Wednesday, March 23, 2011
ok, I've been trying to manage eating without recording each and every meal and while no i've not gained weight...my weight loss has slowed down...now this could be just a point in the journey where that happens or more likely my less reliant way of calorie counting...so i've tested my theory...only to have proven to myself that it is sooooo important to document each and every calorie...reason for me personally is...i do better when i see it in writing...so sneaking bits and bites of cakes and snack size candies...those are so dangerous to ones goals...
so i had hoped by this may to have reached 240...i'm at 267 now...that means about 15pds a month...i'm saying the end of may...my birthday is the 25th and i'll be fourty years old...my gift to myself is to hit 240...and the year after 150-160...i know i'll do it i can do it, i believe this with all my heart, i'm exercising and once again, counting calories...my hope is renewed...as my son and i have a lot planned this summer, swimming, walking, riding bikes...things i've not done in years and years...and my energy is better, i clean rental properties daily and am like the energizer bunny, but still need to add strength training as i'm flabby, but moved tons of boxes yesterday...and furniture, so am resting as we speak...it is rainy and i feel like surfing the web, making artdolls, doll clothes...did i ever mention, i'm just a big ol' kid in a grown persons body????
ohh another really exciting thing in my life is our garden...we're planting a rather large garden, which includes my all time favorite....strawberries and melons....lots of neat activities for exercise in my near future....hope every one is as excited about spring as i am, and i apologize for any comments i've not responded too...my life has been extra busy...i'll do better,,,,big big hugz...christen
Monday, March 07, 2011
Maybe it comes with the diet territory,,,,but i am so sick of tracking each and every bite i eat...weighing each food, looking up calorie content...i've been doing this since October and know just how important it is, but dang i need a break, not from dieting and exercise but from the tedious daily counting....
Yes, i've learned many new and improved eating habits and for just a few wee days i think i'll try to do it by practicing my newly learned skills....ones i've learned and am most thankful for, as they have brought awesome results here on spark people...and if by chance i see a gain,,,i'll give in and continue the dreaded caloric counting, but i'm hoping (fingers crossed) i'll continue to lose without the food tracker, just an experiment...by no means quitting...
Some absolutely wonderful things have been happening in my family life such as my son, who had been gone from my life for seven and a half years taken by his father who moved repeatedly to prevent legal action for taking this child has come home...it is truly a blessing...but also a busy and emotional time, as there is still a child ( a seventeen year old) who hasn't come home, so there is joy but also saddness for the boy who will soon be a man i am just getting to know again...both of them, and with joy also heartache i can not just at yet put into words, all i can say...is that its there inside me, i mourn the loss of the childhood memories, i fear failing at the second chance i've been given to re-establish a relationship with both children/young adults, AND ALSO... last but not least the mounds of paper work, and social agencies that must be contacted, as the oldest child is now a disabled adult, as he was born that way....seizures, many a day, plus ADHD, and other diagnosis's that may or may not be right...juggling his meds, high school schedules, yes he is still in high school special ED...and i encourage him to continue no matter how long finishing school takes or how old he is when it hapens...he CAN do it...in ways other than main stream educational skills he is brillantly smart, funny, talented, and of course as a mom i adore him, as i do both children...discussing this feels like coming out of the closet so to speak, as i've not spoken of it to any one in many years, burying the pain inside, feeling guilt, anger, and the mosr profound saddness, i can't tell you, just how much it hurts to know your child is out there and you can not get to them, protect them, or save them from lifes perils...this led to my own self distruction, eatting..to just name one of the chosen addictions...(not saying i'm a drug user here, OR EVER WAS) I'M SAYING...I never smoked cigarettes, nor drank till drunk, or binged till physically sick until the day the home the children and i shared that was once filled with laughter and child voices became a prision, with no sounds but tv's, or radio/ computer, silence is scary thing when your hurting as you are left with your own thoughts, and what ifs, beating yourself up emotionally...it has been a long journey....
But my life has turned a page and that chapter of my life has began to end...and this time i'm ready to be author, illustator, and publisher of this story and its ending, no longer letting out side influences dictate...i am choosing my own version, and just not what life throws at me...
So thats where i'm at in my journey, and to be honest i shared more than maybe i should have, but maybe not, as there may be another person some where on this journey who also has had this happen, and they might need to know...its never to late for a happy ending...and endings are often the beginning of wonderful things...of course with the daily ups and downs that occur, but still there is joy...
Wishing every one here at sparkpeople a wonderful week, and most important...self love...love your self...Hugz...christen
Saturday, February 19, 2011
I never really considered myself an emotional eater although i have tinkered with the thought...and decided yes i very much am an emotional eater and food choices seem to reflect my moods at any given time....
