I Have So Much Work to Do...

Saturday, September 24, 2011

So here I sit at 5:30 on Saturday morning, up early because my son has a 7 am hockey game.. I'm thinking about all the things that I can see in my house just as I sit here typing that need to be done, and how long it's been since I've given my house a really, really good cleaning, never mind all the projects that are staring at me (going through drawers for the change of season, weeding out clothes that don't fit or are ready to be weeded out because they are more than "gently" worn, cleaning out the pile of crap that has taken over the corner between the end of my dining room hutch and the wall and now spilled out along the next wall..just because it's a corner, it's not like you don't see it. The books I want to read, the projects I want to start. Making that Christmas list early to see if I can get that going early. The jean pants I bought for my son that need to be returned and have been sitting on my dining room table for weeks. The bins of beach bedding and towels that are still piled high in our spare bedroom that need to be taken up to the attic. The summer decor in my family room hutch that needs to be disassembled and the fall decor waiting to be brought out.

Oh, and the eating that needs to be reigned in, and the exercise, that, although I am getting to a lot, I am not getting to enough. The lifestyle changes I need to make to lose weight, to try to control my blood pressure, to get things back under control.

I think about a conversation I had many, many years ago with a therapist, where I said I couldn't stop myself from eating, and he said then you really don't want to, because if you really wanted to you would. Me being able to (then and now) intellectually grasp what he meant, but not own it.

I have, for the most part, been on Spark every day for thelast 8 months, except for the 2 weeks we spent at the beach last month. And yet, I have never felt farther from being on track on my journey to health.

Yikes!!

But in the vein of recognizing the problem is the first step towards solving it, I have had this crystallizing moment this morning. I've GOT to get my house in order. The fact that my house, literally, is not in order, is what is holding me back. You know how sometimes you have so much to do that the only thing you can do is nothing?? That you feel paralyzed, that you are driven to inaction thinking that there's just not enough time, so why start?? That's where I'm at right now... And I've run this battle long enough to know that there is only way to fight it: one baby step at a time.

Yes, what do you know, Tina is talking about baby steps. That's because that's the only way to do it. And that is my public pledge..get my literal house in order so that I can get my figurative house in order. I don't have a plan yet, but I've decided I'm not even going to try to make a plan, because that seems too overwhelming. I just need to do one thing at a time as it presents itself to me.

And to all my Spark friends that I have not been there for for oh these many months, I am sorry! I know I have not answered page posts, emails, feed comments, team posts.. Not because I don't care, not because I'm not here. I do care, I am here. And I will try to do better. But first, I must start with my own house..

and off I go...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 9/26/2011 9:24PM

Wow, T, did you strike a chord! I like you, Ramona, and Janet drew my line in the sand when school started. I determined to find time to exercise... so "some" success. And eat better. To that end I made a decree... love being in charge so I can do that... that I was sick of driving home from work and being asked "what's for dinner, by phone" and A) not knowing and B) being resentful that the house was full of people at that very moment, who were more than capable of making dinner yet it was always my job. So, with that being part of my dread of the end of summer, my decree was that everyone in the house was responsible for picking, writing the shopping list, and preparing one dinner a week. Menus to be filed by Saturday and shopping completed by me or Tim on Sat. or Sunday. Abby Added the suggestion that whomever cooks should clean up, then we all only have to "work dinner" one night a week. (There is always at least 2 nights a week that we are "obligated" elsewhere... filling up the week. Addendums included pizza only once a week, and each family member can only choose it once a month. That has helped my outlook tremendously. First time in my 17+ year marriage that we have done menu planning. Go figure... The cleaning.... Tim is on fire for that, I support him whole heartedly... i am working on getting my a$$ in gear and exercising. Love you so much.. Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

DETERMINEDJANET 9/24/2011 6:51PM

Oh, no Ramona! That's my house she's talking about! LOL I did get the living room dust bunnies sucked up and cleaned the bathrooms today, but my list of "untouched house" stretches long like yours. I could have said all the same words about everything today. We're going to get this all reigned in and figured out Tina! We are! Report Inappropriate Comment

