Is It Time Yet?

Friday, January 13, 2012

This is not going to be a long blog, and I think it's going to come across as somewhat negative, but I really don't mean it to be, it's just one more step on that long journey to self awareness that someday is going to lead me where I need and want to go..so here goes:

Do you ever get sick listening to yourself talk?

I mean, for how long have I battled this battle, said all the things, planned, strategized, read the motivational stuff, pledged..that THIS time is THE time, and then it is not. Sometimes the new battle plan has survived the writing of the blog, sometimes it has died with the last word written..but the one thing all this has in common is that in spite of all my best intentions, I have NOT DONE IT YET.

And frankly, I'm sick of it.

I know it has to be done.

I am wasting time.

I am sick of making excuses, or of having excused being made for me by well meaning people.

I AM SICK OF NOT SUCCEEDING IN THIS JOURNEY TO HEALTH. I know all the things I'm supposed to do, I know all the things I'm not supposed to do. I know with my words, I know with my head, I know with my heart, but then, when push comes to shove and it's time to put up or shut up, I usually end up shutting myself up by stuffing something in my mouth.

I am not going to declare this a call to action, because I have done it so many times before and then fallen pretty much flat on my face. But these words have been rattling around inside me for a long time now, and I just have to put them out there.

I am not beating myself up, but I am looking at myself in the mirror and seeing me, and this is what I am and what I have been for most of the last 3 or 4 years. I have had bright, shining moments, I have had the lowest of low times. I know the place to aim for is in the middle, because that is where we live most of our lives, in the middle. It's not how we deal with the highs or the lows, it's how we react to the everyday living that defines us.

I find it interesting that I so believe in the baby step theory, and yet I feel so overwhelmed at the same time by the task ahead. I KNOW better, yet, I fall victim to the enormity of the journey.

I don't have any grand conclusion, which is different from other times I've written about this stuff.. Usually by the time I end these stream of consciousness blogs, I've come up with a "solution." Perhaps that is for the better, because, as I've already said, none of those "solutions" has ultimately been the way for me to succeed.

Someday, I will be ready to shed the slogans and the pronouncements and just do the work. I hope it is time, for that is the one thing I am afraid I am running out of..

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 1/15/2012 2:15PM

Well, by looking at the responses you (we) are not alone like Ramona, said. I feel that your absense from spark, and mine, was "Just nothing new to say"... and focusing on other things while letting it stew. In the years I have know you, I know you are healthier, your weight isn't where you want it, but many things are. I hear you on the idea that time is the thing you are afraid of running out of... if I don't make exercise for me a priority soon, I have the same fear about time. It's only me that gets in my way.. I have tools and partners here at my disposal.. it's the will, I lack. And, only I cn provide that for me. What I want to avoid is "the big thing" that finally makes me exercise, or makes me finally unable to . I just wonder why I won't do it for prolonged periods. There are plenty of things I do, that I don't want to, why is exersise something I won't? Just makes you go hmmmmm. LYMI Comment edited on: 1/16/2012 8:08:08 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

GOLFCHICK2-0 1/13/2012 10:29PM

You are not alone! And it is time. Knowing the right thing to do and doing the right thing are 2 totally different things. Its slogging around until you find the right formula. The balance between life, family, work, time and self. It's time to put yourself first. With a healthier more fit T, it can only make everything else work better too! Sending you hugs and support!! Spark ON! Report Inappropriate Comment

DETERMINEDJANET 1/13/2012 1:39PM

I could write those words myself. We're going to find our path to success Tina! I just feel it for us this year! Report Inappropriate Comment

CHALKDRAWJUMPER 1/13/2012 9:37AM

T, when I started SP, way WAY back... as many years as you, I'm ashamed to say it but... I weighed somewhere in the 180's, & thought I'd give SP a try. I am in the 210's. Now, I can blab several reasons WHY, i.e. anxiety levels off the charts, emo gorging, bad experiences, & I'd be validated, BUT... I'm not gonna' go there. Instead, I'm gonna' take a look at Edison: "The electric light has caused me the greatest amount of study and has required the most elaborate experiments.... Although I was never myself discouraged or hopeless of its success, I can not say the same for my associates.... Through all of the years of experimenting with it, I never once made an associated discovery. It was deductive... The results I achieved were the consequence of invention - pure and simple. I would construct and work along various lines until I found them untenable. When one theory was discarded, I developed another at once. I realized very early that this was the only possible way for me to work out all the problems." I said I'm ***looking*** at him, NOT like him. He never became discouraged. Me?!! I'm a dreamer- mostly got my head in the clouds & my feet OFF the ground & when I look at reality I CRASH & BURN, but... he's like an anchor, like YOU, teaching me I've got to sweat. Oh, no, I don't want to sweat, I want to glisten, but SWEAT it is. Edison, also said: "Pretty much everything will come to him who hustles while he waits. I believe that restlessness is discontent, and discontent is merely the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure." Sooo, like you, my old friend, I am discontent & this is a good thing. "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." and... "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." and a favorite... "The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are: Hard work, Stick-to-itiveness, and Common sense." ~Thomas A. Edison You ARE made up of those 3 GREAT essentials, T. I KNOW you are!! I've watched you- how you deal, cope, handle *stuff* for a few years now, & it's YOU- it's in your blood, it's what makes up your characteristics, whether you *see* it or not- many of us do!! Sooo... hold yer' head up HIGH, T, & put on those tennis shoes cuz' yer' sooo gonna' make it, girlfriend!! Report Inappropriate Comment

