TRACY180   20,050
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TRACY180's Recent Blog Entries

I hate to argue. (Warning: major whining.)

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I hate to argue. The crying. The stingy eyes. The head ache after wards. The obsessing about it at work the next day. I hope I don't cry at work tomorrow. The worse part, I'm not sure why we argued. It was like she was waiting for the chance. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguingI don't know how long it will take to get to sleep tonight. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. There is nothing in this world worse than arguing with a loved one. I try to be nice but it doesn't seem to help. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. i hate arguing. I hate arguing. There is nothing worse than arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. i hate arguing. I hate arguing. I think I'd rather die than be forced to argue with someone everyday of the rest of my life. Is Hell worse than arguing? Will we argue in heaven? How does one avoid something as unpleasant as arguing? Will I ever be able to live with another human being? Am I better off as a hermit? Then i could avoid arguing. Oh, I forgot the inner shakey feeling that I have been having off and on now. I hate arguine. My finger is all wet from my stupid tears. I hate crying myself to sleep. Tired of my whining yet? I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate arguing. I hate this head ache. I hate...

  
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ALORA23 9/11/2011 11:26PM

    It was a little repetitive, but I'm not asking for my two minutes back... yet.

I married someone who doesn't argue with me, but I was in relationships like that before. Maybe learn to do what my husband does... stay quiet and let the other person get it out and cool down. I eventually learned that arguing wasn't worth it because I was the only one losing it.

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Summer challenge weekly progress

Friday, July 22, 2011

I had a good week and a kind of bad week too.
I managed to do 62 minutes of jogging around the block (very slowly) today.
On the nutrition front, I managed to stay within calories for Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
I managed to finish my dishes this week, washed the top of the stove and my microwave. Woo Hoo!
Now for the negative of the week. I did little exercise outside of today. Reminder: I work at a drug store. I managed to get 12,000 steps in at work and by walking to and from the bus stops to get to and from work today. I failed to track on Sunday and didn't finish tracking yesterday. Today, I overate by eating SIX rolls while waiting for my left overs from yesterday to warm up. It is now time for me to do the dishes again if I have any energy after the 62 minute jog and 12,000 steps at work today. (Maybe that is why I get lazy after work sometimes. Maybe I work hard or something. You think?)

  
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AMBERLEIGHM1 7/23/2011 3:13PM

    Sounds like you had a tough day, that's great you could jog that long in this heat. I'm sorry not everything worked out but you tried and realize that you did some really good things so that is always great. If you need a day to unwind that's fine because it helps everything be in a better perspective and easier to handle. Have a blessed weekend.

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MOSTMOM1 7/23/2011 9:41AM

    It can definitely be hard to summon up the energy after working all day. Good job recognizing the positives, though! Next week will probably be even better!


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three miles in 50 minutes

Thursday, July 07, 2011

The last three miles that I walked/jogged, I did it in 55 minutes. Today, I managed to jog the whole time and shaved 5 minutes off my time. Can you tell that I am a very slow jogger? I can't imagine getting down to a 15 minute mile or something like that. I still can't believe that I managed to jog (very slowly) for the whole thing. I always thought my jog was only slightly faster than my fast walk. I see that I was right on that one. Is there any other ssllooow joggers out there? How do you work on speeding up your speed?

  
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GINNJEN2000 7/8/2011 10:09AM

    Way to go on getting your time down and the miles in. I dont jog as of yet but maybe in time I will. Slow or not it will be a jog and that is an accomplishment in and of itself so down worry about it and realize you did it.

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MOTIVATED@LAST 7/7/2011 10:33PM

    Great work!

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SKIRNIR 7/7/2011 5:58PM

    Keep it up and you will make it to a 15 minute mile as I have walking.

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riding a bike for the first time...Again.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

I haven't rode a bike since i was a little kid. After I managed to figure out how to pump up the tires. (I had to watch a wiki how video to figure out that the pump had a locking device on it.) I then hauled my bike down my steps and outside. I rode around the block with making only left turns at first. I managed to remember that the breaks is now in the handle and not in the peddles like when I was a kid. Then, I tried to ride around the block with right turns. I kept running into the street poles. I'd go to stop by pedaling backwards or push the hand breaks too hard which messes up my ability to guide the bike. One guy who was sitting at the deli ask if I was okay. I explained that I have not rode a bike since childhood. Now my right arm is sore from pumping the tires and holding onto the handle bars. I found that the bike makes me have to crouch a little because the handle bars are more of the curved ones rather the straight ones like when i was a kid. I didn't even touch the gears. I have never used gears on a bike. I figured I'd save that for a future attempt. I suspect a few car drivers were having a good laugh at the odd looking woman attempting to ride a bike. I am glad that I don't need training wheels again.
Any one else have this kind of trouble when they tried to ride a bike for the first time in probably a decade and a half.

