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THE PORCH aka blonde joke

Thursday, July 21, 2011

THE PORCH
A young blond girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra
money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman"
and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if
he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said.
"How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and
everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does
she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave
it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it
to her along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch,
it's a Lexus."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FERGSGIRL2 7/22/2011 12:38AM

    good one! emoticon

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DS9KIE 7/22/2011 12:08AM

    emoticon

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MRDPOLING 7/21/2011 9:39PM

    emoticon

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EGRAMMY 7/21/2011 8:42PM

    emoticon

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WILLOW49 7/21/2011 6:06PM

    emoticon

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RUNNER12COM 7/21/2011 5:32PM

    Hahahahahaha

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ROSAMARCELLE 7/21/2011 5:27PM

    Brilliant! emoticon

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FUNGRANNY72 7/21/2011 5:08PM

  That was my great laugh for todaay.

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L*I*T*A* 7/21/2011 2:39PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 7/21/2011 2:18PM

    LOL gues the wife was right.

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OLDERDANDRT 7/21/2011 1:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EWEINHISPASTURE 7/21/2011 1:19PM

    emoticon

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CMESPARK 7/21/2011 1:13PM

    Cute! Thanks for the smile!
emoticon

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JCARDINAL 7/21/2011 12:49PM

    emoticon

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CHUCKIECHIEF 7/21/2011 12:38PM

    Too funny!!!

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Second Opinion

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press
on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The
only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything
to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first
time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part
of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like
a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need..... a
new suit.' He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new
suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see.... size 44 long.'

Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about
a new shirt?'
Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'
The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.
Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'
'Been in the business 60 years.'
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked,
'How about some new underwear?'
Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.
Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years
old.'
The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34
would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give
you one hell of a headache.'

New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion PRICELESS

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNNYH99 7/21/2011 10:25AM

    Oh, hehehe!
emoticonSunny

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BAMATEACHER 7/21/2011 9:34AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DS9KIE 7/21/2011 12:10AM

    emoticon

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L*I*T*A* 7/20/2011 8:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALLYALLYT 7/20/2011 7:51PM

    Oh my! Made me belly laugh out loud! Thanks, I needed that today!

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EGRAMMY 7/20/2011 7:30PM

    emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 7/20/2011 6:03PM

    emoticon

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RONNIE0404 7/20/2011 5:59PM

    First time I smiled today. Thanks!

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TEDYBEAR2838 7/20/2011 5:56PM

    That is way too funny! So you know I used to tell that when I was in my 20's and I am now 65.
Kind of gives credence to: What goes around comes around.

Thanks for the neat reminder.

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ROSAMARCELLE 7/20/2011 5:22PM

    Oh my word! It doesn' bear thinking about. emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 7/20/2011 5:03PM

    emoticon

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MRDPOLING 7/20/2011 4:36PM

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUCH!

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SEEKING_HEALTH 7/20/2011 4:31PM

    Oh that was the laugh I needed. emoticon

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SEEMAINE 7/20/2011 4:16PM

    Oh my! Great story and gut wrenching at the same time. Always get second opinions!!

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Do I ever learn?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

That would be a big NO! I guess when told to do nothing really means nothing. The morning walk was OK and probably doing The Done Dance which basically is turning on the music and dancing around like crazy for 15 minutes was probably ok to as I didn't move my arms or shoulder around. The gardening which was basically weeding for over a little over 30 minutes was what did me in, again. YUp this has happened once before.

I guess I just can't get my brain to register that a stupid little weed can do me in. I googled pictures of weeds and this is the closest image I could find. This looks like it it from an aquarium but it looks like the ones I have growing on land. They are about 12 inches high and between all the rain we have had and my daily watering of my container garden with the hose they grow like wildfire. I would have a lot less if I watered my garden with a watering can but that would too heavy to lift with my shoulder right now.

It looks like a wispy little thing, right? Not too much to pull? Well, that is what I thought.