_RAMONA 9/24/2011 2:06PM

Dearest Tina, that isn't your house you're staring at... it's my house... and every room looks like your 'corner'... and even worse... we are truly living in CHAOS. "You know how sometimes you have so much to do that the only thing you can do is nothing?? That you feel paralyzed, that you are driven to inaction thinking that there's just not enough time, so why start??" I KNOW IT, in spades... you've described every day of my last 18 months!!! Like you, I drew a line in the sand at the beginning of September. Also like you, there was no plan, I just started requiring a little more of myself one task at a time (it's been a shock to my system to realize that, if indulged for too long, a sense of helplessness can become a habit all too quickly). I'm getting to the point where it's now possible to now make a plan... I'm mananging to do more each day than just what needs to be done NOW. It's been a month and I'm going into every weekend with the laudry all done and put away. I've cooked every night... no eating out, and plenty of food for lunches for everyone. We've attended to every commitment on our calendar (something every night, and done one 'all but forgotten' chore each day, and even added in some new activities... all things we have not managed to do for 18 months. ...and yet the house still looks like nothing has been accomplished (that's how bad it's become). I still freak out, and feel the 'helplessness spiral' suck at my knees if think too much about all that needs to be done, but I'm resisting the pull. As usual, you are the voice of reason in my wilderness, and I feel less alone. The funny thing is that as I'm 'accomplishing' I keep coming up with these realizations and think, "Oh! I should blog about this!" ...but I'm scared to interupt my momentum... I'm not sure I can balance that in just yet. So, I completely understand your distance. I think that this is how it has to be sometime.... yet in a strange way, I feel myself 'here' more than ever... Spark is more visible in my life that it has been for some time. Funny, isn't it? We can do this, my friend! My prayers and thoughts are ever with you... no apologies necessary! I'm hoping by January, I'll have added my presence here and everywhere else back into the mix! With all my heart, I pray that your every day be all you need it to be. May an all abiding peace fill your thoughts, rule in your dreams each night, and conquer all your fears. May God manifest himself in ways you have never before experienced. May your joys be fulfilled, your dreams be closer, and your cares be lifted. I pray that faith enters a new height in you, that your territory be enlarged, and that fulfillment is just one step closer. MAY GOD ABUNDANTLY BLESS YOU, and those you love, in every way that you require. May he hold you gently in the palm of his hand in a very personal way, and may you rest in the fullness of his love, his grace, his strength, his wisdom, his rescue, his redemption, his healing, his inspiration, his restoration and his mercy as you require it! May you carry in your heart always an extra special awareness of God's great love for you, may you feel his sweet and gentle touch upon your life, and may you see his miracles all around you. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen! Love, Ramona Report Inappropriate Comment

MUSICMOMOF2 9/24/2011 10:41AM

Tina, I know exactly how you feel. When my house is in chaos, it makes me feel edgy and grumpy. You will get there. Good luck! Report Inappropriate Comment

DOROTHYBERO 9/24/2011 7:41AM

Oh...I know so how you feel - it gets so overwhelming - sounds like we both need to take a deep breath and dive in. Good Luck! Report Inappropriate Comment

one little step at a time and a public thank you note

Friday, July 08, 2011

Well, since lack of time seems to be one of my major issues these days, I thought I would say one great big thank you to you folks that responded with all your encouraging words to my blog yesterday. Just to be clear, I wasn't really saying I wanted to be a triathelete, I was just describing the blog that had inspired me to write my own blog yesterday.

What I was trying to say is that I talk all the time about doing this, but my actions don't always show that I am willing to do the work necessary to reach my goals. It's easy to talk about getting it done, but not nearly as easy to do it. It was a call to action to myself to shut up and do it. I'm not being mean to myself, just reminding myself that no one but me can do it, and that the time is now.

What I do know is that the most important part of doing this is living in the moment and taking baby steps towards success. I have always known this..call it baby steps, call it streaking, call it "take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time," but ultimately, it is about moving forward regularly, even if you can barely see the forward.. It is about putting it all together. Exercise, though I haven't been as consistent in the past weeks as I have been, still gets done more than anything, but for some reason, even on a day that I have exercised hard, at some point, usually at night, that horrible eating starts and I feel helpless to stop it. And baby steps don't work when you take them forward all day and than take giant steps backwards at night.

