Thursday, July 31, 2014
I haven't written a blog for a loooong time and this one isn't going to be very long but I just read an interesting article online. You can read it at
The line that really got me was "Each action you perform is driven by the fundamental belief that it is possible. So if you change your identity (the type of person that you believe that you are), then itís easier to change your actions."
I've heard about visualization for years, but I think it was the words "fundamental belief" that really got me to understand that visualization isn't just the practice of seeing yourself doing or being something new and different (and healthier). It's about BELIEVING it. I mean, I can visualize myself soaring like an eagle but I know that simply visualizing is not going to make it happen. I need to visualize myself eating well and exercising and believe that I can do it. I need to believe it for ME. Not for my kids, not for my family, not for my doctors, but for ME.
Not me, yet, but I'll get there in time.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
I've been on SP for over 2 years and while I SAY I want to get fit and healthy (and lose weight in the process), I've done very little to make it happen. So far I've lost 30 pounds and most of that in the first few months.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately and have realized that it's my mental attitude that is holding me back. Because I've been overweight my whole life (since I was 2, so I've been told, and I'm 55 now), I have the attitude that "I can't lose weight", that "I'll always be fat", that "nothing works". Well, OF COURSE if I go into it with that attitude, that's exactly what will happen.
So now, I'm working on changing my attitude to one of "I can be fit", "I'll get to my goal of being fit and healthy" and "I'll make it work". I am working on changing my thinking, too. Instead of focusing on what I CAN'T have (like chocolate, which is a HUGE trigger for me), I'm going to focus on what I CAN have (like the bowl of pineapple and melon I just finished). Instead of thinking "I have to work out", I'm going to focus on "I get to work out and get stronger".
My suggestion to anyone struggling with keeping focused on the goal is this:
take a look at your inner dialogue. Are you subconsciously sabotaging yourself before you even get started? You need to find what motivates YOU. If losing weight isn't it (and it may not be), then find what is. Don't think about what you think it SHOULD be, what because someone said that it must be that. Just because for someone else it's X, that doesn't mean that for you it's X.
When I first joined SP, I made my vision board:
and a lot of that is still true. So why am I still struggling? Because I've had the mindset of a "fat person wanting to be fit and healthy" rather than "a fit and healthy person" For example, I'll obsess on the fact that chocolate is a trigger for me and that I need to stay away from it rather than obsessing about which new fruit or vegetable am I going to try next. I think "I have to go to the gym" instead of thanking God that 1) I am still alive after having breast cancer for the second time and 2) I can afford the gym membership (which was not always true) and 3) my son is going with me so it's something we can do together which is bringing us closer. I'm trying to think as a thin person thinks, which is not easy since I've never been a thin person.
I'm going to stay focused on my WHYs and remember that if I keep focusing on the negative, I'm going to get the negative.
So that's my new mental attitude. What's yours?
Sunday, May 06, 2012
I have been up and down the roller coaster lately - mostly down (the easy side, right?).
I finally went back to the gym, which is AMAZING. Anyone who knows me will agree with that statement. My son and I joined together and trust me, having a workout partner makes all the difference. We don't do the same workout when we're there but the important thing is getting there, and for that, we help each other.
Since I started going to the gym 2-3 times a week, I have so much more energy! My weight hasn't changed yet but who cares? My strength is coming back and at this point, that's the important thing.
Also, I started two direct-selling businesses - financial analysis and education in January and this astounding skin care time in May. Both businesses are in their infancy and are slow to get started (one of those "up" rides on the roller coaster) but both are extremely lucrative opportunities.
So now, I'm becoming more disciplined in so many areas of my life: I make to-do lists and actually do them ( ) I watch less TV (but still some). I listen to motivational CDs and DVDs. I read business books, not just fiction stories. I go to the gym.
Sure there are areas that I still have more work to do, of course. However, since I'm becoming so much more disciplined, I'm going to start being more disciplined in getting healthy NOW.
I shared before about wanting to get healthy before going for reconstruction surgery in a year or so. Well, if I don't start getting serious NOW, I won't be any healthier a year from now than I am today. Time to get serious.
