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The Mental REALITIES!!! #DAY 1

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

AM I REALLY HERE AGAIN??

I am back to where I started from… I am officially back at my highest weight. I could blame it on my 7 day cruise, but I can honestly say it was more like the decisions I made on my cruise. I weighed in at 291lbs this morning, which means I have gained 36 of the 37 lbs I lost last summer. Sometimes I wonder can I really do this. Can I stay committed to making my dreams come true? My attitude towards this process is kind of in the dumpers lately. I think it’s because I know how easy it is to fall of the wagon. I can honestly say that I am mentally talking myself out of even trying this again. BUTTTTTTTT I want this sooooooooooooo BAD.

1. I want to be able to walk up the stairs at work without being winded.
2. I want to be able to stand with having my back to hurt.
3. I want to finish what I started for once in my life.
4. I want to finally take that after picture.
5. I want to get rid of this awful heartburn
6. I want to have energy
7. I want to stop avoiding the mirror in the morning.
8. I just simply want it all, because I deserve it! I don’t want my weight holding me back from accomplishing anything in this life.


The Reality!
The frustrating thing is that since 2010 I have started this journey at least 10 times. And I am so freaking tired of being back here. I have written my goals down so many times that I don’t even want to do it this round. It’s crazy to even look at the dates in my weight loss journal. I think this journal goes back to 2009. I have started a diet every year for the last 7-8 years, which has had the opposite effect on me I up 60lbs since 2007. After all these years of insanity, I am mentally defeated! But I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet!

I am READY TO CHANGE MY LIFE. I don’t know how this attempt will turn out, but I think the saying goes you have to sometimes hit rock bottom in order to make it to the TOP. I am at that bottom.

Hey you… Yes you!! Yes “FOOD” I am here to let you know that on this day 9/25/13 I taking my power back.


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Steph

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOING-STRONG 9/28/2013 10:41AM

    Baby steps will get you to your goal. Only make changes you are willing to live with for a lifetime and don't worry about what you could have / should have done yesterday. Just start now and move forward.

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WHITNEYLD 9/28/2013 5:30AM

    emoticon

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AHARRIS02 9/26/2013 5:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

The key is, you keep trying. Let's not be on a diet, but a lifestyle change. Take it one day at a time. And if you ever need anything, just let the SEALS know, we are here for you.

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LYNNIERN 9/25/2013 9:12PM

    Yep, you can do it. You are going to do it because you have that awesome reward when you hit those goals..a trip to Texas to see your family. Keep your eyes on the prizes..your health, being able to walk up the stairs with out being winded, getting some energy so you can enjoy that visit with your family. I've got faith in you, you can do this!!!

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ARIMARI 9/25/2013 9:06PM

    I hear you! I also have been trying to lose weight since 2009 after my second daughter was born and I weigh more now than when I was 9 months pregnant! When I heard about BLC 23 I figured that was my sign to step back into reality and make the changes to lose weight AND keep it off. Let's make sure that this time is our last time!

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LOFLLAMA 9/25/2013 7:46PM

    "After all these years of insanity, I am mentally defeated! But I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet!"

NO! See, you are NOT defeated!!! I say & believe, 'Your perception of your reality IS your reality!' BELIEVE THAT!

YOU are in charge & I hear a willing, able & capable woman READY TO DO THIS!!!

Hit rock bottom if you have to, but KNOW that we will be here waiting for you to ask for a hand up!!!

I am proud of you for taking responsibility...THAT is truly the FIRST STEP!
Love
Lisa


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STEPH-KNEE 9/25/2013 6:47PM

    I just want you to know that I could have written this blog... and I did write it several times over the years. Always restarting at a higher weight, kicking myself for the time wasted. But this time is different for me, I am a year and a half in and 80 pounds down. This time can be your LAST attempt, just take it one day at a time. Make small, steady changes, and you will get there! emoticon

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RUTHIET_456 9/25/2013 6:35PM

    Go Steph! You 've got this . Take it one moment at a time and be mindful. Like they say, two steps back and three steps forward. Don't forget to drink water, lots of it.
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LOTUSBURGER 9/25/2013 1:33PM

    WOO HOO You Can DO it!! One step at a time!!
Those a great goals to reach you will get there!!

