TREA241   13,711
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TREA241's Recent Blog Entries

Offended By Remark

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I don't think this person meant to be malicious in anyway, but on the previous blog that I had written, someone commented that I should stop being so "friend hungry." I was extremely offended by this comment.

I have trust issues because of certain things that have happened in my past. I struggle every single day with the fact that something horrific happened to me when I was 9 years old and I think that having trust issues does not in any way shape or form = being friend hungry. Yes, my friend hurt me. No, I will not continue to be her friend, but I am not so "hungry" for friendship that I will risk hell and high water just to say I have friends.

I believe in the Spark family, but at the same time, I do not know this person who commented, and I deleted the comment. I believe in kicking each other in the butt when needed, but I also believe that most people on this site are here for the support and encouragement, not the judgment and negative comments. I felt that something needed to be said as it hurt me greatly.

But, thank you to all those who did support my need to vent on my 'personal' blog. I really do appreciate your support.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEOWMAMA3 3/3/2010 9:38PM

    You were rightfully offended. I hope you can just put it behind you and stay positive and strong. Don't let ignorance steal your joy!
hugs, Kim emoticon

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 3/1/2010 12:20AM

    You've always got a friend in me my dear. I am so sorry that someone hurt your feelings. As one who has trust issues of her own, I can relate to your pain. Please don't lose the faith! Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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DYNAMICDEB53 2/28/2010 3:12PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
I am just glad you are here.

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DESERTBLOOM21 2/28/2010 11:29AM

    I don't know you either, but I just came across this blog through RUN2MYDREAMS. I just want you to know that nothing you said in your previous blog came across as "friend-hungry". I totally relate, I've had people who I thought were good friends do things a lot like that to me, and it sucks. You have every right to be upset about the situation, and to vent about it. I hope things are going well for you, and that you're spending time with people who are true friends.

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JANEYINMADTOWN 2/28/2010 7:47AM

    I am sorry that you were hurt. I agree with others comments that we are here to supportive and help each other meet our goals...keep your chin up!

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RHEADANIELLE 2/28/2010 6:26AM

    At times others who have never had an experience will never know how to be sensitive about the other person who has had an experience and so we ask that you forgive whomever it was that had a dumb moment while commenting on your blog.

I can relate to your friendship issues because I too have had trust issues but I time goes by and you continue praying about it does get better, you will eventually develop not a perfect friendship but a good one. emoticon emoticon

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DJS-DEBBIE 2/28/2010 6:07AM

    Wow, I don't blame you for being offended. Don't spend any more time on that person. You have a lot of friends here who care and support you!

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JENNDIGGY 2/28/2010 12:43AM

    It's hard when someone hurts you, but who knows what was going through their head. Maybe they were even jealous you were making a new friend. :) Sometimes people don't think what they say, esp. when they are at a computer!

Hang in there!

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RUN2MYDREAMS 2/28/2010 12:12AM

    emoticon We are here to support & encourage one another-especially when we need it most!

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TRAVELNISTA 2/27/2010 10:51PM

    I am so sorry that happened to you. I can't even imagine why she would say that to you. No one should ever judge anybody in this site, it should be a safe haven.

Now kicking someone in the butt is OK in my book if it warrants it. Sometimes they ned a gently kick to get back on track. But to be down right mean is totally uncalled for.
emoticon emoticon

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KATLIE 2/27/2010 10:41PM

    I'm sorry that happened to you, perhaps they did not mean it the way it came out. In any event it was a thoughtless comment...

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Friendships

Friday, February 26, 2010

So I need to vent. I have this friend, we will call her Jane. Jane and I haven't been friends for long, but we got close, fast. We understand each other on the level that friends should. Well, we ran into each other at the gym and she asked if I wanted to come out with some of her friends on Thursday (yesterday!) My boyfriend was leaving for the weekend, I didn't have to work, and I figured why not! I told her to text me when she was leaving and I would meet her out.

Well, I waited all I night. No text, no phone call, nothing. I ended up calling my brother to go out to supper because I hadn't eaten and I just didn't want to make supper. We decided to go to Buffalo Wild Wings, I know not healthy at all!, but that was his choice. Well, come to find out, Jane is there. She is with her friends and she pretended not to notice me, but she did.

Then today, I texted her and asked, "So did you not go out last night?" About 20 minutes later, she texted me back and said "Oh no sweetie, did you not get my text? I feel so bad now because I did go out!" I was like... No S**T! I don't understand. Why invite me out and then say you text me when I know for sure you didn't.... I just don't get it. Grow a pair and tell me you either just don't want me to come out or you just want to go out with your friends alone.

