Friday, September 16, 2011
This has been a hormonal week for me. And honestly, that is when that negative voice in my head gets the loudest. Lately, she says "you might as well give up, the harder you try to lose weight the more you gain." She makes it feel so hopeless. The problem is, she has always been right. But maybe she has only been right so far because I listen. So, I am saying this to her loud and clear :
"Bitch, take a hike!"
Hmm, I have had two posts in 8 days, both about the voices in my head. Not good...
Friday, September 09, 2011
I have two confessions for you today:
1. I do not currently own a full length mirror. All of my mirrors only show from the tops of my shoulders up. In fact, in order to see how I look before heading off to work, I have to stand on the bed.
2. I haven't stepped on a scale since mid-May.
This may lead you to think that I have a bad body image or am living in denial. Not so fast... it's turning out to be quite the opposite. Really, this was an accident. I moved out to Florida a month before Beast to find a place to live and help get the trapeze rig set up without my household belongings. Then, when Beast and the mini-beasts moved to Florida, our stuff took it's sweet little time to make it's way across this great country of ours. I'm pretty sure it stopped off to see Graceland and Dollywood on the way. Anyhow, my scale and mirrors were packed neatly away in the storage container. And, the house we moved into did not have mirrored closet doors like our last place.
So, I told myself that I would wait for the scale and mirrors. In the meantime 2+ months had passed and, guess what? My negative inner voice (you know the one that tells you how fat you are) didn't have as much to say. I started feeling better about myself. And, my clothes started loosening. Not being one to accept such success, I started worrying about the jarring experience I would have the next time I accidentally wandered in front of a store window or saw my self in a photo. I thought that not visually weighing myself or actually weighing myself would allow myself to be in denial and cause a lapse in working out or eating right. I eventually let that worry go. Truth was, I ate better and worked out more because I wasn't constantly telling myself that it was a waste of time, nothing was changing. And, when I accidentally wandered in front of a full length mirror? I was happy to see myself smiling.
I'm not sure how long I'll go without stepping on that scale, but I learned something from this accidental experiment. Being healthy outside is easier if you are healthy inside as well.
I've had to revise my definition of healthy. What's yours?
Monday, December 13, 2010
1. Track all food intake- calories should be below 1600. Fat should be below 45.
2. Track all exercise- 45 minutes cardio m/t/th/s. Trapeze and gymnastics Wednesday. Weights on Monday and thursday.
3. Work with glass 2x this week.
4. Say no to un-necessary holiday stress.
Let's see how I do.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
After 3 frustrating weeks of eating healthy and clean, working out 6 days a week, and gaining weight I was confused. Yes, I gained 4.5 lbs in 3 weeks. By eating healthy (at least I thought it was healthy)- lots of veggies and fruit, lean meats etc. and lots of cardio as I have not yet been cleared for strength training (I had surgery 5 weeks ago). I am happy with the positive changes I have been making and I feel the effects of these choices internally. But, the weight is going up not down.
So, I decided that I wanted to know what my metabolism is. I have always assumed that I had a slow metabolism. In fact, I was so sure I have a slow metabolism that I decided my daily caloric intake should be 1000-1200 calories. I arrived at this number using my assumption of a slow metabolism and some recommendations from a few "professionals" that I trusted. 1000-1200 calories a day is really hard to do. I was always hungry and grumpy. I would almost always go over 1200 and then would feel like a failure. The feeling of failure would trigger emotional eating and rinse and repeat. This has been going on for two years. I would eventually break and stop counting calories for a couple months during which I would eat every thing in site. When I would come back to "eating right" I would go back to the 1000-1200 calorie range. It was a never ending cycle and I never seemed to get anywhere.
Yesterday I had my body-fat, resting metabolism rate, and VO2 rate tested. What an eye opening experience!
My body fat % is 36.9%. My lean body mass is 112.6 lbs. So, if my goal is a body fat percentage is 20%, that would put me at 140lbs. That is 11lbs heavier than I thought my goal weight should be. Interesting...
My VO2 test results were eye opening as well. The first shock... my fitness level is in the excellent range, wohoo it looks like I'm doing something right! It also identified my target heart rates for workouts. The last thing the test identified is that my recovery heart rate is a little slow. So, I take longer to return to normal after a workout. To address this, it was suggested I do more interval training.
And last but not least, my resting metabolic rate- the amount of calories burned in a 24hour period if I slept the whole time (drumroll please...) 1771! I actually have a fast metabolism. When you add in lifestyle, activity and my average workout the total calories I should consume for weight loss is 1871. Big difference from the 1000- 1200 I was feeding it (when I wasn't bingeing)!
So basically I have been starving myself in the disguise of a diet. Yikes, I know I'm lucky I haven't damaged my metabolism. Now I get down to the hard part, trust. It is really hard to add 600 calories a day to my eating plan. The thought scares me to my core. I am so afraid I am going to pack on the pounds. What if the test was wrong? I have to trust that the test was right, I have to trust my body's reaction of feeling hungry all the time and the unstoppable urge to binge was really the reaction to not having enough calories to sustain itself. Most of all I have to trust myself to treat me with more care and compassion. Regardless of the number, it's just a goal and not every goal gets met every time, right?
Sunday, September 05, 2010
I haven't been on here a while, I haven't been feeling well and let my eating habits and working out slide. But, I'm back with a renewed commitment due to a lot of new information.
I'll get the negative stuff out of the way first. I've had a sucky week. My boyfriend and I were supposed to leave for 2 weeks in Costa Rica 2 days ago. Unfortunately my "heartburn" attacks hit hard monday morning and chest pains and shortness of breath ended me up in the ER on wednesday. I knew they were going to say I was fine and send me home but boyfriend wanted me to check anyways. Imagine my surprise when the ER doc pressed on my right upper abs and I almost decked her. It was so tender! I was admitted to the hospital for 2 days with tests and sonograms. My gallbladder has stones and is inflammed and needs to be removed. So, Costa Rica? Cancelled. And, since I don't have a fever I have to wIT 3-4 weeks to see if the inflammation will go down and the surgery will be safer.
The good news is, I am not in need of urgent medical attention while in a foreign country! Really, I am happy that I now know what has been slowing me down. What I thought was heartburn was really a combination of heartburn and gallbladder attacks. They had been getting more and more frequent (2-3 a week). And, since they usually hit at 4-5am and lasting 2-3 hours, my sleep was not good. I am still exhausted and right now I am in pain most of the time. The only thing that changes is the degree of pain and I am changing things around in the food category and I am effectively managing the pain that way.
So, really right now eating right = much less pain and staying healthy has a new meaning. I am just excited to maybe have enough energy to start working out again soon.
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