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My Plan for Success and My Reward

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

12 Week Plan for success BLC 23

Every time I get back on the wagon I start with a detox, which is just clean eating. I will eat mostly fruit and vegetables to clean my systems. So week one will be my detox week. The main thing I will have to do so that I am successful is to be ACCOUNTABLE at all times.
Through my many times of attempting to lose weight, I have gained a new outlook on everything. I am no longer ashamed of my failures and setbacks. It’s normal. I am human, and I have accepted that. The reality is that I am pretty close to my highest weight if not higher. Here is what I know!
1. I am a FOOD ADDICT.
2. Week one will be the hardest week of them all. My body will go through withdrawal from all the fats and sugars. I will have crazy headaches.
3. I will survive!
4. If I am 100% committed it will show in my results.
5. Life happens! I will have slip ups.

My Goals
1. Drink my water daily.
2. Exercise (my goal is to fall in LIKE with this activity) lol
3.Track my food daily.
4.NEVER GIVE UP!
5. Be active in my BLC 23 thread daily!
6.Lose weight ( hopefully 40lbs, which is obtainable)

My reward
1. If I am successful these 12 weeks, and stay committed I will reward myself with a trip back to Texas to visit my many friends I left behind when I moved back closer to home.

I am ready to make my comeback! I have missed my Spark family dearly!


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Steph

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNIERN 9/25/2013 8:56AM

    Great goals and a really great reward. I am SO looking forward to celebrating your weight loss with you either during or at the end of these 12 weeks. I agree with you about the food addiction and sugar, I'm just like that also. We had a birthday celebration at work and someone had lemon bars; I had one and I felt so sick after. It felt like the morning after I'd had too many adult beverages. Let's don't do that this challenge!
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GOING-STRONG 9/24/2013 10:47PM

    I know when I get sugar in my system that it is sooooo hard to stay on track. It is like the sugar demon sits on my shoulder and just takes over. A detox sounds like a great idea to get things kick started.

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ZERO2HERO 9/24/2013 9:48PM

    Sounds like an awesome perspective and momentum coming into BLC23!

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WHITNEYLD 9/24/2013 5:42PM

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SWEET_CAROLYN 9/24/2013 4:18PM

    Just take one day at a time! You've made some great goals and your heart is in the right place - looking at your health! And never forget: one mistake doesn't mean you need to give up on all the hardwork you've done!

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ADARKARA 9/24/2013 3:57PM

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LOTUSBURGER 9/24/2013 1:59PM

    Way to commit!! You can DO it!!!

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GODDREAMDIVA1 9/24/2013 1:41PM

    emoticon

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May *GOALS*

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Happy MAY!!!

It has been a long time since I have done monthly goals! It will be a year since I started my last journey (may 14, 2012) woozers… I tell you time waits for no one…and unfortunately I am almost back to where I started from last years…. May 2012 I weighed in at 292 May 2013 I am 272. I have managed to keep 20 of the 37lbs off I lost last summer. Although I am very disappointed, and wished that I was rejoicing for this anniversary, I can’t be mad or depressed because I know that I made all the wrong decisions. I tell everyone I know exactly how to lose weight. I know how to eat and exercise properly, but I have just been lacking the will power and determination to do it. Arrrrrgh
emoticon May Goals emoticon

Drink my water at least 64ozs daily emoticon emoticon emoticon
Stay within my calories range (at least 5 days each week) emoticon emoticon
Get 1000 monthly fitness minutes emoticon emoticon
Lose weight emoticon emoticon
Get into an exercise rhythm emoticon emoticon
Don’t give up emoticon emoticon

Happy May all!!!
It is 117 days before my vacation (16 weeks) And I plan on making this time count!!

Steph*

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VERONICAVW_140 5/2/2013 11:21PM

    You've got this! Let's make May count!

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ABUFFKIN 5/2/2013 12:16PM

    Don't focus on what you gained back, or how far you have left to go. Just keep looking forward, and give yourself some credit for all of the things that you do right. I am positive that you will be just where you need to be when it is time for that vacation!!!!
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PURPLE180 5/1/2013 6:05PM

    emoticon Hey, keeping off 20 pounds is awesome...look at it that way instead of you gained 17 or didn't lose as much as you've liked. 16 weeks is plenty enough time for you to get FAB (you all ready are but you know what I mean, emoticon ), so keep that vacation in mind and WORK IT OUT! emoticon

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JAMIELOGICAL 5/1/2013 4:15PM

    You've kept off 20 pounds! That's fantastic. Don't diminish the work you've done. Have you made mistakes and slip ups? We all have! We need to focus on moving forward. I'm just now FINALLY getting back on track now and I've made a promise not to beat myself up over the "wasted" time or the weight I've regained. What's past is past and that kind of thinking can only bring us down.

Great goals for May!