I am kind of sick of friends doing this. This is why I don't have many friends. I have one true friend and this is why... I am a good person, someone that is a good friend. Jane- you invited me out!!! There was no reason to lie and pretend that I did not see me. It is immature!!!

Ugh... I just had to vent. I know it is stupid and caddy, but this just makes me realize why I don't trust people. It reinforces the fact that I can't trust anyone and I don't want to live like that. :(

BUT I RAN 5 MILES TODAY! YAY FOR ME!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEOWMAMA3 3/3/2010 9:36PM

    In the words of my mom, "don't let the turkeys get you down!"
Her loss. Good work on the run!!! emoticon

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CPTANNE 2/28/2010 4:31PM

    Thanks for being so honest with your feelings on this topic. I find it difficult to trust people as well and knowing too many people like Jane is a big part why. When something like this happens I used to always turn it back to me and tell myself that it must have been something I did or it was bc of my weight. It took a long time for me to get past that kind of thinking. I don't do that any more. emoticon

But I am still in the process of learning to be more transparent with people and grow a circle of friends. I am very active in our community and keep busy. I think I probably appear to not need any new friends. If they only knew. emoticon I believe there are many more people out there like me. SP has been a good place to learn to be transparent and cultivate friendships.

(Wow, I had no ideas I was going to go in that direction when I started my comment. Thanks for letting ME vent on YOUR blog.

Blessings to you and stay strong.



emoticon

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DYNAMICDEB53 2/27/2010 2:23PM

    Yes what you describe is sad, but mostly for Jane. I know that trust is one thing that is hard to find and easy to lose. But you just keep looking because I know you will find those out there who you can trust and will not disappoint you.
Hey venting is a good thing, never feel you can.
Hugs and smiles.
Deb

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DJS-DEBBIE 2/27/2010 9:55AM

    Definitely Jane's loss. You are not being stupid and catty. She is ignorant.

Great job on the running!

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LISALYNN1960 2/27/2010 9:25AM

    Way to go, Jane. Poor form and not cool. Her loss...

Yay on the running!

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EMSMOMME 2/27/2010 9:18AM

    Congrats on running 5 miles! :-) Sorry about Jane... sometimes people just don't even think about the consequences of their actions :-(

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 2/27/2010 12:20AM

    Great job on running 5 miles today. I'm sorry that "Jane" screwed you over. Don't allow her thoughtlessness effect how you feel about your other friends. We're got your back. Love, Dawn emoticon

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HEATHERL219 2/26/2010 10:46PM

    I can DEFINITELY relate...I know a lot of Jane's that have treated me the SAME way. It's definitely hard to trust people, we just gotta be careful. At least you put yourself out there and learned because if you wouldn't have, you wouldn't have known...so definitely be thankful you learned early on...

Congratulations on the 5 miles! emoticon emoticon

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JANEYINMADTOWN 2/26/2010 10:35PM

    People can be very unpredictible and callous...I am sorry this happened...I am also glad to see you turned it around and got rid of some of that negative energy by running! Good for you!

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LOG3BEN1 2/26/2010 10:11PM

    i can relate. but it will only make you stronger

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NO_SNOW_BODY 2/26/2010 7:47PM

    Venting is a postive release of negative energy, glad you could get it off your chest and move on. We all have had a friend like that. I know from personal experience that in the past couple weeks. It hurts but

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RUN2MYDREAMS 2/26/2010 7:31PM

    emoticon I can definitely relate!
emoticon running 5 miles! That's emoticon

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DARKTHOR 2/26/2010 7:10PM

    Lots of people are flaky. They don't usually make the kinds of friends you can truly count on. You're lucky you found out early on and in a way that wasn't too devastating. Now you're forewarned and next time can decide if you want to put your night on hold for her. Maybe she'll realize she screwed up, but most likely she'll do it again. It doesn't mean you can't have a friendship, it probably means you can't have a deep one until/if she matures. Just me 2 cents.

As you said, she didn't deserve your company after that.

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MAMAFISH1 2/26/2010 5:59PM

    Jane's loss. Yeah for the 5 mile run!

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JETSOX 2/26/2010 5:58PM

    THat sucks...i understand how hurt and frustrated you are. It really doesn't make any sense that she did that...do you think she just changed her mind? I think you should let her know that you saw her, and that you know she saw you too. She shouldn't be able to get away with treating someone like that and then lying about it. Other option: forget about it and move on. But someone who would do that is really not deserving of your friendship.
Good for you running 5 miles!!!

