 
 
 
A setbackWednesday, June 15, 2011
This morning's phone call ended something like this... 
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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI
6/17/2011 5:22PM
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Happy Birthday! I remember 42 fondly. I'm sorry that Thom's call made you cry again, sometimes men can be soooo insensitive. However, at least he thinks you're younger. LOL! I agree with the do something for yourself too. Celebrate you! Wish I could be there for the party. It sounds like a lot of fun. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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EUPHRATES
6/17/2011 7:32AM
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Happy Birthday sweetie...you deserve for this next year to be STELLAR. Beautiful blessings to a beautiful lady. 
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HEIDIWRITES
6/16/2011 6:13PM
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Hugs!
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AUTUMNSFIRE
6/16/2011 10:12AM
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I third the treat yourself option. Seriously - take a weekend if you can, or just a day and go do something FOR YOU. Don't worry about the farm, don't worry about other people, just go do something you want to do. Wish I could make it out there this weekend, but I so need to get things done around the apartment. :( Report Inappropriate Comment |
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MONETRUBY
6/15/2011 11:47PM
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I second Archimedes' suggestion-treat yourself, woman! Do something to make yourself feel special. You ARE special, treat yourself like you are!
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KRZYKAT3
6/15/2011 1:45PM
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well, the erason divorce doesn't kill you is because there is a life after. Been there and I KNOW it sure deosn't feel like it but eventually it will. Hang in, smile and find something you love to do you couldn't do when you were together because he didn't like to!!! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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ARCHIMEDESII
6/15/2011 1:26PM
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I've been 42 for the last 5 years ! LOL !! Seriously, life does get better as we age. The fact is, like a fine wine, I get better with age ! You can too ! I'm in better physical condition now than I was when I was 20 years younger. Do you want revenge on the ex ?? Then thrive without him ! Sounds like you need some extra special birthday pampering. You know what to do ? set up an appointment with your hairdresser and manicurist. Time for a new hair do ! Time to get your nails done ! Buy yourself a snazzy outfit. Time to treat yourself for your birthday. You've spent you life looking after others, now take some time to yourself. Comment edited on: 6/15/2011 1:29:25 PM Report Inappropriate Comment |
Not sure why my blogging has tapered off lately. I enjoy it. It's a release for me... especially here when there are SO many supportive people, both with the weight loss and the personal issues. So why haven't I been blogging? I don't know. There's a chance I've hit the "I've talked and talked about this -- I'm quite sure theyr'e tired of reading my whines... I know I'm tired of thinking it" syndrome, but I don't think that's the whole story. I'm just not sure what IS the whole story.
My parents are coming for their visit Thursday. they've offered to help with projects while they're here. I can use the help, for sure. I guess I'm a little apprehensive on their visit though... just don't want the questions, the comments, the looks. Not that they'll intentionally do things to make me feel bad, but I can't hardly talk to people about Thom yet without tearing up... and I dont' want to get that way in front of my parents. i just don't. We're not THAT close. But at the same time, i know they're coming up to support me and I love them for that. My brother told me he'd thought about surprising me this weekend... but they JUST drove 1300 miles moving from Montana to Iowa and isn't sure he wants to SEE a highway for a while, much less drive another 8 hours one way.
Have quite a few projects lined up though. Not sure we'll get through all of them...
-- paint the kitchen. It's a yellow color now and I'm thinking terra cotta would be nice. something of a Tuscan feel to the color.
-- install a light above the sink. There's already a switch we can attach it to (controls the disposal and the lights on top of the cabinets - which I never use. Need light there though.
-- install rain gutters on the back of the barn. Have had them for a while... just need help installing them.
-- clean the bar. Opening the bar for a hangout on Saturday... so it really needs to be cleaned! Including the floor of the workshop area as the chickens have made a mess getting in there.
-- install fencing. Going to put a layer of mesh fence on the existing fenceline to help keep the chickens contained to the pasture. I love watching them by the house and having them follow me to the barn (it's only mildly creepy), but I'm tired fo them tearing up my plants not to mention all the chicken poop everywhere. Time to contain them!
-- finish the 2nd raised garden bed near the back patio. I started on it yesterday, but it needs to be finished.
-- change out shower heads in the downstairs bathroom and possibly install a shower in the upstairs bath.
I think that was the list. I'd love to start painting the barn a little at a time, but I don't think we'll get to that this weekend. :) I'll be happy to get through half of that list to be honest. They said they'd work but I don't want to kill them at the same time, right? :)
Have started talking to a new friend online. Some question marks are coming up about her and right now I'm just trying to sort it out. Basically, there are things about her that she's told me or things that have come up that make me wonder if she's for real (no really). Just when I'm convinced one way, she says or does something that makes me wonder. I haven't met her in person... been having some really nice (supportive) conversations online. If she is for real... I have a new friend. If she's not, I have information that I'll have to take to a couple people as while not criminal, weird is a mild term for it and some folks in certain organizations will need to know to make informed decisions. I know that sounds a little shadey and a lot confusing... just have to leave it at that for now.
