Friday, September 09, 2011
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly .
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charg e,' she says.
'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMIN!!!
Thursday, September 08, 2011
"Flo-yo," or floating yoga, is the newest fitness fad to hit the United States. You join a class that paddling out anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes, then parking in an inlet, cove or key (any calm, glassy-watered spot) for 30 to 60 minutes of yoga moves on an 11 1/2-foot long, 29-inch wide paddleboard.
"We start as you would any traditional yoga class and open with chanting and some breathing practices, and then warm up with standing postures and lunges," says Tara McCabe, the owner of the Key West Stand Up Paddle Board Yoga, according to MSNBC. McCabe's class runs two hours -- 30 minutes of paddling each way with an hour of yoga.
Scotty Bumbalough, owner of Maui B in Orlando, Daytona and Coco Beach, says classes are for all skill sets but do require a sense of balance. Flo-yo develops a sense of focus, core strength and improves your stabilizer muscles. Paddling in and out to practice provides a workout and a sense of meditative calm as well.
Check out what it looks like:
Monday, September 05, 2011
In the week before Labor Day, Eli, a poor country farmer won $480,000 in the Lottery. As a treat he took his wife and their four children to see the Labor Day parade in New York.
They booked into the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle and Central Park North. Having never been further than their local town, Benton in Arkansas they were bowled over by glitz and excitement of the "Big Apple".
Eli and his son Clem were especially mesmerised by a shiny box with silver walls. They had never before met with doors that could move apart, and then automatically come back together again. Neither had seen an elevator [lift] before. Therefore, they were amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the door closed. The lights outside on the wall flashed for a minute, then the doors opened and out came a beautiful young woman.
Eli turned to his son Clem and said, 'Son, go get your mother.'
The Final Payment
Roland, a businessman, is on his deathbed so he calls his friend and says, 'Eli, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.'
'And what,' Eli asks, 'do you want me to do with your ashes?'
Roland replies, 'Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'
The Castle Rock, Colorado, Wage and Hours Government Department claimed Mickey was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.
'Well,' replied old Mickey, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied old rancher Mickey.
Happy Labor Day everyone, enjoy the last days of summer ...
Sunday, September 04, 2011
As I was entering my 2nd snack for the day I realized that everything I ate today was green. Well almost everything, my 1st snack was raw corn, yup you read that right. Raw corn tastes like candy it is so sweet. Anyways it was green before I shucked it.
I decided to clean the refrigerator today as one of my projects. I had green grapes in the fridge that were a week old so I made a green smoothie with green grapes, spinach, and bananas for breakfast.
I had avocados in the fridge and I was crossing my fingers that I did not have to throw them out. I decided on making my Raw Creamy Cucumber Soup which is one of my favorite Raw soups. Crossed my fingers and threw everything in the blender and held my breath till I sliced open the ripest avocado. I had 3 in the fridge. Whew, I was lucky it was perfect, no sign of getting any dark spots inside. Avocados have been a little pricey lately. Let's just say I will be eating avocado in some form for the next few days to make sure I don't have to throw them out. The soup became my lunch.
Cleaning the fridge also uncovered a head of celery that was starting to turn brown on the ends because I didn't wrap it up properly the last time I used a stalk. What to do, what to do. I got an aha moment and decided to make a Raw celery soup. Never made one before so I just played around with it and made it like my Raw Creamy Cucumber Soup but kicked up the cayenne since celery can be bland. It worked. I went a little heavy on the cayenne, it was still good but next time I think I will just do a dusting of cayenne.
I already put it into SparkRecipes because I am sure I will forget about celery again. I don't use it that often and you have no choice but to buy a whole head and just hope you use it up.
Casualties did not end there. I had bought a beautiful huge head of broccoli and forgot about it. I was meaning to make Raw Broccoli Pie but got sidetracked during the week. Broccoli isn't good raw unless it is fresh. Didn't want to throw it out so I minced up some garlic, added a Tbsp. of sesame oil. I precooked the broccoli in the microwave to retain the vitamins and just sautéed that in the garlic and sesame oil. Not Raw but it was yummy. Oh yeah, sprinkled in some turmeric as well. Turmeric is good for Alzheimer's.
Now I am stuffed! Need to change colors for tomorrow.
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