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TREA241 2/26/2010 5:46PM

    Yeah, I thought about doing that, but at the same time, she didn't deserve my company at that point.

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EKKING 2/26/2010 5:44PM

    Way to go for running 5 miles! That's terrific!

As for Jane, I'm sorry you had to go through that. You should have walked up to her table and said "Hi Jane, I'm so glad I caught up with you" and pulled up a chair. "Meet my brother...". :) That would have surprised her, wouldn't it?

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Being Proud of Progress

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

So, I have been feeling down lately. Just part of the depression, but I have still been trying to keep up with my eating and exercising. I realized yesterday after working out for 60 minutes and burning over 800 calories that I have already come a long way. I started out at 190 pounds and I am now down to 170. I should be proud of those 20 lbs that I have lost and not be so hard on myself when I do indulge in that cookie or some doritos.

I know that I have the capacity, hard will, and drive to lose the weight. I mean I signed up for my first 10k and am preparing to run a half marathon later in the year. Those are amazing accomplishments. I am taking small steps and I need to remind myself of those small steps when I don't get the instant gratification that I think I need. Running 4.5 miles the other day is an amazing accomplishment! I might not have lost 2 pounds on the scale, but I know that the run helped my body. As long as I keep eating healthy and exercising, I know that I am doing a good thing and I should be proud of everything I have accomplished so far!!! I know that I can lose the next 40-50 lbs if I just keep going.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEGIRLUNKNOWN 2/26/2010 9:33PM

    A 20 pound loss is AMAZING. Sounds like you have some really neat goals ahead of you so keep up the great work!

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LISALYNN1960 2/25/2010 11:14AM

    Keep going Andrea! 20 pounds is something to be very proud of! That is what I have lost so far and I am ecstatic about it! Also jealous of your 4.5 mile runs. I will be there one day soon!

Yippee for us!!!

Lisa

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EKKING 2/25/2010 10:53AM

    You should be proud of yourself!!! You are doing great and you will get there. It may not be in 2 months, but you will get there. I'm proud of you!

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JETSOX 2/25/2010 10:34AM

    You should be sooo proud of yourself!!! Your weight loss is fantastic, but your attitude is even better! You are a true inspiration, and I love how you're fighting through your down feelings to keep eating well and exercising.

Congratulations!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 2/25/2010 12:37AM

    I certainly am proud of you. Keep up the good work and try not to be so hard on yourself. YOU are a special lady! GREAT JOB! Love, Dawn

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TRAVELNISTA 2/24/2010 10:34PM

    I am very proud of you! It was one reason you were asked to be a Leader on the Team. You are doing great and I know you will continue to do so. emoticon emoticon

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HEATHERL219 2/24/2010 9:34PM

    Girl, 20 pounds is awesome! I also seem to get down at times about things, but you're right, you have come so far, we have to start looking at the accomplishments and you are accomplishing A LOT! 20 pounds...is just awesome! And the fact that you've registered for a 10k and are doing a half-marathon...WHAT! Girl, that's amazing in itself, so be proud!! =) emoticon emoticon

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DJS-DEBBIE 2/24/2010 9:25PM

    You should be proud of yourself! I am.
emoticon

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JANEYINMADTOWN 2/24/2010 8:10PM

    Take those baby steps and give yourself the credit you deserve! You really are living a healthy lifestyle even if you haven't met all your goals yet!

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LADYJANE30 2/24/2010 7:37PM

    You're doing great and besides you don't want to lose it fast because it will come right back on. Don't try to compete with the BL show....they exercise all day. Don't put yourself down...
emoticon
Colette

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DARKTHOR 2/24/2010 7:36PM

    We'll all eat lots and lots of different foods in our lives. Some will be good, some will be bad. You're doing great at keeping your bad group of foods reasonable and that's what really matters. A few things here and there is like drops of muddy water in a pond. Think of the big picture and the progress you've made and how you're getting stronger and fitter and healthier for the long term. You're DOING it!

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-ICANDOIT- 2/24/2010 7:08PM

    20 pounds = 80 (eighty!!!) sticks of butter! Consider that...along with everything else you have accomplished...and do a happy dance! You have much to celebrate!

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DYNAMICDEB53 2/24/2010 6:57PM

    Andrea, yes you should, you are making big strides but by little steps. Running 4-5 mi is amazing, that is something I will never be able to do or even thought about. Of course walking 4-5 mi is a possiblity one day.
It is all the little steps that help us get to goal and yes I honesty believe in the slow and steady is the best way. It give your body time to make adjustments and you to get ready for the day when you will need to maintain the weight.
Keep feeling positive of all you do. You are awesome.
Hugs
Deb

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Taking Some Positive Steps Forward

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

I have been kind of a downer lately. I know that I am just going through a grieving process, plus I just started my anti-depressants again after a couple months and that never makes me feel good.