So that is my challenge, it has been for a very long time. And it is very frustrating that I know it and have known it and that I still haven't solved it. For some folks, once they figure out what their challenge really is, it's their eureka moment.. But clearly, just knowing my challenge isn't enough for me.. I have always been a big believe in the saying "actions speak louder than words." And as I look at my actions, I realize that if that saying is true, then all my words about wanting to get this done are not and cannot be true, because if I really wanted to get this done, I would have found a way to stop the night time eating...

I wrote a long time ago that I believed my night time eating was a left over habit from long ago settled issues that had just reappeared. I honestly and truly still believe that to be true, but I have not found the replacement for that bad habit..

But I do have one kernel of good news: I did not night time eat last night. No magic formula, I just consciously did not put myself in a position to do it, and therefore I didn't do it. Night one, down. Today is another day...

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 7/13/2011 12:49AM

T, Here is an ACT question for you... Tina : nighttime eating as Lynn : ? A: sleep B: focus C: exercise D: intent Yes, of course the "best" answer is "c" I have had the same inner conversations, and lamentations but regarding exercise. I have the same reasons to do it X3. I have family history that demands exercise, and knowledge that I must. I also have had the endorphin rush and the weight loss I'd like to see, when I do exercise consistently. I have begun to look at it like my own personal rebellion... I will do this, and that and the other right, but nobody but me is hurt if I don't exercise. I almost feel at this point like it's my own personal control issue. Nothing more, or less. I have been working on my "needing time to be me" issues, and I am working from a position of success on the exercise... I usually walk with my girlfriends M-F in the summer, this week my walkers aren't there, but I walked today anyway. And... I started doing my back (core) exercises that I took away from PT....today. MY hope is that I will get into better habits this summer so I can keep up some semblance of it in the fall. So, hopefully you have strung together a couple nights in a row, and just flopped into bed after camp W/out a snack. I'm with ya babe! LYMI Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

PICKIE98 7/8/2011 6:48PM

You made one of my goals on that last night. Great going! Report Inappropriate Comment

_RAMONA 7/8/2011 1:28PM

I'm chuckling to myself... GOOD FOR YOU! Any success is to be acknowledged. I forget to do that... and I know that is part of my problem... actually not seeing the little successes as something important. {{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}} Ramona Report Inappropriate Comment

PENGUINLADY! 7/8/2011 9:29AM

Way to go! At least you know where your troubles lie and you can work on it! You have night time eating...mine is weekend. It's odd, even with dh and myself unemployed, we still have a weekend attitude! LOL! Hang in there!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

MUSICMOMOF2 7/8/2011 8:19AM

You can do it Tina! Way to go on no nighttime eating last night! Here's to day 2! Report Inappropriate Comment

Can I Afford to Wait for My Lightbulb to Click??

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Today's Daily Spark contained a great blog about a member who has lost over 100 lbs and has become a triathlete during his Spark Journey. He says in his blog that he first had to decide that he wanted to do it, and only then could he consider how to do it, and that as his journey has evolved, so has the how to do it, he called it "doing what it takes" to succeed. So one day, his lightbulb clicked, and his steps forward began.

This was an awesome blog, and one that has dovetailed preceisely with my frame of mind these days. For all my talk (although lately I've been pretty outwardly quiet, but there is plenty of chatter in my head) of how much I want to lose this weight once and for all, clearly the eating I do, the exercise I don't do, says I'm not ready. I so do not want to be one of those people who put it off and put it off and put it off until some real health scare puts me in the hospital or worse, to then look back with regret upon the time I've wasted. But at this particular point in my life, I am afraid that is exactly the road I am headed on.

So I guess I just wanted to say all this out loud, to say that I am waiting for my lightbulb to go off, waiting to be ready. And I will continue to think about all the reasons I need to complete this journey to begin with..mostly, to be able to see my son grow up, to be here for him. Should be reason enough. Was that a click I just heard??

