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Pity Party

Friday, April 20, 2012

Okay, I've been attending this pity party this week. The food has been great, but there are no cool kids here! The only way to get out is opening the door and walking out. That's what I'm going to do. It just seems like a long walk home!

Here's how I was invited to the party:

My week started with an argument with my husband one evening. The next morning, I was ready to move forward, but he decided to hold a grudge. I got no conversation and one word answers for 2 days. I was so mad I could spit! When the only other person in your household won't talk to you, life isn't very pleasant.

Just when he stopped acting like a jerk, I was awakened at 1:30 in the morning by text messages from my youngest son(23). (He works 3rd shift, so he's up all night.) Those text messages turned into 3 hours of arguing and yelling. It's a long story. To sum it up...I tried to do something to help him, it backfired, he got a bill in the mail for it and accused me of purposely trying to screw him. It's not the disagreement that bothers me in this situation, it's what he thinks of me. Does he really think I would try to screw him? (Might I add, I just loaned him $1000 two weeks ago to cover an attorney for a DUI he wants to fight. I guess that's what bad moms do.)

This animosity that he has towards me is also shared by his older brother(26), my only other child. We moved 900 miles away from them 4 years ago and they resent us for it. Every time I tell them I miss them, I get "Well, you're the one who moved." Twist the knife! Short of packing everything up and moving back, there is no way to fix this situation on my part. I was hoping that by now their anger would have subsided. Nope.

They resent that we moved. They resent that my husband and I are finally financially comfortable in our lives. They resent that I don't work full time. They resent that I bike so much. Communication is next to nothing. I can text or call and they don't return my calls. 2 years ago, my husband was in a motorcycle accident. He's been dealing with the injuries from that. Not once, in 2 years, have either one of my boys asked how there dad is feeling or healing from his injuries. We never get calls from them just to say hi. My youngest son didn't even acknowledge my birthday last year. Throw me a freaking scrap, for crying out loud!

I'm feeling like the worst mom in the world. I feel I have raised two very self-centered young men who have absolutely no respect for their parents or their parents feeling. I never treated my parents like that! I keep rethinking their whole childhoods, trying to figure out what I did wrong. I'm second guessing everything!

I've been having trouble dealing with all of this. I tend to internalize it. Then, it's a downward spiral of self abuse and feeling hopeless. My eating has been horrendous! I've been binging on everything! I've been biking this week, but it hasn't been giving me the pleasure it usually does. Just going through the motions.

Well, I'm sick of this party! I want to go home. Today, I leave! I might not get home right away, but I'm on my way.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARRONVC 4/25/2012 12:20PM

    You only need one thing! Balls! Yes, Big old Balls to set boundaries. Send him a bill each month for the $1000 he owes you with interest, your not a bank or welfare. He is an adult and accountable for his own stuff. Take that $1000 and get a new set of wheels. Screw the pity party, find your inner strength, and take care of you.

Oh, you can't fix them! They can only fix them.

"They resent that we moved." Why, can't they see a positive side or are they too selfish and dependent?

"They resent that my husband and I are finally financially comfortable in our lives." Maybe they are jealous? Maybe they need to learn how you did that and take a lesson. They could start by shutting up and paying attention.

"They resent that I don't work full time." Why, so you could send them more money?

"They resent that I bike so much." The don't like the fact that you are taking a interest in your health and will be around a long time.

"Communication is next to nothing. I can text or call and they don't return my calls." Screw them, don't chase them. Mature respecting adults don't treat their parents like that.

"2 years ago, my husband was in a motorcycle accident. He's been dealing with the injuries from that. Not once, in 2 years, have either one of my boys asked how there dad is feeling or healing from his injuries. We never get calls from them just to say hi." Ask yourself why? Define the issues. Break the cycle and set yourself free this death grip on your emotions.

"My youngest son didn't even acknowledge my birthday last year." Ok, send him a bill for $50, itemize it, birthday card, phone call to mom, gift for a new bike jersey, etc. Hey Mother's Day will be here soon, get it a try.

"Throw me a freaking scrap, for crying out loud!" Girl, I'm throwing you some tools do keep the boundaries and be free. Find your balls and set some tough love in motion.

You can pay me back any time with a good whack upside the head or an ass kicking.

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DDOORN 4/23/2012 10:10AM

    Ugh! Sounds like "stomp on Mom" time 'round your neck of the woods!

