Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I'm in a funk and struggling to get out. I don't know if it's the holidays, winter, life changes or just me being negative. Something's gotta give.
I'm usually a very positive person. The glass is half full in my life and I have a lot to be thankful for. Lately, it seems like that glass is a little emptier.
I miss my kids. They live in Wisconsin and I live in Tennessee. Last week, I was up there with them, celebrating an early Christmas. It was so good to see them. They're in their 20's and struggling, which makes me feel like a terrible mother for leaving them up there, but how else are they going to learn to stand on their own two feet? All kinds of memories of the past, when our little family was so close, keep choking me up. I know everything changes, but it's hard.
I moved south to escape the cold. Well, hello!!! It's freezing down here!! Even though I was born a northern girl, I don't do cold very well. I love sun and warm and sweat, not the pain of frozen fingers and toes! It makes me want to hibernate. I don't really want to go out in this weather, which kicks me into bicycle withdrawal. Putting it on the trainer just doesn't feel the same.
Christmas is coming and we'll be spending the day at my mother's. (She lives down here, too.) We'll be joined by my sister and her husband. This is the sister who called me in a drunken stuper after my father died last year to accuse me of not loving him enough. Over a year has passed since that call, but the pain is still there. So, I'll paint on a smile and buy everyone gifts and force a good time. Not really looking forward to it though.
I just think everything's getting to me all at once.
On a positive note, I've been watching my diet and doing a good job at losing the extra pounds I put on during the Wisconsin trip last week. I'm close to my goal and really want to hit it by the end of the year.
I had a physical yesterday and got a clean bill of health. That is really something to be thankful for.
I will keep treading water and hope this depression lifts. Sorry to dump on all of you, but sometimes even 'Suzy Sunshine' has to have a bad day!