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Choose Your Hard

Thursday, February 28, 2013

On July 21, 2011, I stepped on the scale and saw the magical numbers 1-6-0. Since than, I have worked to maintain the scale at 160. Like many other people, I thought losing weight was the hard part and maintenance was a cake walk.

I am sure you have seen this poster before...

It is so true.

Being overweight and unhappy with yourself is hard. For me, I found when I was at my highest weight, my self esteem was the lowest. With low self esteem you doubt every move you make and never trust your own intuition.

Losing weight is hard. You have to keep pushing even if you are putting in 100%. And, if you stumble a little back, you have to get back on the horse and keep trying even if your friends and family are pushing you toward your old habits.

Maintaining is hard. You have to want your lifestyle even if there are no rewards. The rewards in my weight loss journey were getting compliments about my progress. That felt good. Now it's old news that I have lost 100 pounds. And, sometimes it like people have forgotten who I was in the beginning. I am still that person. I still love cupcakes and cookies. In this stage, I am finding it hard to continue to say no to all the things I have denied myself during the three years of losing weight loss.

I haven't weighed myself in almost a week. Last time, I was 172.2. I really do not think I want to see a number higher than that. I really need to turn this around and I want to do it before my anniversary date... July 21st. Ironically, I have 21 weeks to do it. It'd be awesome if I could be close to 150. Honestly, I am not sure if that is possible for me as I am too scared. Actually, scratch that goal. Let's go with a different goal. A less overwhelming goal.

By July 21st, I want to get back to who I was before my internship.
emoticon I want to eat clean. I want to eat almost no junk food.
emoticon I want to work out everyday with an "off" day before rare. Not the other way around.
emoticon I want to be training for a half marathon.
emoticon I want to be proud of myself and my goals that I am working toward.

If you are losing weight, remember everyone stumbles. Even the ones in their maintenance stage. If you are in the maintenance stage, keep up the great work!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MPLSKEN 2/28/2013 11:06PM

    You're right, all of the choices are hard. And, yes, maintaining is a beast! I completely agree about losing the consistent rewards (the slew of compliments that come during and for a while after losing a significant amount of weight). But, it's still so worth it (losing/maintaining). We just need to rely on ourselves a little more for the compliments once they scale down externally.
emoticon emoticon

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KITT52 2/28/2013 6:39PM

    I sure agree...I have been in the maintaining mode for over 3 years...I have gained a bit back, and have taken it off again...seems me and 10 pounds are on a roller coaster...I am on the down swing again....

just.. emoticon can do it, but it is hard work....

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GETFIT2LIVE 2/28/2013 6:35PM

    Maintenance is definitely hard; that's why so few people are able to maintain their weight loss for the long term. Don't let that scare you, though, let it motivate you to keep going. You can do this. Take it one step at a time and just keep pushing forward.

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RUNNER12COM 2/28/2013 6:27PM

    Even in your struggles... no, ESPECIALLY in your struggles, you are so motivating to the rest of us.

You got this.

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TYKXBOY 2/28/2013 2:58PM

    Absolutely agree 100%. Maintenance seemed like the easy part, but it's just as hard as losing the weight. Just with different hard things. Great blog!

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1CRAZYDOG 2/28/2013 2:29PM

    You go, Savannah! You can do this. You are sooooooo right when you say you have to choose your hard. NOT easy . . . it IS hard! But the deal is, together we can do it. Right!?!

HUGS Hold that head up high. You're on the path, sweetie. THAT'S the way to do it.

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-POOKIE- 2/28/2013 1:42PM

    Excellent blog.

I agree, the cheering on was a help, albeit superficial, heck, vain even... but who cared when it helped?

I need to knuckle down as well. We got this!

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FCARMICH 2/28/2013 12:59PM

  be good to you

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NATPLUMMER 2/28/2013 12:58PM

    You've got this!!! emoticon

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SOXYINMO 2/28/2013 12:57PM

    Big hugs! Yep. Maintenance is a lot trickier than I ever imagined! But you can do this! You've set some good, solid, OBTAINABLE goals, and you know that's half the battle!

Be good to yourself, you are worth every minute you spend on you!

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FIT_DAISHA 2/28/2013 12:53PM

    You can do it! emoticon

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CATSPANK 2/28/2013 12:47PM

    emoticon You can do it! 100 pounds gone, wow, I can only imagine the joy. Well done!

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RENATARUNS 2/28/2013 12:46PM

    Those first two, with the addition of keeping portion sizes reasonable, are my only goals. They're the only ones I want. It's when other ones start clogging my head that I start getting scared. You can do it.