Might be worth setting some boundaries with your sons and cutting back on your contact with them when they become verbally abusive toward you: "I can't talk to you when you are this way. We'll talk some other time when you can be calm and respectful." Then hang up the phone or step away from the exchange and let them cool their jets while you cool yours!

You and DH have made many thoughtful changes in your lifestyle which sounds like they suit you just fine. Hoping your sons can learn to respect that!

Don

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CLASSICALSHELLY 4/21/2012 9:07AM

    Sorry about all the mess, Peg. I can't imagine the internal pain regarding your kids. They will "get it" one day. Maybe, when its all too late, but that is nothing you can control. You are a good mom. You raised them and sent them out to be their own people. its what we do. Who they decide to be & how they decide to act and react to situations is beyond our control. I know this is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. You keep your head up.....you're a great person. It will all work out.

Luv ya, Shelly

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MYLADY4 4/21/2012 9:02AM

    Wow, I read yours after my rant and all I have to say is MEN!!!!!!!!!

As for the kids, I wish you luck, Maybe is might be time to just let them be and grow up as painful as it may be for you. Stop looking back it will drive you crazy and there is nothing that you can do to change it. Your sons were "adults" when you moved and if they are not over it that is their feelings to workout.

You are not a bad mom there was only so much you can do and you did the best you could. What is your husbands feelings on all of this?

Good luck



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BOBINVA 4/20/2012 7:28PM

    Good job leaving the pity party.

I hope you got some good advice from your SP friends. Trust in you higher power there is no way to control everything. Take care of yourself. You are no good to others if you are not healthy. A smile drives angry people crazy and it helps keep things in perspective. Don't give up on your children, but let them go. Some call it detaching with love.



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1CRAZYDOG 4/20/2012 10:43AM

    Sorry there are so many problems going on. It happens. . . for sure . It's a pain when our kids have such feelings of anger and entitlement. UGH. Just know you're not alone. It is so frustrating to raise these kids the best we can, and finding our kids to be so self-centered is so disappointing. What can you do except get on with your life! Live it on your terms and do NOT feel guilty about doing that! You're entitled. Sending HUGS your way. Sorry you're going through this. **SIGH**

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SKINNYPOWELL1 4/20/2012 9:33AM

    I feel for you, I'll spark mail you.

PARTY is OVER, put on a happy face. emoticon

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My favorite ride

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Today, I was able to do my favorite ride in Southeast Tennessee. I thought I'd share a little of it with you.


Getting ready to roll out of Webb's Store

This was an advertised club ride and 17 riders showed up, even though many had to drive over 50 miles to get there. We met in Reliance, TN along the Hiawassee River, at a little place called Webb's Store. It's a gas station, bait shop, general store, outfitters, etc. That's pretty much all Reliance is made of. They let us park in the field behind the store.


Climbing and climbing and climbing...

The first 14 miles of the ride are HUGE rollers. Some of them are at least a mile climb with fun, screaming downhills. Now, I've been on vacation in Northeastern Wisconsin for 2 weeks and wasn't able to do much riding. The rides I did there were pretty flat, too. This was a huge initiation into Tennessee hills again!

After a short stop at a service station, we continued on to Tellico Plains, TN. This is a resort town, known for being the gateway to the Cherohala Skyway and the Tail of the Dragon. Motorcyclists from around the world come to challenge the Dragon. It's an 11 mile road which has 317 switchbacks! We didn't ride the Skyway or the Dragon, but we rode a quieter, picturesque road that follows the Tellico river. This brought us up to Bald River Falls.


Me, standing by Bald River Falls

We took some time at the falls for some pictures and a rest and then followed the river back towards town to have lunch at Tellico Kats. This is our favorite restaurant in the area. I've been there so many times, the ladies know my name! By this point, we had about 40 miles on. Lunch was delicious!

We filled our water bottles at a gas station in town and took off for our return to Reliance. My legs were screaming!! Part of the reason was from being out of shape from vacation and some of it was from sitting still too long to eat. Sometimes, you just have to work through the pain, though. As long as I kept pedalling, I was fine. If I stopped to coast, they cramped. After about 10 miles of this, they finally felt normal again. Just tired.

The last 10 miles of the ride, were a reverse of the first ten miles of gargantuan hills. I was riding near the back, with the sweep, but enjoying the beautiful day. It was in the low 70's and sunny. The azaleas are blooming and the kudzu is starting to throw its tenticles out in the road to grab us. It was truly a great day to spend pedalling through the beautiful countryside with friends.