But, I did sign up for my first 10k today. It is the Shamrock Shuffle here in Madison, WI on March 14th. The training has been good for me. Not just the exercise, but keeping a steady schedule has helped me look forward to something. I am really excited for this race. My boyfriend doesn't really understand why I want to run 6 miles in Wisconsin in the middle of March, but I didn't feel the need to justify myself and

I just feel like I need some reassurance that I can accomplish something; that if I put in the hard work, that hard work will pay off. I know that I can do, I just want to prove myself and have something tangible to show myself that I can. Yes I can :D

Other than that, I booked a birthday trip to Vegas in September. This is also a goal to strive for my weight loss. I want to be at least 30 pounds down before I go there. Once again, I think it will motivate me to keep going.

Once again, thanks to all of you for your continued love and support. I know that I can always turn here in a time of need. Hugs and Kisses- xoxo

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DYNAMICDEB53 2/10/2010 1:18PM

    Yes the greiving proceess takes some time. but your getting involved like the 10k is a great thing. I believe you are right getting to work on something will be a help in many ways, including toward your weight loss and health goals. I do admire your zest for it.
What a nice treat for your birthday. I know you can do it.
Hugs and smiles.
Deb

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LISALYNN1960 2/10/2010 10:23AM

    Congrats on signing up for the race. That is awesome! I too want to run a race this year before I turn 50 in December. I am shooting for a 5K to start but then hopefully will progress from there.

Hang in there, Andrea. You are doing great!

Lisa

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DJS-DEBBIE 2/10/2010 8:31AM

    I know it's hard, but I am so happy to see you trying to keep moving forward. It's great to have incentives to move towards! My DH doesn't get the 5K thing, either, but as I told him, he doesn't have to!

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EKKING 2/10/2010 8:26AM

    Way to give yourself something to strive for. Love the name of the race/run too! Shamrock shuffle. Excellent!

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 2/10/2010 12:14AM

    Congratulations on signing up for the Shamrock Shuffle! WooHoo! You're going to do just GREAT! Love ya, Dawn emoticon

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Death of a Close Friend

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

I found out yesterday that a very close and dear friend of my family passed away. She was only 37 and had brain cancer. At these points in my life, I ask why? It really isn't fair that people who truly love their lives are diagnosed with cancer and taken at such an early age.

It made me realize that things in my life are not that bad. I have a good life and I aspire to make it better. I have an abled body to do the things that I wish to do. I should utilize that. I need to remember this when I want to eat that bag of Doritos and sit on the couch all day. There are other things to life and I am missing them as I wallow in self-pity.

I truly miss her and am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she is gone. But, I know that I must forge ahead as that is what she would want. R.I.P. Carrie. You have affected my life for the better. I love you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBIKAY00 2/23/2010 11:09AM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your blog brought back memories of my first loss. I didnt' really know him that well. We rode the bus to school together and I never really talked to him although he lived in the same trailer court that I did. I had a crush on him and everyday coming home i would watch as he jumped off the bus at his stop and bounded towards home with such energy and life in him...I will never forget the day he died. I was playing in the yard with my younger brother. A strange sensation passed through me. It was quiet, nothing to indicate anything was wrong. I remember knowing though that something was terribly wrong. I stopped playing and stood up and looked all around. I didn't see anything, but I turned and walked to the road and looked down it. I don't remember anything after that, until the neighbor came to tell Mom and Dad that the boys were building a tree house at the end of the road and that one had fallen and when he did he reached out and grabbed a power line. I remember them talking about the smoke coming out of his feet and that the neighbors running to keep the mother inside her house. I think I saw him that day. Where i had walked and looked down the road, I would have had a clear view of what was going on. I never spoke of it, I never told anyone at the time that I had, I think I blocked it out at the time, unable to deal with what I was seeing....40 years later I can still see him getting off the bus, and bounding towards home. I didn't have another crush until i was in my late 20's and I never married. I wouldn't let anyone close to me, because they might be gone to.