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INSPIRATIONAL3 2/28/2013 12:42PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Scratch that... I need a challenge.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Today, I was giving plasma when I started up a conversation with the staff, who was an LPN. I have been thinking about going back to school for a long time. We discussed the differences between an CNA, LPN, and RN. They sure sound like viable careers for me and something I would like. She said it can be challenge. My response was: "I need a challenge." Than, I thought about it. That is what I need in life right now.. a challenge.

This week I have gotten really down.. the most down I have been for a very long time... because it has felt suddenly my life has no direction but dead end jobs. I didn't go to college for dead end jobs. When I graduated college, I was excited for my future. I *thought* I was going to get a full time job in my field than had the realization there are near no jobs in my field that I qualify for. I kept asking myself, "Now what?".

The idea of nursing kept arising. I could start in an assisted living place, and get my CNA. From there, go to LPN and RN, if and when I wanted to. Than, when I was ready, I could settle into the health education as an RN. Essentially, I felt I was looking at a lifetime career that I would hopefully like. I don't know if I will like it but only one way to find out... to get the education and go for it.

I would have to figure out how to juggle my jobs, nursing classes, and my significant other... but.. you know what? I think I am ready for the challenge!

So, Monday, rather Tuesday (which I have off), I have a couple things on my To Do List. Call on all the jobs and applied to.. and call admissions and get information about potential nursing programs (and their waiting lists)!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OPTIMIST1948 2/23/2013 4:01AM

    Lood guck!

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NATPLUMMER 2/17/2013 10:19AM


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MYLADY4 2/16/2013 11:53AM

    Good for you!!!!!

Is there a tech school up there that has a nursing program? My daughter is in one down here and it is was less expensive than the college and getting way more hands on experiance too. She really likes it.

Can wait to here more!

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1CRAZYDOG 2/16/2013 10:24AM

    Bustin' my buttons proud of you honey! I think you'd be a great nurse . . . you have a huge, caring heart. For sure.

The one thing I have learned is this . . . not matter what, you will ALWAYS be well served by the things you learn in nursing school. The more you know about your body and how to take care of yourself, the better. You have a great start with the knowledge you already have.

I am excited for you. HUGELY. One step-at-a-time. You can do it.

HUGS HUGS HUGS! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DJ9ERS 2/16/2013 9:30AM

    Sounds like a good plan. That's what my wife did.

She on the home stretch of her RN degree from CSS, and works at an assisted living place part time.

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HDHAWK 2/16/2013 9:24AM

    Good for you. My daughter is a nurse and has her BSN. She's taking online classes now to get her masters. You can do it!

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PURPLESPEDCOW 2/16/2013 8:03AM

    This sounds like a plan! I like it. You deserve it.....and you might find that nursing is the right place for you. I really believe everyone has a place in this world and it sounds like you are excited about finding yours!

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SHERYLDS 2/16/2013 1:20AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I'm thrilled to pieces for you
I think that's terrific news.....GO FOR IT

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I need a pick me up.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Ever woke up one day and realized you didn't know who you were anymore?

I feel like that person. One moment, I was the girl that lost 100 pounds, trained for half marathons, loved eating healthy, and in the best shape I have been in ever. People said, "She's going places."

Since graduation, I feel I haven't gone anywhere, done anything. I still am the same part time job and do not qualify for any jobs out there. I would like to go back to college for an RN but I cannot afford it. All my accomplishments (weight loss, races) are things I have done in the last five years. Nothing in the six months, recent. My last race was in July. I thought about training for a full marathon. But the voice inside me says, "You can't. Look at your last attempt. You failed. You fail all the time." I know I need to do it because I need to believe in ME again. I just don't feel like I do anymore.

I know I am still the girl with the phoenix tattoo but feel I'm fading.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 2/13/2013 11:35AM


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1CRAZYDOG 2/13/2013 11:08AM

    Dear Savannah:

You talked about getting a waitressing job -- have you looked into that? It would be at least something temporary, help you replenish your $$$ and you can begin to save if you want to go back to school as an RN. Have you looked into any jobs @ a local hospital? At least you'd be in the hospital atmosphere and see if you like it. How about cardiac rehab? With your degree, you might be able to do that.

It is tough, my dear, but don't give up and don't sell yourself short! You HAVE accomplished much, and are destined to accomplish much more.

Hang in there.


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AEROBISAURUS 2/13/2013 8:52AM

    The biggest mistake you could ever make is being too afraid to make one. emoticon

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PMRUNNER 2/13/2013 7:44AM

    Don't listen to the naysayers! (Even if they are coming from you)

So there are a few things that you tried and it didn't work the first time? Sometimes we trip and stumble on the path to success. Sometimes it takes starting over to get it right. There is greatness inside you, even if you falter and fail along the way. The choice is how you face those obstacles. You could crumble (but you won't!) or you can use challenges to build strength, perseverance and character!

Look at how many things you tried and accomplished! Know that if you focus and stick to it, you can do anything you set out to do.

