TRACY180   21,339
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my motivation melted

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

I am so hot that I don't want to move again except to get cold food. Yogurt. Strawberries. Banana. Potato chips. I did okay all the way until tonight. I am so hot that I want to eat and not move. Whine. I might switching my air conditioner from fan to air condition but it doesn't work real well. Besides I hate when I see the bill if I go bizerk using air condition. It might increase my budget amount or something. Can I go sleep at the library or some where with a good air conditioner? What does people who can't pay their electric bill do during the hot months of summer? There is a law that keeps utilities from cutting customers during the winter but what do they do in the summer when they are cut off during the summer?
I hope I don't gain weight or stop losing weight because of this problem. I just weighed myself because it is driving me nuts. I am actually lower than my previous weigh ins. I hope that I don't gain weight. If I don't I will be able to say that I have lost 20 pounds on SparkPeople!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMELA_55 6/2/2010 7:08AM

    I live in GA and I can relate to heat and the need for A/C. We had to go without A/C one summer though because it broke and we didn't have the money to get a new one. No fun, but we survived. Thank God we had an attic fan.

Keep focused on eating the fruit and yogurt and pass up the potato chip aisle at the grocery store. I can't resist potato chips either. If I buy them, I WILL eat them.

Congrats on losing 20 lbs so far!! Keep up the good work! You can do it!!

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SERENEMOM71 6/2/2010 12:27AM

  I don't know where you live, but where I live, they do have places to sleep when they temp is above a certain point as people can die when it gets too hot. Running fans all day possibly can be as expensive as an air conditioner depending upon how expensive and how efficient your air conditioner is. Only your electric company could tell you that. Sometimes they will come out and tell you that for free - call them and see if they do energy audits for you - some do and some don't. It doesn't hurt to call.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless and take care.
Love, your sister in Christ,
Amy L.
Congrats on the weight loss! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Saturday, May 15, 2010

I have been wanting to find a way to make a little money on the side and share my love of photography. I want to find a good website where i can subscribe to it, post my pictures on it and sell them. I found one site that was referenced on the photo team that I am a part of but would like the thoughts of others on this idea.
How do I know if a website and/or company is reputable before I try to subscribe to it? I doubt that better business bureau would have a list of reputable photography selling sites.
I am also concerned that very few people may want to buy any of my pictures. I like to make pictures with Bible verses or inspirational quotes on them. But, I am rather limited on what I can do as quotes. I am pretty sure that the King James Bible isn't copyrighted anymore. But, most quotes are probably copyrighted. I can sometimes write a decent poem but not a lot.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERENEMOM71 5/18/2010 4:04AM

  I don't have any answers to your questions, but I will really pray hard that God give you guidance to your questions! Please pray too, listen to your "gut" , and listen to any good advice that you receive. I bet that people would be interested in your pictures! You would be surprised @ people who want good Christian pictures with bible verses! Start small and also see if any Christian bookstores would be interested in your work. Are there any in your town? If they see your work in frames, they might be willing to take some of it on!
Know that I am praying for you! What a great idea! Don't get discouraged - pray about it and see if this is God's will for your life! If it is. it will be successful, I believe that it will!
Love, your sister in Christ,
Amy L emoticon

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ANDIEBM71 5/17/2010 2:02PM

    There are a lot of websites like and There is a lot of handmade stuff as well as photography and art. Check it out before you subscribe to anything because it may be free to join.

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DOG attack

Monday, May 10, 2010

DOG is my acronym for my depression. It stands for
D arn what does he/she think of me?
O h, God, I hate my life.
G ot to be perfect

I have a new manager at work. She is only 26 years old. I felt like I was discovering that my new boss is a little girl. I can't understand how someone who possibly become a store manager when he/she is only 26. I mean I was running a cash register at a grocery store when she was probably 16 years old.
I felt like such a LOSER. I mean I went to college and I run a cash register. I have almost never been promoted. When I was kind of "promoted" it was because of all the people who knew anything about photo had left. So, the manager asked me to be photo supervisor. What did I get for the alleged promotion? A new name tag. I hate my insurance. I'm afraid that premiums are going to go up when the insurance companies have to remove the caps/limits. My insurance is only affordable because of the fact that EVERYTHING is limited. I still haven't figured out what success is. I have been trying to use the idea of achieving a goal but I feel like a loser even though I am succeeding at losing weight and thinking about some other ideas that could spice up my hobbies some.
I managed not to cry during work or tell the new manager that "I hate new managers." I told one of my former managers that on his first week. It might have even been his first day but he asked me why I was crying. I hate change of any kind.
Why does change scare me so much? (I'm crying again.) I cried during my lunch break and came back with very red eyes. I almost starting crying while running the register but managed to just focus on work and the customers instead of my distaste for change, the fact that my company has an annoying habit of hireing people and promoting them over my head. I wonder if she worked for this company/store as long as I have.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEHEALTHYAGAIN 5/11/2010 2:23PM

