new to me pants

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I bought two pairs of slacks at Good will today. I found two size 14 pants that I can fit. I seemed to big too small for 16 but slightly too big for 14 for some of them. Then I found two 14 that fit me perfectly. I think it looks less baggy than the 16 size pants that I have been wearing lately.
I hope that I find myself getting skinny enough to have to buy some smaller pants later in the year. I think the smallest size that I have fit is 12. I don't think I have ever been smaller than that. I hope that I don't get too skinny in my persuit of getting a weight in the healthy range of the BMI chart. I can't remember what I looked like when I weighed 130 or 120 which is within the healthy range of the BMI chart for me (I am 5 foot 2 according to my doctor).

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRANDMA_OF_16 4/24/2010 6:14PM

You are doing GREAT! Keep moving forward and you will be so beautiful and happy. Report Inappropriate Comment

SERENEMOM71 4/22/2010 7:34PM

WOW! That is wonderful progress! Report Inappropriate Comment

DEVANDYLAN 4/22/2010 6:55PM

That is exciting! Awesome job! Report Inappropriate Comment

EUGENERUGOSA 4/22/2010 8:38AM

congrats on the new pants size!! It is exciting to see hard work pay off! Report Inappropriate Comment

CAMELA_55 4/21/2010 11:43PM

Doesn't it feel so good to fit into a smaller size!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SHARKAR02 4/21/2010 11:30PM

Congrats on the smaller size! Report Inappropriate Comment

obesity rant

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I just finished watching a movie called Fat:What no one is telling you. It got me started on ranting about things. So, I want to rant some about the subject of obesity and the struggle to lose weight.
I remember that I said some fat jokes to one of my teachers in high school who was fat and coached the football team and the track team. I think he let me get away with it because I was on the track team and I only said a joke a few times before I realized that I should stop doing it. I did because I was the most unpopular kid in my school and I wanted to make people laugh. My brother was very fat. So, I learned how to make a fat joke at an early age. I regret having done that because I don't want to add to the pain that the most overweight people have experienced.
I do think that exercise and watching portion size can help someone to lose weight but it is EXTREMELY hard. If a person is really heavy set, almost anything will wear the person out. I have a friend that if he gets up, he breathes as hard as I do when I am trying to exercise. I made the mistake of asking him on the phone if he was exercising or something. He also has bad knees. I know that if I had gotten to that point, I would have had a much harder battle than I do now. I can't even imagine how some one can lose 100 pounds. I have only lost 15 pounds or so. That was hard enough. I hate the feeling hungry and not eating part. I have been having trouble with one of my knees. I have trouble doing high impact exercise like jogging. I jogged around a mile and a half today. My knee hurt some. Then I did 50 jumping jacks to add to the lady bug team's total. I don't want to do anymore because I am concerned that I might be to stiff to go to work. I need to have lots of energy for work.
I don't know how people who sit at a desk all day manage to maintain their weight let alone lose weight. I work a cash register. So, I am on my feet all day except during my half an hour lunch. I try to do other things in between customers. This means that I am constantly walking at work. I took a pedometer to work once and got a lot of steps. i don't remember what it was. I took the pedometer once to the grocery store and did around 5,000 steps then. Huh? You may ask. Easy. I walked from my home to the bus depot. Then I walked from the bus stop to the store. I walk through every aisle of the store. Once I am done, I walk to the bus stop and from the bus depot to my home. It takes me around 10 to 15 minutes to walk to the bus depot. How does someone who works a desk job and drives their own car do it?
I went to the grocery store and bought some vegetables and fruits for our freggies eating challenge and spent $50 on food. I think that unhealthy foods are cheaper than healthy foods. I can afford them only because I am eating less of them than before I started this adventure. Our finances does effect our ability to eat healthy and exercise. I have no idea how someone with two jobs could possibly eat healthy and have time to exercise. I used to have co-workers who worked two jobs. They'd be worn out by the time that they got to my work place. How can they have time to do this?
I am amazed by the portion sizes in restaurants. I can't imagine how someone who travels a lot can manage to regulate how much they eat. I can put stuff aside when I am at home, but I feel like I need to eat my money's worth if I go out to eat. (I can't afford to go out to eat much) Many times we don't have time to take left overs home and then head out to whatever it is that we have scheduled. So, we can't even take the food home to eat later. How am I supposed to eat only what i need to satisfy myself when I know that they will throw the left overs away? My doctor suggested that i cut back on sodium. How can I do that when I can't even find frozen meal in some "healthy" brands that isn't stuffed with salt? I have thought about protesting to some of the companies.
Where does this rant get me? I think it helps me to understand the struggle that is involved in losing weight. I will try to monitor my thinking and behavior for discriminatory behavior towards obese people. I suspect that deep in my thinking there is some anti-obese people thinking there. I wonder if I could easily fall pray to the "He is lazy thinking." I used to have a co-worker who wouldn't do any low down work and a supervisor thought he was lazy. I was confused by this since he didn't seem lazy to me. Maybe, it was an issue that his obesity made it impossible or almost impossible to get into the floor to stock the lowest shelf of the store. I tend to take for granted the things that I can do like walk, run, jog, sit down in the floor, weed a garden etc. I have seen a friend of mine weed a garden by laying down and doing it. He can't sit down and lean forwards to weed a garden. I had never realized how thankful I am that I have not gotten obese enough to have that struggle.
I am so close to getting below the obesity line for my height. I am so excited. I can't wait to be classified as overweight rather than obese. I struggle with depression and hate that label. I am starting to see that the obese label/stigma is stronger because I can hide my depression. But, an obese person can not hide their problem.
Sorry about the big long entry but I haven't really thought that adults insult people about being obese. Yet, one person said that people remind him/her that he/she is fat everyday. Is that true? Are we really that cruel as a society? What does this say about us?

