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Change and relationships

Thursday, February 02, 2012

I watched a show last night that I had never seen before. It was "My 600 Pound Life." This episode followed a woman named Melissa over her 7 year weight loss journey after gastric bypass surgury.

Now, I've never been in the situation of having to lose 500 pounds, but I did notice something similar in our lives.

Changes in our relationships as we change our lives.

I wish I had a dollar for everytime my husband said, "You've really changed." I don't know how to react to that. Is he saying it because he likes the change or is he saying it because my changes intimidate him. Does he miss the overweight, smoking, couch potato I used to be, or does he appreciate the active, healthy person I am now? I love the person I've become in the last 8 years, but I also never want to do anything to lose him.

I know, I know...he should love and support me in my journey to become a better person. But looking at it from his point of view, he married someone who had more bad habits in common with him. Now, I hear him grumble about having no 'good' food in the house, not being able to go out to eat as often and being abandoned when I go out on bike rides. It's a balance that I have to perform to keep a happy life for both of us.

Our 27 year marriage is far from being in jeopardy. Don't get me wrong! But it is a long term partnership that needs constant give and take.

I really don't have a specific point for this blog. Just rambling about what's on my mind since watching the relationship issues on that show.

Anyone else have a spouse that questions your changes?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAELANI83 2/5/2012 9:52PM

    While I only have 6 months of marriage under my belt, I can already tell it will be a challenge (not necessarily a bad thing) to grow together as I'm losing weight, becoming healthy, and dropping the bad habits. The HUGE commonality between my husband and I are computers & video games. We used to love to sit side by side for hours, playing & talking. Now, I'm doing less & less of that and encouraging him to do that as well. I can definitely hear the grumbles starting already. I'm confident that we'll be fine but it will take some work to compromise & learn new hobbies together.

Great blog!

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BARRONVC 2/3/2012 8:26PM

    Good thinking! You do have a specific point. There are choices here, just like eating carp 24/7, or sitting on your butt (excluding a bicycle seat), smoking, and hating yourself etc. You have made some great decisions.

At home set your rules. If I have party there might be cake or chips, when the party ends, those food go home with someone else or right in the burning barrel. If someone wants junk, fine. Hide in the car, basement freezer, or anywhere else.

Family, often when women lose a lot of weight they stop letting people dump on them. Of course this is tough for people that do the dumping. Same can happen to a man that tries to do too many things to please his family. They don't take care of themselves.

What to do? Choices.

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1CRAZYDOG 2/3/2012 10:45AM

    Compromise. Doesn't matter what the change is, yes, it does affect relationships. I agree that maybe a heart-to-heart with DH would help to nail down what can be done to make him feel more comfortable with the new IMPROVED you.

I've been married 23 yrs. and found that I AM a better me now that I have been maintaining this healthier lifestyle. I had to sit down and have "the talk" with DH too, because I noticed resentment or irritation on his part, though he DID support my efforts. I think a lot of it was guilt talking, becasue I was eating healthy and he fought it.

He still eats his "junk stuff" and all I ask is just don't put it where I can see it! At 4 ft. 10-1/2 in. he's got a lot of places!!



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DDOORN 2/3/2012 8:53AM

    Changes ABOUND when we embark on our personal journeys toward a healthier, more ALIVE lifestyle!

It may be awkward at first, but I would encourage you and DH to have more and deeper conversations about all the meanings and implications are behind "You've really changed." Changed for better? Worse? Try to gain his perspective, share yours...the likelihood is you'll find a way to find a middle ground that works for you, even if it's only to agree to disagree. At least your mutual understandings will be deeper, more significant and hopefully more lasting!

Don

Comment edited on: 2/3/2012 8:55:18 AM

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BILL60 2/3/2012 8:41AM

    What a great blog. I know where you're coming from. At times, I too feel somewhat alone at having a passion for something that I cannot share with my partner. Thank God for buddies like you, who keep me "on my toes". Hang tough, my friend.

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MCDOWN75 2/3/2012 6:10AM

    We have something else in common! Grumpy Husbands! LOL. Mine compliments me on how well I'm doing, and tells me how proud he is, then he buys Pizza! OMG! They love us, but are hooked on that comfort food. Give him a big hug and tell him to suck it up. That's what I do.

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LIVESTRONG2010 2/2/2012 8:47PM

    Great blog!

