TINATC26   46,692
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A Promise to Myself

Thursday, December 31, 2009

For reasons I can't explain, I simply cannot wrap my brain around this idea that we are about to enter a new decade.. I mean, 10 years ago, we were on the verge of "Y2K." We didn't know what the world held in store for us come 1/1/00, would computers be able to handle the turning of the calendar to a whole new century? Would our infrastructure collapse because they could not? Would our computers boot up? Would some sickos somewhere decide that Dec. 31, 1999 would be the night of nights to launch attacks on innocent victims.. Do you remember? I do, yet it seems like a million years ago at the same time.

On a personal note, I was still practicing law, working for myself. I was in the middle of years of infertility treatment, a long, tough, several year process that never seemed like was going to result in success. Somehow, the turning of that calendar signified the turning of a page in that battle, and in my head, the new century, decade and year would bring success, finally.. But it did not come easily. As a matter of fact, on December 31, 1999, DH and I spent the morning at an infertility clinic, awaiting the transfer of 3 perfect embryos into my uterus, the culmination of our second IVF cycle. A funny thing happened that day..the doctor could not do the transfer, and didn't understand why. So what started as a day full of promise, a day that might, 2 weeks later, result in hearing the words I had been waiting years for, aching for, ended as a day of utter disappointment, concern and sadness.. But the turning of that page held such promise, even after that happened.

Anyone who knows me knows that ultimately, that aspect of my story has a happy ending. The wonderful little T, love of our lives, was born within 2 years of that fateful day. But that was the day that our quest for pregnancy hit bottom, and although we still had some rough times ahead, nothing could compete with the utter hopelessness that I felt that day.

So, aside from being 10 years later, why am I dredging up this old story? I guess because today, 10 years later, I'm sort of looking forward to 2010 as the year I am really, truly, going to devote my energy to weight loss. I have done much of the prep work. But I still cannot manage to get over the hump. In the last year, I have had some sensational periods of doing all the right stuff...but unfortunately, they have been followed by equally unsensational periods of undoing all that good work. I have still lost more weight than I've gained back, but truth be told, I just think I should be further along on the path at this point.

I say that not in a crying over spilt milk sense, because I truly don't believe in wasting energy on that, but in a "it's time to get it done, Tina, you aren't getting any younger and it's not getting any easier" way. Do you know what I mean? I think anyone reading this does.

So, this is not my "here is my plan blog." It is my statement of intention, my public promise to myself that withing the next day or so, the plan will be crafted and posted. A contract with myself. I kind of like it.

I hope everyone has a wonderful evening tonight, and that the promise of the new year is as exciting to you as it is becoming to me. My plan is coming. Happy New Year.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIRLINMOTION 1/3/2010 12:00AM

    1999 and 2YK, fear mongering at its best. Mind you sometimes we have to be prepared for the worst (and have a plan B) so when it turns out okay, and we are flooded with relief we know how lucky we are.

May this decade have fantastic stories for you to share to tell us in 2020!!!

Hugs, Sonia



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PAIGESMAMA 1/1/2010 9:18AM

    Great reflection.
All us mommies are going to get this done this year. 2010 in the year for late in life mommies.
We will get healthy and find our skinny jeans at the same time. We will be adding some new things to the mommies page over the next few weeks and months. Bring us any ideas you have.

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OMELYN 1/1/2010 8:58AM

    Oh, Tina:
How did I miss this yesterday? I'm not going to say I am suprised, for I've noted your responses to other moms in this kind os pain. My own sister (the younger one) went through such a similar process, and that was the "night" they decided to move forward with adoption.

As far as your Plan of Action... it will work, I know, when you have a plan you are not to be thwarted, even by yourself.

(The timer just went off, got to get Claire up she's serving mass) hope to get back here later.

love in 2010
Lynn

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JOANN562 1/1/2010 3:42AM

    Oh yes, I know what you mean. We are not getting any younger & these little blessings remind us every day how important it is that we take good care of ourselves...if not for ourselves, for them!

I too have gained & loss...still ahead of the game, but like you feel it should be completely DONE by now.

Sooo, let's DO it. No more goofing around!