Total mileage was 62.4 miles. Whew!

So, that is my favorite ride!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARRONVC 4/10/2012 5:35PM

    Great pic! Total rocker.

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SPEEDYDOG 4/9/2012 10:22PM

    My, Oh my, that looks so fun. Your state looks so green and lush. Congrats on your 62 miles. Well done!

Bruce

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MYLADY4 4/8/2012 12:01PM

    JEALOUS!!!!!

Glad you had fun and it looks just beautiful there.

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BILL60 4/8/2012 7:08AM

    Welcome back to riding. Sounds like you had a blast.

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DDOORN 4/7/2012 11:14PM

    Nice, sweet ride! Love the falls...! Always a sucker for waterfalls... :-)

Don

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 4/7/2012 9:41PM

    Sounds beautiful! Glad you had a good time!

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LIVESTRONG2010 4/7/2012 9:23PM

    Wow I so would love to come ride with you! It is so beautiful there! I've been to TN once but I didn't get to ride but so wanted too. You are lucky to have a place like that to ride.

Ride Strong and Pedal Safe! emoticon

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HERE2PERSEVERE 4/7/2012 9:13PM

    emoticon
Nice pics and thanks for sharing your ride!
emoticon
emoticon

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SKIRNIR 4/7/2012 8:54PM

    Anything with that many miles will never be my favorite ride even with all the beauty! Will I ever be able to bike ride that long? Doubt it.

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Headed Home (long, rambling recap of the last couple weeks...)

Saturday, March 31, 2012

It's really been a busy couple of weeks! Now, it's time to go home and have things slow down a little.

For those of you who don't know, I live in Tennessee, but we run a small consulting business up in Wisconsin (where we're originally from.) We come up here as much as needed and it seems like lately we're needed more than usual. (More so my husband than me.)

Our trip started with a stop in Chicago to meet with a possible new customer that my husband had been negotiating with since December. Bingo! We got the contract! Now, comes the logistics part of servicing this customer. Should be interesting. We were also contacted by another Wisconsin company AND one in Tennessee that want to talk about using our consulting services. Things are moving fast all of a sudden and change can be scary!

We had to come up to fill in for our employee's two week vacation. She is our only employee and I've known her for 13 years. She never takes vacation, so this was overdue. There are some issues that are frustrating us. She is wonderful with our customers, but her attention to detail stinks. We're in a business where details matter. (Government regulations) So, we've been working on revamping job descriptions and duties to make this a better company.

We've been renting an office for about 5 years. Before that, the business was run out of our house for 7 years. Well, we've decided to rent an appartment. This way, our employee can use it as an office while we're out of town and we have a place to stay while in town. You can only mooch off of friends so much! This is another big change for us.

The first week we were here, I had surgury on my right eye. 9 years ago, I had LASIK surgury on both eyes. Well, my vision has declined and I was back to wearing glasses. The doctor recommended PRK surgury instead. With this surgury, they only do one eye at a time and the recovery is longer. I had heard horror stories about pain, so I was a little apprehensive going into it. (LASIK was painless with almost instant results.) The surgury took about 3 minutes. The burning pain started the day after, but didn't last long. I had to wear a healing contact lense for 5 days. Now, it's been over a week. There's no pain, just a little dryness. My vision is still not what it should be, but he said it could be weeks before it gets clear. Right now, I feel like there's a smudge in front of my right eye. This has been a test for my patience. I hear what my doctor says and my brain wants it instantly

While we've been gone, my mother has been watching our dogs in Tennessee. She's 81 years old. We were hesitant to do this, but she assured us that it would be fine. Well...all was not fine. One of my dogs got sick and was pooping all over her house. She had to take her to the vet and the poor puppy had to stay there for 3 days! Poor mom had a bunch of stinky carpets to wash. She was very stressed out...like old people can be. I guess that will be the last time we do that!


We've been staying with friends while here. They would not feel right if I left without playing a prank. So....there are a bunch of rubber snakes spread throughout their flower garden and plastic cockroaches in their kitchen! I'll just wait for a response. A few years ago when I stayed here, I wrapped a rubber rat in aluminum foil, put it in a Tupperware container and put that in their basement freezer. It took a couple months before they found it. So funny!!

