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TONIABLAKE's Recent Blog Entries

All the things I wont miss

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Today I pulled on a skirt I haven't worn in a while and breathed a sigh of relief that it fit. Last summer it was falling off, but then I had a relapse. The fact that it fit was great, but then I felt my thighs rubbing. Just then my mind buzzed with all the things I wont miss when I reach my healthy goal.

I wont miss:

rubbing thighs
panting for breath after walking up a few flights of stairs
putting together outfits by what body part needs to be camouflaged the most.
positioning my body in unnatural bends to avoid revealing unsightly bulges in photographs
love handles, muffin tops, spare tires, ring of shame, extra padding
granny swimsuits
feeling insecure
waiting to become a better me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOJOPUP 6/7/2011 4:56PM


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TJBLEEKER 3/28/2011 10:44PM

    I won't miss a lot of things on your list either. Let's get to our goal weight!

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4EVER21B 3/22/2011 7:36PM

    Wonderful list. A great reminder to me that is not just about the numbers on the scale. emoticon

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/22/2011 6:51PM

    emoticon Me too!

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BYERSDK 3/22/2011 12:17AM

    Love your list--I wont miss any of them either!!! You can do it!!! emoticon

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It happened again...but this time it's different

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Apparently I am not ready to venture off the reservation. I thought I was, but in five days away from home I gained almost 7lbs. I was certainly relaxed while away, but I worked out three of those days, and honestly don't think I had eaten that badly. Quite likely the biggest culprit was the two driving days eating at stops along I-95.

The last time I gained weight I literally lost my head...convulsed in tears...the works. This time, I stepped on the scale, shook my head in disbelief, and shrugged. Instead of panicking, or getting upset I am choosing to focus on all the good decisions I made while we were traveling: I worked out, I passed on cake, I didn't feel the need to clean my plate, I drank lots of water.

I am doing better than I was before. That's a good matter what the scale says.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CURVYDIVA1920 6/25/2010 6:19PM

    I think its great when you get to a point where you don't have a mental breakdown when the scale rises. The point is to be healthy mentally AND physically--something a lot of people ignore in the pursuit of being physically appealing. But what happens if the weight creeps back on? Do you just resign to failure?? You know how to be healthy and that's your #1 weapon. :)

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A Year of Sparks

Saturday, May 08, 2010

I just realized that I have been a Spark People member for 379 days. I didn't even realize that a year had passed. I have to say, other than school, I have never stuck to anything this long. Quite honestly I didn't think I would need to. I had fully expected to have lost all my excess weight and be on my merry way by now.

I was very sceptical when my nutritionist recommended the site. I did not think it was for me. I thought: I don't have any "issues"; I don't have a problem with food; I just need to lose a few extra pounds. Turns out I do have some "issues"; a lack of knowledge being the main one. SparkPeople has been such wealth of information and education for me. Because of what I've learned here and the guidance and support I've gotten, my first attempt at weight loss may very well be my last. I never had to suffer through diets. I instead learned the benefits of adopting a healthy lifestyle. I did not start an exercise program with unreasonable expectations only to throw in the towel when those expectations were not realized. Instead I learned that my weight loss journey has to be multi-faceted and well-paced. I did get discouraged at the slow pace sometimes, but I was encouraged by practical SP information, and by members who share their stories and their own struggles.

Looking at my weight tracker you might not be able to tell, but I have come a long way in the past year. Sure 17 lbs seems low for more than 52 weeks, but it doesn't tell the whole story. It doesn't tell you that my body fat percentage fell from an obese 28% to a fit 23%. It doesn't tell you that I went from a tight size 14 to slipping on size 8 pants this week. It doesn't tell you how I went from hating exercise to looking forward to runs with my neighbor-friend, kickboxing class and yoga. My aptly depicted turtle tracker doesn't tell you how amazing I feel that my excitement about my health and improving body has inspired my mother, cousin and friends to take more care of their body and health. The little turtle doesn't tell you how grateful I am that my life is markedly better, or that I plan to wear a bathing suit on the beach this summer - the first time in almost 7 years.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MADERINERUE 5/29/2010 11:05AM

    I'm late to the game here, but I had to leave a congratulatory comment! You have changed in remarkable ways over the year, and that is awe-inspiring. Motivating others by your changes is just the icing on the most lovely cake!