The sparkpeople diet plan has me on a 1,500-1750 cal a day diet, way to high in my opinion so i've altered it myself to 1,200-1,400 calories a day but have over done that one day this week...now i know it was just one day...but i'm scared this'll become a habit...and it was very challenging to get myself retrained to eat healthier, and smaller low calorie portions...its very easy to slip back into old routines...so i'm working on being "AWARE"...That's my word of the week...to be aware of why i'm eating as well as what i'm eating...boredom?? stress...not enough exercise often is a cause...as much as i hate exercise i must admit it is a stress reducer, less stress, less emotional eating...
I'm learning there is not just one side to weight loss, its more than reduction of food, you must retrain how you once thought and dealt with food on a daily basis...each meal your faced with choices...and these choices can not only effect your weight but how you feel about yourself emotionally, how you deal with other areas of your life...and by trying to eat a "clean diet" meaning at least ten servings of fruit and veggies a day...more veggies than fruit though...and raw is best....all the chewing takes forever, which makes the meal last longer, more satisfying...and sticks with you a lot longer than starchy food choices...i always add protein to my veggies...usually boneless skinless chicken....this week i ate pork twice and my gut is rebelling...my body seems to know even when i won't admit it what makes me feel good, and pork ain't it that's for sure...talk about bloated and sleepy but to uncomfortable to lay down...needing to exercise to release the toxins from overload on fatty foods...all pork products makes me feel awful...why do i eat them then???????????? i ask myself that each and every time i eat a porkchop...."sigh" ....taste probably...i like the change emotionally but physically i suffer a high price to pay...same holds true of high fat dairy products...non fat is fine but let me even eat a small bowl full of regular vanilla ice cream, my face breaks out, i've got gas...yes i know the dreaded subject of gas...but its true...and who feels social when your passing gas every few minutes...so public places become a no no....
So the moral of the story/blog is this...."AWARE" i need to listen and respect my body by not consuming what it has repeatedly said makes it feel rotten...it won't change...i've known this for years...and i know i'm in the drivers seat....its time to learn self love and preservation....you know the old saying....how are we to truly love others..if we can not love ourselves first....hope every one on sparkpeople has a great weekend full of healthy food and plenty of exercise...and...remember love yourself...you deserve it.
Monday, January 24, 2011
1) I can tie my shoes without getting winded...plus put lotion on my own feet without my belly leaving me gasping for breath
2) shaving my legs in the tub is now an easy task, before even the bath tub was a lil' to small...or i was too big...lol..
3) house work is no longer a chore but a fun activity, i put on music and dance and do the twist to burn extra calories, wash wood work, sweep and mop with out getting a lower back ache...plus i can add more pep in my step..where else before i avoided any thing other than light duties, not any more....Martha Stewart would be so proud
4) I enjoy walking the dog, playing ball with her in the yard, raking the yard...i've never done that since i was a young child
5) i love shopping for clothing...no i'm not in the size i'd like to be, but i'm no longer a 30....i can fit in 22-24 depending on the make of the jeans...no more moo moo dress's or super big sweat pants
6) I KNOW WHEN TO STOP EATING...i no longer stuff myself, only to feel defeated later
7) my self confidence is coming back...i know longer dread going in public places, such as stores and malls
8) i can now fit in a movie theater seat with out my rear being crammed in ...
9) i can paint my own toe nails...some thing i was unable to do for five or more years
10) I have the courage to face food, it is no longer my enemy...i realize i have control, its been there the whole time i was over eating, yet i never thought i could or would win that battle, so i didn't try...but every day when i wake up i feel impowered, no longer a hostage to my cravings ...i decide when and what to eat, and i know how much better i feel being in the drivers seat in my life, instead of being on the side lines waiting to actually feel alive...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I can't believe i've begun this wonderful new year with a nasty bout of pneumonia....energy levels very low but i am being ever so careful to eat less then my regular 1,400 a day suggested calories, do to the fact i can't hardly breath when i attempt to exercise...no this is not an excuse, i ask myself that since saturday when the grim report came from the ER doctor...and since i also have not one but two auto-immune disorders this is a serious condition, i've been put on seven days bed rest, maybe more depending on what my family doctor says today when i go for more blood work, plus another x-ray...not sure what the x-ray shows them as i thought only bones could be seen but i guess not as its also used to determine the severity of pneumonia.
On the plus side i did get up briefly today to clean and sanitize the bedroom, i felt like all my coughing and sneezing has made where i sleep a yucky place for germs to mass produce sooo i changed the bed sheets, swept and mopped the hardwood floors, wiped door knobs, phones and remote control for the television with clorox wet wipes...this small task left me gasping for breath, so i guess the doctors right i must stick to much lighter activities...but i'm so sick of being in bed...boring.......
my hubby tho' has made every effort to make me as comfortable as possible, but how does one get comfortable when my chest feels like i have bricks in there..and each breath feels forced...i've had my fill of tv and netflix....so i'll keep trying to do light exercise and rest when needed...
Get An Email Alert Each Time THIMBLETACK Posts