TRAVELNISTA   182,914
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Blonde Joke

Friday, September 09, 2011

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly .

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charg e,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.'

BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMIN!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUIETUDEAGAIN 9/13/2011 3:03PM

    Oh my word! ROFLOL

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DS9KIE 9/11/2011 12:19AM

    emoticon

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NCPRINCESS7 9/10/2011 8:45PM

    OMG...now that was a surprise ending! LOL!

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TALLGUY42 9/10/2011 7:23PM

    A little morbid.....but funny.

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ANDEENNATE 9/10/2011 5:39PM

    Lol

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 9/10/2011 5:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

OMG! I didn't see that coming and WOW did I get my laugh on today! You are so darn funny!

Thank you for sharing this!

Hugs,

K

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USAINI 9/10/2011 2:59PM

    emoticon

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SUSAN134 9/10/2011 12:40PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WILLOW49 9/10/2011 1:31AM

    emoticon

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BUTTERFLYAT38 9/9/2011 11:57PM

    Eeeek! LOL

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NANASAMM 9/9/2011 11:13PM

    I'll have to remember that one. emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 9/9/2011 10:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MYBULLDOGS 9/9/2011 10:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SCOUTMOM715 9/9/2011 10:03PM

    emoticon Definitely didn't see that one coming!!

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HANAVAS 9/9/2011 9:56PM

    emoticon

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BE-THE-CHANGE 9/9/2011 9:52PM

    No I didn't!
emoticon

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MR54BLD54 9/9/2011 9:46PM

    Too!!!Funny

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Bored with your exercise routine, try this...

Thursday, September 08, 2011

"Flo-yo," or floating yoga, is the newest fitness fad to hit the United States. You join a class that paddling out anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes, then parking in an inlet, cove or key (any calm, glassy-watered spot) for 30 to 60 minutes of yoga moves on an 11 1/2-foot long, 29-inch wide paddleboard.

"We start as you would any traditional yoga class and open with chanting and some breathing practices, and then warm up with standing postures and lunges," says Tara McCabe, the owner of the Key West Stand Up Paddle Board Yoga, according to MSNBC. McCabe's class runs two hours -- 30 minutes of paddling each way with an hour of yoga.

Scotty Bumbalough, owner of Maui B in Orlando, Daytona and Coco Beach, says classes are for all skill sets but do require a sense of balance. Flo-yo develops a sense of focus, core strength and improves your stabilizer muscles. Paddling in and out to practice provides a workout and a sense of meditative calm as well.

Check out what it looks like:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tcs-otnfug

shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/float
ing-yoga-class-is-just-as-scary-as-it-
sounds-video-2516107

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILDFIREKRISTIN 9/10/2011 5:20PM

    LOL..I so love Yoga, but this is a little advance for me, but keeping it in mind as I lose the weight! Thank you for sharing it!

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DEANNAADELE 9/9/2011 10:00PM

  I saw it on fox tv, I think I would get sea sick from it but my dd thought it looked awesome.

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DEANNAADELE 9/9/2011 9:58PM

  No I did not expect the punch line

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WEDDWT 9/9/2011 11:44AM

    If I did this I would soon develop the nickname Flipper; I would flip right off of that board!
Have a good weekend Yvonne!
emoticon

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NO_SNOW_BODY 9/9/2011 9:48AM

    sounds like fun and alot of work, awesome

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AMYISSUCCEEDING 9/9/2011 12:29AM

    OMG! I would be scared to death. Very amazing and was fun to watch.
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LILBITWANNABE 9/8/2011 11:54PM

    Something about water already relaxes me and makes me feel so serene. Add that to yoga and I would be on cloud 9 all day! Now if only I lived anywhere near where it was offered. Oh well, it was interesting though, thanks for sharing:)

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L*I*T*A* 9/8/2011 10:32PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HOWDOIHEARTTHEE 9/8/2011 9:21PM

    emoticon

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SUSAN134 9/8/2011 8:41PM

    This sounds wonderful! So wish it could be done around here (don't think my bathtub will cut it though LOL)

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PAPPHEM 9/8/2011 8:06PM

    Oh, i would so try that!

