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THECRAZYMANGO's Recent Blog Entries

Getting there...

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Back in the day when my main goal was to lose 100 pounds (which I succeeded in), I blogged nearly everyday. It helped to get the almost instant online support. These days I still lean on that support. In fact, this week I have been trying to use that support more often. No one can help you if you don't ASK for the support. Whether you have there for me this week or a year ago, thank you. I truly appreciate the support.

For those that read my blog a couple days ago about being upset because I was at 170, I did get back to 169. I have been tracking for the last three weeks and I can feel mentally I needed a day off of it all. I decided to go out for chinese. It was nice to go out with just my boyfriend. If you don't know, I live with my boyfriend and his mentally disabled mom. It definitely has it's challenging times. It was nice to feel like a 'real' couple. I do not regret the chinese either. Sure, I retained two pounds of water but I know the scale is lying to me. Deceptive little scale. Hoping to get tons of water in today.

Knowing the scale is being deceptive, I will NOT give up. In fact, I did 65 minutes on the elliptical so I earned another sticker on my calendar. I feel really good about that. It was nice to get all the stress out of my system. For the last three weeks, I have noticed I worked out approximately three times a week. I am hoping to work out about four times this week. Maybe eventually I can back to making it a daily routine, like it was before.

So, slowly but surely I am getting there! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AEROBISAURUS 4/18/2013 8:35AM

    emoticon Keep on keepin' on! emoticon

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KANOE10 4/17/2013 7:59AM

    You are staying on track. Great job on the elliptical! You are making your mini goals. You can do it.

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MYLADY4 4/16/2013 8:59PM

    emoticon

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GEORGE815 4/16/2013 5:40PM

    Stay with it!

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1CRAZYDOG 4/16/2013 5:00PM

    Proud of you! It's not easy get back into the routine when you've beeen off it for awhile. You're doing it!

HUGS

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SHERYLDS 4/16/2013 4:28PM

    glad to hear you had fun.

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NATPLUMMER 4/16/2013 3:28PM

    You are doing great!!! I bet it was great to get out and just be the two of you.
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KNEWMETODAY 4/16/2013 3:24PM

    Sticking it out is not always easy, but it always pays off! Good luck and stay strong.


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Either Or

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Yesterday I was super excited about being 169. I had such plans to get down to 165. Than, this morning I was back at 170.4. I am so frustrated and bummed. I have been bouncing around 170 for months. I am done. A few days ago, I was excited to see 170.0. I could get to the 160s. So, I exercised the two days after and now I am back at 170.

It seems like it is either focus on food or focus on exercise. Whenever I try to do both, I seem like a failure. When I started to focus on food a few weeks back that is when I was able to kick five pounds to the curb. In fact, that seems like that is the only time I can lose weight.

Anyhow, I know this 170 is not a terrible number but I think I am more bothered what it means to me. In a sense, I had failed at maintained. I am still working on it. It's food for thought, nonetheless!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALTERSLOSA 4/15/2013 9:59AM

    You are not alone. I am struggling at this number too! emoticon

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KANOE10 4/15/2013 8:18AM

    Hang in there. You will do it! Losing can be so frustrating when you bounce around and think you have gone to a new weight. Today is a new day.

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NATPLUMMER 4/14/2013 9:30PM

    emoticon

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SHERYLDS 4/14/2013 8:16PM

    You'll do it .... I know You will. emoticon

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JPGSMOM 4/14/2013 6:26PM

    Hang in there... You can do this! Don't forget there are a lot of factors that can bounce your weight around like this.... Water retention, muscle building, etc... You know what works, and you know it doesn't happen overnight. Hang in there... I know it's frustrating, but you know that what you're doing is worth doing. I'm here for you and cheering you on!!!
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Comment edited on: 4/14/2013 6:27:48 PM

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1CRAZYDOG 4/14/2013 5:46PM

    My dear, you DO need to focus on both! Weighing/measuring and tracking foos is really important. So is consistent exercise. THAT'S the part that needs to be part of the equation . . . consistency. Hard? Well you KNOW it is. Impossible? No . . . rather I'm Possible!