As for Thom... saw him and Chris yesterday when they came out to move the trailer closer to the road since they're selling it. They didn't hang out. Talked for a minute but then they left. I gave Thom a paper sack with some books I had kept that I thought I'd get time to read but that probably won't happen anytime soon so he should take them... a couple t-shirts including the one that I slept with for 2 months... and the cord from our handfasting. I didn't mention it and so until he looks, he won't know its there. not sure he'll say anything. I didn't know what to do with it but couldn't bring myself to throw it away or burn it up... this was the only option as I could see it.
Ok... I think I'm caught up now. oh... except I entered my first horse show in a couple years this past Saturday. Did ok for being out of practice/out of shape on an out of practice/out of shape horse. Good thing we were only jumping about 2' and we've both BTDT. Progressively got better as the day went on and I'm pretty happy with our performance. I am, however, MASSIVELY sore today. :)
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4-1HEALTHYCYNDI
6/17/2011 5:19PM
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Congrats on getting your list together of things you'd like to get done. Happy Birthday! I think it's great that you are starting to let go and move on. It doesn't mean that you're not still hurting, just ready to accept and continue moving forward. This is a very good thing. I hope you have a great visit with your parents and don't be ashamed of crying/showing emotion. It may give them a chance to show how much they care and to care for you (which I think you need right now). I know it's not easy when it's not something "done" in the family, but it can really help. Good luck with the party and have a great time! Congrats also on getting back into the ring (so to speak). Report Inappropriate Comment |
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FYREDANCER13
6/15/2011 2:31PM
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Hello, hun! Sorry I haven't written - I really didn't fall off the face of the earth. We did a ceremony like Heidi mentioned for my friend Adee when her and her former husband separated and she moved back to NY. It really brought some closure for her (he could've cared less at that point and didn't even bother to participate) and it may very well do the same for you. It's not a cure-all, but could be a step in recovery. You do seem a lot stronger now. I spent the last half hour or so catching up on your blog. I'm glad that the show went well and that you're riding again. Take care hun! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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HEIDIWRITES
6/15/2011 1:10PM
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You know Tammy you sound better in your writing. I know I can't "hear" you, but this post just seemed stronger than ones you've recently written. I hope you are feeling better. Regarding your list - sounds like you'll be busy, but it also sounds like some of these changes would be good. A pretty kitchen - one of the first things you see in the mornings - would be a nice change. Regarding Thom - One thing I have always done at the end of a relationship is a ceremony -- we have ceremonies to solidify them, but other than a divorce proceeding, we don't really think about ceremonies to release them. But we really should. I know you gave the cord away, but I have a pagan ceremony in one of my books that describes a "cord cutting." It is for people who handfasted with a cord. Obviously, you use the cord to bind your hands, then speak your well wishes for each other and say your goodbyes, then cut the cord. Having done similar ceremonies, I can tell you this is a good thing to do. It's a final sort of thing to do, and it does feel freeing -- like you are being released into your new life - propelled into it perhaps. I wish I would have remembered this sooner ... but you might not need such a thing anymore. Hope you have fun this weekend! Report Inappropriate Comment |
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FRACTALMYTH
6/14/2011 5:20PM
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huggle huggles huggles Keep going strong, girl :D
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MONETRUBY
6/14/2011 5:07PM
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Good luck with your parents. Getting some things done on the property sounds like a good way to move forward.
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EUPHRATES
6/14/2011 1:57AM
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Sorry I can't make it to the Shindig, but we've already got plans that night (friend of 'Yote's who is a blues player living in Nashville now is playing MOTR Pub downtown, and I promised we'd go), AND I may have to go into work at midnight. :( We'll see. But it sounds like you're definitely taking steps in the right direction lady. If this is anyone online I might be familiar with, feel free to ask - I know my ex uses his wife's account a bunch (when I catch him at it he says she'd stayed logged in and he hadn't realized he was using hers, but I know he's done it intentionally before so I don't generally believe him). I know most of their "handles" so I'd recognize it if it was one of them, and I know a LOT of the people around Ohio in various communities, so I may be familiar with said person- ya never know. :) Report Inappropriate Comment |
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SUETINGE
6/13/2011 6:23PM
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Enjoy the visit with your parents. Good job getting rid of some of the baggage he left behind, it's a giant step in the right direction IMHO. Report Inappropriate Comment |
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LENGELKE
6/13/2011 4:52PM
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Good for you! Give him that shirt and cord back! Yhayyyyyy i'm so proud of you!!!!
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OVERWEIGHT
6/13/2011 4:40PM
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It is great to have parents that can visit and help you this way. You know they love you so don't be ashamed to show emotion around them. It sounds like you are getting over Thom by giving the cord from the handfasting back. It takes time to heal completely. You are a good person and work hard. It seems you never have a free minute. Be careful of meeting people on line, there are some wacky people out there. Tell your folks I said they have a great person in you.
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