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TEDYBEAR2838 9/8/2011 8:05PM

    I'm sure many people like yoga, it's not my cup of tea, but you
certainly make us all aware of things that we might not
otherwise know about and can make an informed decision.

emoticon

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LGAR519 9/8/2011 8:03PM

    Think i'll pass on this. Thanks for the yoga update though.

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PONYFARMER 9/8/2011 7:55PM

    That looks like so much fun. Not sure we could find a calm place here in So Cal to do it but I am up for it.

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MCLYD73 9/8/2011 7:45PM

    Sounds great!

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Last minute I said OK to spinal tap...I am nuts...

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

The Memory Study is winding down. I have only to weeks more to go. Tomorrow I am considered in the washout periods, no more pills and I have to go back next Tuesday. I will never know if I had the placebo or the real thing. I think I have been getting the real pill because I have developed a pretty scary thing that I needed to get a cat scan done today. Don't want to go into more at this time till I know what the results are. I'll blog about that at the end of the month as my return appointment for that Doctor is the end of September.

Back to the Memory Study; they changed the protocol by giving us the results of what they found in the spinal fluid. Prior to this change we were not to be told the results. We could opt out of the spinal tap if we wanted to.

I originally opted out because I am a chicken and even though they said it was perfectly safe I was still afraid I would be paralyzed. I am like you want to stick what in my spinal column and remove spinal fluid. Then to top that off you are not going to tell me the results. l don't think so!

Then this morning they said if we chose to get it done we would find out if we already have the start of Alzheimer's or if it shows we are likely to develop it later on. I honestly can't remember, thus the memory study but I think the doctor said they can see if we have the gene that is a precursor for Alzheimer's.

So I am weighing possible paralysis if they miss with the needle in my spinal cord or the peace of mind knowing if I do or will or will not develop Alzheimer's. I chose to gamble by doing the test saying it is highly unlikely I would become paralyzed. It did not hurt while being done by after the local wore off - OMG I am dying. It hurts bad. It is both a pain and pressure back there. emoticon They lied! It does hurt. I hurts after.

Yeah I know I am a big baby but it was scary. Never want to go through that again. I would opt for a MRI 1st and we all know how much I hate them.

They told me to go home and rest. Not to do anything strenuous. This time I listened. I am not doing anything.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DS9KIE 9/11/2011 1:26AM

    ouch that sounds painful and your not the only chicken

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SUSAN134 9/8/2011 5:06PM

    Just the words "spinal tap" cause me to shudder! Never had one, and hopefully I never will have to. Hopefully the pain is better today!

xxoo

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BE-THE-CHANGE 9/8/2011 5:22AM

    Sorry you are in so much pain - I have heard they aren't usually that bad.
emoticon

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WEDDWT 9/8/2011 1:30AM

    Eleven - it's one louder. Did you see Spinal Tap the movie?
Proud of you for resting. You'll feel better soon!
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DAWNWATERWOMAN 9/8/2011 12:20AM

    I am so sorry that you are in so much pain after your spinal tap. Honestly, I've had one done & was NOT in pain afterwards. I guess I was lucky. Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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NO_SNOW_BODY 9/7/2011 10:33PM

    I was told that if a spinal tap is done right it doesn't hurt and I had a doctor standing by me as an inter did it, WRONG!!! but the doctor did it over and I wasn't in much pain thank goodness

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DYNAMICDEB53 9/7/2011 3:38PM

    Oh girl what a big OUCH!!! Hope the rest helped and you will be feeling better. I am with you on the chicken scale and dont think I could have done it. Hope the results are all good.
Take care and rest and feel better soon.
Hugs and love
Deb

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LGAR519 9/7/2011 11:49AM

    Just read your blog. Sorry you felt bad after the spinal tap. I use to have Spinal taps all the time to inject medication for my slipped disc. My pain was so bad that I never gave being paralized much of a thought. Hope your results turn out good. I'm going to send you a message. Have something to tell you!

