Sunday, July 14, 2013
Prenote - On the upside, I have the best man ever - came rushing early to the finish line with water and a granola bar, AND was at home making me a medal (since this race doesn't provide them)!!! He wanted me to include that!
Real story -
My second Olympic Tri, I was super excited, ready to go. I rocked the swim, pretty sure I beat last years time. Transition went fine, Got started on the bike (my new road bike yay!) and was cruisin!!! 15.2 mph which is great for me! around 10.5 miles, I feel a flat coming on. I stop at a volunteer point at mile 11 and wait on their fix it wagon. at least 20 minutes later, I am finally back on the bike. I dont know if it was the standing there or what ( i thought the break would help me) but my legs felt awful the second I started back out. The course is VERY hilly and I don't know, I just couldnt get my mind back into it.
Each hill left me feeling done, head was hurting, toes were numb, feet hurting, and numb spots in my one hand. I start thinking how can I possibly make it through a 10k at the end of this if I am already feeling this way, am at least an extra 20 minutes into the heat than I would have been, etc etc. My legs felt shot. I felt like I was the only one left on the course at this point.
At the thought of wussing out of the run, my brain checks out even more and the tears come and the battle is on. I voice text my boyfriend because I need some kind of approval if I am not going to finish this thing, but without explaining it didn't matter. I had made up my mind. I finished the bike, ever so slowly (still at a faster pace than last year I would find out), put on my flip flops and turned in my chip. :(
Totally bummed. What have I learned???? Can any seasoned triathletes provide advice and council? Any thoughts on how standing still for 20 minutes may have killed my mojo???
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
What better place to vent than to my sparkies. I was doing so well the last couple weeks, working out, logging food, being a good little girl. Now each day is getting more and more stressful and I just don't feel like adding eating and working out as even one more thought.
I moved home. Yes, with my parents. I'm 31 and it was the smart thing to do - I think. I am making less than unemployment and going back to school. It is what I needed to do for now. Two days after I moved in, my brother's life got thrown upside down, and he was back too. Two weeks later, dad was home from AZ, one week later, mom is home.
My brother is totally unreasonable - he lived here for a very long time, till he was about 32. He used the guest room for his clothes, his room for his stuff, the basement for his storage. No one is ever allowed to touch his things and he flips if you do - even if he hasn't touched this stuff in years.
Ugh. It's just a huge adjustment, I don't even want to talk about it. I just - I am moving out of a two bedroom home. All I wanted was my little childhood bedroom and a space to call my office. Shouldn't have been a prob since I had essentially the whole upstairs to myself. Now everyone is fighting over this stupidity. My brother has his computer all set up all over the dining room, his clothes all over the living room, is sleeping in the family room, no one is allowed to have stuff in his bedroom, and he still occupies the guest room closet. This is so assclown crazy.
I don't even have any room in the darn fridge. How am I supposed to eat normally. Mom sighs whenever I won't be home for her dinner. Ugh - like I should be complaining about home cooked meals!!!
I want out!!! Get me out of here, I want my independence back! I want to sit in peace and vent to my sparkies without yelling all down the hall!!! Boy does this bring me back to my childhood!!!
OMG am I going to make it???
I love you all, does anyone live in the area with a heated garage I could sleep in?!?!?!?
Much love, ms tigger!
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Not sure what is bringing it on, but I'm totally emotional tonight. I just arrived at my Tuesday night class and I am overwhelmed by how my life has changed.
At this time last year I was working as an interior architect, making fairly decent wages, living happily on my own, in a sort of struggling relationship, but all was stable. I had been working out on such a regular basis and logging calories most of the time.
I went through what seemed like a lengthy unemployment and all of the stress that comes with that. I worked out constantly during this time and kept my eating sort of at bay.
Today, I am working two jobs, about 60 hrs a week, both in totally unrelated fields from architecture, and making less than half of what I was. I am back in school, commuting 45 min to 1hr 45 min between home and my classes. I hardly have time to breathe. In the next month, I will be moving back home with my parents. All of this is so bittersweet.
