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"The sun will come out..."

Thursday, September 06, 2007

... today actually. I woke up to what looked like a gloomy day with heavy clouds and a major drizzle. Now the sun is out and shining and it looks like we'll be roasting all day instead. Go figure.

Life is funny, really. Variable weather is to be expected. But who knew my appetite could be as variable. Up until this last week, I felt like a human vaccuum who never got full. This week, my appetite has gone seriously down, practically all day long. I wonder if it's the excercise.

Strangely enough though, I woke up completely famished yesterday morning. VERY hungry, but nothing sounded good at all. So I settled for a fruit and nut filled bowl of oatmeal with my coffee. After that, no hunger, the rest of the day. This morning? Still not hungry. I've gotten down half of my cafe au lait, but even that was a struggle, and boy am I ever a coffee girl. I don't get it. Oh well.

So, a couple of really nice/amazing things have happened already. I got a writer to take an assignment last minute. Wait wait, give me a second, I'm still reeling from the shock of it all. Ok, I think I'm good. Wait no, there's yet more news. I'm getting an assistant editor! Yay! Less stress on me, and one more committed writer who loves features. I'm thrilled.

But that's not quite the good news yet. I wanted to start the Couch to 5K program and use the podcast everyone keeps talking about. Problem? I haven't an iPod. Well, as of this morning, I have one on the way. My hubby's work gives out awards for a job well done and he's got enough points to get me one. Woohoo! I'm excited! Free iPod!

Even better? I checked the Sparkpoints leaderboard. When I checked it this morning, I'm #7 for my state and #1 for my city! I'm so thrilled! Now I feel like I have a responsibility to keep up that high ranking. I know I don't, but it's majorly motivating for me. Woohoo!


Sunday, September 02, 2007

I'm frustrated and just need to vent. I sorta got schnookered into teaching Kid's Church on Sundays. Now mind, Sundays are stressful enough because of meeting newspaper deadlines. Add to that trying to control anywhere from 6-40 kids on any given week. Add to that my other adult helper being out sick today, AND two of my teen helpers deciding to skip out this week too, AND promotion week, so I got two brand spanking new kindergarteners who are headstrong and jabbery... what do you get? One me, in tears, frustrated to death, ready to quit and never deal with another kid again. Oh right, and let's not forget that I'm also getting the aggressive autistic kid in a month. I quit working special ed because I couldn't handle dealing with that disability anymore. And let's face it, this kid is a juggernaut totally out of control most of the time.

Someone shoot me now?

It's no wonder I struggle to lose weight. The stress hormones alone are enough to make me stay a blimp forever.

Am I missing something?

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I'm 10 days into SP and I just feel sort of lost and drifting. I've not lost a lick of weight yet. I can't seem to stop the noshing for some crazy reason.

Anyway, I keep trying to meet the fast break goals, but the cardio one isn't happening. And I'm struggling to drink all my water too. Should I be trying to meet the nutrition and fitness goals too or does that come later?

Arg, just so frustrated and confused. I feel like there's something I should be grasping that I'm totally unaware of or missing. I just don't know.

And the daily life stress is building too. So much I can barely stand it. Back to breathing excercises for me to calm myself.

It's just starting?

Friday, August 24, 2007

I want the day to be over and it's just starting. I know I'm going to be overwhelmed all day with work work work and work. Thing is, I've also got to be interrupted by my son's friend spending the night, my FIL's birthday party that I have to go to, and an event I'm covering for the paper that's 3 hours long.

And it's the same old story. I know when I start to feel overwhelmed (and boy do I!), I get some sort of action paralysis where I just can't seem to do anything but walk around aimlessly in a fog. Doing that of course makes it worse because then I've wasted time and blown deadlines.

I know I should be taking small steps, but it all feels so cavernous and overwhelming, like I'm going to drown in responsibilities.

Oh right, and as icing to the glum morning, we're out of milk... and the puppy just used the carpet... again.

Edit: You know that old advice about calling a friend? I think I need a better friend. I called my husband to just vent a smidge and ask him to take responsibility for one thing on my list to get done today. He asked what the problem is, that there's plenty of hours in the day. (grumbles) And then asked me why I didn't just do something last night. Because I was exhausted and worked until 11pm? Jerk.

Can I kick the Blahs?

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ok, so I'm a perfectionist. I have been as long as I can remember. So I'm already kicking myself that I'm not at all meeting one of my fast break goals... you know, the 10 minutes of cardio a day one? Yeah, that's not happening. And I know I'm just adding to my stress level by fussing over not doing everything perfectly, but that's just so how I am. In fact, I can feel myself getting tense just thinking about it. Maybe I should start doing calming breathing like I'm teaching my drama queen daughter to do.

Thing is, I know why it's not happening. For the first time in my life, I'm staying on top of work and all my other responsibilities and not blowing them off until the absolute last minute. And dude, it's exhausting. So much so, that I wonder if there's going to be an end in sight. And then I kick myself more because I can't even fit all of those into my day either. Sure, I created some of the problem for myself by putting off things that just can't wait anymore, but who would have thought just the doing them would be so overwhelming.

I guess at least it's a positive change in my life though. Being productive and well, responsible, is boring in one sense, but at least I can look at the "to do" list and know I've accomplished a lot. Now if I could just stop staring that the stuff that stays undone.

And let's keep the sun out while we're at it. Those two rainy days this week threw a wrench into all my good working time I was having. Something about the lack of sunlight makes me practically incapable of working. I get so gloomy and blah that I want to do nothing but mope... and eat!

Can I kick this now that the sun's out?

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