MUSICMOMOF2 1/13/2012 8:44AM

Sending hugs and prayers your way Tina. You will find the path that you are meant to take. I truly believe that. Remember that we are all here for you. Have a great weekend!! Report Inappropriate Comment

_RAMONA 1/13/2012 8:24AM

Hey, Beautiful! I hear you on all fronts... and I don't hear negativity... I hear soul-searching. I've been in a similar place recently (I was pretty quiet on Spark because I had nothing to say that was new). I'm also the woman who has had a plan for three years now, and still haven't managed to 'get it done'. I also know that every once in a while the stars align and it's easier to 'launch' 'the plan' and the 'right time' cycles around. Each time it does we are more prepared to take adavantage of it, because as platitudinal as it sounds, this IS a journey. I've been here all of this time beside you, and I know Tina that, like me, you haven't been doing 'nothing' with this time, and it WILL bear fruit. For whatever reason, it hasn't been THE time, yet. For me it was a picture this summer. It was also finding that wee window of wellness and energy allowing me to create synergy. And I have a sense of urgency to drive me because I also know the window can close on me as it has so many times. So, for all it's worth, I'm riding it at far as I can get NOW. You'll catch your next wave (or create it), and you will ride it harder and better than ever before... and asking yourself the questions is part of it. I'm still really proud to be HERE... beside YOU. I'm praying for your answers for you, and cheering your success because, when it IS time, I know you will get this done. {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}} Ramona Comment edited on: 1/13/2012 12:50:38 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

30 Days to Greater Happiness - November 9

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Today, Spark tells us to:

Savor every bite. Eat
in a calm environment
and use all of your
senses to explore the
texture, smell,
appearance and flavor
of your food. You'll be
more satisfied after
every meal.

Interestingly, other than last night when I slipped up a bit, I have been doing this for the past few days. I find myself on a bit of a good roll, for reasons I can't explain.. Tough to figure if this is because I'm happier, or because I'm feeling like I've got a program going and am making good eating choices.. I do know that I have been pretty happy since I started this 5K Your Way program..I feel like I have some measure of control over what I'm doing and what I'm eating right now, and that is a comfort to me!

Have a Sparky Day!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 11/14/2011 12:51AM

You go girl! LYMI Report Inappropriate Comment

DETERMINEDJANET 11/9/2011 5:30PM

You're doing great! Report Inappropriate Comment

MUSICMOMOF2 11/9/2011 12:22PM

Keep it up Tina! Report Inappropriate Comment

Sometimes You Just Want to Scream!!!

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

I jointed the 5K Your Way program the other day, and I was scheduled to walk a mile yesterday. I had it all figured out...

My First Plan was to sneak up to the high school track during my lunch yesterday as soon as I did a couple of pre-election tasks I had lined up. One of these things involved the computer I use to track our registered voters. This computer feeds from the State office that oversees that list and it needed to be replaced, and I got it yesterday morning. My instructions were to hook it up but not turn it on before I spoke with the technical people at that office. So at 9 am yesterday, I hooked it up and called that office...was told the person I needed to speak with was not at her desk, and they took a message for her. Three hours later, not having heard back, I called again. Once again, she was not at her desk, and another message was left.. Another 2 hours went by..still hadn't heard, so I called again...only this time, I had to leave to go do some poll set up within 30 minutes.. She still wasn't there, I told them I had to leave and couldn't wait, so they said just turn the computer on and leave it at the log in screen and they would handle what they had to do remotely. Only, the log in screen would not come up...so I had to call again.. Finally, the woman I was supposed to speak with first thing in the morning came on and said "I tried to call you early this morning, but I HAD THE WRONG NUMBER, SO THAT'S WHY YOU HAVEN'T HEARD FROM ME SOONER."

WHAT???????????????? My goodness, this is the crap that gives public employees a bad name. You are trying to call someone back, you know she is the City Clerk of a particular city, you have the wrong number in your files and so you don't bother to find the right number?? When EVEYBODY else in your office has the right number??? Deep breathes and sigh, Tina..you are not going to stroke out over this..

