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Don't Ask for a Light Load...

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Today I read a quotation that resonated with me:

"Don't ask for a light load, but rather ask for a strong back."

Sometimes we look around and see how other people seem to have it so much easier than we do. It stands to reason to wish or pray for a lighter load or an easier path. For instance, some people just don't like hard can it be to give them up? Some people can't eat when they are feeling stressed...they don't deal with the angst of overcoming emotional eating and all the extra calories and self-berating that comes from a night of tearing through everything in the refrigerator just because they had a stressful day. Some people land with a silver spoon and a trust fund...they don't know what it feels like to go to a job every single day to pay the bills and get health insurance.

It's easy to resent our "heavier load" and pray or wish for a lighter one. It's much more effective to develop the skills and attitudes to deal with what is.

Ironically, it is in developing the "strong back" that we develop our own inner strength and flexibility to deal with life's inevitable hardships. While I don't relish the idea of repeating the difficult times of my life, I do appreciate the "gifts" I gained by overcoming or at least surviving those times.

It is my goal to give up wishful thinking, that normal human desire for a light load or easy path. From now on I will focus on the exercises--physical, mental, and emotional--that will make me a stronger person.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALISWALKER 1/5/2009 9:42PM

    You are amazing, to have lost the weight and maintained. I saw Fruityful and Honeycomb have been challenged but not giving up. All the best to you in the new year!


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SHELLY_L 1/4/2009 4:58PM

    Excellent! Thank you!

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FETTERMAN1 11/29/2008 2:34PM

    That's wonderful! Thank you.

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GINGER_LOSTALOT 11/8/2008 8:55PM

    I've never really thought about it that way. Thanks for bringing a fresh perspective. I am often bogged down by envy and jealousy. I do have a very strong back, thank God.

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YUNKERCM 10/30/2008 12:39PM

    Wonderful post! I always say that I am who I am becuase of what I have gone through. I am getting to like that person I have become, so I guess all the trials have a silver lining! CMY (Carol)

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SUMITH2008 10/25/2008 3:05AM

    Great food for thought!

I always wonder to myself... why do we constantly work so hard to be enslaved by things we can never take with us to begin with (possessions and materialistic things and accumulation of wealth are the causes for most our heartaches). I think when it comes to life, we have to look outside of the box. To me we work to put a roof over our head and to put food on the table, but I try to remind myself always not to be slaves to greed and to keep wanting more and more. Living life, respectfully in Balance and in Moderation to let go and feel no regret when life goes out of balance. Just live within your means. Without Chaos there cant be order and Without Order there cant be Chaos right?.

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LCAVAN 10/7/2008 10:34PM

  Enjoyed your thoughts. The older I get the more I am thankful for what I have, but often times fall into that thinking of, "if I just wasn't overweight, if I just didn't like sweets." To some people it's just a normal way of living to eat healthy, which is what I strive for. I work in a field where people are addicted to drugs and alcohol, so even though I am food addicted, I can function in my daily life.

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SUNFLOWERS 10/1/2008 5:46PM

    I so agree with your thoughts. I also wish that the path I need to take was "easy". But I do accept that life is not always easy or fair. I will be there with you working on the acceptance of what makes us stronger. I just wish giving up sweets was easier, if you know what I mean. Now that I do not eat much, it seems somewhat easier. Maybe I am stronger and don't even know it. Thanks for the clear thoughts.

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FRUITYFUL 9/27/2008 10:18AM

    Wow, that is such a good entry. Thank you for writing that. I could see myself in what you were writing. I'm always looking at others, thinking they have it easier for one reason or another. I just need to be strong and deal with what I've been given. Very insightful blog. Thank you!

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Today was my last day of summer school, and now I have a month off!

I am very excited about having the time to regroup.

Top on my list of priorities is getting focused on my exercise and diet. I am thicker around the middle than I was last year at this time, and by the end of August, I want things to be different. I want to be in the shape I was in last year when school started. I CAN DO IT!

After work today , I am leaving for four days at the beach--I will sleep, ride my bike, walk, run, get a massage, and catch up on Spark People.

