TINK9305   22,139
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A Journal to myself - Where did I go wrong??

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

So I am really tring to reflect on what I have been holding onto all these years. Why can't I seem to let go of stuff? Why have I been afraid of being alone? What fears do I have? Why am I so down and sad deep down? Why do I carry so many people's weight on my shoulders? And how do I change all of this? How do I make my life happy, healthy, and positive?

I seem to have problems being a pack rat or something of the sorts no matter how hard I try I end up keeping just about everything. I really don't want to be that way and I feel bad about doing it. I'm not sure why I hold on to some things, someday I just might use it.... someone gave it to me...... It has value.... I think now I'm really trying to let go and see the value of having only what I need. Having nicer things and less of them. Someday may never come and the clutter and hording is bringing me down. I am going to try to change this by filling atleast one trash bag or good will bag per a week. I NEED to let go, I WILL be ok!!!!!!!

I may kinda pretend that I'm moving and can only take with me a certain amount of stuff. What is important to me? The next issue I have come up with is that I think I have always been afraid to be alone. But I think I am over that now. Not that I want to be alone, but I will be ok. I can surround myself with positive people that want to be around me and like me for me. I have felt so helpless in some aspects of my life but I need to take control and be happy :o) What am I truley afraid of....... I'm not really sure maybe I'm afraid of success, I don't know . I need to focus on my life and making it tick. Some days I just feel like I want to run away from it all and no one would even care. Infact many would be happy. I love the motivation and spark I get from this site!!! I like to try to support one another in positive ways!!

It brings me great job when I'm able to lift someone up or help them. I really just love helping poeple. I truely thank all my spark friends for helping me along my journey to health.

I really think signing up for the half marathon is a BIG step for me, I'm very excited, but scared. I CAN DO THIS !!!!!! and I WILL !!!

I've got the eating and the exercise under control and I really need to focus on my emotional well being. I can do this no matter how hard it is. I need to stay strong and realize the difference between being there for someone and someone being toxic to me that I deal with in person. I think I have a hard time with this. I need to be able to turn things around and have healthy relationships.

This is kinda a rambeling journal to myself that I just need to put down somewhere. But if anyone has any ideas or suggestions that would be great. My mind is all over the place lately and I'm trying my all to focus and stay that way.

Thanks to all that have supported me and taken my support both ways are very empowering and keep me going strong. I really need to stay positive :o) I need to not hurt so much inside. I guess I'm just confused, but am trying to figure things out. Hugz to all, can't wait to meet fellow sparkers at the Rally next month!!!!! Hope everyone had a wonderful day!!

A almost forgot I had my weigh-in this am and lost 3 pounds!!!!! I am doing this, my life will be healthier and happier. I just need a path, a plan, and my true friends :o)

I leave you with a cute picture of pumpkin, our kitty. I have no idea how he was comfortable.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

99TREV 2/3/2010 5:59PM

    Awesome on the 3 pounds!!!!!

I you have been doing great with the small steps at getting rid of the stuff. Thank you so much for trying and working on it!!!

Love ya!!!!

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BARBARA_G 2/3/2010 1:50PM

    That is a funny picture of your cat.
Congratulations on the 3 lb weight loss! emoticon emoticon emoticon
I can relate to the hording. I have a tough time with it myself. It takes allot of work and effort to get rid of all that old stuff. Who knows when you might need it. I'm constantly working on it. Just take one little step at a time and you'll get there.