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MEOWMAMA3 2/7/2010 11:27PM

    I'm so sorry for this tragic loss....she was so young. I pray you will remember her with smiles in time! emoticon

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MEOWMAMA3 2/7/2010 11:27PM

    I'm so sorry for this tragic loss....she was so young. I pray you will remember her with smiles in time! emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 2/7/2010 7:22PM

    My deepest condolences for you in the loss of your friend, Carrie. A loss leaves a heartache no one can heal, but love leaves a memory no one can steal. May you find comfort in those loving memories of your time with her. My prayers continue for you and her family.
Blessings and hugs,
Helen

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KAYLSLYNN 2/6/2010 10:37PM

    I AM SO SORRY . I LOST A DEAR FRIEND THIS SUMMER SHE WAS OLDER WOMAN BUT I MISS HER. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LADYJANE30 2/6/2010 7:51PM

    I am so sorry about your loss of such a dear friend. Yes, she was so young to die but God wanted her with him and some day you will see her again, but not yet. So, mean while you have your memories.

emoticon to you
Colette

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QUEST4CHANGE 2/4/2010 3:49PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonAh honey, I'm so sorry to hear this. What a tragedy! Sometimes there is no sense, rhyme or reason why to explain why, and it can be hard to choose faith, that life is short & we can do so much living until the day when we all meet again! I hope your grief will ease soon and you'll be left with the warm memories of your time together! (big*hugs) Lynn

Comment edited on: 2/4/2010 3:55:43 PM

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-ICANDOIT- 2/4/2010 1:47PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. She was so young. Her passing is another reminder that each and every day is precious, not to be wasted. God bless you and all the people who love and knew her...be strong during this sad time.

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DYNAMICDEB53 2/4/2010 1:31PM

    Trea, so sorry to hear about your friend. HUGS!!!!
Keep the memories close to you and she is there. You are right live your life to the fullest in honor of her.
Find a little peace in the knowledge that she is not hurting or in pain, it has at times keep me sane when I have lost those I love.
HUGS
Deb

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TIME2LIVE11 2/4/2010 8:53AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I am so sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is to lose someone close, my two brothers were killed a few years ago by a drunk driver and it was hard, but just know Carrie is in a better place and she will always be with you in your heart and in your memories of her. Stay strong sweetie. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DENRNAJ 2/4/2010 5:32AM

    You have given Carrie the greatest honor- you will remember her.

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PAMNANGEL 2/4/2010 3:42AM

    Condolances. It's never easy losing someone at any age.

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LMSTRAW 2/4/2010 2:30AM

    I am sorry for your loss. WE will never understand these things, but we can be thankful for the time we had these people who are taken from us. Lots of hugs to you..
Linda emoticon

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 2/4/2010 2:21AM

    I'm sorry for your loss my friend. I am grateful that you are "listening" and going to take better care of yourself. Bright blessings to you. Love, Dawn

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LISALYNN1960 2/4/2010 12:35AM

    So sorry, Andrea. Losing a friend is always very difficult, especially, it seems, when they are so young. Hang in there and use her memory to inspire you.

Lisa

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1_AMAZING_WOMAN 2/3/2010 11:05PM

    Sorry to hear of your loss.

Losses like this can be a reminder to us just how precious life is, and to take care of ourselves to try to avoid illness as much as possible.

Amber

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EKKING 2/3/2010 10:40PM

    Andrea, I am so sorry to hear about your loss! I just lost a friend from high school to colon cancer. She was only 40 and had been diagnosed at 35. Such a shock and you just don't expect that at our age. You are right though - we don't have it that bad! There is so much worse that we could be going through. I wish you, your family and your friend's family peace at this time.

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SPASTASTIC 2/3/2010 9:45PM

    I'm very sorry for your loss.

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JUSTWANTTOLOOSE 2/3/2010 9:27PM

    emoticonSorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

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ANDRAXIA 2/3/2010 9:20PM

    My prayers are with you and your friend Carrie, R.I.P. emoticon

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AMYISSUCCEEDING 2/3/2010 9:03PM

    Trea, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I know how hard that is. Just know that we are ALL here for you. Sending prayers your way.
emoticon emoticon

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TRAVELNISTA 2/3/2010 8:24PM

    Andrea I am so sorry for your loss. I know I don't have the words to make you feel better so I am sending emoticon

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MARINEMAMA 2/3/2010 8:11PM

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss.....sending you many emoticon

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HAS_SPIRIT 2/3/2010 8:04PM

    I am sorry for your loss. Hang in there. emoticon emoticon I send you my hugs.

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APPLEPIEDREAMS 2/3/2010 7:58PM

    I am so sorry for your loss.

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TARA925 2/3/2010 7:56PM

    So sorry to hear of your loss :(

At the same time, very happy to hear that it is giving you a better outlook on life. Every day is a choice and I know you have the strength to make the right ones. You can get through anything. Let me know if I can help in any way.

emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/3/2010 7:56:35 PM

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