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JOHNMARTINMILES 5/1/2013 3:13PM

    Despite your tripping up slightly, you are still 20# lighter than last year.

Set goals, Plan your work and work your plan.

Make Today a Great Day!

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Week 1! Death! Murder! Suicide!

Monday, April 22, 2013

Week 1- That’s a grim title I know but all true of my week!

No change in my weight. This week kind of turn into an experiment, I track everything I ate (even took pics) and realized some interesting stuff.

The most interesting is that I noticed that I ate when I wasn’t even hungry… WHY? Ummm let's see… This week was a very emotional week for me… From the Bombing in Boston, To the explosion in Texas, to this little guy in my neighborhood (14) died in a 4 wheeler accident, and a close family friend attempting suicide (like put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger)THANK GOD HE SURVIVED.

So I was literally drowning in a sea of emotions.. I turned to foods that would usually make me feel better, BUT there was no relief! This week just reiterated something I already knew… That life is so short and unpredictable. So do all you CAN while you CAN. So with that being said I have been putting off this goal/dream long enough, and now it is time to make it happen literally.

So today starts week 2 and I am excited to show myself I still got this!! :-)

This week also will bring a very painful anniversary of the 4-27-11 Tornadoes that ripped through my home town and ripped a piece of my heart out… It took everything from one of the most important people in my life…my step mom… It took her home, car, her mobility, BUT I thank GOD it didn’t take her or her SMILE… She is truly a survivor. Though the road has not been easy with medical complications, I am sooo thankful that GOD allowed us to keep her. So this weekend we will celebrate life and the blessings we received vs. everything we lost.

So as week 2 begins I will be doing a fruit and veggie detox to jump start and remove some of that bad stuff I indulged in last week!!

I hope you all have a great week!!!
Every day is a BLESSING so let’s make them count!
PS. I am soooo happy it's watermelon season!! I LOVEEE THAT STUFF
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Steph

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYPAT1 4/22/2013 9:42PM

    Prayers and blessing going out for you and all of those in tragic, sad situations.

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PRINCESSAMY 4/22/2013 2:52PM

    I am praying for you. That is a long week.

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LEGSMINDHEART 4/22/2013 2:12PM

    I am sorry you had such a rough week! But it sounds like you have the kind of attitude that can overcome a lot. Good luck with this week!

And I agree on the watermelon!!! I love it too!

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RENAISANCEBRIDE 4/22/2013 11:54AM

    This past week has been rough for you! Even though you didn't loose anything your first week, you made some very real progress.
First you tracked all your food intake. emoticon
Then you looked at why you were over-indulging. emoticon
Finally, you realized that eating your emotions doesn't help and that life is too short to not do what you want. emoticon

I hope this week is better!

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More Truths *My Failures*

Monday, April 15, 2013

Through this journey I have learned so much. And as I begin to fight again for my success story, I am forced to analyze my failures. Because I honestly believe that if I don’t get to the root of my addiction to food that I will always be right back here starting over again.

Why do I fall weak to tasty food? Why do I do GREAT for 3 months then fall off?

Hello SparkPeople! My name is Stephaine and I am a food addict on her way through the recovery process.

I don’t want a temporary change or fix. I don’t want to take those wonderful after pictures and then go back to the befores. This journey is truly more mental than physical. Because through my reviews and analysis of my failures I find that it always comes down to me mentally throwing in the towel.

It is true that there is power in positive thinking. I know that I can do this. I deserve this gift of LIFE, which ONLY I can give to myself.
I am a FIGHTER!
I am a SURVIVOR!
I am a WINNER!
I am a QUEEN!

So I will begin this week with baby steps. I know that I can do this
Week 1 goals:
Track everyday
Get at least 300 minutes of physical activity
Drink my water
Do my BEST

19 weeks before my cruise!
Have a sparktastic week!!

Steph emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNBELTONLOSES 4/16/2013 11:49AM

    GURL, CHECK YOUR SPARKMAIL...

SINCERELY,
Y
OUR WEIGHTLOSS GURLFRIEND,
~lynn
(yahoo im: belton_lynn)

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NANCYPAT1 4/15/2013 10:44PM

    You are worth the effort to KEEP on KEEPING ON.

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IWILLSHINE33 4/15/2013 12:58PM

    Hang in there and remember life long health is not a temporary fix we have to learn and change are current habits for healthy permanent ones. We are taking those baby steps together. emoticon

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PRAIRIEMIMI 4/15/2013 12:37PM

  You deserve the very best in life! Sending hugs and prayers your way!

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