Thursday, June 12, 2008
So as I was reading the new posts on one of my teams, a remark was made that someone who gets to be really large is trying to kill themselves. I seriously take offense to that because never in my wildest dreams (or nightmares) did I ever think my top weight would be nearly 500 pounds! The weight just "comes on" and you do not realize it! When you get to a certain size, another 10 pounds is nothing, it is not noticed and being I was never nor ever will be scale obsessed, I never realized how heavy I was until I went to the Dr or when I got on the scale at weight watchers. Considering the Dr's scale never went up high enough.
You cannot judge a whole group of people by 1 person you know in that similar position.
Sure we gained weight for different reasons.. I have a number of reasons why and I will tell you...
1- I did start to gain when I was younger to not appear pretty so the person who was sexually abusing me would stop. I was 145 then.
2- At 17, I left an abusive situation at home to come live with my Nana where I received love and food. I returned to my mother's home for a visit where a traumatic thing happened and I gained more. I was now 185
3- At 18, I tore the cartilage in my knee, started to gain weight, had 2 surgeries and ruined my chances of joining the Navy. I was now 250.
4- At 22, I got pregnant with my daughter (now 21) and got as high as 315 but 2 weeks after her birth I was back down to 250.
5- I began dating a Portuguese guy when my daughter was 2, he liked to feed me! In 2 years I gained another 50 pounds. I am now 300 pounds.
6- MY job closed and I was unemployed and sat around for a year-- gained another 50 pounds. I am now 350 pounds.
7- I dated another feeder for 8 years.. Within that time frame I gained over 100 pounds in a 4-year period from 1999-2003. I am now 450+.
8- I got rid of him, dated a friend I had known many years.. joined Weight Watchers and lost 52.2 pounds.. I almost got to "threedom", then I was put on a medication (provera) and I gained 30 pounds in 3 months. I had a hysterectomy and by almost 2 years later I was up to 474.2 in May on 2008.
I do not enjoy:
1- being judged when I put food in my mouth
2- being stared at
3- being made fun of
4- having pain when I walk
5- not being able to stand for long periods
6- wondering whether I will wake up in the morning
7- not being able to get up from my seat on the first try
8- not making to the bathroom on time
9- breaking furniture, toilet seats, car seats
10-not being able to shop off the rack for my clothing
and that is just 10 things.
I am not :
3- trying to kill myself
5- a piece of garbage that people can treat how they like
10-Trying to be the best I can be!
So that is my story and I am sticking to it. Just the view from inside a super morbidly obese woman's mind. Thank you for reading this. I hope it has opened some eyes.