When I start back to school August 15, I will have only two semesters to go. In that time, I will hone my skills and develop my confidence. For now, I will focus on how far I have come personally, how much I have learned academically, and how to practice believing in myself.

emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUMITH2008 10/31/2008 2:53AM

    Hi ThinnyMinny! I was wondering if you were teaching or studying? And if your studying what is your major?

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MRSHONEYCOMB 7/17/2008 6:51PM

    emoticon back! We emoticon you!

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FRUITYFUL 7/17/2008 4:48PM

    I'm so glad to see that you're back Rosie! I've missed hearing from you! Wow, only two semesters left and you're done? Time has gone by so fast.

Enjoy your trip to the beach, it sounds so relaxing! I know you can get back to where you were last August. I'm in the same situation. We can do this!

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Red-Letter Day

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The hardest part of school is not necessarily the part that you learn from books. Sometimes it's what you learn about yourself.

When I was obese, I never told anyone my weight. I missed a lot of days of school by pretending to be sick so I could stay home and avoid the inevitable yearly weigh-ins in front of my skinny classmates. For decades, I refused to get on the scale in my doctor's office. What was I thinking? That people would not SEE how fat I was if I didn't tell them my weight?

When I was younger I also had the belief that if I did not own my insecurities or failings, other people would not see them, and I could maintain the image I tried to create. What was I thinking? That people would not see my anxieties or weaknesses if I did not spell them out?

I don't know if it's part of aging or what, but I've found it's not so bad to own my imperfections. In high school, I would have died to fail a big exam especially if others knew. This time I was quaking in my boots, but it was clear I would not die even though people witnessed my struggle.

Amazingly, the very thing that I expected to be ostracized for in the past has now brought me into the fold . I am pinching myself in disbelief at the number of people who have expressed their support and best wishes for me. How many kindnesses have I experienced from my teacher, my friends, my classmates, my clients, the many patients who endured my trembling attempts to learn a new skill...

Today is a red-letter day for me. I PASSED MY EXAM! But even more, I have come a long way in learning that there is a place for me in the world. There are lots of people who offer a hand of support and have faith that I will succeed. Grateful, I am beginning to believe it myself.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRSHONEYCOMB 7/8/2008 10:35PM

    Woo Hoo WTG I knew you could do it! I miss you.................. emoticon

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FRUITYFUL 7/8/2008 9:24PM

    Congratulations Rosie! I know exactly where you're coming from. I've also learned a lot about myself in the past year and a half. It's great to figure this kind of stuff out. I've also discovered that other people aren't as hard on me as I am on myself when I make a mistake. Keep up the good work and it was great to see a blog entry from you. I miss talking to you!


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BETTSI 7/8/2008 7:41PM

    God bless you, Rosie! It is in our weakness that we discover just how much love surrounds us! Congratulations on both of your big accomplishments. I'm so proud to call you a friend!

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Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones

Monday, June 23, 2008

I have always been fascinated with the fact that when a broken bone heals, it is even stronger than it was before the break.

Isn't that incredible?!

I think that all kinds of "breaks" can heal like bones. At least I am choosing to believe that.

Last week I had a kind of break that I have been avoiding my whole life: I actually FAILED a test.

Most of the people who know me can attest to the fact that I am one who overprepares just to avoid the humiliation of failure. And the other thing that I know to be true is that I am likely to avoid an experience altogether unless I'm certain that with enough effort I can succeed. My fear of failure has dictated much of my life.

The amazing thing is that I DID NOT DIE from my failure. For a little while, I was very sad, but then I began to think about what exactly went wrong on my test, and I formulated a plan to make sure it doesn't happen again.

The "fatal error" on my test was one that I made because of my fear of losing my place if I made the detour required for the right answer. In retrospect, I realize it was my fear that caused the thing that I most dreaded: I flunked.

I get one more chance to pass before I'd be kicked out of the program, and I am doing everything I can to get better and better so that I will not only pass, but excel the next time around.

Already I know I am better. I am stronger-- like a broken bone that has healed.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRUISEHAPPE 1/10/2009 9:47AM

    OMG Rosie...I am the same way......I will not even try anything if I will not succeed or be the best (or at least the best in my mind) this is something I will have to work on!!!!!
Thanks for helping me recognize it....