  
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KELLYJOSUNSHINE 6/26/2011 10:26AM

    Yay for you! Getting on a bike for the first time in many years takes some courage, especially if you're unsure of yourself and know you'll have an "audience," like you kinda did. What a great accomplishment! I encourage you not to stay with it.

Take your time getting to know the new bike. Like you, I use the Internet when I need help. I like the videos on a site called BicycleTutor.com and used them to tune up my bike this spring. A lot of his stuff is technical and probably not what you're needing now, but he does have a video explaining how to correctly shift gears and one on seat adjustment that you might find helpful. :)

My best to you on your new journey!

Be kind to yourself!

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DEELYNNE1 6/25/2011 6:30PM

    I keep wanting to try bike riding again but I have problems with my balance since my stroke 9 years ago and I'm not sure if I can balance on two wheels. I may need those training wheels for real! Your blog made me remember riding as a kid and flying down this huge hill on the alley behind our house, where you didn't even have to pedal to get started. I loved it! Some way, soon, I'm going to find somebody with a bike I can borrow and I'm going to see if I can manage to ride without falling over! Enjoyed your blog!

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BOSOXGYRL33 6/25/2011 6:20PM

    The important thing is you got out there and did it. Great Job! You even inspired me to dig my bike out of my basement and give it a go with the kids tonight. (I might need to go get a helmet first. lol) emoticon

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Weird dreams

Friday, February 25, 2011

I had some of the weirdest dreams last night. In one, I was in a wheel chair. I have been in a wheel chair in previous dreams except that I could walk. I'd get up and walk perfectly normally and people would stare usually in my dreams. This one had a new twist. The person asked me about it and I said something about needing to ask "the peanut gallory" about that sometime since I didn't understand the explanation that the doctor had given me the first time.
In another dream last night, I woke up in a hospital bed. I looked around and noticed that it was a hospital bed. I guessed I was in a hospital as a patient but had no idea why. i did have a headache and a lot of ringing in my ears but felt perfectly normal otherwise. I heard someone enter the room behind me. The person unzipped/zipped something and I heard a sound that sounded like flip flops being tossed into the floor. I thought I might have a new roommate and was going to roll over to see. It felt so real that it felt like I was in a mix between my room and a hospital when I woke up. I started thinking about how I sometimes fear losing my mind and going to a luny ben. I have heard good things about one of the hospitals here and once even fantasized about going into the psyc ward. But, I still fear losing my mind in this way. I suspect it is because I have always known that I am different than a lot of the people around me because I think differently. I have always been a very negative thinker. When i was a child, I had a horrible temper that I sometimes lossed control of. I still think about the odd fear of monsters coming out of the drain of my shower that I had when I was very depressed. It creeped me out because I felt scared of the monsters, knew that monsters don't exist and feared that I was losing my mind all at the same time. I sometimes wonder if the strange monster thinking will come back if i get really depressed. But, my psychiatrist was funny. He asked me if I put something over the drain in the shower. I said "No." I just laid looking in the direction of the door to the room that the bathroom is attached to. If you have ever felt like someone was directly behind you, then you have an idea of how the monster thinking felt like.

I just had to tell someone that doesn't actually know me. I like the anonymity of this site at times for some of my mental health stuff.

  
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MINNA72 2/26/2011 6:56AM

    Tracy,
I read somewhere that dreams about hospitals can signify a feeling of helplessness. That you are at your wit's end and need someone else to help you. Maybe in a way those dreams are healthy, your mind telling you what's going on?

I don't know, I'm no expert, obviously. I hope you figure it out and find something to help you feel better.



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CAMELA_55 2/26/2011 6:35AM

    Thanks for sharing your feelings and fears. I hope talking about it helped you feel better. Anytime you want to talk, I'm here to listen. I know it always helps me to know I am not alone in my fears.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/26/2011 6:36:09 AM

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