HUGS

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MYUTMOST4HIM 4/14/2013 5:37PM

    Hang in there!! emoticon

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Progress: Making the Scale Go Down, Down, Down

Friday, April 12, 2013

A few weeks ago, I saw the scale go up, up, up to 175.sometihng. At that point, I decided I had a choice. I can succumb to myself and let myself gain all the weight back or I could take control. I could exercise but I knew my eating was the true problem. It has gotten out of control and I needed to be accountable again. Like I did five years ago. I started tracking my food intake again.

Slowly, the scale started to go down, down, down. Not only am I down to 169.0 my clothes are starting to get looser as well. It was great to see and feel my hard work of eating right was working. Nearly every day I was over calories by 100 or 200. Nothing to get upset about. Today it was 400 calories. I am not going to get upset about that either.

It was the pizza one of the executives brought to thank the staff, myself including, for coming into work despite the nasty weather. It snowed 5-7 inches and driving conditions were far from pretty. Anyhow, I had two pieces of pizza before my workout. I had a headache and figured it was because of stress and perhaps not enough food. I had a piece and it went away instantly.

I take full responsibility of going over my calories but I simply do not understand how a place like the local YMCA brings pizza as a thank you or cupcakes for their birthday parties. Yet... in our employee handbook it says we are to bring in healthy food to eat for our own personal breaks. I find these hypocritical choices disappointing. Lead by example, perhaps?

Nonetheless, I am super proud that I have lost five pounds and feel like I am finding my spark again. Yesterday and today I did 40 minutes on the elliptical. Slow and easy I am getting back into my healthy lifestyle. emoticon I have seen 169 before and I really hope I can stay in the 160s this time and can see 165 in May. Wouldn't that be awesome?!!!

On a side note, I live in the midwest which got hit by a SNOW storm. Here are a couple photos, courtesy of the local news media.



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THOMS1 4/14/2013 3:17PM

    I agree. Logging my food and exercise is about the only way I can stay on track. I have to plan for just about everything I put in my mouth and that isn't always easy. Have a good day and emoticon with getting back on track.

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KITT52 4/14/2013 8:21AM

    I have learned to never rely on what people are suppose to do.... a friends who works at the weight loss clinic tells the same story you did...junk food is bought almost daily by the people who run the clinic... when I toured the Curves workout business I was shocked to see a huge tray of donuts was offered as we waited for an appointment.....I left....

the bottom line we are solely responsible for what we eat or better what we don't eat


good jog on loosing the 5 pounds

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GEORGE815 4/13/2013 11:50AM

    I have learned that scale can move both up and down.

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NATPLUMMER 4/13/2013 11:32AM

    emoticon

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KANOE10 4/13/2013 10:40AM

    Good for you getting your spark back and losing 5 pounds. You are on your way. My Y also puts donuts out for celebrations. You are wise to make changes and get on track. Great steps!

You can do it. emoticon

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EJOY-EVELYN 4/13/2013 12:49AM

    It's great to hear your good news. We love to see both scale and non-scale victories! Sounds like whoever wrote the break room goals forgot to make them SMART goals that are enforceable. While I like to think no food is 100% off limits, I've yet to see very many cakes that fit in the category of healthy living. Most I've seen in break rooms are filled with empty calories. Now if they offered an array of fresh fruit to offset a birthday cake, there might be room for a little forgiveness.

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MJREIMERS 4/12/2013 10:21PM

    Good job. Sometimes our bodies do need more calories than we think! You are working out and you are seeing results so, emoticon emoticon

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HDHAWK 4/12/2013 9:24PM

    You're doing great. I've maintained for the last 3 weeks, which I'm happy about, but it could have been a loss if I'd made better food choices.

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1CRAZYDOG 4/12/2013 8:56PM

    Spark on, sweetie! Great job.

I have to agree with you about the treats. Good heavens! If the mission is promition of healthy habits, it should start with leadership and modeling that! But, even so, sounds like you did all right!

You can get to that goal! Keep that bar set high for you, because you are capable!

