Saturday, December 01, 2012
Mike called me today. He's thinking of getting a pet. Not a dog or a cat or a parakeet. He had wanted an African Grey Parrot but we distance educated him about how long a parrot lives. They can be multi-generational pets. So no cat, dog, or bird.
No. He wanted a monkey.
What? The boy is 19-years old and he wants to take on the care, feeding, and raising of a primate? I did it when I was 21, but she was my daughter. With her, we had about 12 years or so before she hit the totally unmanageable years of adolescence. And at the other end of that tunnel we got somewhat civilized human being.
With a monkey, it hits much faster. At the end of monkey adolescence you have a wild undomesticated jungle beast, a monkey. Who will throw his poop at you and masturbate in public.
My daughter never threw poop at me. And if she did the other thing, I never heard about it. And I don't want to, thank you very much.
I think I talked him in off that particular ledge. Especially when I reminded him that he would never be able to fly home. There are no monkey kennels, no friends who you would like to keep as friend you could ask to look after it, and no airlines that will let you fly with it. Even driving home would be problematic as he would need to find motels that would allow him to have a monkey in his room.
And don't tell me that there are monkey kennels and airlines that will fly your monkey. It doesn't matter. No monkeys.