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BOBINVA 2/2/2012 1:53PM

    I watched part of that show myself. Melissa's husband married her in large part because he is codependent and wanted to take care of her. Once she was able to be on her own and needed him less he was not sure of his role and withdrew. The nice thing that was presented was his willingness to "date" again. They started a brand new relationship.
My opinion is that marriage is about compromise. Compromise by both parties. Each should treat the other like they are their best friend and that they would be willing to do anything for the other at any time without complaint or a desire for reward.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 2/2/2012 1:06PM

    Great blog. I've noticed that the weight loss and time that I set aside for myself has effected many of my family relationships. It really is about balance and helping them understand the reasoning.

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Interesting Quote About the Joy of Biking/Eating

Monday, December 26, 2011

I haven't had a lot of time for Sparkpeople this weekend and my eating has been atrocious, but I thought I'd jot out a quick blog to share something I read.

I was given the book, "It's All About the Bike" by Robert Penn. It's a good book about a man building his dream bike. It's interesting because he goes into the history of all the different components.

Here's the quote that caught my eye:

"Food is an important part of cycling. Whenever I've been on a bike all day, my appetite is greatest in every sense--greatest in the volume of food I can eat, greatest in the sheer sensory pleasure of eating it, greatest in the atavistic sensation of feeling well fed afterwards. Cycling promotes an appetite that is almost as powerful as lust. Along with the peace and spiritual relation I feel going to sleep after a long ride, satiating hunger is one of the greatest pleasures in cycling."

I couldn't agree more! How many of you cyclist feel the same way?

Unfortunately, I can take that to the extreme and end up heavier than I was before the ride!! Nothing like having a huge ice cream cone after a hot summer ride!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MCDOWN75 1/3/2012 6:37PM

    That is awesome. I can't wait to start biking with you again.

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GERIKRAGH 12/27/2011 11:54AM

    I used to ride my bike everywhere and it was the one thing I really loved. After double knee replacement, I can no longer ride. I really miss it.

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1CRAZYDOG 12/27/2011 11:11AM

    I agree!!!

Here's to a happy, healthy, sparking New Year!

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DDOORN 12/26/2011 2:47PM

    Ditto, ditto and MORE ditto! Couldn't have said it better...both HIS words and YOURS!

Sigh...

Lots of stuff online about the author and the book...checking it out:

http://www.podiumcafe.c
om/2011/11/1/2529248/robert-pen
n-its-all-about-the-bike
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=qo2EodFXJPg

http://www.
guardian.co.uk/books/2010/jul/1
0/all-about-bike-metier-review<
BR>
http://www.nytimes.com/2
011/06/05/books/review/book-rev
iew-its-all-about-the-bike-by-robert-penn.html

Thx for sharing!

Don

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/26/2011 10:57AM

    You make riding sound fun. emoticon

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The Results Are In!

Monday, December 05, 2011

The results were posted from the 5k I did on Saturday. (I have to start with a disclaimer, though. They had to change the route at the last minute due to the Riverwalk being flooded. This made the route actually 2.9 miles long. Not quite a full 5k.)

My official time was 28:22. I placed 5th in my age group (25 people)!

I'm not a very competitive person (except against myself), but I was interested in these results because it was my first organized run. I wanted to see what my fitness level was.

Needless to say, I was pleased!

Kudos to my other biking (not running) friends who also ran. Many of us placed high or won in our age categories. We rock! We can do anything!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAVEINSEOUL 12/15/2011 7:40AM

    Great job - maybe I will take up some running!

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DDOORN 12/13/2011 8:49AM

    Awesome job on the 5K! I think I was around 35 mins. last May when I did mine. Which is fine by me...the "non-runner"...lol!

Don

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DENVERDAN 12/8/2011 11:07AM

    Very cool! emoticon

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MYLADY4 12/6/2011 10:06PM

    That's awesome. Glad you had fun. It is rather addicting as my sister and I did 12 races this year.

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BOBINVA 12/6/2011 7:06PM

    You should be pleased. great job.

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BILL60 12/6/2011 7:33AM

    You're just a "Stud"!!

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NIKEIT2011 12/5/2011 10:37PM

    WooHoo!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 12/5/2011 10:31PM

    AWESOME! Yes, you do rock and you can do anything!!! Proud of you.

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BHUSE5 12/5/2011 10:14PM

    Congrats on a great first 5K! You should be very proud of yourself. I ran my first organized 5K Labor Day weekend and what a good feeling to finish it running the entire time.



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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/5/2011 10:13PM

    emoticon That is GREAT!

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ALICERIEGER 12/5/2011 10:13PM

    Congratulation!! I'm always amazed at how much I can do after following SP for a while.

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Running a 5k.....CHECK!

Saturday, December 03, 2011

I did it! I ran my first organized 5k...without walking! That was my goal and I did it! My unofficial time was about 28:30. I'll find out the real time on Monday.