Slow but steady wins the race.

xo! -M

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JPVALPO24 5/11/2010 2:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOKNOWS 5/11/2010 6:42AM

    emoticonon your 1-year Sparkversary. I enjoyed reading how you've grown from skepticism to a full-blown Sparker. emoticonon all your accomplishments too. emoticon

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THENEWKB 5/8/2010 11:11PM

    Way to go! I hope to echo your sentiments in 1 years time too.... Keep up the good work!

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FRENCHYFEVER 5/8/2010 8:55PM

    Happy anniversary! Like, you, I'm losing weight slowly, but losing body fat. Nothing wrong with that! Glad your life has been made better by your time spent here. Keep up the great work!

emoticon emoticon

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Thursday, April 08, 2010

I gained weight. Not just a pound or two, but more than 7lbs since my last weigh-in in January, and 9 lbs since the last time I stepped on a scale. I could die. My heart is literally broken. The wind has been knocked out of me.

My weight loss journey has not been idyllic by any measure. It has been slow and I have had to put in double time and sweat for every single ounce gone. I have had some moments of discouragement, particularly when I see the large loss numbers others post. I would be lieing if I didn't admit to being jealous sometimes. But I hung in there, taking joy in the slow progress, as my BMI, body fat and hip:waist ratio fell into healthy ranges and my clothes size dropped.

Then this...a gain - a big gain. It seems so unfair. I admit that I had gone off track for a few weeks, but I don't think it was 7 lbs off track. How come I didn't gain in the small increments I lose in? How come I didn't gain 0.3lbs? (I've actually lost only that much from one weigh-in to the next.)

I feel like I can't win. Why is it my 100% gets me so little? How come I don't get any room to falter a bit without putting back on the lbs? I'm afraid if something doesn't give, I'm going to stumble. I'm simply devasted.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMADWARF 5/28/2010 9:59PM

    Your blog made me sad cause I totally feel how upset you are... I get upset if I gain ANY weight but I ask myself "where would I have been if I hadnt found SP? If I hadnt attempted any weight loss at all?" And my answer is always, at least I am making progress! Dont beat yourself up, that is what the rest of the world does. Give yourself a hug for me and get back to taking care of your best friend: YOU!

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    Never give up. Sometimes it takes some of us a little longer including myself just shake yourself off and get back up again. Tomorrow is a new day. Don't quit!!

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    I am with you! I takes me two months to lose 5 pds...but only 1 week to gain it back! I feel your pain girl. I really do! Get your frustrations out and then get right back on it. I have felt like giving up too, but what is the alternative? I don't want to gain it all back, so we just gotta keep on keepin on!

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CRZANGEL 4/8/2010 9:39PM

    Hey girl, god that's awful, I know how much it sucks! I quite literally put on 5lbs in a couple weeks recently. I also had a big setback awhile ago where I put on almost 25 lbs in a couple months ( I had broken my leg and went into a depression) What I have noted is that regained weight seems to drop back off much faster than it took to lose it the first time. You may find that a good part of it is bloat or water retention from more salt/processed foods/soda than you were having when you were 'on track'....just ease back into your habits and you'll see it helps!

Good luck!

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At least I did it

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Up until a few months ago, I didn't even think I could run, then I started running on the treadmill at the gym. Now, I'm not the fastest and I'm not doing 7 miles at a time, but I'm running. Yesterday, I ran on the road for the first time. I only ran two miles...and didn't even run the whole way, but I am so proud of myself.

I decided I am not going to bitch about how slow I was going; or beat myself up for cutting my run short (my hands were freezing). I am choosing to celebrate that I'm getting fitter and I am doing something I wasn't doing a year ago. Yeah me!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAKELE 5/17/2010 9:22AM

    You go girl!!! emoticon

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INTENTWON 3/11/2010 10:03PM

    Good for you! Sometimes it is so easy to berate yourself for not doing something perfect and lose sight of the fact that you are accomplishing something amazing. Congrats to you for choosing to focus on the positive.

Comment edited on: 3/11/2010 10:04:53 PM

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SCARPENTER1647 3/11/2010 9:59PM

    You go girl!!! Baby steps lead to giant leaps if you just keep it up. CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESS

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BEAUTIFLDZSTR 3/11/2010 9:54PM

    Woo Hoo for you emoticon

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ANDYLIN90 3/11/2010 9:53PM

    Hooray for you! Congratulations.

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