So, tonight we're having dinner with my boys (who live here) so that I can say goodbye. Then, tomorrow I head out on my own to return home. My husband has to stay to meet with one of the possible new customers next week. I usually just plow through the trip and do the whole 15 hour drive in one day, but since my eye is not 100%, I decided to break it up into 2 days. I have a friend in Kentucky that I'm going to have dinner with along the way.

It will be nice to get back to my boring home. Routine is good. I miss it. My exercising and eating habits have been on the back burner lately. I need those things to feel grounded again. I will miss everyone here, like I always do, and I will most certainly miss my husband till he gets home. But I can't wait for the peace and quiet awaiting me...I hope!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 3/31/2012 11:06PM

    Whew! You HAVE been busy! Can appreciate how home & routine could be a big draw right about now...lol!

Cheers to getting back to your baseline! :-)

Don

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MYLADY4 3/31/2012 1:45PM

    Ok, I am tired from just reading this (hahaha).

I am with you, hate my routine being messed with.

Take care.

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 3/31/2012 10:41AM

    Sounds exhausting but worth it! We're leaving from Wisconsin to Florida next week Tuesday for vacation so it will be fun but tiring. Drive safely!

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Goodbye to a friend...

Saturday, March 03, 2012

Today, I went to a "Celebration of Life" for my friend Amy. She passed away on Monday. She was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago, fought a good fight, but lost in the end. They could never even tell her what type of cancer she had. She went through traditional treatments and experimental. Though we hoped for a miracle, nothing worked.

Amy was the perfect example of someone who lives life the right way and still gets the short end of the stick. She ate healthy, power walked marathons, bicycled thousands of miles each year and drove a Subaru. (According to her nephew, during her service. He said there must be a certain body fat percentage that you have to be below to drive a Subaru because they're all healthy. lol) She ate organic food and was tall and slender. Bad genetics caught up with her. She was only 53 when she died.

Sometimes, I think of this and wonder why I try so hard. Then, I put it out of my mind and push on. Amy's healthy lifestyle showed through in her vibrant life and her healing touch as a massage therapist. Her confidence in herself came from her love of life and all things good. Those are the things I have to remember when I want to slip into unhealthy habits.

The memorial service was beautiful. It was standing room only. There had to be at least 250 people there. The chapel seats were filled and people were standing along the walls and out the door.

When we got there, her boyfriend Joe, also a biking friend of mine, told us he had something to show us. There was Amy's Specialized Tarmac, with a bandana tied around the handlebars, in the far corner of the room. Strange how a bicycle can make you cry. That was the beginning of my tears and they continued through all of the loving stories told about her.

Here are some words of advice that she gave one of her nieces: "If it has tires or testosterone, you can expect trouble!" That is so Amy!

Though she hasn't been able to ride for 2 years, I will still miss her out on the road. Joe gave me some of her cycling clothes a couple months ago. I will wear them when I need her strength.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BARRONVC 4/10/2012 5:34PM

    Sorry, this is tough. Keep going with you fight to be healthy.

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TAHOEKARIN 3/8/2012 1:12PM

    Sorry for your loss :( The bike in the corner got to me. It's amazing how you recognize a person sometimes by their bike first and them second. Take care !

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DENVERDAN 3/8/2012 11:21AM

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I was moved by your words - especially about the bike in the corner of the room. Thanks for sharing.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 3/5/2012 3:16PM

    So sorry for your loss. emoticon

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SKINNYPOWELL1 3/5/2012 12:47PM

    Sorry for the loss of your dear friend, she sounded like she really loved life and enjoyed it to the fullest. emoticon

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ANNESYLVIA 3/5/2012 7:34AM

    emoticonI really am sorry. I can empathize with your and Amy's family. My beloved brother passed away this past September of cancer. Which could never be diagnosed. The doctors could not find the origin of his cancer either... they just kept saying it was one of the most aggressive cases they seen. Once his was diagnosed with cancer his passed on 3 weeks and 1 day later at the age 50.

Hope this helps:

"The people you love become ghosts inside of you and like this you keep them alive" by Robert Montgomery.

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MCDOWN75 3/5/2012 6:34AM

    Peggy, my heart breaks for you. Keep your chin up. If you need someone to lean on I am here.
emoticon

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DDOORN 3/4/2012 8:46PM

    You'll just have to keep memories of her in mind and imagine her beaming with pride over your accomplishments in cycling and life!

