Tuesday, March 05, 2013
I'm on the theme of naming.
We name our kids, our pets, our feelings, our accomplishments, and, sometimes, even our cars.
How about ourselves? We usually accept the name we were given (which, if we look in a Name book, we find our name has a specific meaning). But perhaps, it doesn't fit - or, we have spent our life trying to fit it?
How about girls named Joy, or Hope (Charity seems to have gone out of favor).
Does that affect how those kids grow up thinking about themselves?
I gave a great deal of thought to the choice of my kids' names. My son is Andrew - meaning "manly" and he is. His middle name is Domenic, which i think has some kind of holy connotation, but I can't remember. I was religious back then. Would he have turned out differently if we'd called him Herman Hermit? I wonder.
So, this brings me to my point which is how we think about ourselves - our self image. Our name, of course, is just a part of it. We built our opinions of ourselves - whether we are "smart", "athletic." "graceful," "popular," or, negative versions of those attributes, from an early age.
I read somewhere that it's all pretty much a done deal by the time we finish kindergarden.
And then, we spend the rest of our lives stuck in that self image.
Well, of course, there are ways out. Some find therapy, others attend a self discovery program like Woman Within, or The Mankind Project where they get to confront some of those stuck, limiting places. Others just put on a face, and plod through life (except for those who got the positive imprinting - but they have another whole group of issues).
Self discovery. It's an adventure of a lifetime.
I say: Let's step out of who we think we are into someone we want to be. Surprisingly, once we do that, we find we actually are that person - the one who can, and who cares, and is totally capable in so many amazing ways.
Isn't life great?
Saturday, April 14, 2007
I'm NOT superstitious - but it was yesterday, Friday the 13th, when I smacked up my "Little Blue." She is my BMW ti - a pretty, sporty car that handles like a dream.
Why did it happen?
Why do "accidents" happen?
I'm of the mind set that there are no accidents. I don't think that there's a force directing our lives, either.
I believe in Cause, and Effect: what we do/think/are is what we see manifesting in our lives.
And so why the accident?
do i feel undeserving of this pretty vehicle?
Am I angry at myself?
I recognize that I helped bring it upon myself.
Yesterday I was allowing myself to sit on what Bill calls my "pitty potty." It's an AA term, and one that most of us can well understand.
A few minutes before the accident I had called him (sitting in traffic - with the excuse that i was giving him traffic info, and some advice on not letting his daughter bully him - when all the while I'd been nursing a hurt.)
What was my hurt?
It was a comment he's made about my homemade beef stew.
"I usually have a couple of servings," I'd remarked"
"Perhaps that's why you're not losing weight,' he had replied.
I was hurt!
And i told him so.
"It's as if i said to you that you're not gaining muscle mass because you're not exercising," I attacked.
He shrugged. He'a a scientist, and doesn't take words personally.
My comment clearly hadn't had any effect upon him at all - though I had aimed it at his jugular!!!
I was dismayed at my feelings!
I am NOT SUPPOSED to care about what others think about me!
And besides, I'm NOT overweight, even!
He is a slim fellow, and a half inch shorter than me.
He doesn't eat much - yet, he doesn't exercise much either!
"Am I a bit of a fanatic?! " I asked myself.
"Am I insecure?" Clearly.
And that made me even more mad.
So, whilst stuck in traffic traveling from DC to VA during rush hour on a Friday afternoon I had called him.
Then I told him that his comment had bothered me.
"I'm sorry,' he had said.
"You're supposed to think of me as perfct - because I am!" I had asserted.
"Yes, you are,' he had placidily replied. I know that he is not critical of me, and gives me plenty of loving gestures, and support.
Then why was I angry?
And then it struck me: I believe I am flawed. I believe i am not a good mother/personal trainer/personal advocate ...
And then I had the accident.
I felt a part of me saying, "and so, there!"
almost a 'you deserved it!"
I applauded myself that I stayed calm, and after talking to the police, and exchanging insurance info., i went to my appointment.
I felt shaken to the core, and yet, I worked with my client, was personable, and did an OK job.
I drove to see my daughter . It was late, and she had decided to go visit a friend instead of hanging out with her mom. Can I blame her?
I would have loved for her to have chosen to be with me ...
(pitty potty back!)
Where is my joy?
I don't have it when I'm looking at other people to give it to me.
Joy is simply accepting that I am loved.
I don't have to do, or be anything to recieve love.
And thus, it cannot be taken away from me.
No car accident, comment about my weight - even i I WAS overweight! - rejection by my daughter, or any other uncomfortable situation can take it away from me when i know it is my own.
Peace and joy are ours for the taking. But then - so is every other feeling!
It's up to us to decide how to feel.
We do have to pay our bills, and deal with insurance companies, but we don;t have to feel bad.
Friday, March 17, 2006
feeling balanced and confident as i work towards my goals: (not in priority order)
develop my business,
get in TOP shape (126 lbs, and fit),
take care of my kids,
pay attention to my intuition
develop my spiritual SELF
(connect fully with God),
learn to dance,
develop love interests
Thursday, March 16, 2006
overexercised today and had to sleep, and recoup!
Did 2 hours of pretty intense exercise in the water.
Called my dad.
jenna needs to to drive her to the
Stanfords to deliver the apple pie, and get her invites photocopied.
What I need to do:
organize my papers into files,
pay my bills,
sort our my phone situation,
get going on my business development.
I'll have all day tomorrow for those things.
tonight I'll buy some food at Trader Joes,
and take care of Jenna.
shall I continue in Mary's Group, E circle, Wed night group,
and the co-co secretary postion.
I want to take up swing dancing once a week, and begin going to CIM discussion on Tues nights.
Once a month Mary's group would be fine, and to have every other Wed. ecrcle/e/i group.
sign up for the womens' weekend
something to do with jenna over Easter Break?
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