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DROPLET 9/7/2011 1:44AM

    Hang in there, hope you'll feel much better soon.

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DEANNAADELE 9/7/2011 12:56AM

  Vaya CON Dios which translates to Go with God. We who love you know it will be AOK,

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FERGSGIRL2 9/6/2011 10:05PM

    I am praying for you!!! You have had a rough go! Just reading the words spinal tap--sends chills up my spine--oops sorry--did not mean to say "spine"! I'm sure hoping the pain is tolerable by now or GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TRAVELNISTA 9/6/2011 9:56PM

    Alcohol - no one said anything about alcohol. emoticonthat sure would help with the pain. emoticon

I am going to bed now, if it still hurts like heck tomorrow I'll be off to the liquor store. emoticon

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 9/6/2011 9:47PM

    "I honestly can't remember, thus the memory study"

LOL!

Hang in there. I once had a spinal anesthetic applied and they ended up accidentally not putting back all of the fluid. OMG it was like having the worst hangover ever - and I don't even get hangovers. They called it a "spinal headache." And it lasted for DAYS. I am so very glad you didn't get that. Blurgh.
emoticon
I didn't feel much at the site where they poked me, though.

Guess what they actually told me to do to make it go away? Hydrate like crazy, and DRINK ALCOHOL. Seriously, that's what he said. I couldn't believe it. My sister said "yippee!" and ran out and stocked up on wine. (I guess she wanted an excuse. LOL)

Comment edited on: 9/6/2011 9:50:10 PM

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L*I*T*A* 9/6/2011 9:42PM

    way to go....you did it....
time to rest....keep us posted.......
blessings and hugs...........lita

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FUZZYMOTO 9/6/2011 8:50PM

    Sorry to hear that you are in pain. And yes almost every one I have heard ov ends up with pain afterwards.

I hope that you find what you were looking for (or in this case do not find it). Proud of you for taking the risk, even if it was minimal. Do take it easy fro the next couple of days and get back on you feet with out complications. emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 9/6/2011 8:46PM

    I've never had a spinal tap - altho I've assisted at a few. Now, I know, given a choice, don't! Sorry you had such an unpleasant experience.

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TEDYBEAR2838 9/6/2011 8:42PM

    Well, I'm proud of you, because I know how you are.

Keep us posted on the results and Please, do listen this time.

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Some Labor Day Humor

Monday, September 05, 2011





The Elevator

In the week before Labor Day, Eli, a poor country farmer won $480,000 in the Lottery. As a treat he took his wife and their four children to see the Labor Day parade in New York.

They booked into the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle and Central Park North. Having never been further than their local town, Benton in Arkansas they were bowled over by glitz and excitement of the "Big Apple".

Eli and his son Clem were especially mesmerised by a shiny box with silver walls. They had never before met with doors that could move apart, and then automatically come back together again. Neither had seen an elevator [lift] before. Therefore, they were amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the door closed. The lights outside on the wall flashed for a minute, then the doors opened and out came a beautiful young woman.

Eli turned to his son Clem and said, 'Son, go get your mother.'




****************************************
*****************************

The Final Payment

Roland, a businessman, is on his deathbed so he calls his friend and says, 'Eli, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.'

'And what,' Eli asks, 'do you want me to do with your ashes?'

Roland replies, 'Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'





****************************************
******************************
The Worker

The Castle Rock, Colorado, Wage and Hours Government Department claimed Mickey was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.

'Well,' replied old Mickey, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night.'

'That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.

'That would be me,' replied old rancher Mickey.
















Happy Labor Day everyone, enjoy the last days of summer ...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DINGDONG55 9/7/2011 6:50AM

  They were all great. Love Maxine!

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DEANNAADELE 9/7/2011 1:00AM

  emoticon emoticonUI especially LOVED the one re the IRS

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WISEDUP1 9/6/2011 11:32PM

    Great! Thanks for the smile!