Wrong! My shoulder aches and I will be icing it as soon as I finish this blog. I will do zippo for the rest of the day. Hoping when tomorrow rolls around for therapy my shoulder has stopped screaming at me. emoticonMaybe this time it will sink in. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

L*I*T*A* 7/19/2011 7:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FUNGRANNY72 7/19/2011 6:00PM

  I admire you for even trying to garden with your injury. I thought I was a stubborn person. Now I have company.

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ROSAMARCELLE 7/19/2011 5:25PM

    You have my full sympathy. I can't resist pull up the forest of weeds which all the rain we've been having recently have encouraged to grow and my back knows all about it when I've finished. However, in my case 30 mins rest and it recovers. Perhaps you should start putting your arm in a sling to remind you that rest is what it must have and then you can't use it. emoticon

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MARYHOLMAN 7/19/2011 4:40PM

    Here in South Philadelphia, weeds coming out of the pavement cracks are the only gardens we get.

Hey girl---know your limits and give yourself a break when your body screams out for it.

Maybe you can start selling your weeds to aquarium supply stores...... emoticon

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DS9KIE 7/19/2011 2:00PM

    so just leave the weeds alone...lol

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BE-THE-CHANGE 7/19/2011 1:45PM

    Looks like something I get - a tough stem and long roots. Maybe you need to have someone else do the weeding for a while. It is hard to stop once you get started!

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SECRETMUSIC 7/19/2011 1:25PM

    was it the time you spent weeding that did you in, or the toughness of the weeds? If the former, maybe you could set a timer for 5 minutes for weeding...I have to do that at times because once I start weeding and can't stop (easily). Hope you feel better very soon!

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MOCNVW23 7/19/2011 12:23PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your shoulder. Give it the rest and ice that it needs. Stick with walking and dancing around and things that doesn't have you hurting that shoulder anymore. Listen to the experts and take care of that shoulder and get feeling better soon.

Missy

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MRDPOLING 7/19/2011 12:13PM

    Oh my! You poor thing!

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MARTY728 7/19/2011 12:10PM

    Sorry... emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TEDYBEAR2838 7/19/2011 12:00PM

    What a bummer. I'm so sorry.

Weeds are stubborn, although they look helpless and timid.
Please try to listen to the experts!



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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 7/19/2011 11:48AM

    Hang in there.

I agree that you should leave off the weeding. Spend that time walking, dancing, singing, and having fun with your LOWER BODY.

emoticon

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DEFIANTVEGAN 7/19/2011 11:31AM

    Ugh so sorry I wouldn't have thought that little weed would do you in. ugh so sorry I wish I was there to help..

Feel better soon.

emoticon emoticon

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WILLOW49 7/19/2011 11:27AM

    Sure hope you give that shoulder lots of rest & ice!

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Over did it this weekend and paid for it at physical therapy...

Monday, July 18, 2011

Oh man I was still sore from Sunday night and I dreaded physical therapy. I almost chickened out and was going to call and cancel the appointment. I went because I was hoping Sherri could work out the pain. Let's just say she was able to work some of it out but not all of it. Have strict instructions to do absolutely nothing today with my right arm and baby it Tuesday as well. I see her again on Wednesday. No ifs ands or buts, I am to take my pain pills ( I never want to take them), ice the shoulder, and rest.

I finished my raised veggie bed and that was what did me in. I was smart enough to have my neighbor take the 2 cubic foot of soil out of my trunk but I also should have had him empty it into the raised bed. I had him place it on an Adirondack chair and I was going to tip it over when I was ready. Tipped it but I also had to sort of lift it also to get the soil out. I didn't lift it full weight but it was enough to tweak my shoulder. It actually did not start hurting till a couple of hours later.

All that I have to say is that the 8 plants I transplanted to their new home had better survive. I would have hurt my shoulder for nothing. If they know what is best for them they had better yield a lot of tomatoes and red peppers. I know the basil will survive but the rest of them had better do the same.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GALSAL59 7/19/2011 5:55AM

    Please, be careful. The plants aren't going to care whether you're hurting or not.