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KLEEWILLSPARK 4/21/2010 10:31PM

Absolutely a very true rant! Thank you for this post! Report Inappropriate Comment

SERENEMOM71 4/21/2010 12:59AM

Yes, society is not only cruel but weird. I was watching the Today Show the other day and Ann Coulter stated that obese people who wore a size 12 (can you believe it!) and wanted to get down to a normal size 2 to 4, blah, blah, blah. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Since when was a size 12 obese? I'm tired of hearing how "thin" we all should be and let's just talk about being a healthy weight, size, and BMI for our body! There, I got my rant out! Thanks for sharing. I'm thinking of and praying for you. Love, your sister in Christ, Amy L Report Inappropriate Comment

MORGANLAFEE 4/20/2010 10:42PM

Your rant is so true. Thank you for sharing. Report Inappropriate Comment

bad dreams

Sunday, April 18, 2010

I had some bad dreams this morning. My body still has feeling of fear. I hope this feeling doesn't ruin church today. I didn't want to come out from under the covers this morning.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERENEMOM71 4/18/2010 7:11PM

I'm sorry that you had such a bad nightmare! I hope that you do go to church today as being with other Christians and in worship with God does help to dispel fear and the leftover feelings of that nightmare. Please pray for the warmth of God's love (as I am) to surround you today and for you to be enfolded in God's embrace as you live out the rest of the day. Remember that God does not forget you as your "name is carved on the palm of my hands." I am thinking of you today and praying for you, too. God Bless you and take care. Love, Your sister in Christ, Amy L Report Inappropriate Comment

Positive quotes

Saturday, April 17, 2010

If you have read my earlier blog today, you know that I am in the mood for a big me up. I have a collection of quotes that I used to read on a daily basis.

Just for today, I will remember to be thankful for God's presence and trust my future to His able hands. (I wrote this one.)

Just for today, I will try to be happy, realizing my happiness does not depend on what others do or say or what happens around me. Happiness is a result of being at peace with God and myself.
Emotions Anonymous Just for today with the words "with God" added by me.

Just for today, I will try to adjust myself to what is and not force everything to adjust to my own desires. I will accept my family, my friends, my business, my circumstances as they come.
EA Just for today

in the midst of trials and the stresses, just for today, I can do my best and let God take the rest. EA quote

Just for today, I will not compare myself with others. I will accept myself and live to the best of my ability. EA Just for today

Please, God, give me the courage to practice new behaviors and thinking styles. (I think I wrote this but not sure)

We need to remember that everyone makes mistakes. We will never be perfect. Narcotics Anonymous book

We should all try to do our best, but shouldn't beat up on ourselves when we do less. The Recovery Book by Al J Mooney, MD, Arlene Eisenberg and Haword Eisenberg

When I feel depressed, unloved, uncared for, abandoned and left out of life, I can practice gratitude. Co-dependents guide to the 12 steps

God has not called me to be successful, he has called me to be faithful. Mother Teresa