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TINAJANE76 2/13/2013 5:46AM

    Hang in there! Like 4A-HEALTHY-BMI said, you've already overcome tremendous odds and you just need to work your way out of this funk and keep on going. Most of us have been there at some point and it is possible even if you're feeling down on yourself right now. You can do this!

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SPIRALDOWN 2/12/2013 10:09PM

    chin up and focus. you can do anything you set your mind to

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GETSTRONGRRR 2/12/2013 10:04PM

    Yeah those voices never really go away....we just need to listen to the other voices that talk louder, the ones that say, "I did this, I can do even more!"

For 4 months after I ran my first marathon (at age 48), I relaxed & took it easy. It wasn't long before I could hardly run 5 miles without getting winded! The only way I could get back on track was to pick a target date and register for another marathon (I put $100 on my credit card!), then tell all my friends I was going to run another marathon....that got me back on track....a goal, money, and peer pressure!

It's easy to start berating yourself saying, "What have I done lately"....the road back is accomplished with baby steps & consistency....just like you did when you eked out every step during your HM

Good luck!

Comment edited on: 2/12/2013 10:05:35 PM

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SHERYLDS 2/12/2013 9:58PM

    you can't say you fail all the time,
look at everything you've done.
focus on how to make your dreams happen...even if you have to make sacrifices. And Since when does a marathon define who you are and what you can do?
The only thing you have to do, is try SOMETHING you haven't done before. The past does not define what you can do.
Be the Phoenix. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/12/2013 9:58:41 PM

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/12/2013 9:54PM

    For the weight loss, it's time to focus on maintaining for the next month. then six months. According to your data on the maintainer list, you've got less than six months to go before your 2-year maintenance anniversary.

That is a BIG DEAL. See these stats:

- The likelihood of regaining weight when you reach goal is 80% - 95%.
- When you've maintained for 2 years the likelihood of regain drops to 50%.*
- When you've maintained for 5 years the likelihood of regain drops to 27%!*

If you can just maintain until July 21, you'll have beaten tremendous odds...


So you see, getting to your weight loss goal was just the beginning. Now you're on your way to actually making it stick and THAT is a huge accomplishment.

For the other things, yes goal setting can be helpful too. But I'll restrict myself to the topic I'm most comfortable with, here.

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Sunday, February 10, 2013

Do you know that moment when you thought you were fine than BAM! you realize you are far, far from fine? I had one of those yesterday.

On Saturday, it felt like a miracle that I finally stopped crying from my Grandma's passing. After the wake and funeral, it felt like it just would not stop. I even told work on Friday it would be best if I did not come in because I don't think it would be a good representative of the company for new prospects.

When Saturday came along, I was exhausted but was able to go to work. On the way home, I stopped at the grocery store for some fruit. On a whim, I got cheese puffs. By the time, I got home the bag was nearly empty! Mind you, that was just across town.

I think it's safe to say I am mad at myself. I know better. I guess I thought it was safe. Far from it! I think I just bottled my emotions up and when I do that I emotional eat. Moral of the story is it is better to deal with emotions than try to be strong and bottle them up inside.

My grandma was so proud of me for losing the 100 pounds and for keeping it off. For some reason, it seemed she wanted us grandchildren to lose weight and be skinny. Now that I am older (and wiser), I think it was because life seems to be easier for the skinny. Mind you, it really isn't.. just seems that way. Anyhow, she wanted the best for us girls.

Not only was she proud of me for losing weight, she was really proud of my running. At the funeral, my grandpa's daughter (someone I met that day because the two sides of the family never mingled) could identify me as the granddaughter who lost weight or runs half marathons. Mind you, I just met this woman so it showed me how proud my Grandma was of me.

My Grandma came to one of my half marathons. A gift I was given. She was going to come to my race when I was planning do the full marathon but I didn't run last year.

I was going to run today but between seeing my fat roll spill over my running pants and these emotions being very close to the surface, I decided to go home. This year, my goal is to the Whistlestop Half Marathon in October. I might do it in memory of her. I might find a few 5Ks with the fundraising going towards heart disease and do them in her memory.

She died from having an aneurysm at the age of 72. So young.. really. She had so much more life to live. Much like the rest of the family, I was not ready for her to pass on.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

-POOKIE- 2/11/2013 1:56PM

    We are dealing with my fiancÚ's Grandad passing on the 1st.

Grief is so hard, but time really does have to help

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GETFIT2LIVE 2/11/2013 1:34AM

    Grief is a strange thing; you can be going along, thinking you're doing well, then out of nowhere it seems the flood of emotions is overwhelming. I am so sorry for your loss; choosing some races to run in memory of your grandma seems like a wonderful way to both work through your emotions and to honor her for being so proud of you.