It was the First Things First Santa Stroll in Chattanooga. A group of us from the bike club signed up, some for the 5k, some for the 10k and some for the 1 mile walk. It started in front of the Hunter Art Museum. I walked a couple blocks to the start while it was still dark. Took this awesome picture:


This was taken from the glass bridge.

It was pretty chilly at the beginning. Only about 40 degrees, but we warmed up quickly once we started running. There were over 700 people registered.



Here's my friend, Cindy, and me at the end. Kudos to Cindy! She took 3rd place in her age group!!



Now, my legs were tired enough after that, so what did I do? Went for a 2 hour bike ride with some friends! It was a beautiful, sunny day to ride and the temperatures got up into the 60's. You definitely have to take full advantage of a day like that!

The rest of my evening will be spent on the couch! I'm beat!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBINVA 12/4/2011 6:20PM

    That is a great time for your first 5K. Congratulations.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 12/4/2011 3:13PM

    That is really fast... emoticon emoticon

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MOTIVATED@LAST 12/3/2011 7:40PM

    Well done on your 5K. And 28:30 is a great time for your first race!

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HKARLSSON 12/3/2011 6:41PM

    Yay! Way to go! And you CAN'T pass up a beautiful 60 degree day in Chatta-vegas for a ride!

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MYLADY4 12/3/2011 5:46PM

    Way to go on the 5K and bike ride.

It's snowing up here in WI so no more biking. It is still fairly warm and as I was shoveling I thought it would be fun to run in it but way to unsafe. I don't need to break anything.

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Kitty didn't make it

Monday, November 28, 2011

Unfortunately, our little kitty didn't make it. We took her to the vet today and saw that she had a large cancerous tumor under her tongue. We had to make the decision to put her down. It was hard, but it was the right thing to do.

We have never been cat people, we prefer dogs, but this little unassuming fluff-ball snuggled into our hearts.

In May of 1993, my eldest son (then 7 years old) and I were at a rummage sale. There was a box of free kittens. After some begging from him, I gave in and we picked a cute little orange and white one. He named her Littlefoot because he liked the movie, "Land Before Time."

Littlefoot survived 5 moves in her lifetime. She also watched 5 dogs come and go and staked her claim against another cat that we had for about 12 years. She wasn't very affectionate when she was young (maybe from 2 young boys terrorizing her), but as she aged she loved to sit on my lap and purr. (And I loved it, too!)

This morning when I got up, she followed our same routine. She came out to the kitchen, jumped onto the kitchen table for her thyroid medicine and a dish of milk and then sat on my lap while I checked my email. Tomorrow morning...something will be missing...


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDOORN 12/1/2011 12:10PM

    Oh my heart goes out to you...out kitties win our hearts over so thoroughly...such a tough loss to bear up under...!

We've got 4 cats and I've been so grateful for their good health at this time.

Don

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BAILEYS7OF9 11/29/2011 2:42PM

    Very sorry. They give us so much and leave such a large hole in our hearts when they leave.

Godspeed Littlefoot.

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BOBINVA 11/29/2011 12:12PM

    So sorry. There is something to be said for both dogs and cats. Dogs are the happiest animals and always excited to see you. Cats, although more aloof, love to be loved and really warm our hearts.

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1CRAZYDOG 11/29/2011 11:10AM

    Awwwww, my sympathies on the difficult decision you had to make and the loss of your beloved Littlefoot. **SIGH** They are our furbabies. But, now Littlefoot is ont he other side of that Rainbow Bridge . . . free of pain and finding new friends . . . and knowing that one day you'll be reunited.

My condolences.

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BILL60 11/29/2011 7:52AM

    We lost our cat about 2 months ago. For my wife, it was traumatic for several days. We have since acquired a pretty kitty that is already taking over the house. Hang tough and perhaps, get another cat.

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TWOCANS 11/29/2011 12:26AM

    Aw, I'm so sorry to hear...

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NIKEIT2011 11/28/2011 8:51PM

    My heart goes out to you. Our beloved pets become such dear members of our families. One can never fully explain the complex relationship with them. The loss of a furry family member is never easy.

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W5VEOTX 11/28/2011 8:44PM

    It's always hard to lose pets.

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HKARLSSON 11/28/2011 8:24PM

    Oh honey I am so sorry. emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/28/2011 7:57PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. emoticon

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SKIRNIR 11/28/2011 7:27PM

    Oh, that it will. Our cat has been with us since shortly after we were married 15 years ago and I am afraid of the day he will no longer be with us. It will happen sometime in the near future as he is clearly getting older. I hope that you can remember the good times with your cat.

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