Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Scale is just an honest reporter, or so it claims to be of weight. Mine, seems to be influenced by another EVIL factor. It's been stuck on 166.6 GASP !!!!
When I saw what popped up on the face of the scale, I quickly jumped off in HORROR. It just can't be. No way!!! It's not possible. Yes, the weight went down, but I won't accept an evil number. So I jumped on the scale again still the same $^%#^%#^#^!!! Then I stepped of of it and on and off and on and off waiting to see if it would change. I tried it with my clothes on and off, then I moved the scale to another location and tried it all over again. The scale was stuck and it wouldn't change from those EVIL numbers.
Whining I went in to the bedroom and complained to my husband. I GOT EVIL NUMBERS ON THE SCALE !!! I HAVE GOT TO LOOSE WEIGHT FAST !!! OM Gosh, nothing motivates you more than getting rid of EVIL numbers.
FORTUNATELY, it was evening and my weight is higher in the evening after drinking lots of water all day. So the next morning after a good long pee, waiting a bit to make sure I got out every last drop. Then I got up and ran to the scale trying to loose a few more calories up. Oh, magic scale on the floor - Please, Please, Please give me some Happy, good news today !!! Lightly I stepped on the scale and waited for the numbers to flicker to life. They moved up and down teasing me as I impatiently waited for them to settle down and give me my final results. 164.5 lbs !!!! Yippee !!! No more evil numbers.
There I am in my birthday suit just as naked as the day I was born doing a happy dance in the bathroom. Trying to avoid eye contact with that crazy person dancing in front of the mirror, hoping no one pops in through the unlocked door.
Sweet Success is all mine because I have moved beyond those numbers last night that was taunting me in my dreams. Finally I broke through the platue and released two more pounds in to the universe !!!
"Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible.'" -Audrey Hepburn
Yesterday's workout was a walk in the pouring rain along Shasta Dam to see the release of the water. The air was frigid with a cold wind blowing the rain. The ground was flooded with deep puddles as my husband and I made our way towards the edge of the dam to view the white water flowing from the spillways. My legs, still recoopertating from the last flare were playing havic not cooperating with walking very well as we moved towards the edge. My nordic pole and husband's arm got quite the workout trying to support my weight since my feet were having a difficult time as they kept tripping and buckling. Determined not to let the challenges stop me, I kept moving.
Don't let challenges stop you. Keep moving forward. You can do it !!!
Friday, March 11, 2011
All is settled after the Neuro's visit. Smiles of Joy are plastered on my face like a love-sick fool. How dearly I love my husband !!! All is well at home. I was so afraid that when my husband came out of the neuro's room that he wouldn't want me, knowing even more that the prognosis is not positive. There is of course a chance of improvement, but one never knows the outcome of MS. The neuro tends to paint the gloomist of pictures. Most people studies have shown or a high percentage are able to remain ambulatory. Having it does not mean that your life is doomed. My husband is devoted to being my love through all times good and bad like the vows we made.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Today we went for a walk at the ranch. There was a partial rainbow melting in the sky with fuzzy lines and colors with storm clouds in the distance covering the mountains. Bits of blue sky peeked through the clouds and a brisk cold north wind chilled the air. There was one black omnious looking cloud that swirled in a rotational pattern. Pretty to watch but it made me wonder if here in California I was going to see a twister.
It was challenging to walk today, my legs were uncooperative and fighting the whole way against moving. It felt like they were encased in cement as we walked among the beautiful grove of pink flowering persimmon trees. The Canadian Geese were playing sentinel guards watching over a flock of specklebelly geese today. They don't like the specklebellys in there turf, yet they politely share the space watching quietly. The specklebellys like to group together in different locations when they visit. Today they were grouped on the pond. Other days they sit on the green grassy beach in front of the pond. The Canadian Geese are always there watching. Two on the water and two on each side of the group. I love watching and learning the habits of the waterfowl.
Meanwhile there are some small black duck that I never see on land, always on the water. There is an island in the pond, a rather large island with wild grasses and cattails growing around it. Some of the Canadian Geese have started nesting on the island and chase off others that try to come to there space. We have stood for a while watching the males chase off the other couples.
Today's walk was 2.25 miles. The journey was rather slow for me as the muscles weren't cooperating. My balance was off since my legs were stiff with spasitiy. It feels like the muscles are fighting each other. Like one muscle will say don't move while I am trying to make my legs move. At times I have to get the assistance of my husband's arm pulling on me to make the legs move forward. The rest of the time I hold on as I can't walk and look around me at the same time without falling over. This is typical of the walks lately. The muscle issues make the energy expenditure very high. When I was done walking I could not lift my legs into the car. I sat in the seat and my husband lifted my legs in. Like a Spark Warrior I continue to make progress towards my fitness goal.
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933)
I didn't have the strength today to do a DVD. The walk wore me out and most of the day I was rather ill with a GI bug that kept me in bed or on the toilet. It took quite a bit out of me. I realize this depletes the potassium in the body so I took some supplements today to replace the loss.
If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying, "Here comes number seventy-one!"
Richard M. DeVos
Tomorrow's plan is to do a DVD in the morning and a walk in the afternoon. I must get back to doing my barre workouts that strengthened my legs so nicely.
Subbornness is also determination. It's simply a matter of shifting from "won't power" to "will power."