Ok, a little goofing, but not straying far off the path.

emoticon
~JoAnn

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DETERMINEDJANET 1/1/2010 12:28AM

    Tina,

Thank you for sharing your story and your new desires. I kept reading as I was finding myself within your words. Why? In 1999 we were in the throes of trying to conceive without success and had been for about five years. December of 2000 found us excited as a miracle had happened but a few days after Christmas we were at the hospital ending a pregnancy. Healthy pregnancy...no baby. I learned of what they call a blighted ovum. We had yet another miscarriage the next year before our success with sweet Maegann was born Feb. 2002. I survived two more miscarriages after that and then we were on the road to adoption. Even that had joy and sorrow.

So I like your "plan to be" very much. Let's make 2010 our year to find success with our weight goals. It isn't getting any easier...only harder each year we let it slip through our fingers.

Janet

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DEZE509 12/31/2009 10:56PM

    Tina - a truly beautifully written blog and promise. Thanks for sharing.


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NO-41_RAZZYS_PL 12/31/2009 9:40PM

    Oh, T, I knew... but I didn't really know. You had said a little *here* & *there* about your struggle to have your baby, and how wonderful... what a truly precious miracle & blessing Tony has been... but... I love this blog!!

This story of the years past, and how the calendar's turning has been disappointment & hope... it's what we have all experienced somewhere along the journey... but we will make this happen this year, T!!

That's how my plan is. I did a blue print of sorts... with blocked time in increments of 1 hour. The reason I did that is... it's easy to see what needs to be (or wants to be) done in a day (for me) versus all 12 months.

Still... I think that our goals MUST be done consistently on many many levels. In order for any of our goals to become habits of lifestyle changes, I'm pretty sure we're gonna' have to review & revise them on a daily basis.

I tried the, "I'm gonna' lose all this weight this year," goal & it didn't work. I lost some, but not all and I think that's because I tried to work it from LARGE instead of small. Those baby steps are the only thing that worked for me.

This time... I'm going to try to use a master plan that gets review every morning so that I can juggle whatever isn't gonna' work that day... I don't know, T. It may work... but it STILL needs days of work on it, so I'm gonna' NOT be finished with mine........ EVER, probably.

How can we set our lives in concrete without weighing ourselves down to the bottom of the sea?!! We can't. Our blue-prints have to be flexible, don't they? Anyway... you will ROCK this New Year, T!! I wanna' be right beside cha' when you do, too!!

*H*A*P*P*Y* *N*E*W* *Y*E*A*R* my dear friend!!
Love, yer'
*)
..*) .*)
(. (. *Annie*

Comment edited on: 12/31/2009 9:45:07 PM

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Ode to Oatmeal

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Sometimes, the strangest things strike me. And today, I as I sit here and eat my breakfast, I have been struck by the strangest urge to write I've had in a while, and here it is:

I love old fashioned, cook it in the pan oatmeal. I make it with 1% milk, a packet of splenda, cinnamon, raisins and chopped walnuts. It is the perfect breakfast, it is yummy, it fills me up, it has lots of good nutritional value.. So, why on earth am I blogging this?

Well, first, to share the wonder of this stuff. If you haven't tried this, and you think that those packets of oatmeal you can add hot water to or throw in the microwave are the way to go, you are simply not going to believe the difference.

Second, to lament that the ONLY way to make this stuff is on the stove..the milk boils over in the microwave no matter how large the bowl I place it in, and truth be told, it just doesn't taste that good when it's cooked in the microwave.. So....you need that 10 minutes to make it, and then at least another 10 to eat it..honest, it takes that long, a little bowl of 1/2 cup oatmeal, 3/4 cup of milk, and a few additions, takes that long to eat, because it is hearty and delicious...

There it is, my ode to oatmeal.. Have a great day!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAFEMMEDELALUNE 12/2/2009 2:52PM

    Oatmeal is totally worthy of an ode! :)

Have you tried the even slower kind? You can get oats that are not even flattened, just cut into little pieces. It takes about 20 minutes to cook on the stove, but it can be cooked ahead of time and each serving reheated with a little liquid (which re-softens it).

http://www.bobsredmill.
com/organic-steel-cut-oats.html


One packages goes a loong way. Also, be warned that some packages that read "steel cut oats" are more like rolled oats, whereas the kind I speak of is like little pieces of oat. x)

I guess that's my long ode to oats! hehe :D

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SUETINGE 12/2/2009 1:04PM

    I love oatmeal. Haven't had it in a while, maybe tomorrow.

