Wednesday, May 28, 2014
So I hurt my ankle the beginning of May and I've been in an air cast since then. Stress fracture/tendon inflammation/etc. I have trouble walking any extended distances and I could go on and on... I've just started being able to drive again, but I don't know where to go since I can't walk across the parking lot to get into a store!
My first couple of weeks I did well.. I was sticking to a normal eating plan, trying to cut back as well, since I'm not able to exercise much... I was trying to keep the house clean, trying to continue to do a little bit of working out to keep all of the muscle I worked so hard for...
Then I would slip back... More pain, more sitting. Then my diet got off track. I've gained weight, I know by my clothes, but haven't really been able to get on my scale. And I felt yucky because I wasn't eating normal... Then depressed because my little one gets out of school in less than a week and I'm still tied to the couch...
I don't even know how to help myself heal any faster... I've lost motivation. I just don't care that much anymore about my muscle, about my appearance, about much of anything... I just need to heal and do it quickly. I know once I can walk again I will get back to it... I will increase my motivation, and I will start slowly. I will be able to stand and cook the foods that I want. I will be able to make it around the house easily. I have no doubt. I just don't know what to do since I can't do, well, anything!
Prayers are appreciated for a fast(er) recovery! I need them!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Yes, I know December will be over before I know it but I still want to write these down since I'm kind of starting fresh this month!
1.) I'm going to track my food at least 2 - 3 days per week for the rest of the month... (I did this today, and wow, I am so much more conscious of the food I put in my mouth when I do this). It's quite amazing!
2.) I'm going to do circuit training or hiit training at least twice a week, but hopefully more... (I plan on finishing out the month with over 500 fitness minutes, as it's been awhile).
3.) I will still look for and apply to jobs at least 3 days a week, but as a Recruiter, I will understand that a lot of companies don't like to hire around the holidays. So I won't get frustrated.
4.) I'll do some online networking and trying to increase my employment opportunities (like I've already done today).
5.) I'll do something I enjoy, for me, at least 2 days a week for the rest of the month.
6.) I'll count my blessings and be grateful for what I have every day... And I'll hold myself to normal standards, not something completely unreasonable!
Hope you all have an amazing holiday and thanks for your support!
Friday, December 13, 2013
I've still been having trouble making my normal good decisions... But I'm coming up on my 2 year anniversary of being with SparkPeople so I need to get back to my normal mindset!
Yesterday, did I have 5 hershey's kisses? Yes. Did I have a big handful of salt and vinegar chips that need to leave the house? Yes, I did.
But to compensate I stopped after one handful and heated up my brussel sprouts to eat as a snack. At dinner I didn't eat the italian sausages that my husband made, I did my bbq tofu...
I think it will just take me some time... I haven't gotten on the scale in a week, but I have a doctors appointment on Monday. So whether I want to see it or not, I shall know soon enough if I've reached my top allowable weight... (In my mind, that is 125, considering I am only 5'2)...
Hope everyone's Friday is wonderful!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
So I've been feeling a little lost this week... Or maybe insanely lost...
I started a new, full-time job in an office in October... I was okay with being gone full-time, and only seeing my daughter for about 2 hours a day. I was okay with it because we needed the money for her college fund.. I haven't had a regular, really steady paycheck since she was born, so I felt it was time for me to catch up...
I kept up with my workouts, just less of them... I got up around 4:30 every morning, to try to get a tiny bit of time on the elliptical or with my kettlebells... My god, I was just actually getting used to it, and starting to get a full 30 minutes in... (It takes me awhile to get into a routine)...
But this place I went to work for was like walking into hell every single day... I finally got really good at handling being screamed at... On Monday, the day that i left, I just sat there while getting screamed at. My face didn't turn red, I didn't shake, I didn't cry. I just sat there in disbelief... Craziness...
So after that last episode of screaming, I cleaned out my email. I cleaned off any documents I brought with me to this job, I cleaned out my desk. Then I walked out the door and never looked back...
But now I'm home. And I'm alone. Just for a couple of days. But I don't really feel like I have any purpose. I haven't been feeding myself well.. I have been my number 1 priority for the last several years. Feeding my body well, taking care of it, exercising, etc... But I'm sad. And I'm depressed. I worked really hard to get that job. I worked really hard to let go of the yelling, to let go of the fact that I was told I wasn't capable of making any decisions, that I didn't know what I was talking about. I worked really hard to try to maintain positive working relationships. So how do I get myself back? How do I start to focus and care about me again?
Right now it's just a work in progress. I have to matter. I just have to get back to that good place again. Maybe it will just take some time...
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
So I've been working on me for quite some time now! Since I started with SparkPeople in January 2012(?) I've lost 38 pounds or something of that nature...
I've started eating healthier. I've started exercising on a regular basis. I've been building up strength and endurance, something I've never had in 34 years... But it seems strange to me that these things appear to be easy to me, not like what I'm working on right now...
My goal is to be a healthier person. My body and my mind. But this is the difficult part. How do I forgive people? I've been working on this for months, with no resolution! I've read books. I've tried meditation. I've tried going back and remembering and trying to release emotions. I've gone to a therapist. But how do I not let the in-laws hurt what I truly am on the inside?
And I need to remember the positives! What have I gained from this 7 year struggle with them?
I've gotten back to living a healthy life. They can not determine what or when I put food into my body. I eat better, therefore, my body performs better, it is healthier, and I am happier.
I am physically strong. My body can weather any storm and I am proud of all of the hard work that I have accomplished. I hope to keep progressing forward with this...
I have built a stronger relationship with my husband, and I have faith that he will now defend me when the waters get tough with his family. I couldn't ask for more from him.
I have created a "normal" family for our daughter. She doesn't get normal with the in-laws, so I have done my best to create that for her. She has to live with what we have, but that doesn't mean our expectations should be any lower.
After all of this I am back to being confident that I am a good person. I don't do things with the intent to hurt people. I trust that I will make the best decisions that I can, given the circumstances. And I'm okay with that. They used to make me question that, but I know me, and I am good!
I am trying very hard to see the positive in everything. Positive attracts positive. I can't let them control how I behave and how I feel any longer. And that, my friends, is a work in progress....
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