Peter McWilliams, Life 101
On the last note. Would you consider taking a medication that gives you cancer and leukemia and other diseases? The shot I was taking causes these diseases and worse. The only other shots out there have even worse side effects.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
I am back from the neuro's app. I had to travel and stay overnight in a motel to see the worthless bastard. He makes me feel like giving up on life. Don't worry I am not going to. However I don't think they realize how powerful there words are.
He makes thousands of dollars off of me from the medication he prescribes. They give huge kickbacks for ordering copaxone and other meds. Copaxone costs $30,000 a year at my last look at the price.
He won't treat my pain. He doesn't want to change my medications to keep me comfortable. I told him I can't live with out of control pain that goes on for days at a time. It gets so severe that I can't sleep for days on end. The stupid white coat will not treat the pain. I told him what helps and have told him several time what is effective and he won't prescribe what I need. I wish he could walk in my shoes and feel how I feel and live like I live for the rest of his life so he could have some compassion.
When I worked in Oncology as a nurse I saw doctors who wouldn't properly treat people who were dying with pain meds. They would suffer until they passed. The horrible docs. in my mind were causing the patients to be tortured when it is treatable. If only they could come down with the disease that they refuse to treat adequately they and have a doc who wouldn't give them what they need to be comfortable.
I am not drug seeking. I was asking for his help. I told him the regular meds cause such severe lethargy, weakness, dizziness, and other severe side effects that I can olnly take them when I am going out of my head. They are supposed to be taken daily. I told him I want to take something when I need it and not daily multiple times a day so I feel like I am in a drugged stupor unable to function.
Why won't he prescribe something PRN instead of the other crap that makes me feel sicker.
He won't change my meds that are supposed to decrease the flares. He won't give me meds in a timely manner when I need refills.
So its time to go Neuro shopping. Anyone know of a good neuro in Northern California? I am willing to travel down as far as Sacramento, Chico, Redding, Ca.
I also don't understand why the doc. can't see that I am trying to adjust my diet, believe in a natural approach as possible, and exercise. That if one does those things they don't want to fill there bodies with more toxins than necessary to resolve the pain.
"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
Monday, March 07, 2011
Yesterday's workout was a very long walk that was about 3.5 miles long. It was really beautiful walking as I enjoyed the misty rain falling on the new spring grass. I pushed myself to my maximum level of endurance, trying to rebuild my strength that I lost during the last flare. It's like starting over as weak as a baby, but never giving up. Continuing on each day giving it my all.
My right foot is dragging more often when I walk, causing me to trip and stumble. It's due to the muscle weakness from the MS. I pray it improves as I don't have the funds to afford another bioness L300 for my right leg. I use one on the left side and it helps me to lift my foot enough to clear the ground so I can take steps without tripping. It makes the difference between me walking .25 mile without it to walking 2-3 miles with it. Its a blessing to have. Unfortunately its one of the things that insurance won't cover to help me walk.
Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough. ~
The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man's determination. ~ Tommy Lasorda
This part of my blog was copied from a site. I though it valuable to those who have MS. It is something that I have been doing myself, trying to push myself on a daily basis even though its very hard to move the muscles.
* Intense Physical Therapy or doing certain types of Exercises - if done consistently over a more extended period of time doing exercises or intense physical therapy can actually help us to regain the ability for our nerves and our bodies to function again. Since the bran is 90% nerves and the brain can be retrained by exercising to redevelop neural pathways through out the brain, this idea can be extended to the nerves throughout the rest of the body.
Even if we have ms nerve damage, intense physical therapy can help to regenerate nerves by exercising the muscles connected to the nerves that need help!
This means that even in the more severe cases of Multiple Sclerosis, where there is much significant nerve damage, intense physical therapy can help to regenerate nerves and help our bodies to function again! I consider exercise to be my physical therapy for me. Its my way of retraining my nerves that are damaged by the immune system to function. However this portion of the blog below sums it up nicely. Even if its hard, or extremely hard as it is for me KEEP MOVING !!!
"The one thing, that also needs to be known about the idea of doing intense physical therapy for those of us with Multiple Sclerosis, is that yes...there is a price to pay for going through with doing the intense physical therapy. Because MS fatigue is also known to be a big problem with the majority of the cases of Multiple Sclerosis that are diagnosed in different countries around the world each year, doing intense physical therapy can be physically exhausting. This is the price that we need to pay or go through for those of us with Multiple Sclerosis to find ways to function again, but in my opinion, this is well worth the sacrifice for us to be able to function again." The site I copied this information is from. http://tamingmultiplesclerosis.com/mssympt
I am kind of feeling very desperate for for some kind of healing or reduction in flares. They are happening all too often. So, I am going to go back on a raw food journey. Its something I have done before when my symptoms were not bad like they are now. I plan on trying as long as I can to stick to eating raw fruits and vegetables. Maybe I might even loose some weight in the process. The last time I lost 30 pounds.
Please say your prayers that the lifestyle change will work for me. I honestly don't know what else to do. The medication is not working. I also plan on looking in to getting a Kragan water system and taking some different supplements in hopes that it will help.
Last night I found out that the vaccine I took that triggered the MS, also causes other autoimmune diseases. The hepatitis A and B vaccine they are now finding out in other countries is causing a reaction in the muscles at the site were it was injected. It causes an influx of the immune system to attack yourself leading to diseases like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue symptom. They can now biopsy in other countries the muscle to find the damage and link it to the vaccine. They say its causing multiple other diseases. Hopefully I can stop the damage by changing the diet.
Ben Franklin said, "Lost time is never found again."
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