    Tracy~~Hope you're doing better today. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AREBMAN 5/11/2010 9:44AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SERENEMOM71 5/11/2010 12:14AM

  Tracey, you sound pretty down. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, maybe it might be a good idea to talk about your job and some of the other issues you are struggling with. Your insurance should cover the cost of one - if not, your company should cover one for several sessions confidentially. Your human resources should have that information. If you don't have a human resources office, then call your insurance re any info they might have. Just a suggestion. If you don't want to do therapy, check on your medication - and see if it needs an adjustment if the sadness/anger continues for more than two weeks.

Know that I care for you and am praying for you.
Love, your sister in Christ,
Amy L emoticon

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Friday, May 07, 2010

I weigh around 163.8 pounds. I am sooo close to the obese line that I want to squeal. For a 5 foot 2 person, the obese line is 163 according to Spark People. I am so close. I hope I make it in a few days.
I can tell sometimes that I am smaller in some areas. I sometimes catch myself in the mirror at work and notice that I don't look right. I just don't quite look like me. I have lost some weight somewhere on my body. I wish I could figure out which part of my body is producing the odd feeling of not quite looking like me though.
I still have around 30 pounds to lose before I hit my goal weight (healthy weight according to BMI chart).
What will I look like when I weigh around 130? Will I look like a bean poll. I don't want to look skinny. I used to have really knobby elbows and thought of myself as skinny. I don't want to look like skin and bones. I have a supervisor at work that looks like skin and bones. I hope that I will look healthy rather than like skin and bones if I get down to 130 pounds. I have been looking at other people a lot lately. I have been noticing everyone who is a lot fatter than me and skinnier than me.
I might not want to be 130 if I start to look too skinny for me. I of course still have plenty of fat on my stomach and breasts to lose right now. i especially don't want to look like a skinny person with HUGE breasts. I sometimes fantasize about reducing there size. I think I might have even lost a little bit of weight in that area.
As a kid, I used to sleep on my stomach. I quit doing that because it hurt my back to do it. I have found that I have been rolling over on my stomach ones an a while. It reminds me of sleeping as a kid. I still can't sleep that way much because it still strains the back some.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_FALINE_ 5/9/2010 11:38AM

    I am also 5'2" and my goal is 130 lbs. Like you I don't really want to look skinny either. According to the chart I have I should weigh 115-130 and 130 is the top of the normal scale. I used to weigh that much 10 years ago and thought I looked just fine. That was about a size 10 jeans for me. I will be glad to get back to that.

emoticon emoticon

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CRUISEBOUND2014 5/8/2010 9:31PM

    Congratulations on your weight loss so far! You will be able to "maintain" when you are at a comfortable weight that is right for you. Take it one step at a time. You CAN do it!
emoticon emoticon

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SERENEMOM71 5/8/2010 12:45AM

  Congrats for noticing that you are losing weight! That is great! The nice thing about losing weight is that you can stop anytime you want to! So if you start to get down to your goal weight and feel you might look "too" skinny - just sit on your weight for a while and just get used to it. You might or might not feel that way after a little bit!

I'm still praying for you!
Love, Your sister in Christ,
Amy L emoticon

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mental health stigma

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

I love my church and try the best that I can to let them know what I struggle with. I hope that this will help them to understand the struggles of people with mental health issues. We have a Bible study that meets at a nearby work release jail. We also give them rides to our church services if they want to come and are approved for the program by the department of Corrections. So, I know that we will have people at my church who struggle with mental health issues at times. I sometimes get the impression from some people that Christians shouldn't have a need for psychiatric drugs. This frustrates me because I know that there is a biological component to my depression. It is okay to take insulin and believe in God without having to wonder if people think you are less spiritual because of it. So why does taking a psychiatric drug seem to mean that the person is depending on a drug, therapist, psychiatrist instead of God? I am hoping that I can make it easier on other people who struggle with depression or other mental health issues by trying to let my fellow church members see my struggles. I hope this will help them to respond in a empathetic way when others come into their lives with a mental health struggle of some kind.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONTARIOWALKER63 5/5/2010 8:15AM

    I hear ya on this one! I struggle with depression, as does my daughter (who's 25 yrs old). Summer months aren't as bad for me, as winter months are (Dec is my worst month.. I could just hibernate all month long) I'm always amazed at the stigma that is still attached. I was first diagnosed back in the late 80's .. and really.. in the eyes of the everyday public.. the stigma is still there.

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