read Spark, but through your words and posts here, i am able to learn
and that is an awesome thing.
and I thank you for it.
Know yourself. and Be well.

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SparkDiet: Week 1 Recap and Weigh-in

Saturday, June 07, 2014

** PROJECT RESTART

So last week, I made the decision to recommit myself to SparkPeople. Unlike last time, this time is going to be about following the program as designed. I got heavily involved in the community aspect of the site back in the late 00's early 10's.

I've been reading the new member guide and it points out 3 basic pillars to the site:
* Tracking
* information (articles/videos)
* Community

Tracking has always been something that I've struggled with. I've always treated the information aspect as nice to have for sparkpoints. Over these 6 weeks, I plan to change this.


**FASTBREAK GOALS
1) Track food 5-7 days: Today is the last day of this week. I've tracked 4 so far. I will meet goal this week. Next week, I will probably more standardize my eating regimen which will make tracking easier (already kind of started that late this past week). I know that I didn't get certain days right, but the book talks a lot about giving oneself grace when starting something new like this. So I will do so and try to get better.

2) 10 minutes of exercise a day: I did a lot of brisk walking on breaks. I wanted to do more hardcore gym type exercises, but realized that that might be overdoing it, given that my main emphasis was diet/tracking

3) Read from a motivational book each day: Have done so every day. Read from "The Spark". Did this to get the lay of the land and the spiritual underpinnings of the program

All three goals met or about to be so for this week.


** FOCUS
I've spent a lot of time focusing on the actual Cornerstone of Focus. This is the section that talks about things like:
* Establishing one's core values and purpose in life
* Establishing a vision based on those
* Evaluating whether life patterns/decisions are getting in the way of or in conflict with said values/purpose
* Creating goals (long, medium and short term) that are in line with one's core values and purpose

It goes one step deeper than motivation. It helps one create, establish and even document the reason behind one's life. I will continue to read from other areas from the book, but will definitely focus on establishing these things for this week (or at least addressing if I'm not there yet). Midweek blog might be a bit late this week


**PROGRESS
Goal: lte 195.0@15%
Week 0: 206.2@21
Week 1: 204.2@20
(Down 2.0 pounds and down 1% bodyfat)

I'm happy with the progress so far. my jeans are definitely getting looser. My breakfasts are in line with what I want caloric-ally. I may try to hone the actual nutrients a little, but will probably save that for either phase 2 or 3 (when it becomes a goal)

This week, I will continue the fast break portion of the diet.

As written

In this spirit in which it was written.

So far so good!

- TD In!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATHYGETSFIT 6/8/2014 1:19AM

    emoticon on the 2 lbs emoticon You're doing great! Looking forward to your next blog.

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A_RARE_BEAN 6/7/2014 11:11PM

    Congrats on the loss! I like the focus section, I think that is a crucial part of the weightloss puzzle and once you figure it out to never lose sight of it. emoticon

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FITGRL124 6/7/2014 2:46PM

    emoticon

Can't wait to read about your progress!! Great job!

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MEADSBAY 6/7/2014 9:02AM

    emoticon
Keep it up, TD!
emoticon

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WIFE48 6/7/2014 8:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JERZRN 6/7/2014 8:50AM

    emoticon

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My 3 FastBreak Stage Goals

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

So recently, I've decided to give SparkPeople a true try. Over thee last few years I have been not done well. I wonder if the program works. Whenever I wonder if something really works or not, I choose to follow it. By its own defintion, both in letter and in Spirit

So I am now doing the SparkDiet and reading the book "The Spark" by SP founder Chris Downie. I am also going through the new member welcome guide.

As I read the book this week, I am reading the chapter on The Cornerstone: Focus. The chapter that focuses on purpose, core values and motivation.

For the SparkDiet, I have picked the following 3 FB goals

Nutrition:
Tracking calories: This was always something that I shied away from. I ate too much to track when I first started. The tracker was not very user friendly. Now I find it very easy and my eating is such that it is easily trackable.

Tracking is the one thing the SparkPeople have most consistently sworn by and I have most consistently shirked. So let's see if it helps.

Exercise:
10 minutes of exercise per day: 10 minutes is not the challenge. It's the consistency of it. ON the site it talked about streaks that involve not missing a day (with an ambiguous, but if you miss a day). The book's version of the diet talks about 5-7 times per week. That's what I am striving for.

Motivation:
Read from an inspiring book: I'm reading the Spark. It's making me think. The focus section is encouraging me to put together a plan and clearly state my motivation. I plan to blog about this mid next week.

I'm reading the chapter over and over again at this point, because I seem to notice something new each time. I'm going to write down my core values and corresponding long term goals (with short term building blocks) and see what comes of it.

Again, I'm not just going through the motion. I want this to transform my life beyond, "Wow this sounds like a good idea.

So we continue.

- TD In!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWEETYKC00 6/4/2014 10:20AM

    I know you can make your mark and get this done! GO GO GO!

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_VALEO_ 6/4/2014 7:34AM

    Tracking is what has helped me the most. I should resume my tracking now that I'm back, but I'm still in turtle mode.
I should also read the book again, and follow it to the letter like you.
Can't wait to see your achievements! emoticon

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FITGRL124 6/3/2014 9:09PM

    emoticon

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CATHYGETSFIT 6/3/2014 8:13PM

    emoticon It sounds like you are really doing what is suggested to do and not just saying that it sounds good but not following through with actually doing it. I do believe that if you really follow the advice given in the book and here on the site that you'll be successful! Looking forward to seeing your next blog. emoticon emoticon

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