TREA241   13,711
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168 lbs. :(

Thursday, November 29, 2007


I have gained weight. This past couple of weeks have been very bad for me. I lost my job and have hit rock bottom. I am trying as hard as I can to get back on track, but it is very hard when everything is stressing me out.

One thing that I don't do anymore is have fun. I used to go out with my best friend every Tuesday for PJ Movie Day and I have been finding reasons to cancel because I hate how I look even in big baggy PJ's.

How do I find my motivation again? How do I love myself? At the moment, that is all i want to do. When I walk down the street, I don't care what the person walking behind me cares... I want to care about me.

Ugh... I am just so disgusted with myself. Not only my looks, but with my lack of ambition and motivation. I know typing this out now makes it all tangible, but I don't know how to counteract all the negative thoughts I am having. BLAH!

Right now I am "Purple Rain." The Prince song with my mascara running down my checks as I write this. I just want to smile. Anyone want to make me smile today?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIM.WILLIAMS89 12/15/2007 9:44AM

    Just reading your blog; although, I sent you a message the other day when I observed your ticker. Let's take some time this weekend, if at all possible, and lay out a plan on paper. Incorporate both cardio and resistance training as both are important in developing a nice, toned, slimmed down frame. Even make notations for a sound nutritional plan. Make every effort to eat 5 to 6 times a day (three main meals and healthy snacks in between). By eating smaller quantities more often (say every 3 hours), you help jump start your metabolism which is extremely important in burning calories and losing weight. Post your plan on your page to add some accountability to it. And whatever you do, always remember that as long as there is breath in your body you still have time to make a difference. Let's start now...okay? Here to help. Take care of yourself and don't let these TEMPORARY obstacles stop you....they can be overcome.

Tim

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Thanksgiving Blues

Friday, November 23, 2007

Alright... day after Thanksgving time to vent. The only good thing about the whole day was that the Packers won. Don't get me wrong, I love my entire family. My mom is the most wonderful person in the world, but they are all very dependent on alcohol. When things start to get negative and attacks start to become personal is when I cannot take it anymore.

I was having a hard night the other night and it made it even worse when I looked in my phone and realized that every person I could have called to talk to was drunk or passed out. I am sick of being the youngest member of the family and the babysitter.

In the end, I ate WAY too much which made me even more depressed. First thing I did this morning though, was head to the gym for a three mile run which felt pretty amazing. I am getting back on the right track, but I need to set myself some ground rules so I don't have such a horrible Christmas too.

More to come ;) Oh and I am in love with Brett Favre.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKILL133 11/23/2007 3:55PM

    Atleast your football team won. :P Favre should have retired!!! GRRRRR He made me eat alot more food than I was planning. LOL oh well working it off the next 30 days!

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The Flu

Sunday, November 11, 2007


So... I either got really bad food poisioning or the flu. I had to sleep in the bathroom last night... I will not go into details. But let me tell you that it is amazingly hard to stay on a diet when I don't feel well!

All I wanted to do was eat ice cream and watch trashy tv. So that's what I did. The thing that I am proud of myself for is that I don't feel guilty for it. There is no reason to beat myself up for eating ice cream when that is all that I can keep down! This is a big step for me because I wud normally feel SO bad, but I am alright with the fact that I am nursing myself back to health and getting my rest!

Yay for me! (p.s. I don't know what the fish have to do with the flu, but they are cute!)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANYPOUNDSTOGO 11/14/2007 8:07PM

    I hope you feel better real soon.

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Thursday Reflection

Thursday, November 08, 2007

10:15 am- I currently quit going to my job. Even though it was a good job and paid decent, I just could not stand the person that I was at work. I allowed people to step all over me. Honestly, I am worth more than that.

Yesterday, I signed up for the army. I am going to train to be a Health Care Specialist (EMT) and then after a year of that schooling, I will apply to nursing school. Even though I have tried the college thing, I am actually excited about the large step I have taken in my life.

Honestly, I am a liberal, so the army would not be my first choice, but the goverment is paying for my education any other way! I have yet to tell my parents, but I know they will be supportive, and yet I know that they can't do anything because I am an adult.

I am ok and that is the first time I have said that in a long time. I am ok and I am excited to get my life rolling. (Also, the army will be a big kick in the butt to up my exercise!)

  


Reaching For Paradise

Tuesday, November 06, 2007


I was sitting in a coffee shop today wondering where I want to be. I didn't know that I wanted to be in this coffee shop. How did I decide to go to this coffee shop and not to work? Yes today I called in sick to work. It was because I do not know me and I do not know what I am striving for. I was once told that the two most important days in a person's life is the day they are born and the day they find out why.

I have not yet found out why. I know that somewhere deep down inside I am reaching for my own paradise. I am reaching for that long, flowing hair that whips my face as I walk the shore line. As the waves hit my toes and the laughter gorges my ears, I smile and it never wavers. I have the people around me who love and support me. Not the people that are constantly tearing me down and trying to convince me that I cannot accomplish great things in life.

I guess what I am trying to figure out is how do I start to reach that goal? What are the small steps that I need in order to smile and have it geninuely spark someone's day. Where do I begin?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOWINGMAMA83 11/6/2007 7:32PM

    The first step that you have to take is to find out what makes you happy. You have to find yourself. Right now concentrate on one goal. Make it a small one that you know deep down you can obtain. Something like losing 5 pounds by the end of next week, or working out 3 days a week. I have found that knowing myself was not something that happens overnight. It is something you develop over time. You gradually figure out what makes you happy and then you find yourself doing things that make you happy. It toolk me going back to school at the age of 29. A single mom with 3 kids and I went back to school full time and worked a part time job. The main thing you have to remember is you have to want it. If you want it bad enough, there is nothing and no one that can stand in your way. If you take a side road, don't be afraid to ask for help. It sounds like you have a good support system so use them. You would be surprised at how willing they are to help you.

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