TRACY180   21,371
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bad dreams

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I had some bad dreams this morning. My body still has feeling of fear. I hope this feeling doesn't ruin church today. I didn't want to come out from under the covers this morning.

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SERENEMOM71 4/18/2010 7:11PM

  I'm sorry that you had such a bad nightmare! I hope that you do go to church today as being with other Christians and in worship with God does help to dispel fear and the leftover feelings of that nightmare. Please pray for the warmth of God's love (as I am) to surround you today and for you to be enfolded in God's embrace as you live out the rest of the day. Remember that God does not forget you as your "name is carved on the palm of my hands."

I am thinking of you today and praying for you, too.
God Bless you and take care.
Love, Your sister in Christ,
Amy L

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Positive quotes

Saturday, April 17, 2010

If you have read my earlier blog today, you know that I am in the mood for a big me up. I have a collection of quotes that I used to read on a daily basis.

Just for today, I will remember to be thankful for God's presence and trust my future to His able hands. (I wrote this one.)

Just for today, I will try to be happy, realizing my happiness does not depend on what others do or say or what happens around me. Happiness is a result of being at peace with God and myself.
Emotions Anonymous Just for today with the words "with God" added by me.

Just for today, I will try to adjust myself to what is and not force everything to adjust to my own desires. I will accept my family, my friends, my business, my circumstances as they come.
EA Just for today

in the midst of trials and the stresses, just for today, I can do my best and let God take the rest. EA quote

Just for today, I will not compare myself with others. I will accept myself and live to the best of my ability. EA Just for today

Please, God, give me the courage to practice new behaviors and thinking styles. (I think I wrote this but not sure)

We need to remember that everyone makes mistakes. We will never be perfect. Narcotics Anonymous book

We should all try to do our best, but shouldn't beat up on ourselves when we do less. The Recovery Book by Al J Mooney, MD, Arlene Eisenberg and Haword Eisenberg

When I feel depressed, unloved, uncared for, abandoned and left out of life, I can practice gratitude. Co-dependents guide to the 12 steps

God has not called me to be successful, he has called me to be faithful. Mother Teresa

There are tears as well as laughs in life, tragedies and triumphs, and you have to make the most of every moment and a miracle of every morning. Nancy Reagan

Giving thanks in the midst of a painful situation helps alleviate the pain. Words that heal the blues

If you are giving, loving, serving, helping, encouraging, and adding value to others, you are living a useful life. That is significance.
The journey from success to significance

Here are some of those quotes. I dropped some and shared others.

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NORLANA 4/18/2010 8:21AM

    This is very good. One thing I learned years ago ... take the word "try" out of your affirmations.

"Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'"
-- Jedi Master Yoda

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SONYALATRECE 4/17/2010 11:59PM

    Thanks! These are such inspirational quotes. Keep up the encouragement!

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ECASPERS 4/17/2010 11:54PM

    Love the quotes. Cool.

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SHAWWB 4/17/2010 11:52PM

    I love the quotes. I keep a binder with the quotes that speak to me, on my desk at work. I display a different quote almost every day. My favorite still remains "Failure is not defeat until you give up!". Hope your quotes help bring you up. Have a nice rest of the weekend.

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negative thinking

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I have been feeling down a little lately. I have been at my current job for over six years. I don't make much a year. The state takes money from the middle class and gives it to me. Is that fair? Have I done something wrong to be unable to make a decent living? I fell into the trap of comparing myself to someone else. He was describing his past success as a door to door salesman. He got caught in a gambling addiction. I have never been self sufficient. My sister does my laundry for me. I only have 22 hours at work this next week. I still live in my icky apartment. I know that everyone is struggling with this stupid economy. Some people are saying that the economy is getting better but it still feels sickly to me.
Health care reform scares me. I keep wondering if my insurance premiums will go up because of the plan of removing the lifetime limits. I am afraid of losing my insurance if my premiums go up. How can my insurance afford to pay for people's medical costs if there are limits on what can be restricted like it sounds like the health care reform act will change. Then I could get stuck on medicaid.
I sometimes feel like its the people like me (the poor) who get dumped on the most by our economy. I know that everyone is struggling but I hate when I go shopping and feel like my food bill is soooo high.
I want money.
job security
a chance to help others
God gives me himself and promises to care for me...
I love God but I want something that I can touch or verify its existence. It is hard for me to remember that God is with me always.