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 7/7/2011 1:07PM

I hear you, Tina... I'm struggling between fits of hyper enthusiasm (my thinking and desires get me going) and despair (and then the realities of what is before me in every respect sets in, and I crash in an overwhelmed, self-soothing heap)... in every area of my life. This quote keeps running through my head: "Habit isn't about acts of heroism. It's about establishing a consistent, almost automatic pattern of behavior over time. Much of the challenge of successful self-discipline is throttling your enthusiasm so you don't burn out. Keep the focus on meeting some clearly-defined, rigorously unambitious daily "good enough." AUTHOR UNKNOWN The trouble is I can't find that sweet spot of 'good enough' with any consistency... I know that's all it would take. Again, I see it as a victory that at least I haven't gained weight in three years, and I'm stronger and healthier, but I'm also terrified that it's not enough, and I'm headed for a crisis I may never recover from fully. SIGH. SIGH. SIG H. Sorry, Tina... it's all I've got... I wish I could be more helpful (you always have this way of pressing on the one nerve I'm trying to ignore). Maybe just being 'outward' today is what we both need. Love ya! {{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}} Ramona P.S . I also HATE how Spark keeps putting HTML code into my typing... it doesn't matter where on this site I comment... something looks fine when I'm done typing, but once it posts it's wonky... It's driving me NUTS! Comment edited on: 7/7/2011 1:12:30 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSDIANE1 7/7/2011 12:56PM

I agree with MaryAnn, being a triathlete is not for everyone. I am happy just being able to walk and do my Wii. You have to want to do this for you. Look inward and ask God for guidance. You can do this Tina, I know you can. You have so much to offer, offer it to yourself. I'll be praying for you friend. Love, Diane Report Inappropriate Comment

MUSICMOMOF2 7/7/2011 12:54PM

Tina, Hang in there! You seem to be one of those that does great for a little while, then "life" gets in the way (especially with the exercise) and you fall off. You have been really busy lately and I'm sure that continues to add to that cycle. You can do this! I know that you can! Just remember that we are here to urge you along when you need it. Report Inappropriate Comment

MARYANNGI 7/7/2011 12:28PM

Soometimes the lightbulb is already on, but just a bit dim! Or maybe you just have a shade on that bulb . I have seen how much exercise you have logged during the Spring Challenge (remember me, your challenge leader ). If you don't believe me then just take a look at these numbers for the total challenge: Total Exercise Minutes: 6,125 (avg. 766 per week) Total Living The Good Life Points: 750 (avg. 94 per week) And the Exercise is only being able to log 120 minutes a day! So take that shade off. You are doing great! Not every person is a triathlete. Running is not for everone, but you may enjoy Zumba or swimming. Each of us has different things that we enjoy, and/or are good at. Glad that you ae joining us for the next challenge. Maybe the Spirited Underdogs can have a min-challenge to see how many exercise minutes each of us is actually putting in. Think of all of those days spent weeding the garden, or Spring cleaning!!! How does that sound?? MaryAnn Report Inappropriate Comment

LEARNIN2LUVME 7/7/2011 11:32AM

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Spinning the Wheel vs. Spinning my Wheels

Saturday, May 28, 2011

So today, as I have done for the past 97 days, I logged into SP and immediately went to my sparkpoints to spin the wheel and get my log in points. Wow!! 97 days consecutive days of being active on this site, at least checking in for a spin and usually more, more than 1000 sparkpoints earned this month..so..why do I feel like I am at least in the same place I was when I started this streak, if not even a bit behind where I was in terms of my weight?

I know, I know, it's not all about the scale, it's about the lifestyle changes, the gradual process, I get all that. And truth be told, I think it could be said that I am doing very well with the getting regular exercise and bringing good food into our home and planning and eating well.. But still, despite all that, interspersed with some very great living, have been all too frequent periods of bad food choices. Usually, when I get on a roll like this, the bad food choices stop, and though I've had some great little streaks within this long streak of eating well, planning out everything and completely being able to resist that little nighttime snack, I have had too many times that I have prowled my kitchen like a predator looking for its next prey.

This is a song I've sung so many times before, I am quite fed up with it, but not fed up enough to stop these occasions, apparently. It is oh so frustrating and deflating, and I'm not quite sure what my next step should be. I have certainly studied this pattern of mine ad nauseum, and have to say that I cannot find a pattern or trigger. I've even had many of those serious chats with myself about whether I am being honest with myself, even if I can't be honest with anyone else..am I eating to fill some other need? Is there something going on that I am not acknowledging, or facing, or well, whatever.. And in my heart of hearts, I have to say my life is good. Oh, it's busy, and stressful, but no busier or more stressful than anyone else's.