You sound really sad. I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll begin to feel more positive real soon. We all have those days.
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Barbara

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KRYANPRINCESS 2/3/2010 2:24AM

    Aww Amy!! Great job on the 3 lbs loss!! That is fantastic! emoticonYou worked super hard to drop those lbs to the curb! I struggle with keeping things. I used to be really bad about it. I find everything sentimental, it had a memory to it...but I had to get control of myself and learn to pass it on....the hardest thing for me is that i HATE to throw perfectly good stuff away....knowing that I can donate it really helps because I know that I someone else may appreciate it and if not, I know I did the right thing. It's still tough though, If you can drop the baggage on your body so to say, you can drop the other baggage in your life too. I KNOW you will FIND a way to cope and make it happen! You have a great determination inside of you.... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonOH yeah....I love you too! Thanks for constantly keeping me going! emoticon

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Ifit Live San Francisco closer look

Tuesday, February 02, 2010


Here is a little longer video that I took just to show what Ifit Live does. Enjoy!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELFASTBIKER 7/20/2010 5:09PM

    Tried everywhere, but it looks like the iFit Live isn't in the UK yet.

Went for a treadmill with an iFit card instead, and currently hacking an SD card to make my own workouts. It's awesome. :)

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4ALLUDO 7/9/2010 9:46AM

    what brand/model of treadmill do you have? Mine, you have to use your laptop to have a nice ifit screen like that....

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99TREV 2/3/2010 6:00PM

    Love the treadmill!!!! I am so glad that you researched into it, and "stuck" to it and got it.


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VINRANCID 2/2/2010 9:40AM

    Thats pretty darn cool!!

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BARBARA_G 2/2/2010 8:13AM

    I am soooooooooo jealous!!!!!
Barbara

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Ifit Live Workout

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Here is a short clip from when I was on my incline trainer with the new Ifit Live. I think it's pretty cool. I'm so glad I sold my motorcycle for it!!!!! :o)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

99TREV 2/1/2010 12:44PM

    Sweet!!! (and cool on the video blog)

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BARBARA_G 2/1/2010 8:04AM

    Too Cool!

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SALINA78 1/31/2010 11:53PM

    Interesting...now to google iFit

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Lots of Pictures

Sunday, January 31, 2010

This weekend I get my rewards for being good while out of town again. I get a lotion and a book. I also meet 4 week streak on exercise and staying within cal. range. I did it without using ANY of my "free" days!!!!!! I'm so excited about that, considering there has been trips out of town, buffets, pot lucks, etc.

My daughter hip hop team did great Sat. they got 2nd out of 3 teams :o)

Today I was very down and out, but a serious of events and I'm doing better (some were me staying on track, getting my Ifit Live download finally, and writing a letter to myself)

So like I just said when I went to download the incline trainer to see if there was an update (which I've done atleast every other day for the last month) there WAS!!!!!! It was soo cool I can't wait for it to be fully functional!!! Below I will post several pictures from my journey on it today.

Also the kids and I made a healthy collage this afternoon. Here are the pictures from the collage first:



Coryn looking for healthy pictures and words


Chance cutting out pictures


The start of the collage


Coryn holding the end project and a few pictures of it up closer


Now here is my first Ifit Live workout

Here is the workout it downloaded for me


Here is a picture along my route


Almost half way


Getting there


The picture that came up right after where I was in the last picture



Going up really steep almost 20%..... am I there yet


Oh look alomst there. Anyone know what that street is :o)


Last bit of climb before I finished :o)


If you enjoyed these I'm also going to try to upload a video into a video blog. It's a short clip that I took during my journey today :o) I really love San Francisco it was neat to watch the pictures come up since we have been there a few times.

Most of the pictures were taken by my honey when I said quick come see this picture, etc. Thanks Trev

I took the really blurry one where I was almost at 20%, guess I wasn't going slow enought lol

Hope everyone had a great weekend!!
Hugz,
Amy



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BOBBI1968 2/2/2010 9:32AM

    I love that you and your children worked on the collage together! You have such a cool treadmill!!

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99TREV 2/1/2010 12:43PM

    The collage is great! You guys did an awesome job!!!

And you made the entire route in San Francisco in less than an hour Woo Hoo!!!!!!

I am so very proud of you!

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TINK9305 2/1/2010 10:44AM

    Thanks everyone!!

