My Sister May 27th 1953- May 25th 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010

On May 25th, 2010 at 11:30am I lost my sister.
She joined my mother and father in heaven.

She has always been my very best friend and I'm not quite sure how to navigate life without her. In January I made a commitment to losing weight in honor of her. I never did it.

Weight has always been a struggle for our family and I've watched my mother and now my sister die with the humiliation of being overweight and embarrassed. Although weight didn't end their life it made their lasts years, months, weeks difficult ones. They didn't love themselves as much as they could have and should have. Somehow they didn't feel worthy. I hope and pray that after watching the pattern, I can change my behaviours for my last years on this earth.

Rest in peace my dear, sweet sister. I'll love you forever.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATOGA17 4/22/2011 7:22AM

You have an anniversary coming up. How are you doing? Thinking of you. Report Inappropriate Comment

CAMERABABE 8/26/2010 7:22AM

My condolences too. Report Inappropriate Comment

MRE1956 8/22/2010 9:48AM

My condolences on the loss of your sister...... Report Inappropriate Comment

The Spark Family is Still There....

Sunday, January 17, 2010

After being away for a couple of months it's amazing how Spark People is still there waiting to lend support when I did decide to come back.
Combing through the information available I always get inspired - even those daily quotes give me a lift.
Thank you SP for always being there. No matter how many mistakes I make or promises I don't keep, I know you're there for me. You want me to succeed and you never give up.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATOGA17 4/22/2011 7:22AM

We are still here, T. Report Inappropriate Comment

A Little Blue but then Yellow

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Today I woke up feeling a bit overwhelmed and blue. I couldn't decide what to do for my exercise today. Should I go to the YMCA and work out on the machines? Should I go for my 3 mile walk on my challenging road? Nothing sounded appealing. I decided instead that I would "treat" myself to a breakfast at our local bagel shop and read the morning newspaper. The heck with exercise. One day wasn't going to kill me.
I drove to my desired location and sat in front of the restaurant. Even though I was slightly hungry I knew my hunger wasn't for food. I didn't quite know where the emotions were coming from. I shed a few quiet tears in my car for the confusion I was feeling and hoped for some clarity.
After a few minutes of feeling sad and lost I decided to call the YMCA and find out what exercise classes were being offered in the next half hour. I had never done a class at the Y but what the heck. The lady told me about a class that sounded worth the trip so I headed that way. As I walked in my sadness started to lift. I entered the aerobic studio and waited for the class to start. It was a weight lifting class that was very challenging but doable. After 60 minutes of lunges and situps and weighlifting the class was finally over. I worked up quite a sweat and felt tired but marvelous afterwards. I was surprised how the decision to exercise lightened my mood and made me feel so clear headed.
I guess next time this happens I will allow myself a few moments to feel the feeling instead of eating it away. Through Spark People's education and support I am now finding ways to deal with life's unpleasantness and move through the pain or confusion. Trying to block it by eating serves no purpose other than making you feel worse. I went from Blue to Yellow in one morning and prefer the lighter color!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUNTYEVIL 7/22/2009 7:34PM

Congratulations on the right choice! Report Inappropriate Comment

Taking care of myself and loving it.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Today the weather is amazing. I started out my day at 7:30 am by taking a 3 mile walk on our hilly, challenging, and beautiful road. I had my ipod fully charged with my new songs I downloaded last night. I had my dog at my side, and the wind in my hair.
The first mile is always hard, the second I'm coming around to realizing the benefits, and the third is full of love and pride for myself.
Coming home after a good outdoor workout makes you feel like a million bucks. It starts the day off right giving you the mental and physical energy needed for this weight loss journey. It makes you feel like you CAN do it.

I treated myself to a wonderful, filling and healthy breakfast. I relaxed, logged onto Spark People, recorded my calories, and was surprised at how little calories I consumed with my delicious breakfast.
I guess this is what they call eating to live instead of living to eat. It feels so good to be in control. It feels even better to love myself enough to do what's right.

  

A dedication.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

As I sit here on a rainy Thursday morning I am faced with many thoughts as I contemplate my day ahead. Sometimes I wonder why it's taken me over half of my life to seriously work towards something so important to me as achieving and maintaining a healthy weight. What has taken me so long? Why have I let so much get in my way?
The hours, months and years I have spent wanting to be someone else. Someone thinner, stronger, and someone who possessed enough self love to achieve this what seemed to be, a relatively easy goal.
Yesterday I spent the morning with my sister who is my best friend.
She has been diagnosed with a terminal illness that she has been fighting for the past year. It is likely I will lose her in the not so distant future as will her 2 daughters and her husband of 38 years.
As I talked with her about her fears of dying and her end stage illness, I realized how much precious time I've wasted in my own life. None of us know when our time will come but when it does will we be ready? Will we feel like we've lived our life to it's fullest? Have we loved ourselves and others as they deserved to be loved? Have we achieved all we wanted, needed, and desired in life? My burden right now is losing weight. Hers is losing her life. She has no power over her circumstances, but I do.
I dedicate my long overdue weight loss efforts to her, in her honor. My dear sister.
Tammy

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

D.DANIEL 4/12/2009 10:15AM

Thank you for your thoughtful writing. I had a very similar eureka moment at the beginning of this year when I realized that I had let every thing else come before taking care of myself. I also lost two family members last month and found myself reflecting about life, death, and what is important. I'm glad that I have finally made my health a priority...and realized that it is a sacred responsibility to do so. I cannot think of a better way to honor your sister's life than to take care of your own. I see that you recently joined the WIN@LOSING team. I welcome you and hope you find the team as motivating and supportive as I do. Take care. -Deirdre Report Inappropriate Comment