One of the great philosophers said something like "I live, therefore I am." (is that the exact quote? I'm on too much of a roll right now to stop and see what it was exactly and who said it, because that is beside the point I'm trying to make) And my feeling for me right now is "I am awake at night, therefore I eat." If I am not awake at night, I don't eat, I don't even think about eating. But let's face it, there are times that I'm going to be awake at night, and I can't just keep going to bed early to avoid the issue of my nighttime eating.

Usually, when I start writing a blog like this, I end up at a place that puts me in a better position to assess the situation, or I have one of those eureka moments, or I get that little "click" in my brain that puts me onto something. But for reasons I cannot explain, I am on this long streak of doing much of what spark tells me to do, and yet...nothing. I have been involved in the Spring 5% challenge..lose 5% of your weight in an 8 week period. The last time I got myself involved in a challenge, I did awesome, so I thought this challenge would definitely be good for me, but it's not working this time. And not only that, I was going along, pretty good until last Saturday when I stepped on the scale and suddenly there was a 4 lb gain, totally unexpectedly. Well, that really burst my bubble, because though I had not been doing a stellar job, nothing in what I had been doing could have accounted for that kind of gain. So I tried to put it out of my head and have worked pretty hard this week, and it finally looked like it was going to be okay..back down to where it had been before it ballooned up and I was going along great, until yesterday morning, when I got on and suddenly it was back up to last Saturday's weight plus one.. I have not weighed myself yet today, and don't know whether I will. I am feeling kind of stuck, in a rut, without a plan to get myself out. And yet, I exercise almost every day, I plan my meals and bring my snacks, and do everything I'm supposed to do,

I will say this...there is some anger inside me right now about all this, and as I look back at last night, a night I did the night time eating thing, I think I did eat with anger. Anger that this whole process is so imperfect, that my body doesn't work the way it used to. In my younger days, it was oh so much easier to take weight off. I could never keep it off, but boy, once I set my mind to it, I could lose it. If I were to give any advice to anyone out there right now who might (still!!) be reading this ridiculously long blog, it would be if you are in your 20s or 30s, do it now and find a way to keep it off, because your body will start to betray you once you hit your 40s and 50s..it just doesn't come off as easily as you get older, and once you take it off, keep up the good work and remain ever vigilant, because once you think "I'll never gain weight again" and start to slip, you will gain weight. If 51 years of battling weight have taught me anything, that is it..

So, many words later, no solutions in the offing, I am going to go get my busy day going. It will include exercise, it will include trying to eat well. It might not include weighing myself (oh yes, I was going to write about the weigh yourself daily vs. not weighing yourself daily conundrum, but I think I'll save that for another time, I do have some theories about that...). All we can do is keep on trying.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 6/12/2011 8:34AM

Yow, sister! I am so wrapped up in my own stuff, that I never read this til today.. wow. Hope at this late date you are in a better place. I get the anger... sort of "fine, if you're gonna put it on regardless, why not feed you pizza?" Hugs, sis... Lynn Report Inappropriate Comment

ITS_MY_TURN_NOW 5/31/2011 2:04PM

I have no words of wisdom but I can commiserate. I have battling my weight most of my life. I have recently tried a lower carb way of eating...South Beach Diet (it seems like as my body gets older it wants to store everything)... and I added some simple strength training (I am new at this!) because in theory, building muscle will help convince my body to burn it instead of store it. I am losing a little...but I don't know how long that will last! The 5% Challenge seems to help me stay on track but I still slip! Don't be so hard on yourself! Keep trying... you are worth the effort! Julee Report Inappropriate Comment

MUSICMOMOF2 5/28/2011 3:26PM

Tina - I'm sending you some huge hugs! I don know how you feel though. We've all been there at one point or another. I've pretty much been gaining and losing the same 5-10 pounds for the past year and a half. It is frustrating and some days I just want to throw in the towel and give up, but I keep plugging along with the exercise (of course, you know that!). Hang in there! Report Inappropriate Comment

