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driving anxiety part 3

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I have a driving lesson today. I will be doing something that I haven't done in over ten years. I'm scared. I want to hide under my bed covers instead of go. Why am I so scared of driving?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMELA_55 6/23/2010 7:41PM

    You are very BRAVE to drive when it would be so much easier not to. That's a huge accomplishment! You should be proud of yourself. The more you drive, the more confidence you will have and the less scary it will be.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JULSMUM 6/23/2010 4:47PM

    It is always hard when you set out to conquer an "obstacle". As the Bible says, "be of good courage" and keep on keeping on. You can conquer the fear of the drive!

Take care and God bless,

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TRACY180 6/23/2010 1:12PM

    I did okay but my right turns reminded me of a semi rather than a itty bitty car. I did manage to get better at staying on my side of the road when turning right. I almost treated a two way stop intersection like a four way even though I noticed that it was a two way.
I was shaking when I got out of the car. I have already had my second cry of the day.
I want to learn how to drive but it's SCARY. I wasn't too scared on the smallest roads but the return home was SCARY for me. emoticon emoticon

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SKIRNIR 6/23/2010 12:59PM

    You have a driving lesson?! Good for you!

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My other blog

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I started another blog. I have talked about the struggle of recently released prisoners and how I have integrated some of my counseling studies and Christianity.

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SERENEMOM71 6/16/2010 3:38PM

  I will look it up - thanks for sharing!
Know that I continue to pray for you.
Love, your sister in Christ,
Amy L emoticon

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Driving anxiety Part 2

Friday, June 11, 2010

I have been thinking about why I want to learn how to drive again. Here are my reasons.
1. I would be able to do a lot of things that I can't do or find frustrating now.
A. Grocery shopping would be easier.
B. I could sleep in some more before work at times (bus comes ones and hour and drops me off a little after the hour).
C. I could expand the area that I can walk around because I can drive to a different place to go for a walk or take pictures.
2. I could have more hours at work because my availability is more open.
3. I might could have a second job that involves helping others.
4. I would be less of a burden on my sister.

I have previously mentioned that I feel like a butterfly who is coming out of its cacoon. I have been afraid of change, things that I haven't done before, making bad decisions, making a fool of myself etc. I think that the counseling that I have had in the past, the anti-depressants, my hard work and Spark People have helped me to come out of from under my covers to explore the world a little bit. I hope to continue to expand my explorations until I am ready to function really well in the world.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMELA_55 6/12/2010 8:34AM

    Those are awesome reasons! Keep focused on those and you will be on your way to so many new and exciting experiences in your life.
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driving anxiety

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

I am scared of driving. I want to re-learn how to drive. I called two driving schools. They both have private lessons that are one-on-one but it costs quite a bit. I might try calling some other places but it is embarrassing to admit to having a driver's license and a fear of driving.
I have read of some people being scared of driving because of an accident that they were in but my fear seems to pre-date the start of my memories. I'm not sure on this because I don't remember feeling afraid until I was old enough to drive. I don't recall my parents or anyone else being in a car accident before this.
Yet, I am managing to lose weight which is amazing to me. I have also gotten less nervous at work and feeling more confident. But is that the anti-depressants confusing my brain or the talk therapy, positive affirmations and other re-thinking that I have done working with the anti-depressants?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERENEMOM71 6/10/2010 9:38AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon on the weight losss and all the other positive changes in your life!! That is wonderful and encouraging! I agree with the others. Usually fears aren't rational and I am happy that you are tackling the fear of driving head on. Don't be embarrassed about it - I know many people who should be afraid and aren't!

Know that I continue to pray for you!
God bless you and please take care.
Love, your sister in Christ,
Amy L emoticon emoticon

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CAMELA_55 6/10/2010 5:04AM

    I think most fears that inhibit us from everyday life are usually irrational. At least you are getting professional help with your problems.
Congrats on the weight loss and confidence. You are headed in the right direction! Blessings!
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L3DESIGNS 6/9/2010 5:32PM

    Great job for tackling your fears. Hopefully you can find an instructor that can help reduce your fears.

Great job on the weight loss. And on gaining confidence -- sounds like everything you are doing is contributing to your new self you are building. Keep on moving and you will reach your goals.

--Leah from the Rose Petals Team emoticon

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Bucket list

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

I just finished watching Bucket List. I cried at the end. I wrote up a list.
1. Encourage as many people as I can
2. Witness to others about God
3. Get married
4. Help others
5. Write a book
6. Have a kid
7. Fight the stigma of mental illness
8. Teach the word of God

I think that I am doing a lot of these such as trying to encourage people at Church, work and SparkPeople. I helped to get a fellow church member to open her Bible. Now she is asking questions about the Bible on a regular basis. This excites me so much.
BUT I don't have a family of my own. At the end of the story, both characters are with their family members. I want to get married some day and have a kid. I want someone to visit me when I am dying. I don't want to grow old and die alone. Who would want to marry a woman that can't afford much? I mean I can't even take a man out to a decent restaurant to get to know him better. I have been looking for a good Christian husband. I have only had two men who would have been willing to marry me. One was not a Christian and the other is a Christian but he has a lot of issues that I don't think he is willing to work through. I want a man who is interested in helping others too. I know of a man at my church but he had a girlfriend until he told her off because she wasn't working a recovery program. he did so many things for her but she just didn't seem to try on her own. I'm not sure that he would be interested in someone else right now.
I've always wanted to be a missionary. I sometimes think that I sure have the income of a missionary. i am trying to do what I can to help others but I am not comfortable with trying to spread the word. I don't even know how to do that.
God has given me a dream of helping others yet He hasn't given me a clear path on how to do that. He wants me to follow Him and trust Him. I don't like to follow and trust Him. I want Him to do it MY way.
Trusting God is not easy. That is why I have to keep practicing it day in and day out.
Dear God,
Help me to trust You even when I want to be there now or I want this not that. You know how strong my desires are and what pains me in a way that even I don't know. Thank You for being with me no matter what. I have always loved to think about how You promised to be with me "always even unto the end of the Earth." Sorry that I am such an annoying creature to deal with.
The image of a child saying from the back seat, "Are we there yet?" over and over again just came to my mind. I probably sound a bit like that kid to a God that lives in eternity rather than in this time constrained world of ours. I know that Your timing is perfect. I just wish it was more my time rather than Your timing. Help me to be patient and hold onto hope. Amen

PS. I ate too many potato chips again. At least I finally finished them. It took about half a week to finish one bag of chips. So you can tell that I overate on them. I probably won't buy chips for a while.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERENEMOM71 6/3/2010 1:29AM

  Your prayer was awesome! God will honor your prayer and requests. Just keep praying your prayer, trying to do His will every day, take one day @ a time, and He will reveal His perfect plan to you in His perfect time! I believe it! Now that I know what to pray for you specifically, I will pray that every day for you. When 2 or more of us are gathered in prayer..... your prayers will be answered!!! Know that you are cared for and loved!
God is using you to be a blessing to me and to others! God bless you and please take care!
Love, your sister in Christ,
Amy L emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAMELA_55 6/2/2010 9:29PM

    I agree 100%. "Trusting God is not easy." I have to learn to trust Him every day.

What a beautiful prayer. God hears you and loves you!

Glad those bag of chips are gone emoticon


Comment edited on: 6/2/2010 9:30:03 PM

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