HUGS

Barb

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JESSICA_STULTZ 4/12/2013 8:56PM

    Sometimes I swear that logging my foods is the only way I can lose weight. I stop and it seems like instantly my weight stalls. Congrats on your weight loss! Isn't it weird that a fitness place would offer unhealthy foods as a rewards? I wonder if they even realize what they are doing when they do that? I also live in the midwest. I will say the ice storm was a little crazy and then of course it has snowed since. Luckily it is supposed to get warmer! We will be able to enjoy spring weather soon!

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WORDWOMAN7 4/12/2013 8:49PM

    Sounds like you're doing great work! You're right not to beat yourself up but just keep plugging away. Keep it up!

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Depression hurts.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Isn't that what the Zymbalt commercial says? It's true. For the first time since dealing with depression, I am seeing how it hurts my loved ones. In the past weeks, I have been far from being easy to be around. I have been irritable meaning anything could set me off. I would pick fights with my boyfriend. Nothing could be done right. People started to not like me because of these actions.

Now that I am starting to come through the depression fog, I am trying to sort through the fight again. This time with a clearer mind. Depression makes everything extreme and perceptions are a bit off.

A long time ago, a member at the Y told me how he broke up with girl friend because she was bipolar. He said she was unstable in her life. I really hoped my significant other would understand. I don't think my boyfriends understands 100% but it makes me wonder if anyone would or could be able to. For the longest time, my parents didn't want me to go to counseling because it would be documented and it might be hard to attain a full time job.

Anyhow, my point is that it seems like it is harder to live a normal life. Today I got myself on meds and hope to have less extreme episodes in the future. But this episode sure gave me insight on my future.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAGGIE101857 4/5/2013 8:19AM

    Depression is difficult for others to understand; so proud of you for reaching out for help. Hopefully the ones that love you will be supportive and see you through this difficult period. You are worth it!!!

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OVERWORKEDJANET 4/5/2013 5:48AM

    Came across your blog through OPTIMIST1948.
You have many good responses and hang in there. I live with people who have had severe depression which requires medication and therapy. It takes time...a lot of time.

I've watched them curl into balls in those black holes and with time become "normal" again. Point is they needed to accept the help as good assistance, not something negative. I have gained a lot of weight in my own anxiety over it, sought therapy myself, and am uncurling from my own black hole I dug because I can't make it better.

The first time you realize you have spent time not feeling bad for a while think baby steps. And pardon my crudeness, screw everyone else. It's about your better health!
You are worth it.

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GEORGE815 4/4/2013 6:06PM

    Glad you have recognized your effect on loved ones.

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SHERYLDS 4/4/2013 1:04PM

    I thought counseling was confidential emoticon

hang in there Savannah

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NATPLUMMER 4/4/2013 10:55AM

    emoticon

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-POOKIE- 4/4/2013 9:33AM

    Very true, and I would see this as a sign of an improvement, as when we are at our worst, we do not notice nor care what effect we may have on others... to be aware of it is a step forward.

*hugs*

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AEROBISAURUS 4/4/2013 8:51AM

    I had a huge break down 2 years ago with my depression and alcohol abuse after I decided to be a stay at home mom, I lasted about a year before I caved. I almost threw away my whole family because I never took the steps to treat my disorder until then. I'm bipolar. My doctor put me on Wellbutrin and Lamictal and I also use Xanax to help with my social anxiety. I still have some bad days but not h3ll days. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I'm very proud of my sobriety. My life feels normal now, I feel better than I ever have, like I have control again over my emotions. I'm not swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other. So, good for you on getting something to help. It really saved my life. ((hugs))

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KITT52 4/4/2013 8:23AM

    mental health issues are complex....hope the medication helps get your life back to a normal stage....good luck

HUGS

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EJOY-EVELYN 4/4/2013 7:55AM

    I enjoyed reading your blog and the advice of others, as I know people with depression, nearly married (I was too young, and he was in denial) a bipolar person, and strive to better understand the difficulties involved with depression. May you find your groove through all the changes. I pray that these transitions go more smoothly for you. You have lots of friends here who may worry, care and love you. Hug, hug! -- Evelyn