DETERMINEDJANET 5/28/2011 1:07PM

I totally hear you on this Tina. I've been "stuck" for way too long. I "spin the wheel" but feel like I am just "spinning my wheel" and going nowhere fast. To add injury to insult, my little guy has taken it upon himself the past two days to tell me how big I am. Nice huh? Last night it was because of how far out a chair was from the table I was sitting. This morning he came in putting his jeans on and said, "Are these yours or mine...they are big like yours." If only he knew how hurtful and cutting these words are to me. I just wanted to curl up and cry. The timing for the words is horrible as I've been really down on myself this week for "spinning my wheels." So I spiral into...go back to the gym or join Curves. I could go on the evenings they are at Taekwondo and then again on Saturday's. I think "join WW online." Hasn't worked before though. Why can't I make this all happen?! I am a busy person and I truly don't think I am just standing in front of the frig or pantry all day long. Okay...enough! Hugs to us both! Report Inappropriate Comment

GIRLINMOTION 5/28/2011 9:20AM

Tina, you may not be were you want to be (GPS system taking you in the wrong direction, lol life does get in the way for sure). But you have to remember, where might you be if you were not involved with Sparks and being conscious about what you are doing? Report Inappropriate Comment

NANCYE43 5/28/2011 7:59AM

I know your disappointment and frustration - moving backwards is not where we want to go. I know that for myself trying to fight really stong urges doesn't necessarily work. I try to build snacks into my food plan because I know I am going to want them. I also must be very strict about what I allow into the house because if it is there I will eat it. I try healthier substitutions, like hot chocolate or low-fat milk with chocolate syrup for late-night treats. I don't know if any of this will help, but I want to encourage you to keep trying to find a solution. Report Inappropriate Comment

A Small Victory

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I just finished recording the last of the food I ate last night at a birthday party. I exceeded my calories for the day by a couple of hundred. WOOHOO!!!!!

I have not lost my mind, lol. I am just thrilled, thrilled, thrilled, that despite what I said above, I had a good day yesterday (and the day before that, too, as a matter of fact). How can that be?

For me, it is simple. Everything I ate yesterday was eaten consciously. I did not graze mindlessly. I had a little of this and a little of that, and I know I ate more than I should have, but the amount of calories I eat is, at this juncture, less important to me than the fact that I am now back into the zone of consciousness. I don't love the fact that I exceeded my generous calorie count for the day, but I'll take conscious eating over what had been happening any time.

Have a Sparky day!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KINSBAILE 5/16/2011 9:19AM

That's awesome! Keep up the GOOD WORK! Report Inappropriate Comment

DIANESMILES 5/15/2011 11:36PM

As WELL as you SHOULD be EXCITED !!! Hey as a SPIRITED UNDER DOG I a ALWAYS happy to read of a memember hitting a personal goal or something that makes them say "AHHHHHH I GOT IT !" This is clearly a I GOT IT moment !! You did extremely WELL !! That is something to be VERY PROUD OF !!!! Remember this is a LIFESTYLE change we are in,,, SP knows we are going to have days we are going to go over,,,,and we CELEBRATE those days,,,,of course we don't want them OFTEN, but occassionally they WILL HAPPEN. So thats the AH HA difference between SP and a DIET. On the DIET your PUNISHED If you go over,,made to feel as If you've done something WRONG !! BUT NOT on SP !!! We KNOW we are ALL going to do this. It's a LIFESTYLE change and in LIFE we are going to DO this. GLad you enjoyed the day. GOOOO SPIRITED UNDER DOGS !!!! Diane Report Inappropriate Comment

OMELYN 5/15/2011 1:55PM

The key words here being "conscious" and "in control". We deserve the right to "go over" as we see fit. It's the seeing fit that is the key. You may have had a bigger "ahh haa" than you even realize. Well done, my friend. Report Inappropriate Comment

PICKIE98 5/15/2011 12:45PM

I agree with coolauntbbw: you are in control, aware of what you ate,, I am proud of you!! Report Inappropriate Comment

GIRLINMOTION 5/15/2011 10:42AM

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MUSICMOMOF2 5/15/2011 7:47AM

Awesome!! Have a great Sunday!! Report Inappropriate Comment

FRIER87 5/15/2011 7:13AM

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COOLAUNTBBW 5/15/2011 6:46AM

That is a good way to look at it. I understand why you are excited, it's because you were in control the entire time. Well done. Report Inappropriate Comment