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HAPPYWRITER7 9/5/2008 3:01PM

    I thought I was the only person who overprepared for evrything, actually avoiding something unless I am sure Ill ultimately succeed. Ive honestly never in my life met anyone else like that. For years, I have told myself that once I lost weight, I could probably afford to fail. I am 120lbs down and 60 to go, I think Im starting to realize that it's ok to fail. I dont have to wait to lose more weight to live my life. It's ok to fail, I'll only be stonger for it. Thank you for writing this!

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MEOWCATS 7/7/2008 5:38AM

    I can relate!!! I have nightmares where I have to take a final exam except I forgot to go to class all year....I wake up with my heart pounding and sweat pouring off are very brave to look this in the eye and vow to excel--way to go!!!

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FRUITYFUL 6/24/2008 7:19AM

    I second what Kristi says and I think that you are amazing! Everyone fails something at one time or another. It's good that you got past being sad and formulated a plan to succeed the next time around. I am a lot like you when it comes to avoiding things that I know I won't succeed at. When I fail, I'm devastated. I think the key for me, is to talk to myself positively...not beat myself up about it. I'm still working on that every day.


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MRSHONEYCOMB 6/23/2008 10:59PM

    I think your perfect and I emoticon you!


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BETTSI 6/23/2008 7:00PM

    Oh Rosie, you rock! What a difficult experience to go through, but you are absolutely right- You will come out stronger on the other side.

Don't worry about responding to me because I know that you are VERY busy, but I wanted to let you know that my husband and I are divorcing. Your post today gives me hope for better days ahead. Sending big hugs your way, Dear.

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Dust Off the Pity Party

Thursday, April 03, 2008

"Dust off the pity party, throw away the party favors, and let's get shaking!" I saw this message posted on a friend's spark page, and it might as well have been written to me in flashing in neon lights.

I am kind of sick of making excuses for myself. I can come up with some pretty valid reasons for being anxious, irritable, underachieving, or just plain neurotic. But I'm not really enjoying myself or living my life to the fullest at this party.

I'm ready to move on. While we can't necessarily choose every circumstance, we can choose our attitude. So I'm shifting gears. I will walk more confidently; focus on my successes, not failures; believe the best of myself and other people. I will leave my past mistakes in the past and quit ruminating about "I shoulda, coulda, woulda..." I will look life straight in the eye and say, "Bring it on!"

Next on the agenda is getting rid of the party favors. Does that mean my ice cream too? Just do it, TM.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARLIEK 6/23/2008 3:03PM

    Thank you for your spark page! It's very inspiring! KarlieK

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JODIII 6/5/2008 11:56AM

    emoticon YES -YES- YES! I LOVE IT emoticon

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MRSHONEYCOMB 5/5/2008 10:54PM

    OMG you wrote a blog and I some how missed it! I cant believe that you me and Kristin have all been at the same pitty party and haven't ran into each other ... there must be a lot of people at this party!

Hang in there.. We love you!

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PINKGRANNY 4/29/2008 7:21PM

    Forgive yourself...and remember how far you have come. There wil be difficult days, and you are so right about the attitude part. I too have had some pity parties lately, and it is not pretty. But, seeing your blog opens my eyes to how much this support online helps us all, whether we are having a good week or a bad one. As for the ice cream, find a way to fit it into your calorie goal or find a lower calorie form. You are amazing, and I am proud to read your story. Keep on going, and remember to love yourself.

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FRUITYFUL 4/17/2008 7:57PM

    I just now saw your blog entry! But, I wanted to say that I know where you're coming from. I have been focusing on the negative lately and not the positive and when I force myself to stop being so hard on myself and just look ahead at the future, I do much better.

At first, I was like a kid in a candy store, eating all the things that I couldn't or shouldn't eat over the past year and a half. But then it got really old, and there was no enjoyment in it, especially after the scale started creeping up. I hope that I'm finally on the wagon for a good long ride now, because I'm tired of falling off! Good luck TM!!!


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