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GIRLINMOTION 12/2/2009 8:53AM

    Plus the packet kind of oatmeal is expensive in comparison and there is no real nutritional value to them.

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NO-41_RAZZYS_PL 12/2/2009 8:26AM

    hahahahaha!! emoticon Oh, T, you ARE funny!! emoticon mmm-mmm I do love old fashioned oatmeal too!! Sometimes mine gets honey or real maple syrup, but... there's nothin' like brown sugar with a pat a' REAL butter & a sprinklin' of cinnamon!! I do love raisins too... never tried the nuts... hmm... OOH!! I'll bet currents would be good too.

Anyway, my sweet, you are very much like oatmeal. ::rolling on floor laughin' till sides ache & haven't even had my 2nd cup of esspresso:: bear with me *here* as... you are such a wholesome & hearty friend (the best of friends are) that stays *with ya'* & through the times when ya' gotta' have that *healing* touch, you're *there* making it happen!!

::hugs & hugs & kisses too::
Love, yer'
*)
..*) .*)
(. (. *Annie*
emoticon

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1SHEYLA 12/2/2009 8:05AM

  I also love oatmeal. Do you put peanut butter in yours sometimes?

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JMR63074 12/2/2009 7:58AM

    Funny, Thanks

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Happy Thanksgiving

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I wonder how many thanksgiving blogs have been or will be written on this day? Usually, I feel blogs coming on for a while before I actually sit down and write one, but today, the urge just struck me.. Now, for a methodical, plan it out person like me, it is weird to just sit down on a whim, but that is one of the things I am thankful for on this day: that I have learned to be flexible. And on this journey to health, flexibility has been the key to continuing when it seems there is no continuing to be done..

Habits are important., the bad habits have to be eradicated and replaced with good ones, and none of that is easy. Once we have established those good habits, we are very reluctant to deviate from them, for fear that a day of deviation will lead to two days, will lead to slipping backwards, away from the good and back to the bad.. And then once that deviation happens, the mind seems to say to you, well, you've blown it, you may as well keep eating or forget about exercising for the day or, well, you get the picture I'm sure..

But that is where the message of SP comes into play. Because it has taught me that you can't undo lots of good work in a day or even a week..when you have truly committed to changing your lifestyle, you take it all in stride, you don't let one slip turn into a 20 lb gain..

What I have learned the most is that there is a middle ground between habit, which is good and important on this journey, and rigid adherence to a schedule that, once broken, does not signal the end of the good things that are in that schedule.. The key to finding that middle ground is being flexibile..and that is what I am most thankful for on this day (aside from being thankful for my family, having our health, having jobs, a nice home, all that goes without saying, I am lucky enough to be able to say all that and of course I am thankful for all that), that I have learned to be flexible..didn't get up early enough to do my 30 minutes on the bike? Well, is there time for 20 minutes? Cos 20 minutes is better than none, and maybe you can get a walk in later, but even if you don't 20 minutes IS better than none! Not really any healthy choices for lunch here? Make the best choice you can and make up for it with a lighter dinner high on volume (extra salad) so you're not hungry when you go to bed.. Had a bad day yesterday? Today is another day.

Finding this middle ground has made a huge difference for me on this journey. I haven't lost all that much weight (somewhere around 25 lbs, but it's been as high as 34 and has also been down to about 22), but it has taken me most of the 50 years I've been on this earth to develop the bad habits that have gotten me here, it'll take more than a couple of years to break them and replace them with good habits. And I can say this: in the last 2.5 years, I have developed a 5 to 6 day per week exercise routine that has pretty much stayed the course, my blood pressure is down, my weight is down, and I feel good.

So on this Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for all that I have, but in addition, I am thankful to SP and its lessons, and I am thankful to my many Sparkfriends who have journied with me, pushing and pulling me along at times, to help me get where I am, and I hope I have done the same for them at times, too.

