Wednesday, February 13, 2013
It's been a couple of weeks since my last post. Things have been going fairly well. Been doing some workouts (2-3) in each week. Doing my meditation almost daily.
Noticed a change in my inner monologue. It's like I'm seeing things because of trying out glasses after going through life without. I never realized how unaware I was of certain things. Not only do I have a healthier inner dialogue, but I'm just more aware of so many things. Thoughts I never had before are coming in all the time when I least expect.
I'm not sure if I'm explaining it too clearly. For instance, when something happens that causes me to be emotional, I have had a tendency to replay it again and again in my head regardless of if I want to or not. Sometimes I intentionally ruminate about it to try to figure out how to handle it. Sometimes it just won't leave my mind because it's too upsetting no matter how hard I try to focus on other things. Now I'm just freer to live my day, taking each moment as it comes, acting as best as I can within the moment. Now, the course of action just comes to me whether I'm trying to think about it or not.
Or I suddenly will understand some behaviour or a person on an entirely new level. Or I realize how my behaviour might be impacting people in a way I don't intend it to, so i am able to avoid doing the behaviour or explain myself to clarify things. (I work in mental health so it's pretty important)
I'm still not sure I'm explaining things too well but oh well.
I credit this largely to my focus on meditation. I have never sustained it for this long of a time before and this regular and it's just like I'm waking up to a new world. I can't imagine going back to the way I lived before after everything I've been experiencing. I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally healthier than I've ever been. It just keeps getting better and better, it's amazing.
Thank you SparkPeople for your part in things. Thank you to anyone reading this for taking the time to check in with me on my journey. I wish everyone all the best on their own path.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Had an interesting experience today. It was another long crazy day at work because of helping a client out a crisis situation. Spent almost 2 hours on the phone making arrangements after I was technically done. Had to get some groceries and then drive the 45 minutes back home.
Amongst it all, i realized something was different about today. Despite the different things I dealt with at work which I'm used to, but still cause stress because of the nature of my work and the emotionality of the people I am dealing with - despite all that, I realized I wasn't stressed out as I would normally be, particularly after working overtime. I was very calm.
Once upon a time, in this kind of a day, I would typically get so stressed it was hard to sleep. Before today, I was stressed but would calm down if I got a chance to talk to someone, especially my boyfriend, and then would spend the night focusing on distracting myself from the stress but sleep sometimes wasn't easy.
Today, there wasn't any of that. I'm still concerned about my client's situation, but it hasn't affected my emotional state, my core, whatever you want to call it. I'm going to chalk it up to my regular meditation and focus on balanced living and thinking. Maybe that's not the case but I know it at least contributes greatly to it. I tend to be an emotional person so it's a weird idea to get used to - me being this serene amidst all I faced today (and know I will face the rest of the work week). It's definitely sparked more motivation on my part to continue my healthy living actions :) You hear about the benefits of doing these things but until you really experience it, it's hard to really grasp the full magnitude of what it means.
Even before the crazy things that happened today I noticed yesterday and early today that I was motivated to exercise and eat healthy as well. My past habit was to eat sugary foods when I had a stressful day. Today I knew it wouldn't help me though and I chose a way to meet both needs - making scrambled eggs and had whole wheat toast with honey for something healthy but sweet. I was proud of myself for doing the right choice. More amazingly though it just was so easy this time.
Here's to a continuing path of healthy living for us all!!!!
I know I'm going to be more motivated to push on even in my down times having had a day like today to think back to is reason enough for me to keep going.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Long time no post! This one's probably going to be a longer one. This past week was just go go go. I ended up going out literally every day except Thursday when I just crashed (after doing a workout). Monday and Friday started and ended the week with a hospital visit. On Monday, taking bf to hospital to check things out and on Friday, a client was in the hospital and I spent 5 hours making arrangements for her and visiting her.
Didn't end up doing much workouts this week but I didn't intend to with the business. Happy I got one in on Thursday and plan to be more regular this coming week.
Had a couple of honest discussions with the bf recently about some not so good feelings I've been having about our relationship. I've been trying to hold the most serious ones in because his work life has been tumultuous and I've been trying really hard to not add needless stress to it. I do feel a lot better having been able to get it out though. He admitted he had been dropping the ball on a few things and said he was still happy in our relationship and intended to work on things. I'm more optimistic about things and feel like a weight has been lifted. I realize things aren't going to get better without effort on both our parts, but I'm willing to do what I can and am happy to hear from him that he's in too.
Still been doing a meditation too, although like the working out, it took a bit of a backseat, but i did maintain some. Reading up about Buddhism as well, which is inspiring me further and feeding that part of me.
I also tried something yesterday. Don't want to say what yet in case it doesn't work out - I'm pretty sure it will, but call me superstitious or whatever, I want to hear back first :) It's something I've been wanting to do for a while and just haven't bothered to. Scary! Even if it doesn't work out, i am very happy with me trying it and with my effort and I know that's what matters
Was also offered and accepted some extra work (meaning extra money) at my job. Don't think it will be too many extra hours, but it means expanding my skills and some extra money which is always useful.
I've heard so much about the whole karma or whatever you want to call it, fate, "what you give is what you get", that kind of philosophy. When I was down, the hits just kept on coming. And I've been doing so well for so long and it feels like the good things now keep coming. It's such a weird experience. Sometimes I even feel a bit bad because I know other people who aren't having the same luck. I used to feel like everything was kind of random but now I'm not so sure.
Monday, January 21, 2013
So... I try to keep my writings in my journal and in my blog (what little blog I have to date) positive. But I also know part of the purpose in the type of writing that goes into a journal or blog is to get out your feelings, so right now I'm going to open up a bit about some not so positive stuff.
Right now me and my boyfriend are in a fight. He is locked up in one room of our 2 bedroom apartment. I hate when we fight, especially at night. I can't sleep, which means I go to work tired which makes my work (listening to people's struggles and helping them through) just a bit harder. It was an innocent little thing that got twisted around (isn't that how a lot of fights go? miscommunication or misinterpretation). I've noticed it happens a lot on his end though, where he gets angry because he thinks I'm thinking something. And I never am and I keep telling him this again and again and it just does not seem to sink in. I am quite honest with how I feel and how I think, I don't do the whole "you should know why I am upset" thing. It's just frustrating. I mean I know we'll work things out and things will be okay like always, just hate feeling like there's nothing else going on for me but there's nothing I can do until he clears his head.
But something else that's just making me bleh is just thinking that I have no one really to talk to. I don't have that many friends in my life, depending on your definition of friends. The ones I have are all busy with life (job, kids...) and we don't talk or see each other much. I'm also pretty shy and reluctant to "impose" so I have difficulty just messaging or asking to do stuff (I do do it, just can get easily discouraged). The only people who I end up seeing or talking to frequently tend to do the initiating, and the ones of those nature that I have gotten involved with also tend to be the more intense so it gets to the point where I see them so much or they get so attached I have to back off because it's past a point I am comfortable. Initiating and doing more social things is one of the areas I have set about wanting to work on in 2013. I know it's an issue and until recently, haven't really wanted to work on it because I've had other things going on I put as more important. But it's times like now I really wish I could just text someone about the crap I was doing with and hang out or just talk for an hour or so and have a friendly face to be around.
Anywho as I said, I try to be more positive on these things and I know I'll be okay so I'm not worried. Just something I wanted to get off my chest. Even feeling how I feel right now, I know I am overall in a very good place - in fact the healthiest place I have been my entire life. I am working to increase that upward trend and am optimistic about my path.
Get An Email Alert Each Time TIDLENEE Posts