Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I bought two pairs of slacks at Good will today. I found two size 14 pants that I can fit. I seemed to big too small for 16 but slightly too big for 14 for some of them. Then I found two 14 that fit me perfectly. I think it looks less baggy than the 16 size pants that I have been wearing lately.
I hope that I find myself getting skinny enough to have to buy some smaller pants later in the year. I think the smallest size that I have fit is 12. I don't think I have ever been smaller than that. I hope that I don't get too skinny in my persuit of getting a weight in the healthy range of the BMI chart. I can't remember what I looked like when I weighed 130 or 120 which is within the healthy range of the BMI chart for me (I am 5 foot 2 according to my doctor).
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I just finished watching a movie called Fat:What no one is telling you. It got me started on ranting about things. So, I want to rant some about the subject of obesity and the struggle to lose weight.
I remember that I said some fat jokes to one of my teachers in high school who was fat and coached the football team and the track team. I think he let me get away with it because I was on the track team and I only said a joke a few times before I realized that I should stop doing it. I did because I was the most unpopular kid in my school and I wanted to make people laugh. My brother was very fat. So, I learned how to make a fat joke at an early age. I regret having done that because I don't want to add to the pain that the most overweight people have experienced.
I do think that exercise and watching portion size can help someone to lose weight but it is EXTREMELY hard. If a person is really heavy set, almost anything will wear the person out. I have a friend that if he gets up, he breathes as hard as I do when I am trying to exercise. I made the mistake of asking him on the phone if he was exercising or something. He also has bad knees. I know that if I had gotten to that point, I would have had a much harder battle than I do now. I can't even imagine how some one can lose 100 pounds. I have only lost 15 pounds or so. That was hard enough. I hate the feeling hungry and not eating part. I have been having trouble with one of my knees. I have trouble doing high impact exercise like jogging. I jogged around a mile and a half today. My knee hurt some. Then I did 50 jumping jacks to add to the lady bug team's total. I don't want to do anymore because I am concerned that I might be to stiff to go to work. I need to have lots of energy for work.
I don't know how people who sit at a desk all day manage to maintain their weight let alone lose weight. I work a cash register. So, I am on my feet all day except during my half an hour lunch. I try to do other things in between customers. This means that I am constantly walking at work. I took a pedometer to work once and got a lot of steps. i don't remember what it was. I took the pedometer once to the grocery store and did around 5,000 steps then. Huh? You may ask. Easy. I walked from my home to the bus depot. Then I walked from the bus stop to the store. I walk through every aisle of the store. Once I am done, I walk to the bus stop and from the bus depot to my home. It takes me around 10 to 15 minutes to walk to the bus depot. How does someone who works a desk job and drives their own car do it?
I went to the grocery store and bought some vegetables and fruits for our freggies eating challenge and spent $50 on food. I think that unhealthy foods are cheaper than healthy foods. I can afford them only because I am eating less of them than before I started this adventure. Our finances does effect our ability to eat healthy and exercise. I have no idea how someone with two jobs could possibly eat healthy and have time to exercise. I used to have co-workers who worked two jobs. They'd be worn out by the time that they got to my work place. How can they have time to do this?
I am amazed by the portion sizes in restaurants. I can't imagine how someone who travels a lot can manage to regulate how much they eat. I can put stuff aside when I am at home, but I feel like I need to eat my money's worth if I go out to eat. (I can't afford to go out to eat much) Many times we don't have time to take left overs home and then head out to whatever it is that we have scheduled. So, we can't even take the food home to eat later. How am I supposed to eat only what i need to satisfy myself when I know that they will throw the left overs away? My doctor suggested that i cut back on sodium. How can I do that when I can't even find frozen meal in some "healthy" brands that isn't stuffed with salt? I have thought about protesting to some of the companies.
Where does this rant get me? I think it helps me to understand the struggle that is involved in losing weight. I will try to monitor my thinking and behavior for discriminatory behavior towards obese people. I suspect that deep in my thinking there is some anti-obese people thinking there. I wonder if I could easily fall pray to the "He is lazy thinking." I used to have a co-worker who wouldn't do any low down work and a supervisor thought he was lazy. I was confused by this since he didn't seem lazy to me. Maybe, it was an issue that his obesity made it impossible or almost impossible to get into the floor to stock the lowest shelf of the store. I tend to take for granted the things that I can do like walk, run, jog, sit down in the floor, weed a garden etc. I have seen a friend of mine weed a garden by laying down and doing it. He can't sit down and lean forwards to weed a garden. I had never realized how thankful I am that I have not gotten obese enough to have that struggle.
I am so close to getting below the obesity line for my height. I am so excited. I can't wait to be classified as overweight rather than obese. I struggle with depression and hate that label. I am starting to see that the obese label/stigma is stronger because I can hide my depression. But, an obese person can not hide their problem.
Sorry about the big long entry but I haven't really thought that adults insult people about being obese. Yet, one person said that people remind him/her that he/she is fat everyday. Is that true? Are we really that cruel as a society? What does this say about us?
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I had some bad dreams this morning. My body still has feeling of fear. I hope this feeling doesn't ruin church today. I didn't want to come out from under the covers this morning.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
If you have read my earlier blog today, you know that I am in the mood for a big me up. I have a collection of quotes that I used to read on a daily basis.
Just for today, I will remember to be thankful for God's presence and trust my future to His able hands. (I wrote this one.)
Just for today, I will try to be happy, realizing my happiness does not depend on what others do or say or what happens around me. Happiness is a result of being at peace with God and myself.
Emotions Anonymous Just for today with the words "with God" added by me.
Just for today, I will try to adjust myself to what is and not force everything to adjust to my own desires. I will accept my family, my friends, my business, my circumstances as they come.
EA Just for today
in the midst of trials and the stresses, just for today, I can do my best and let God take the rest. EA quote
Just for today, I will not compare myself with others. I will accept myself and live to the best of my ability. EA Just for today
Please, God, give me the courage to practice new behaviors and thinking styles. (I think I wrote this but not sure)
We need to remember that everyone makes mistakes. We will never be perfect. Narcotics Anonymous book
We should all try to do our best, but shouldn't beat up on ourselves when we do less. The Recovery Book by Al J Mooney, MD, Arlene Eisenberg and Haword Eisenberg
When I feel depressed, unloved, uncared for, abandoned and left out of life, I can practice gratitude. Co-dependents guide to the 12 steps
God has not called me to be successful, he has called me to be faithful. Mother Teresa
There are tears as well as laughs in life, tragedies and triumphs, and you have to make the most of every moment and a miracle of every morning. Nancy Reagan
Giving thanks in the midst of a painful situation helps alleviate the pain. Words that heal the blues
If you are giving, loving, serving, helping, encouraging, and adding value to others, you are living a useful life. That is significance.
The journey from success to significance
Here are some of those quotes. I dropped some and shared others.
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