Pita Jungle was awesome!!!! I got a cup of tomato soup (let the kids eat what they wanted first to dip there pita chips) roasted veggies light on the oil, 1/2 small roasted red bell pepper hummus with half wheat pita, and a small side of tzaziki. Yum Yum and had enough room for a NSA Ultimate Chocolate Mocha from Coffee bean. Two of my favorite places :o)

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BOILERINAZ 2/1/2010 10:35AM

    your treadmill is sooo freaking awesome! Good job involving the family in the collage making!

How was pita jungle this weekend?

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BARBARA_G 2/1/2010 8:04AM

    Hi Amy,
Your kids are adorable. What a great activity to do with them. The poster turned out really nice. I'm in LOVE with your treadmill. emoticon

I'm so proud of you for sticking to all of your goals, 100% to boot, despite all of the challenges!

You are a winner!
Barbara

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SALINA78 1/31/2010 11:53PM

    Great job on the collage!!!
Great idea making it a family event!

That ifit looks really neat!
THanks for sharing!

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Feeling better, motivation still strong

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Wow yesterday was almost a complete rest day. I ended up sleeping almost all of it. I didn't want to end up being sick forever and I really didn't feel good. Everyone trying to share... no thanks!!!!! So after resting all day I picked up the kids from school and dropped my daughter off at her hip hop practice. Then I took my son to get some cool running shoes. He is so excited about them and about running!!! Yeah!!!

Tuesday was a bit crazy I had to go to an appointment at my sons school in the afternoon for what I thought would be about an hour. It turned into a two hour meeting. It was to go over an evaluation they had done on him. They have been observing and testing him over the last two months. They have diagnosed him with ADD, depression, and anxiety. there were many other things but those are the main ones. They are putting him in special Ed for educational, behavioral, and emotional. They are going to have people at the school work with him and sessions for each of the areas. I really hope this helps. He just turned 9 and is in 3rd grade. Most of his educational testing was right on but he is at 1st grade in writing and comprehension and 7th grade level in math. He also said his least fav. subject was math. The tests also say dyslexia........... WOW I just pray and hope the stuff they are doing and maybe the running with me will all help in some way.

So after the meeting at the school I had leadership pictures for the group that I belong to at work, after rushing to them, we found out the photographer was a no show. Those had to be rescheduled then it was off to help out at a seminar. :o) That went well, then when I woke up I felt like crap. I really thought I dodged all the crap going around. On the plus side I may have warded it off pretty fast. I will keep my fingers crossed. This weekend we will be in Phoenix Friday night and Saturday again for our younger daughters hip hop competition so mini challenge once again to stay on track.

Hope everyone has had a good week so far and has great plans for the weekend. I may try to have a family walk/run if the weather is good Sunday :o)

Here is a picture of my son last year in T-ball

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRYANPRINCESS 1/28/2010 9:13PM

    Oh Amy! My heart goes out to you and your family in dealing with the issues you are facing with your son. My son is Bipolar, ADD and possibly Asperger's, They haven't haven't been able to officially dx him on that side yet cause of his age so they say. He also had low scores in reading comprehension and writing. He's 15 now but our issues hit hard when he was in the 3rd grade. He's been in special education since and it's been a crazy battle with IEP's and meetings. If you have any questions, let me know, i may be able to help a little. My best advice is as a parent you have to push hard for the proper services and made sure that they follow through. Know the laws and research as much as you can, school districts tend to slack if the parent is not knowledgeable. That being said, I did find that we received the most support and help here in AZ, Amphi School District was really on the Ball with my son, it was a breath of fresh air after all the fighting I went through.

Sorry you weren't feeling well, but I'm glad you got to rest. I Know you are working your butt off but you need to rest at least once in a while. Enjoy your trip to Phoenix for the Hip Hop Comp!! I bet it will be blast! Sending you lots of emoticon

Kris

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BARBARA_G 1/28/2010 7:49PM

    I wish your son the best of luck. I think the running is a great idea. It's something where he probably will succeed since he enjoys it. It will help build his self esteem! I can relate, I am dyslexic and ADD and remember how trying it can be in school. However when I was growing up they did not have any special programs.
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Barbara

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