Happy Thanksgiving Day, 2009, to all my SparkBuddies!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PICKIE98 11/26/2009 3:56PM

    We only need to leave the country ONCE,(I have left it many times) to appreciate what we have, what our blessings are at home, regardless of our hardships.. thank you!!

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OMELYN 11/26/2009 10:23AM

    You've summed it up so masterfully. Especially, since it was an "inspired" blog rather than one that had been "brewing". Have a great day!

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RAYLYONADIET 11/26/2009 9:03AM

    Have a great turkey day yourself. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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I'm not really sure why it has taken so long...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

...to finally realize that SOME exercise is better than NO exercise. This is my EUREKA moment, perhaps of my lifetime.

This morning, I woke up at around 4:50 am. Yes, that is early, but when you consider that I"ve been going to bed between 9 and 9:30 pm, it's not that early. So, like yesterday morning, I decided I was going to go downstairs, have a cup of coffee, do a little sparking while the house was nice and quiet, then go upstairs, wake DH and get on the exercise bike. For many different reasons, I was downstairs longer than I would have liked, and I was about 10 minutes behind the schedule I had in my mind when the morning started. So, as I know I have WAY too many times in my life, I had pretty much talked myself into NOT exercising..then...I thought, well, I could just cut down on my workout.. Sooooo...I exercised for 25 minutes instead of 30 minutes this morning.. I worked very hard, I sweat as much as I usually do, and I feel as good as I usually do... And Monday morning, I exercised for 20 mintues instead of not exercising at all.

Why is this a big deal? Well, for me, it is because I've always been kind of an all or nothing kind of girl.. If I'm watching what I eat and make a bad choice, I am prone to throwing my hands in the air and saying "well, I've blown this day" and proceed to eat everything in sight for the rest of the day. If I don't have time to do the "full" workout (or what my own mind thinks of as "full"), then I don't do it a workout at all.

This is not the Spark way, I know, and I am here to finally, after about a year and three quarters as part of this wonderful site, able to say I have learned, I HAVE FINALLY LEARNED AND I HAVE FINALLY DONE (because, as you know, learning and doing are very different things, indeed)!!! A little is better than none!! I'm a bit amazed that I, a queen of baby-stepping, really didn't embrace all that that term means, until now, but here I am, admitting it for all the world to hear.. It is to take every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year of a lifetime ONE AT A TIME, and to make the most of as many of them as you can. Not ALL, but not NONE!! Wow.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 10/28/2009 10:26AM

    OKAY!!! I'm not sure if folks can share Eureaka moments, but I am going to really try to adopt yours! Especially this week! You are so smart, really, you are so smart!
Love ya, Lynn

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GIRLINMOTION 10/28/2009 9:37AM

    Way to go!!!! Eureka moments are the best!!!

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MISSDIANE1 10/28/2009 9:29AM

    Well, I couldn't have said it better myself. I am that same kind of person, all or nothing and after reading your blog, I am going to try and retrain my mind.

Thank you for your wonderful insight.

Love ya,

Diane

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Sensational Sunday

Sunday, October 25, 2009

So I put a question on my status this morning asking everyone, "what are you going to do to make your Sunday Sensational?"

Naturally, that started me thinking about what I'm going to do to make MY Sunday Sensational? I mean, isn't Sunday sensational enough? It gets started with Church, a wonderful way to start any day, it's the weekend, I don't have to go to work, I get to hang out at home..isn't that sensational enough? Well, yes it is, but it can be even more sensational: I can exercise without the time stress of the weekdays, I can cook something healthy and nutritious that takes more time than I have during the week, I can relax a bit..

So, today, here are my plans: Mass, cook some beef stew, go for a walk because it's going to be very nice out, go to little T's soccer game, build our haunted gingerbread house with little T..above all, enjoy my precious time with my family..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OMELYN 10/25/2009 12:44PM

    What a great way to spend ANY day.!

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DEZE509 10/25/2009 9:46AM

    Sounds like a fabulous way to spend a Sunday!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GIRLINMOTION 10/25/2009 9:16AM

    emoticon

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TCLARK319 10/25/2009 7:40AM

    Sounds like a great day! We are going to celebrate my mother's 86th birthday! Enjoy your Sunday! Keep it positive - Happy Sparking!

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