Saturday, February 27, 2010
I don't think this person meant to be malicious in anyway, but on the previous blog that I had written, someone commented that I should stop being so "friend hungry." I was extremely offended by this comment.
I have trust issues because of certain things that have happened in my past. I struggle every single day with the fact that something horrific happened to me when I was 9 years old and I think that having trust issues does not in any way shape or form = being friend hungry. Yes, my friend hurt me. No, I will not continue to be her friend, but I am not so "hungry" for friendship that I will risk hell and high water just to say I have friends.
I believe in the Spark family, but at the same time, I do not know this person who commented, and I deleted the comment. I believe in kicking each other in the butt when needed, but I also believe that most people on this site are here for the support and encouragement, not the judgment and negative comments. I felt that something needed to be said as it hurt me greatly.
But, thank you to all those who did support my need to vent on my 'personal' blog. I really do appreciate your support.
Friday, February 26, 2010
So I need to vent. I have this friend, we will call her Jane. Jane and I haven't been friends for long, but we got close, fast. We understand each other on the level that friends should. Well, we ran into each other at the gym and she asked if I wanted to come out with some of her friends on Thursday (yesterday!) My boyfriend was leaving for the weekend, I didn't have to work, and I figured why not! I told her to text me when she was leaving and I would meet her out.
Well, I waited all I night. No text, no phone call, nothing. I ended up calling my brother to go out to supper because I hadn't eaten and I just didn't want to make supper. We decided to go to Buffalo Wild Wings, I know not healthy at all!, but that was his choice. Well, come to find out, Jane is there. She is with her friends and she pretended not to notice me, but she did.
Then today, I texted her and asked, "So did you not go out last night?" About 20 minutes later, she texted me back and said "Oh no sweetie, did you not get my text? I feel so bad now because I did go out!" I was like... No S**T! I don't understand. Why invite me out and then say you text me when I know for sure you didn't.... I just don't get it. Grow a pair and tell me you either just don't want me to come out or you just want to go out with your friends alone.
I am kind of sick of friends doing this. This is why I don't have many friends. I have one true friend and this is why... I am a good person, someone that is a good friend. Jane- you invited me out!!! There was no reason to lie and pretend that I did not see me. It is immature!!!
Ugh... I just had to vent. I know it is stupid and caddy, but this just makes me realize why I don't trust people. It reinforces the fact that I can't trust anyone and I don't want to live like that. :(
BUT I RAN 5 MILES TODAY! YAY FOR ME!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
I have been kind of a downer lately. I know that I am just going through a grieving process, plus I just started my anti-depressants again after a couple months and that never makes me feel good.
But, I did sign up for my first 10k today. It is the Shamrock Shuffle here in Madison, WI on March 14th. The training has been good for me. Not just the exercise, but keeping a steady schedule has helped me look forward to something. I am really excited for this race. My boyfriend doesn't really understand why I want to run 6 miles in Wisconsin in the middle of March, but I didn't feel the need to justify myself and
I just feel like I need some reassurance that I can accomplish something; that if I put in the hard work, that hard work will pay off. I know that I can do, I just want to prove myself and have something tangible to show myself that I can. Yes I can :D
Other than that, I booked a birthday trip to Vegas in September. This is also a goal to strive for my weight loss. I want to be at least 30 pounds down before I go there. Once again, I think it will motivate me to keep going.
Once again, thanks to all of you for your continued love and support. I know that I can always turn here in a time of need. Hugs and Kisses- xoxo
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
I found out yesterday that a very close and dear friend of my family passed away. She was only 37 and had brain cancer. At these points in my life, I ask why? It really isn't fair that people who truly love their lives are diagnosed with cancer and taken at such an early age.
It made me realize that things in my life are not that bad. I have a good life and I aspire to make it better. I have an abled body to do the things that I wish to do. I should utilize that. I need to remember this when I want to eat that bag of Doritos and sit on the couch all day. There are other things to life and I am missing them as I wallow in self-pity.
I truly miss her and am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she is gone. But, I know that I must forge ahead as that is what she would want. R.I.P. Carrie. You have affected my life for the better. I love you.
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