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1CRAZYDOG 2/10/2013 8:55PM

    so sorry sweetie for your loss. That is so wonderful to know how proud your Grandma was of you! I think doing a run, no matter the length, in her honor would be really wonderful.


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NATPLUMMER 2/10/2013 5:02PM


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GAYLEP67 2/10/2013 2:42PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your Grandmother was most certainly proud of you - you sound like you've accomplished a lot. Take time to grieve your loss. Everyone grieves differently and everyone needs time to heal. I lost my Dad very suddenly in October at the age of 81 (a day after his birthday). I definitely wasn't ready for that but I'm learning to cope with my loss and it gets a little easier every day. I think running the half marathon in your Grandmother's memory would be a lovely tribute to her. She will be there with you - guaranteed. Take things one day at a time...

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SNOWFILLY 2/10/2013 2:17PM

    Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. I feel so bad for you, but you know I got the feeling that you made your Gramma so happy, and she was so proud of you!!! I really feel that whenever you run, in a race or just by yourself, your Gramma will be smiling. Hugs

Don't forget - you are AWESOME!!!!!

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EJOY-EVELYN 2/10/2013 2:15PM

    So sorry to hear about the flood of emotions that resulted from the loss of such a dear loved one. Only you (or God in you) can bring you back into the realization that healthy living is really where you want to be. May the desire to be kind to your temple (body) be ever present as you continue to aspire to the short and long-term goals you have for your future. Prayers of healing as you are flooded with love for your gramma. Visualize what healing and success looks like, then take steps towards that -- nothing wrong with baby steps. You are forgiven and loved. Hug, hug -- Evelyn

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SPARKCHANTAL 2/10/2013 2:10PM

    oh crazy, my heart-felt condolences.
it's always too early.
hope you get back on track in due time.

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Power of Words

Friday, February 01, 2013

The impact of words are be remarkable.

When I was younger, it was a boy tearing me down because my low esteem was an easy target. Today, it was a spark friend saying the right words. This friend and I stay in contact through email. Part of her email her said: Be kind to yourself. This is great advice on any day, really. But today it was really insightful to who I am and what I was going through.

Basically, my Grandma has been in the hospital for the last week and half she has been in the hospital. It started because she had an aneurism in her heart and recently turned for the worse. The worse was her heart stopped twice and was in a coma. This morning she passed away when she was taken off life support. It was a shock to the system.

With that said, it would have been easy to binge on comforts foods such as pizza, ice cream and chocolate cakes. But, I keep remembering Barb's words that I should be kind to myself. I didn't do perfect but I did alright. Hope I can remember her words for the rest of the week.

So, if someone is going through something - there are alot of somethings out there - remember you can help them through the world wide web with the power of words.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 2/2/2013 10:11PM

  Hi Savannah........
My Grandma was my best friend. Even though she died several years ago, I still miss her. Whenever I am with Elizabeth, I hope that I am being as good a grandmother to her as my Grandma was to me. She certainly set the bar high!!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong and remember that she will ALWAYS be with you in your memories of her.

Comment edited on: 2/3/2013 3:00:12 PM

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KANOE10 2/2/2013 11:37AM

    emoticon I am sorry about your grandma. Your good friend was right. Try to be kind to yourself during this hard time.

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RUNNER12COM 2/2/2013 10:02AM

    "Be kind to yourself."

Such wise words.

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JPGSMOM 2/2/2013 9:54AM

    My heart is with you Savannah, and am feeling your pain.
emoticon emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 2/2/2013 9:07AM


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KITT52 2/2/2013 8:50AM

    sorry for your loss....
find other things that comfort you about your grandmother, a favorite picture, card ....and find a family memeber to hug and hold durning these sad times.....

and of course be kind to yourself

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BROOKLYN_BORN 2/2/2013 7:47AM

    May you hear and remember all the positive words to get you through the tough times. My mother went in for a simple surgery, suffered a stroke, lapsed into a coma and died. It was 2 years ago Thursday.
Take care of yourself.

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TORTISE110 2/2/2013 7:35AM

    No matter how expected, I think losing someone close to us is what you say, "a shock." What an important time to say the BEST words to yourself. Sending thoughts and a hug. I hope this is a gentle time for you, as well as a sad one.


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SHELL_G 2/2/2013 1:45AM

    It is so hard to lose a Grandparent. My deepest sympathies emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 2/1/2013 9:58PM

    Awwww, Savannah. I am glad that my words could help you. There are just so many times when we can't handle it on our own. And I've had plenty of those times in my life for sure.

This is a tough time for you and allow yourself to grieve. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Remember the wonderful times you had with your Grandma. They're treasures.


Barb emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLDS 2/1/2013 9:44PM

    thinking of you Savannah....stay strong my friend emoticon

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MYLADY4 2/1/2013 9:40PM

    So true, words can be very powerful, both good and bad.

Hang in there through this tough time.


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