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BUTTERFLYAT38 9/5/2011 11:21PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUSAN134 9/5/2011 8:59PM

    emoticon

These are great! Thanks for the giggles!



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HOWDOIHEARTTHEE 9/5/2011 6:30PM

    emoticon

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LGAR519 9/5/2011 3:55PM

    Very cute!! emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 9/5/2011 3:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WILLOW49 9/5/2011 2:49PM

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OLDERDANDRT 9/5/2011 2:38PM

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 9/5/2011 1:32PM

    emoticon UNBELIEVABLE! After getting caught up on all your blogs the other day.. I got UNSUBSCRIBED AGAIN and have been missing them. I don't know what's going on. GRRRR. I guess I have to stop thinking that folks are not blogging and just go searching every page from now on. Sorry. Please don't feel neglected! emoticon

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Green seemed to be the color of the day

Sunday, September 04, 2011

As I was entering my 2nd snack for the day I realized that everything I ate today was green. Well almost everything, my 1st snack was raw corn, yup you read that right. Raw corn tastes like candy it is so sweet. Anyways it was green before I shucked it.

I decided to clean the refrigerator today as one of my projects. I had green grapes in the fridge that were a week old so I made a green smoothie with green grapes, spinach, and bananas for breakfast.

I had avocados in the fridge and I was crossing my fingers that I did not have to throw them out. I decided on making my Raw Creamy Cucumber Soup which is one of my favorite Raw soups. Crossed my fingers and threw everything in the blender and held my breath till I sliced open the ripest avocado. I had 3 in the fridge. emoticon Whew, I was lucky it was perfect, no sign of getting any dark spots inside. Avocados have been a little pricey lately. Let's just say I will be eating avocado in some form for the next few days to make sure I don't have to throw them out. The soup became my lunch.

Cleaning the fridge also uncovered a head of celery that was starting to turn brown on the ends because I didn't wrap it up properly the last time I used a stalk. What to do, what to do. I got an aha moment emoticon and decided to make a Raw celery soup. Never made one before so I just played around with it and made it like my Raw Creamy Cucumber Soup but kicked up the cayenne since celery can be bland. It worked. I went a little heavy on the cayenne, it was still good but next time I think I will just do a dusting of cayenne.

I already put it into SparkRecipes because I am sure I will forget about celery again. I don't use it that often and you have no choice but to buy a whole head and just hope you use it up.
recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detai
l.asp?recipe=1795565


Casualties did not end there. I had bought a beautiful huge head of broccoli and forgot about it. I was meaning to make Raw Broccoli Pie but got sidetracked during the week. Broccoli isn't good raw unless it is fresh. Didn't want to throw it out so I minced up some garlic, added a Tbsp. of sesame oil. I precooked the broccoli in the microwave to retain the vitamins and just sautéed that in the garlic and sesame oil. Not Raw but it was yummy. Oh yeah, sprinkled in some turmeric as well. Turmeric is good for Alzheimer's.

Now I am stuffed! Need to change colors for tomorrow. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LGAR519 9/5/2011 11:35AM

    Tomorrow is Kroger day. So I will buy some more green veggies for my smoothies. Again thank you for the green smoothie receipes!! You have probably saved my nutritional life!! emoticon

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DEANNAADELE 9/5/2011 10:48AM

  Bravo, bravo bravo for finishing your greens. Since I am no friend of brocolli, I put it in my morning smoothies and I can barely taste it. Happy Labor Day! deanna adele emoticon

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WILLOW49 9/4/2011 11:11PM

    It's not easy being green! emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 9/4/2011 11:01PM

    what will be your color tomorrow???!!!
blessings and hugs.............lita

emoticon

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SUSAN134 9/4/2011 10:23PM

    Yep, green was definitely your colour today. I'm puzzling over the green corn though - never seen green corn (even raw).

Yvonne have you ever calculated the amount of fibre you get in a day? I eat a lot of fruit and veggies, however not always raw and I also eat dairy and meat. You must average pretty high fibre days.

(which is good emoticon )

hugs..

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