Sunday, May 16, 2010
....but I have recently discovered I am WRONG WRONG WRONG.
First of all...I am NOT a binger. I can count the number of times times on one hand that during my whole life I have downed a whole bag of anything. That's definitely not my thing. (I remember a bag of Fritos when I was 15 and babysitting, but that was a lifetime ago).
Actually, most of the time, I eat really, really healthily. Not even sorta healthily...but REALLY healthily. I bake my own bread. I cook my own food. I eat lots of veggies and fruits. I struggle getting enough protein, but I am doing better!
Well, the thing is...recently something has happened which has *really* stressed this happy Buddhist to the breaking point. It has the promise of doing nothing but getting worse. I am truly, truly in a bad place. Sometimes I'm convinced that my leftover karma must be that of a WWII SS Officer or something. Geez, I hope my next life includes a "love of my life" with a fairy tale unbelievable life-long story. If my karmic intentions this life are immediate in their rewards, it shall...it shall.
I still haven't finished off a bag of anything. But my *food choices* SUCK. Instead of a bowl of strawberries, I have downed a bowl of ice cream for the last 3 days. Seeking comfort in Moose Tracks. And I want some. Now. Dang it. Fresh veggies have been exchanged for chips and salsa. A regular breakfast, lunch, supper and snack are now "whenever I get to food, and whatever I want to eat when I get there".
I suppose emotional eating takes many forms, which I now realize. When my brother was dying last year, I would stop at DQ after every visit for a blizzard. Just a small one (*JUST!*), but ice cream is certainly my drug of emotional choice.
I don't know (but I strongly suspect) how the present emotional turmoil will resolve. However, I DO know that I am staying committed to dealing with the emotions, so that I can stop medicating them with a bowl of Moose Tracks.
Life is a process, not a goal.
Friday, April 23, 2010
OK, so I'm off work today. It's Friday. I live about a mile from a "rail to trail". It's my second day taking my bike out. WHAT FUN! I did almost 8 miles...YEA ME! Not bad for being 50 and fat. LOL
I have an observation.....
The last time I went for a ride (and most evenings that I walk...also on the trail), I do so at night. Today is a weekday morning.. Can I just say: The weekday morning trail riders are MUCH cooler than the night time ones!
Today, as I was riding along, I met people that smiled and said, Hi! Have a nice day! They seemed to really be ENJOYING their ride and the nature around them! Obviously out for their health and happy about it. All different shapes and sizes. HAPPY people!
SOOOOOOO much different than in the evening. I'm riding along trying to figure out those darn shifters on my bike, and trying to stay *somewhat* on my side of the road. (Heck, I don't even manage to drive my car on the right! LOL), then WHOOSH! Someone who is all sinew and bone, and has less fat than my Dannon LIght and Fit yells "ON YOUR LEFT" just before they whizz by leaving wind burns on my leg. Holy cow. These people SCARE me! Their bikes are so sleek that you can't even see them straight on (that goes for their bodies as well!). You think you're looking at one of those road mirages in front of you and WHAM! They come right at you (OK, OK, maybe it's ME who's coming right at them, since they just use the first few microns of the road next to the gravel). Then ZOOM off they go...not a nod. Not a smile. Not a "hi, how are you?" Not even a "HI!" I'm pretty sure the speed they go has some "gee" effects and just pulls their face into a grimace instead of a smile.
I'm pretty sure they commute from Louisville to Chicago everyday on their bike. Probably get there in under an hour, too.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
What a beautiful day!. Sparta and I had a WONDERFUL 40 minute walk. Physically, I'm feeling so much better, it's *easy* to go for a walk, instead of just "gritting my teeth and doing my workout".
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
It was a good day. It's sunny. I got a lot done at work. I lost a pound! YES!
Monday, March 15, 2010
OK, long story.
I had my first gall bladder attack (from having stones) at the age of 19. I altered my eating habits over and over, becoming mostly vegetarian, and it helped, but I still had attacks. In my early 30's (31 or 32), I finally had it removed. YEA!
Then, a few weeks later, I had my first "post-gallbladder" attack. Felt JUST LIKE the original attacks, only without quite as much back pressure. I talked to the surgeon who said, "Impossible!". I talked to my internal medicine girl, who said, "Impossible! Gee, I don't know what it is??"
I continued to have pain periodically (writhing pain attacks that lasted from 15 minutes to 2 hours) ever since the surgery.
Finally, on New Year's Eve afternoon, I started having an attack that just WOULDN'T go away. It kept getting worse and worse, until I finally relented and went to the emergency room. HATS OFF to the doctor who said, "Honey, I think you have a caught stone in the common bile duct!" This, actually has been my diagnosis for all of the years since the surgery, but no one would listen. A good point with being insistent that you know your own body better than ANY health care professional. (I'm not dissing, I work for healthcare, but you really DO know your body best!) They gave me morphine, which made it *finally* back off, and I went back to my NEW Internal Medicine doc. (I LOVE this one by the way, not only is she a good doc, but she doesn't rely on drugs for every little thing. She believes nutrition and exercise are important ways to health, and is in alignment with alternative medicine as well). )
She referred me to a Gastroenterologist, who did an MRI MRCP (a special MRI with dye and a drug to dilate that duct), and low and behold there they were...two stones.
My test results were faxed to IU Medical Center in Indianapolis, and the on the ball doc called and they scheduled me THE NEXT DAY for an ERCP. This is where they use a scope down through the mouth into the stomach, and on into the common bile duct to remove the stones. Two stones were removed, one small, and the other 9mm (this is HUGE, since the opening to that common duct is about 1mm. A "sphincterotomy" was done to enlarge the opening so that the bile flows more freely and stones aren't likely to be made anymore.
Thursday night after the procedure was pretty rough, but I'm pretty much back to normal today....
and...HERE's the interesting part:
My joints have been screaming achy for a long, long, long time. It's GONE. Not just better...GONE. My dry, itchy skin has improved in just 3 days...SIGNIFICANTLY.
Apparently, I was poisoning myself with my own bile!
I can't believe how different I feel.
YEA for a new day!
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