Monday, April 09, 2012
I had a request to work three full days back-to-back a couple of weeks ago. Not a good idea yet. I was exhausted by the end of the second day. However, the timing was good since it was just before going back to my doctor for a reassessment of my return to work plan. So now I'm on a longer part-time timetable. I'll gradually add a half-day to my work week as my strength returns (every 1-2 weeks or so is the plan).
So, how am I going to get my strength back, you may ask? Well, I've joined a gym. Now, those of you who know me may think that's world news. Well, I've had a gym membership several times in the past (and even went for a while - LOL) so it's not so earth-shattering. What makes this time different is that my 18-year-old son joined as well and we're going together. That will keep up both going. If I start to lose our motivation, he has my permission to kick my butt (and I will kick his butt even without his permission - one of the perks of being a parent!)
One of the things I said to the sales person is that I need to build up my strength, that I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know it's going to take a long time to get back my strength but I'm in.
It's funny, people always talk about how strong I am. And I AM strong but that's a whole different kind of strength. I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually strong, yes, but I am physically weak and I hate it.
So stick with me and I'll let you know how I'm doing. I'm going to post my starting points - how far I can go in the treadmill, which weights I can use on the machines, for instance - and how I am progressing, maybe monthly or so. Next thing you know, I'll be back to kicking butt for real, not just with words.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
It's been two weeks since I went back to work part time. I'm working afternoons only (from 1:00 to 4:30) and so far so good. My boss has been great and hasn't pushed me beyond my strength. He did ask me to work 3 full days at the end of the month, but I'll take the last 2 days off that week so it will still be half time.
Actually, that will be a good test of my strength and the timing is perfect since it will be just before I go back to my doctor for a reassessment. If it's too much, then I'll stay on part time work for a while longer.
Now that the main part of the cancer treatment is over, I'm starting to deal with some of the other crap going on with me medically. I've been trying to walk more but I've been challenged with a very sore hip joint. I suspect it's another flare up of bursitis and will be seeing a specialist next Friday morning. Hopefully he'll give me a cortisone shot and I'll be back walking more.
Since going back to work, I've been parking a little farther from my office in the parking lot and I've been getting about 5000 steps in an average day but man, by the end of the day, I can really feel it! Hopefully after cortisone, I'll be able to build back up to the 7,000-8,000 that I used to do (and eventually to 10,000).
I have the same problem (bursitis) in my shoulder, too, so maybe I'll be getting two shots, but I'm less anxious about that since it doesn't affect my movement too badly (yet).
Ah, the trials of getting older!
On a positive note, the added walking has had a direct impact on the scale. My weight goes up and down a few pounds every day so I can't say "I've lost X pounds" but the general trend is going down. Regardless of the number on the scale, I'm feeling stronger and more positive. After all, Spring has arrived here in Canada and I'm back at work. Once I can get out walking more, then life will be even better.
As for the cancer treatment, I've still got to get Herceptin every 3 weeks so I've still got the Port-a-cath in my chest. It's better than a pic-line but sometimes at night it bothers me. When I sleep on my side, it feels like it's moving (it's not) but it's being "squashed". I just have to shift positions and it's okay but I can't wait to get it out in a year or so.
I've also been put on Arimidex, which is an anti-estrogen drug since my cancer was estrogen receptive. Arimidex is similar to Tamoxifen but is only for postmenopausal women; I don't know why but it is. So far, so good - none of the major side effects (like joint pain) have appeared so far. (For those of you connecting the dots...I don't think the pain in my hip and shoulder are from the Arimidex because I've had it before.)
I need to be watchful for one thing (or I should say my doctor needs to be watchful for it). Both the Herceptin and the Arimidex have potential impact on my heart. I'm getting my heart monitored every 3 months. Sometimes we have to take the bad with the good. The important thing is to focus on the good and deal with the bad as it comes.
For my SparkFriends who have been with me throughout this journey, I want to thank you all. Your support has been important to me and will continue to be as my journey continues.
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