Saturday, May 26, 2012
so i keep having this crashing fatigue, sore large muscles, like my biceps, my shins ache, and i can barely walk without wanting to lay down and cry. so, what is that???? i can't exercise, i dont have the energy. i'm going to bed earlier every night...last night it was 9 pm!! any thoughts????
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
we're sorta poor...i mean, we pay our bills, and we manage. we have what we need. we can't take vacation or anything like that but i don't care. we don't take the car on frivolous trips; just to grocery shop and to work. our fun is a ride on the motorcycle. but in a few months, we're going to be losing about $600 a month plus my medical. that's gonna make this worse for sure. not really sure how we're gonna manage, and i'm really scared. i pray alot.
i wonder how many other people have such things to worry over.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
i have been going through some awful bad times, and have not been coping at all. i have blacked out once. i know i am not right. i agreed to seek counsel. well, i went to see the dr, and got prescribed a regimen of drugs...then i saw a counseler ONCE so far. now everyone thinks i should be whistling dicie out my vajaja!! it doesn't work like that. and all the things i have wrong with me, guess what, you do too!!! some of what's wrong with me IS you...i internalize everything...i'm a part time caregiver to my mom, and part time to our grandson.
our daughter is divorced and gets no child support. hubby's on disability. i have to fake hips, i've been battling clinical depression for a few years now...so GET OFF MY BACK , LEAVE ME ALONE, AND LET ME AT LEAST TRY TO LEARN TO COPE. OKAY??????
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
so, here i am wondering who would have ever thought they'd be having to consider the political circus we are about to ..... i mean, i'm conservative. i believe abortion is wrong, marriage between gays can't exist, free speech is not a felony, and we don't have a real leader for our country. i understand that gays want some kind of way to include their loved one in their choices, but i just can't call that a marriage. i don't think my tax dollars should pay for abortions. i want to be proud of who i vote for. so i don't think i can vote. no, it just my opinion, but it hurts.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
since september, 2007, i've been logging into Sparkpeople. The first goal was for our 35th anniversary on Hawaii. I weighed 259 pounds...In june of '08 when we flew to Hawaii, i weighed 206#. I felt like a winner on the way to something special. When we returned home, we found out our youngest daughter was filing for divorce from her husband for using drugs. A little boy was involved, our grandson, and we, meaning, I lost it. I quit worrying about weight loss, and started to worry about our daughter and grandson. They moved in with us. There were lots of arguments and stresses. Soon, but what really seemed like an eternity, they found a place to live. She had moved on and had met a really nice man to build a relationship with...we thought, but he turned out to be on 'medical marijuana' for his RA, and she just couldn't live with it. He was gone. Now she has a 'good' partner, and a best friend that we've known forever, and he has no secrets.
But all this sent me into a clinical depression, i trust no one, i hate my life, and i hate people. Other than that, I'm ok. During this time I gained again, going up to 239#. It made me sick. So back I came to SP and soon i was down to 211. But the depression and meds and emotional eating have me now 12 pounds heavier, again. Will it never end? i have
an appt with a psychiatrist on Tuesday. Maybe i do need help coping with all my issues,
i've been lying to myself that i don't. and lying on sparkpeople, because my tracker still says 211, and i've refused to change it!! I'll let you know how it goes......
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