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JPGSMOM 4/4/2013 7:28AM

    You have to do what's right for you. You are the only one who really knows how much pain you are in. It's true that depression affects not only you, but those around you as well, but don't mistake other's not fully understanding what you are going through as the same thing as not being supportive. Just trust that those who love you want what is best for you even if they don't quite know how to give you what you may need right now. I think depression comes in many forms and it sounds like you have realized that you have had enough of that. I think meds/therapy do have their place to help you through something difficult. But know that your strenth lies within. You will find it again, and there is no shame in asking for/getting help along the way to find it. You've taken a step in the right direction by identifyin a situation in your life that you need help with. I think you are on the right track. Sending you support and love.... (And lots of hugs too!)
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1CRAZYDOG 4/3/2013 10:15PM

    jWell, true -- depression is difficult for sure for you to deal with and it DOES affect those around you. But as far as not getting help to feel better because it would be documented -- well, hmmm....I think you're making the RIGHt choice doing what it takes to feel better. I applaud you!

Truth be told, it is really impossible to understand all you feel and go thru if they haven't been in your shoes. BUT that's not an excuse for at least being understanding.

HUGS and happy to hear the fog is lifting. That's a good start!

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OPTIMIST1948 4/3/2013 7:39PM

    I was depressed for a long time when I lost my job. I would scrape myself together to get my son off to preschool. Then I would come home and sit on the sofa and cry for 3 hours. Or I would cry while cleaning the house because you cant sit on the sofa forever - those dishes arent going to do themselves ya know - then I would scrape myself back together in time to pick him up. Trust me: Those of us who have struggled, know what a black pit depression can be. Good for you for getting professional help.

Comment edited on: 4/3/2013 7:40:33 PM

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PARKERB2 4/3/2013 7:32PM

    The concepts of depression and other mental illnesses are getting better. Good luck.

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It's your choice.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

It's funny how this journey never stops. I know, I know, all maintainers say that. This time I am learning this lesson. I maintained my weight loss for about a year and half and than gained 15 pounds back. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of defeat. In fact, I thought this was it, the end of my weight loss. I was going to gain ALL 100 pounds back. Than, I woke up. I woke up and realized I can either accept defeat or do something about it. I have never been one to sit around so I am trying to do something about it.

No, it's not easy. I am going through the struggles of weight loss all over again. You would think that would be overwhelming and frustrating. You would think I would be upset. But, I actually find it comforting. Like an old friend. Just because my fitness has gone on a vacation doesn't mean I have to. Like many other vacations, it's temporary and I make that choice.

This week I have been trying to get my workouts (swimming laps) in the morning. I noticed I do best if I can get them in first thing before work. I am even taking part in the Sparkpeople's Rise and Shine April Challenge. If I can get them in the morning, it helps me make healthy choices all day. I have also noticed I need food accountability so I have been tracking food. I haven't done this in a LONG time. It went well until today when I wanted Perkins and I didn't want to go healthy. Again, I had a choice. I could not track or be accountable to myself and track. It's not pretty but it's in my tracker.

In addition to that, I signed up for two 5Ks. One on April 20th and one in June. It's like my journey is starting over. But, again, remember it's not ending. I have my eye on a half marathon in the fall. Eventually, I want to get running consistently and to do it four times a week. Than after that, I want to aim for running 4-6 miles easily consistently. Maybe I don't need grand plans like a marathon but a small ones, like mileage, that I can work towards.

During this time of my journey, I am trying to remember.

The scale does not know all. The scale can make me lose motivation. (Like today.) I did not gain weight overnight and cannot lose weight overnight. It takes times.

Here's a takeaway for everyone.

This takes time. Enjoy the journey and embrace it! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 3/30/2013 5:27PM

    Sounds like you are back in action!!

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GODDREAMDIVA1 3/30/2013 5:14PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 3/30/2013 5:13PM

    It's all about changing as your journey changes . . . as your needs change. Flexibility. You have the courage to do that, are doing it, so that's the MOST important part of the journey.

You know we're all here for you, you know we've got your back and you're not alone. So, that's HUGELY important too.

HUGS, my dear, and Happy Easter to you!



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GEORGE815 3/30/2013 3:58PM

    Everyday is a new day to put in practice what you previously learned.

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