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TINKERSPELL's Recent Blog Entries

Keeping Perspective

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I'm having a meh sort of day. Me and the kiddo have been sickish for a couple of days, and to add insult to injury, TOM showed up and I was up and down through the night from the pain. Part of me wants to say hang it and just dive into a rich chocolate cake. But I know I'll feel lousy about myself if I do that, not to mention sick to my stomach because part of the yuck I've been fighting has made me stupidly dizzy. If I was on my feet long enough to bake, I might well fall over.

I had plans to go walking and swimming this week, and it seems like life has thrown a wrench into those plans. Part of me wants to push ahead and just do it anyway, but I have a feeling it'd only make me feel worse, and counteract any good I hoped to accomplish. I'm taking the time to remind myself that just because it's a small obstacle, doesn't mean I have to throw in the towel. And there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This may be one of the last times I have to suffer womanly things like this. So one week of adapting isn't going to hurt things in the greater scheme of things. But man, I'm impatient to go go go!

Eager as I am to jump in and get going, I'm taking the time to remember that being kind to myself is progress as much as getting in cardio. If I'm shooting for better health, that means I need to take care of myself when my health is less than ideal. Perspective, perspective. I look forward to being back on my feet though!

Taking Inventory

Monday, April 20, 2009

So, I let life kick me around. I got discouraged, I hung up the attempts to live healthier. It all went downhill from there. Grad school kicked my butt and I gained back 20 pounds of what I'd lost, and this time it's not wanting to come back off. Now I'm facing re-losing that weight, while praying that I'm going to fit my dress for my SIL's wedding and some heavy personal problems that are driving me to want to starve again. I guess the silver lining in all this is apparently while I want to quit eating, I seem to lack the willpower to do it.

I want the weight off and I want it off now. And I know all the rants about you didn't gain it overnight. Trust me, some of it, I pretty much did. But I think I've given up on ever getting it off by going hard hard hard, push push push. I'm leaning towards the slow and steady wins the race approach. Where I go for daily walks, where I swim with the family, and work in my garden, and eat about 400 calories less a day than my basal metabolism. Sure, I wouldn't be on a winning team with The Biggest Loser, but maybe by being realistic about my life and my personality, it'll make being healthy a reality.

Where's my mojo? Anyone seen my mojo?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I'm seriously stumped. I know I keep saying over and over I'm finally getting back on track, but I'm just... not. I'm still in a drifting, aimless haze. I've been here since we got back from vacation and it's just not clearing up. I know what to do, but my drive to do it seems to be missing.

I want this, I do. And I can give you the reasons why. But it's just not enough to shake me out of this funk I'm in.

Strangely enough, I think it's giving up that 150 workouts shirt at Curves. When I was shooting for that shirt, I was giving it everything I had. But once I realized I was pushing it too much by going every day, I just fizzled out. I need that concrete motivator. I need something to strive for. Badly!

But in the meantime while I puzzle out what that is and what I want it to be, I really really have to get my groove back. Because it's gone. And I'm not making any progress. And it's starting to piss me off.

Life: Revised

Monday, August 11, 2008

Well, it was time to sit down and really give my goals a good look. It's been a couple of months and I needed to evaluate where I was, what I want and where I am going.

Getting in the 150 workouts at Curves this year isn't going to happen. It's too much strength training and I hit a brick wall for energy. Not good. But I'm fine with that because it just means I'm learning to listen to my body and do what it needs, not just what I want.

This week's Spark lesson for me was about rewards. Thinking about rewards makes you think about goals too. So I'm thinking about what goals I really want to set, and what charming rewards I'm going to indulge in. I think I'm coming up with ideas, in fact I have one for sure, but for now, it's a secret!

I'm changing my life, that's for certain. And not in any ways I ever truly imagined. Lucky me, I love surprises!

Revisions happen in writing, and I guess they're happening in me too. What a poetic sort of thought. Maybe I should write a lyric essay about that. Yeah, I think there's something to it.

I like squash, oh yes I do...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I am incredibly relieved that I did NOT plant any summer squashes this year in the garden. Because I don't think I could handle a single one more. As it is, my garden is producing copious amounts of cukes. So when I got to the CSA last week and they told me to "pick four cucumbers," I nearly fell over. Eeek!

Well, the cukes are going into a pickling brine today. I already made tzatziki with some, turned others into a salad, and tossed yet others into another salad. I am STILL run over with the buggers. So into pickles they go, to put up for the cuke-less days of winter. (Please tell me there will be cuke-less days in winter.)

Meanwhile, I'm facing down the squashes. I love summer squashes. The rest of the family? Eh... not so much. So I've got to find creative and inventive ways to use entirely too much summer squash. A good dose of it went into the freezer, again for those zucchini-less days of winter. There's been squash fritters, fried squash, stuffed squash, zucchini bread. Tonight's ratatouille... tomorrow, probably squash lasagna. I like squash, right? RIGHT?!

No really, all joking aside, I knew this would be what happened when we made a committment to eat locally and seasonally. Then again, happy things have come my way by doing it. Things like the purple basil that's becoming a heavy part of my ratatouille tonight. Delicious things like eating local cheeses sprinkled on top of free-range egg frittatas. Amazing things, like tasting pea shoots for the first time. Funny things like eating so much squash you begin to fear the saying "You are what you eat."

But the funny thing is, I really am getting in all my fruits and veggies. And for one beautiful week, I got to devour local raspberries. This week is blueberries which will go into our breakfasts...if they don't go directly into my son's stomach. There's something fantastic about eating a cucumber you just pulled off the vine with chives you just snipped. There's something satisfying about seeing your freezer fill with the excess of a season's bounty, like strawberries and squashes, instead of cardboard containers of frozen dinners and ice cream cartons. It's fantastic to have a problem trying to decide where you're going to put your side of beef around all the produce when the cow is done growing. Can we squeak a pig this year? What about lamb? Do we need to split some of the meat to make room?

For now, just give me the internet and a search engine. I have squashes and cukes to process. Hmm, anybody want some?

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