Monday, December 28, 2009
It is 2 am and I can't fall asleep. Granted, I did take a nap earlier in the day, but there are just way too many things on my mind. I am anxious about 2010. There are so many things I want to change or at least accomplish in the new year, but I am not really sure how to go about it. There are fitness and weight loss goals, goals for school, money, mental health... yada yada. I have read so many articles about not trying to accomplish too much at once because then you just feel extremely overwhelmed. Yet, how do I prioritize what I want to do?
I guess I just feel like there is SO many things I want to do , that I am going to revert back to my old ways and not do any of them. Such as emotional eating, not working out, procrastinating on homework and school... I just feel like it is easier not to do anything rather than try and do everything. But, that is not the attitude I want to have. I WANT to do something with my life and accomplish the goals and dreams that I have. But, I am just so overwhelmed and I have such bad anxiety about everything. There is this feeling in my stomach that if I don't do something, then I can't fail at it. But, I need to fail. I have failed and I have come a long way, but there is more work that needs to be done.
I guess I am just rambling and these are the things that sneak into my brain when it can't shut down and rest, which is what it needs to do. I have a fever which isn't good for me after the surgery and worrying about things doesn't help. Any suggestions?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Hey Everyone. I want to thank you all for your extremely sweet comments when I was heading into surgery. It was nice to read all of those when I was feeling competent again!
Well- I am feeling better! I have had a fever, but that is normal they say. I have been trying to get up and move around as much as possible, but it's not the easiest thing with bandaids and stitches in my stomach. I have working through the pain though, because I know that I can't just lay in bed until I am no longer in pain.
But, today was good. I stayed awake the whole day :D and even got to walk on the treadmill! Hopefully, I will back to my ole self soon, but I thank you all for your support and kind wishes. xoxox
Monday, December 21, 2009
So, I saw the surgeon today and he decided that my gallbladder needs to come... and it is coming out tomorrow!!! When he asked me when I had open, I was thinking the new year, but then he suggested tomorrow and jumped right on that opportunity!
I am sick of the pain, and I know that my christmas present this year is to be pain free! Plus, my mom said she would buy me a heating pad haha! So... I may be gone for a couple of days, but no worries. I will be back!!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Has anyone seen this movie?!?! I just watched it for the first time the other day and I have not been able to eat meat since. Everytime I look at chicken or beef, it makes me want to throw up. I even took a pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't just blaming it on something else! Ha!
But this movie was an eye opener for me. No, those girls should not have sued McDonald's for making them fat. It is common knowledge that fast food is unhealthy and should not be eaten every single day for every single meal. Then they showed me how they make the chicken nuggets..... Um. Yes, that is why I haven't been able to eat meat for a week. I think I will be changing my diet for the next couple of months.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Why do I keep eating even when I know I'm not hungry? Why do I keep eating when I have a stomachache? It just makes no sense to me. I had the worst stomachache today, but for some reason, I just kept shoving that popcorn in my face. Granted popcorn isn't too bad, but still I went way over my limit on the portion size.
I just don't understand that logic of it. I guess there is no logic of it and I was doing it to fill a need that I was having. But, I am not sure of what that need is or was.... probably because it was something I could control and I am in a sea of things I cannot control at the moment. I just keep spiraling into things that just get me more stressed out. No wonder the doctors thought I had an ulcer. I stress myself out so badly that I probably do have large gapping holes in the lining of my stomach.
Hopefully, I will be better when this semester is over, but the way things are looking, next semester is going to be worse. 5 classes, 2 jobs, and 3 pig roommates to clean up after. When do I say when? When do I stop doing this to myself and make a change? Right now, I just don't have the energy.
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