Moving home will help me take care of my pup, and allow me to see some of the money that I am making get into the bank. I have lived on my own though for ten years. I am going from a 2 bedroom town home with garage and everything back into the bedroom that I grew up in. I am already struggling with my parents and whether I can also use my 34 year old brother's old bedroom. They don't want to rock HIS boat by allowing me to carefully pack up his things... they would rather keep MY boat tipping...
Finally getting into the field of education is so exciting, and being back coaching swimming is amazing. But I feel a kind of mourning for my old life that I worked so hard for. I miss my friends that I worked with for 6 years, who of course, have since all but forgotten me. I miss that life that I knew.
I am sure some of my emotion stems from the lack of cardio. My bf and I have started doing the hundred push up challenge so that I feel like I am doing SOMETHING, but... I feel fatter now than before we started.
Stress stress stress! Two of my classes will be over this week and I will be able to breathe a little, but one just started and it is very writing heavy. I have to find time to work out but I don't know how...
I know there are single parents out there working two jobs and going to school, and I am sure some of them still find time for a work out... so what is wrong with me? I am wiped right now and its only Tuesday - by Saturday I feel like I am lucky just to get out and run some errands I am so crazed!
Anywho... I walked into class feeling so overwhelmed, like there is an enormous weight on me... thought writing might help. I love you all and miss you!!! Just another thing that seems so far away these days! Hope all is well!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Okay, boy has the last five months been a roller coaster. I have gotten some amazing support and advice from all of my spark friends and that has been absolutely priceless!!! Thank you all for that, it means the world to me!!!
So, here is where I'm at!!!
After applying to 100+ jobs in my previously chosen field of architecture and finding NOTHING, I decided to take the plunge and go back to school to do what I always always wanted - teaching special ed. I started an online class last week and another class last night. The third I will be taking this semester starts the week after next. My parents were PISSED at my decision because they are very scared for me to get out of this with lots of debt and no job. In my opinion, two years from now, if I dont do this, I could still be facing too much debt and no job... so IMHO... I might as well!
I got a part time job coaching the swim team which will start mid september and will be going to classes tues and thurs nights. I have gotten a sub certificate and applied to every school district that was hiring. Subs are a dime a dozen too late to figure that out, so now I will work on getting my paraprofessional certificate so hopefully I can work in the field and gain some experience and hopefully fingers crossed get my foot into a district!
This was a really tough decision and I have to say however scary the debt is or the risk is, I feel so much better having a plan and doing SOMETHING to move forward. I am confident that things will work themselves out, even if my parents dont share that same confidence.
Okay, the boy! We had a rough spot where we werent getting along, decided to give it some 'space'... I was under so much stress and just wasnt myself. I was a wreck! Jon was so patient with me. He is so sweet. And we talked and talked and I cried and cried and we were honest with each other and everytime we met during this period, he was SO supportive and had SO much fun, even with all the serious discussions... makes me tear up just thinking about it! There I was trying to break up with him, and there he was with patience, listening, supporting, laughing with me... I was being soooo hard on him and I am more into him now than I ever was. :) we are happy! and he is soooo great in supporting me and we share so many of the same goals and we have so much fun. so that is going great right now!!!
my running has sucked lately. i hurt my hip, took a week off, and it still isn't 100 percent. i have been steady at strentgh training but will need to cut back at the gym cuz it is pricey!!! so jenny and i are gonna do it on our own! well see how that goes.
it is just frustrating, i have been trying to log, and trying to be good about eating, and i just never lose any weight. grrrr. some days i am right on and behave myself, and other days i cant keep myself out of the kitchen. frustrating!!!! i just want to be back in the 150-155 range. i am stuck with this extra 10-15 lbs! Maybe I need to turn back to turbo fire.... hmmm...
Thats it for now folks!!! Thanks for reading, hope you all have an awesome labor day weekend!!!!
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