There are tears as well as laughs in life, tragedies and triumphs, and you have to make the most of every moment and a miracle of every morning. Nancy Reagan

Giving thanks in the midst of a painful situation helps alleviate the pain. Words that heal the blues

If you are giving, loving, serving, helping, encouraging, and adding value to others, you are living a useful life. That is significance.
The journey from success to significance

Here are some of those quotes. I dropped some and shared others.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NORLANA 4/18/2010 8:21AM

This is very good. One thing I learned years ago ... take the word "try" out of your affirmations. "Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'" -- Jedi Master Yoda Report Inappropriate Comment

SONYALATRECE 4/17/2010 11:59PM

Thanks! These are such inspirational quotes. Keep up the encouragement! Report Inappropriate Comment

ECASPERS 4/17/2010 11:54PM

Love the quotes. Cool. Report Inappropriate Comment

SHAWWB 4/17/2010 11:52PM

I love the quotes. I keep a binder with the quotes that speak to me, on my desk at work. I display a different quote almost every day. My favorite still remains "Failure is not defeat until you give up!". Hope your quotes help bring you up. Have a nice rest of the weekend. Report Inappropriate Comment

negative thinking

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I have been feeling down a little lately. I have been at my current job for over six years. I don't make much a year. The state takes money from the middle class and gives it to me. Is that fair? Have I done something wrong to be unable to make a decent living? I fell into the trap of comparing myself to someone else. He was describing his past success as a door to door salesman. He got caught in a gambling addiction. I have never been self sufficient. My sister does my laundry for me. I only have 22 hours at work this next week. I still live in my icky apartment. I know that everyone is struggling with this stupid economy. Some people are saying that the economy is getting better but it still feels sickly to me.
Health care reform scares me. I keep wondering if my insurance premiums will go up because of the plan of removing the lifetime limits. I am afraid of losing my insurance if my premiums go up. How can my insurance afford to pay for people's medical costs if there are limits on what can be restricted like it sounds like the health care reform act will change. Then I could get stuck on medicaid.
I sometimes feel like its the people like me (the poor) who get dumped on the most by our economy. I know that everyone is struggling but I hate when I go shopping and feel like my food bill is soooo high.
I want money.
job security
a chance to help others
God gives me himself and promises to care for me...
I love God but I want something that I can touch or verify its existence. It is hard for me to remember that God is with me always.

Dear God,
Help me to remember that You are with me and that you will take care of me even when I am scared of the unknown. I hate the unknown because it scares me. Its like walking down a dark path and not being able to see in front of myself. I remember past times when You have helped me but I am frightened of tripping over something or walking off a cliff because I can't see what is ahead of me. I know that Jesus is walking beside me but I can't see him. I reach for him and try to follow His voice in my frightened way. Help me to trust. Help me to put my future into your hands. I hate the feeling of being out of control of my life but I am. Help me to stay on Jesus' side even when Satan tries to distract me.
"Though I walk through the valley of death, I fear no evil..." I wish I could say that I fear no evil. I fear the future and poverty. I don't want to be any poorer than I am already. "I will be with You always even unto the ends of the world." What a promise. Help me to remember that you are beside me no matter what is happening in the world or in my anxious and/or depressed mind. Amen
PS re-reading this prayer is making me cry. It describes my feelings rather well.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOTECCHIA 4/17/2010 10:40PM

Wow that sounds pretty tough. A story I heard today talked about a Cherokee man telling his son about two wolves that live inside us and are constantly fighting. One is good and positive the other negative and destructive. The little boy asked which wolf wins. The man said the one we feed! I am one of the Americans without employment that would be glad to have even 22 hr/wk. I however woke up this morning, have my health, ate nutritiously, am clothed and have shelter which is more than many, many people did today- for real. I have gratitude for those things. I am so sorry that there is so much fear mongering out there that has people so frightened and anxious. I try to pay attention to what I let in. If I'm going to check in with the news I make sure it's credible journalism that is supported by fact checking. If it's sensationalized I'm sceptical, if I feel bad or anxious I turn it off. That one think I control. try getting your news from the National Public Radio which gives in depth discussions on topics like health reform. Or just wait and see what happens worry changes nothing except our well being. All the best to you. Wow if my sister would do my laundry I'd be thrilled!!! Comment edited on: 4/17/2010 10:45:15 PM Report Inappropriate Comment