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L*I*T*A* 7/18/2011 10:36PM

    wishing you will be feeling better soon.......
blessings and hugs...........lita

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BUTTERFLYAT38 7/18/2011 9:54PM

    Physical therapy is absolutely a blessing. Don' skip it. No matter what. My mom couldn't walk a block. I had her go 3x a week for 3 months and now she walks everywhere. Its so important to keep moving and stretching to balance your body. emoticon emoticon

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MRDPOLING 7/18/2011 9:20PM

    From someone who lives with constant pain and injury, I know how you feel! I wish I could take your pain from you!

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NO_SNOW_BODY 7/18/2011 8:41PM

    I killed my basil today,too much heat, but my tomatoes and green peppers are doing well.

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EGRAMMY 7/18/2011 8:39PM

    on the health front, Remember only you can prevent forest fires.

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BE-THE-CHANGE 7/18/2011 8:29PM

    Take care of yourself!
emoticon

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SKYRUNHER 7/18/2011 5:23PM

    wow.. you should be careful.. those physio terrorists get mad if we don't do what they tell us!

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OLDERDANDRT 7/18/2011 5:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DS9KIE 7/18/2011 4:45PM

    I swear one of these blogs your going to be in a body cast...lol...just be careful emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/18/2011 4:47:35 PM

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WEDDWT 7/18/2011 4:32PM

    hate when that happens - overdoing it...when will we ever learn? when will we ever learn emoticon

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NATALIE225 7/18/2011 4:05PM

    You sound like my mom in this blog...lol. She's always doing things by herself even when it's a tough job and then she deals with the pain later. Considering you're still in physical therapy you should me more careful! Of course your neighbor should dump your soil...that's what our big, strapping male neighbors are for! hahaha. I hope you feel better soon!

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PONYFARMER 7/18/2011 4:04PM

    I knew you were doing to much. But I am like you and just want to get it done and I HATE asking for help. But now I can see that I better just do what they say, I do not want a third surgery b/c I did not do as I was told.

I have PT today and it always hurts afterward. Hate that part, but know it is a must.

So, listen stop and be good to your shoulder. Maybe you better go back to wearing your sling??? Just sayin'



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Dance Like No One Is Watching!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

This guy travels all over the world dancing. The nature backdrops are incredible, just finding these beauties of nature took a lot of effort.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6XDUJFwTJw

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1_AMAZING_WOMAN 7/18/2011 8:12PM

    Well, we know why he is so darned skinny; he danced his way across half of America!
emoticon

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MRDPOLING 7/17/2011 9:29PM

    SWEEEEET

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MARYHOLMAN 7/17/2011 6:07PM

    He sure does travel to some cool places emoticon

Great Video, thanks for the link emoticon

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ROSAMARCELLE 7/17/2011 4:32PM

    Haven't they got some energy, and the scenery is wonderful. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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HOWDOIHEARTTHEE 7/17/2011 3:24PM

    emoticon

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FUNGRANNY72 7/17/2011 3:08PM

  I really enjoyed the music. It makes you want to get up and move. The really great thing was the scenery. Thanks for sharing.

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WILLOW49 7/17/2011 2:34PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing!

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TEDYBEAR2838 7/17/2011 1:52PM

    that was so neat. Thanks Yvonne

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RENIESSPARKIN 7/17/2011 1:33PM

    Thank you for sharing. This made my day.

Renie

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NO_SNOW_BODY 7/17/2011 1:25PM

    emoticonthank you for sharing

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 7/17/2011 1:19PM

    emoticon

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PAPPHEM 7/17/2011 1:12PM

    That's awesome! Very cool to recognize some of the places too emoticon

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CANMTCA 7/17/2011 11:54AM

  Pretty cool! Thanks for sharing.

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L*I*T*A* 7/17/2011 11:45AM

    emoticon emoticon

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