Friday, September 26, 2014
I finally got past the 190's which is a bit of a relief because it's WAAAYYYYYY too close to the threshold (200) . The mental barriers are the hardest to get through.
I'm still not able to exercise so that's a bummer but I am also happy that I was able to take of 10 pounds with correct nutrition alone. Another mental barrier.
Overall, I feel better but I am aware that I've got a long long way to go and paradoxically, have already arrived. Nothing will be different when I hit my goal. Day in day out decisions before me are what make the biggest difference.
* each day is a day to do my very best regardless of what groceries we are stocked with, mood I'm in, weather, challenges, state of relationships....etc...
* Just Keep Going......
* handfuls of snack in the afternoon are not my friends!
* No dramatic clothing changes, in fact, I honestly think I look worse now but I'm in transition so whatever. I say this proudly because there was a time when I so feared what my body would do when it deflated that I self-sabotaged many years away and wouldn't lose the first pound.
* from 2008-2014 I lost a between 8-12 pounds. I've blogged about this. I am now 40 pounds down since last year and the biggest impact has taken place in the earlier years when all I could do was log on and hang in. If you aren't losing weight but still here reading, learning from and supporting others, you are halfway there. I know it doesn't feel that way but one day it all lines up and it starts to progress again.
Life is so busy, it's not slowing down, there is no time but this time!
Not awesome but it is so liberating to no longer stand a certain way, suck in, stick out and who knows what else in fear of what I look like. This is me today. It's better than it was 40 pounds ago. period.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
As I go along, I ponder throughout the day why I want to reach for food (or yummy drink) when I am already nourished and hydrated. We all know the deal about hiding from our feelings and eating when we are bored etc... I have found that along with that and maybe more accurately for me is that I don't like to be uncomfortable. I can handle pain. Like many of you here, I am an over-comer and a strong person for the most part BUT I don't like to be uncomfortable.
There are countless times throughout a regular day when I get wisps of fatigue, loneliness, anxiety, sadness, and more. I am no longer a depressed person but this is not a perfect world and we don't live in a perpetual state of happiness. If I read a crappy yahoo article or three about another tragedy, if an email or text I have sent goes unanswered, if I observe any one of my kids growing/blossoming before my eyes and I get a bit sappy, when I realize how fast I am aging.......the list goes on and on. These aren't things to despair over they are just......uncomfortable. Like a growling stomach 15 minutes before dinner uncomfortable. Like a sated but not the usual stuffed after a meal uncomfortable. Yes, I've stuffed some deep feelings down over the years, that's how you gain 100 pounds but for sure it's the sprinkling of pleasure by way of taste buds over little moments of nagging gray that had the most effect on my weight. Honestly, if I had only overeaten during the big dark moments I probably would have gained 10lbs. It was the handful of tortilla chips here before confronting a teen about their attitude, an extra creamy coffee after a toddler tantrum there, a bowl of ice cream after a daily grind kinda day with no sign that tomorrow will be much different.
I always get some form of baby blues and this time I told myself that with the grace I receive from prayer, I can handle it. I have been concentrating on not escaping my feelings but just simply feeling them until they pass. Sometimes it feels like torture but mostly I am surprised and impressed with my own strength. It always passes. I decided to apply this to eating less and not numbing myself even for a brief moment with food, but just allow myself to feel what I'm feeling. I almost always conclude that there is no taste that could have distracted me for long before I had to face/feel what I needed to anyway. This is very different from the tactics that I have tried in the past: drink water, take a walk, opt for a low cal snack, make a phone call. These are all useful yes, but sometimes you just need to feel and process what is going on. It may be uncomfortable but when I do it I get the feeling I'm living much more authentically and that alone is worth it.
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