So....I went to Plan B....As I mentioned above, I had to go to one of our polling sites yesterday afternoon to bring some signs for today's election. Close by is a nice walking track that has the miles all measured out. I was going to drop off the signs, and then go over to the track and get my walk in.. Unfortunately, when I got to the polling location, I found out that the principal of the school had decided on his own that he was going to move the voting location from the cafeteria, which he had requested we move to at the last election, to the gym, which is where we had always voted before. He said "my people" would be happy and it was okay because the kids are out of school. I told him that certainly wasn't his call, and we are NOT going to be moving the polling place back and forth, because people don't like change. This necessitated calls to election workers, a strategy call with the mayor's office, decisions that had to be made..and of course, the end of my planned walk.

Because yesterday also happened to be my son's 10th birthday, there was no other time to get that walk in, because we had planned to have my mom and sister and brother in law over for a light dinner and happy birthday cake...and though I know we have to make time, I also know when to cut bait... So yesterday, unexpectedly, will be my "rest" day in my program, today, election day, will be the day I get that walk in. I'll let you know how it goes!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 11/8/2011 10:35PM

So sorry that you were foiled in your walking plans... glad you did what you"had" to do, and refocused for tomorrow. You go girl... Report Inappropriate Comment

CHALKDRAWJUMPER 11/8/2011 8:48AM

GAH!! T, do ya' have anymore hair on yer' head, or did ya' YANK it all out?!! I know... I am laughing... at your expense, my dearest, but... there's comedy to be found/had *here* now, as I ***see*** you JUGGLING everything under the sun to 'do' what you need to get DONE- - - Only- - - I can just 'imagine' your TOTAL expressions of exasperation at EVERY turn!! Girl, you WIN a' Brownie Button for dealin' with: ALL the !#%ders%#! ~?\duhs/?~ & dodos = DUMB & DUMBERS How do people like that 'person' with her- - - ::gags:: ***gave the wrong number*** EVER manage to squeeze into a world of competent people?!! Okay, ya' don't have ta' answer that one. I got a pretty good set of ideas popping into my head about now!! Yer' the ***B*E*S*T*** my T!! And don't go doin' a ***stroke out*** about gettin' that walk in either, sweets!! Report Inappropriate Comment

LOSINGITALL4ME 11/8/2011 8:45AM

Sounds like you had a frustrating day - way to handle it and readjust your plans. Today will be better!! Report Inappropriate Comment

HOAGIE22 11/8/2011 8:32AM

Git Er Dun!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

MUSICMOMOF2 11/8/2011 8:30AM

Tina - I know what you mean about your plans being derailed by other people. It does sound like you are staying positive about it. Good luck with today! Report Inappropriate Comment

30 Days to Greater Happiness - November 8

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Today, Spark tells us to:

Make time for yourself. Pursuing personal growth is just as important as spending time with others. Pencil in some "me" time, even if it's just a few minutes each day.

I have been doing this over the past week. It hasn't always been more than a few minutes, but I have done it. And sometimes it has been to read my "Wellness Book" and do some exercises in it, sometimes it has been to sneak in 15 minutes of exercise, sometimes it has been to take a few minutes to read a magazine article. But I have been doing it.

I don't know if technically, the exercise is "me" time, or if it should be in addition, but I count it as "me" time because it is so enjoyable once you are actually doing it. But whatever it is, exercise, prayer, meditation, a little yoga..it is so important to take those few minutes. So here's to making sure we do it!!

Have a sparky day!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSICMOMOF2 11/8/2011 8:27AM

I think that exercise counts as "me" time, especially if you enjoy it and it doesn't feel like "work". Report Inappropriate Comment

30 Days to Greater Happiness - November 7

Monday, November 07, 2011

Today, Spark tells us to:

Smile! Grinning,
even if you don't
feel happy, releases
serotonin in the brain,
instantly lifts your mood
and makes you feel
better. Plus, smiling
people are viewed as
sincere, attractive, and
sociable.

I love to smile..I'd like to think I smile more than I don't. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling from a genuine smile, I really, honestly do.. And I find that when I smile at people, they smile back at me. Sometimes I'll be out somewhere and find myself looking at someone that I don't know, and they look back at me. Sometimes, though probably not often enough, I just break out into a grin and say hi. Sometimes they stare back, sometimes they look away, and sometimes, though, sadly, not more often than not, they smile back. There is nothing like the rush when they smile back. Two people who just did a little something to make another person's day. And honestly, I am usually amused by the folks who don't know what to do.

Give it a try!!

Have a Sparky day!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSICMOMOF2 11/7/2011 11:03AM

Great reminder for all of us to bring a smile to someone's day! Report Inappropriate Comment