Don

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BOBINVA 3/4/2012 8:15PM

    So sorry you lost her. She sounds like a truly wonderful person. It can be quite maddening sometimes when we think how unfair life can seem. What a blessing for you that you had her in your life to share those wonderful memories.

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1CRAZYDOG 3/4/2012 11:35AM

    AWWW . . . so sorry to hear of the loss of a precious friend. She's spot on, though. If it has tires or testosterone, definitely TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ho
pe today is a peaceful one for you.

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BILL60 3/4/2012 8:30AM

    So sorry for your loss. Her strength will forever help you during challenging times. Hang tough!!

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HEALTHYINNOOGA 3/4/2012 6:52AM

    Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I lost a good friend to cancer almost 1 year ago. I think of her often while taking my riverwalk walks.

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HKARLSSON 3/3/2012 10:39PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MYLADY4 3/3/2012 9:07PM

    That's just so not fair. You know that she will be with you always, telling you to go faster as you have some of her stuff on.

Sorry for everyone's lose.

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SASSYSCRAPPER41 3/3/2012 8:46PM

  I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like she touched many people during her short life.

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PLPEEP 3/3/2012 8:36PM

    So sorry for your lose. She sounds like a wonderful person. Here is a saying that has helped me when I have lost a loved one...."when someone you love becomes a memory that memory becomes a treasure" Treasure all your memories of her.

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Getting my groove back

Sunday, February 19, 2012

It's been rough lately. Don't know if it's a case of SADD (Yes, I think southerners get that, too) or if it's just all the junk in life piling up. I do know that I have to leave it behind and move forward.

I think everyone goes through times of feeling sorry for themselves. I won't bore you with all of my whining, but it involves distant grown children, a bad hairdo, not fitting into pants I bought a year ago and having to go back to wearing glasses. There it is in a nutshell. Piddly stuff that I need to just get over.

My eating habits have been terrible. There have been a lot of binging days, followed by days of trying to catch up from the damage that binging caused. Do I really need to eat an entire bag of conversation hearts, or to "celebrate" something by going out to eat every weekend night? Did I really need that 590 calorie muffin at Panera?

Exercise has been sporatic. I catch bike rides in between the cold or rainy days, but I haven't done anything else. I can always make excuses to get out of it. Haven't I learned, yet, that there are NO good excuses?

Turn a page....

Today is a new day. Today I can make better choices. Today I can smile and love and play. Today I can choose how I face the world.

Tomorrow, I can be proud of the choices I made today!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKINNYPOWELL1 2/23/2012 8:42AM

    Sometimes the little piddly stuff adds up - we all need pity party's from time to time. I know you're a trooper and will march forward and put it behind ya. I'm whipping up some low-cal gravy to with that turkey. emoticon emoticon

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DDOORN 2/21/2012 9:40AM

    Sorry to hear your winter has been tough too...! Although I keep moving with workouts, food choices could be way better!

But yep: every day offers us a new opportunity to get back to our SPARKED LIFE!

We can DO IT!

Don


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1CRAZYDOG 2/20/2012 10:39AM

    emoticon You have confronted what's going on, have a plan and it's a good one. One day-at-a-time, one step-at-a-time. Making the day count and not obsessing about yesterdays is a great start. Yes, what we do today CAN affect tomorrow, so the key, as you've found, is to make today count.

Glad you blogged. Hope it helped you. We're behind you.

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MCDOWN75 2/20/2012 7:02AM

    I think its SADD. We have had so many dark and gloomy days lately. We need sunshine and to get outdoors without the rain for a bit. Keep your chin up.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/19/2012 8:24PM

    Just know our feelings are legit for whatever reason. Own them and then find a place for them. That way they don't come back and wack us on the head. emoticon I truly believe the winter months don't help. I fight sadness in the winter. Exercise helps tremendously but there are still days that are harder than others. Hang in there. You are so gonna rock this. emoticon

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MYLADY4 2/19/2012 5:27PM

    Hope you can turn things around soon.

Oh Vitamin D is a real help for SADD.

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BILL60 2/19/2012 3:23PM

    Way to say it. Let's get on with it and claim that turkey. I know that you can do it.

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HKARLSSON 2/19/2012 1:13PM

    Yes, Southerners DO get SAD. Even in Texas. And all the piddly stuff can sneak up on you and mug you. So, lots of hugs to you, and as soon as I find some of our AWOL Texas sunshine, I will send some to you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BOBINVA 2/19/2012 12:57PM

    So glad you are back in a good place. Keep smiling.

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