Dear God,
Help me to remember that You are with me and that you will take care of me even when I am scared of the unknown. I hate the unknown because it scares me. Its like walking down a dark path and not being able to see in front of myself. I remember past times when You have helped me but I am frightened of tripping over something or walking off a cliff because I can't see what is ahead of me. I know that Jesus is walking beside me but I can't see him. I reach for him and try to follow His voice in my frightened way. Help me to trust. Help me to put my future into your hands. I hate the feeling of being out of control of my life but I am. Help me to stay on Jesus' side even when Satan tries to distract me.
"Though I walk through the valley of death, I fear no evil..." I wish I could say that I fear no evil. I fear the future and poverty. I don't want to be any poorer than I am already. "I will be with You always even unto the ends of the world." What a promise. Help me to remember that you are beside me no matter what is happening in the world or in my anxious and/or depressed mind. Amen
PS re-reading this prayer is making me cry. It describes my feelings rather well.

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BOTECCHIA 4/17/2010 10:40PM

  Wow that sounds pretty tough. A story I heard today talked about a Cherokee man telling his son about two wolves that live inside us and are constantly fighting. One is good and positive the other negative and destructive. The little boy asked which wolf wins. The man said the one we feed!

I am one of the Americans without employment that would be glad to have even 22 hr/wk. I however woke up this morning, have my health, ate nutritiously, am clothed and have shelter which is more than many, many people did today- for real. I have gratitude for those things.

I am so sorry that there is so much fear mongering out there that has people so frightened and anxious. I try to pay attention to what I let in. If I'm going to check in with the news I make sure it's credible journalism that is supported by fact checking. If it's sensationalized I'm sceptical, if I feel bad or anxious I turn it off. That one think I control. try getting your news from the National Public Radio which gives in depth discussions on topics like health reform. Or just wait and see what happens worry changes nothing except our well being. All the best to you. Wow if my sister would do my laundry I'd be thrilled!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/17/2010 10:45:15 PM

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lab tests, finances and other things

Friday, April 16, 2010

I received a letter from my doctor stating that all of my blood tests were normal again! I haven't had a physical since 2007 or 2006. So I am relieved to see that my numbers are still normal.
I have been crabby earlier today. I just picked up a pay stub at work and it wasn't even up to 4,000 for 2010 yet. I hate that I feel poor and that the government takes money from the middle class and gives a little of it to me. Why should the middle class have to help me? Isn't that what they are doing if I get a refund that is higher than what I paid in? My state does this every year. I think the US did it this year too.
I keep thinking about trying to find a different job but I find myself bored to tears with most jobs out there. I want to help people rather than make a cash register go (like I do now), sell them something (car sales, etc), ...

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NORLANA 4/17/2010 7:23PM

    HI Tracy- Glad to hear you got good news from your Doctor. I sugges the newly released book LINCHPIN by Seth Godin. It is a great book and will inspire you to make some tough choices. You can make a difference in your job.

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CERIUSLY 4/17/2010 11:28AM

    Good to know you are in good health! I understand about finances. The economy is terrible and the people pay the price.
i try to be thankful for my job every day, Even though at times it's stressful and I sometimes wish I were just ringing up sales someplace. I always try to remember to count my blessings.

Thank you for encouraging your fellow Lady Bugs! I appreciate you! emoticon

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I think I am starting to like my body

Friday, April 09, 2010

I weighted myself this morning and I am less than 170 pounds. I am pleased that I have managed to loss around ten pounds over the past four months. I know that Spark People has helped me to be more consistent in exercise and watching what I eat.
I have caught myself playing with my muscles. I sometimes flex my arm muscles and look at them. I am pleased to see that I can see them and not much fat on my arms. I can see my lower leg muscle like when I used to participate in cross country when I was in high school. I still have a double stomach which I hope to get rid of.
I am still struggling with depression and am waiting to see if I am "normal" when it comes to my fasting blood test.
I intend to continue to try to loss weight until I can get out of the obese category. Then I hope to get out of the overweight category of the BMI chart and get into the normal/healthy category.

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NORLANA 4/10/2010 12:11AM

    WOooHoooo!! You are doing great! Keep up the great work and yes, I am seeing my muscles coming along too so I know what you are talking about :) LOL

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SERENEMOM71 4/9/2010 5:21PM

  emoticon You are emoticon emoticonon your weight loss and muscle gain! That is great because muscle weighs more than fat so you actually lost more than 10 pounds if you think about it! Good for you for exercising so much and having muscles to prove it. I am really proud of you for being so consistent!!

Thanks for sharing your success! Depression is a disease and you will recover in time. Keep praying and doing what you need to do to heal yourself. Talking about it is certainly one thing!
God bless you and take care. I will certainly continue to pray for you!
Love, Your sister in Christ,
Amy L emoticon

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TODAYSAGIFT 4/9/2010 3:00PM

    emoticon - you're doing emoticon! As for depression, just remember love is patient, love is kind.

Happy Friday!

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SHARKAR02 4/9/2010 1:51PM

    Wonderful. You are doing great!

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    emoticon emoticon

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