Sunday, February 10, 2013
Do you know that moment when you thought you were fine than BAM! you realize you are far, far from fine? I had one of those yesterday.
On Saturday, it felt like a miracle that I finally stopped crying from my Grandma's passing. After the wake and funeral, it felt like it just would not stop. I even told work on Friday it would be best if I did not come in because I don't think it would be a good representative of the company for new prospects.
When Saturday came along, I was exhausted but was able to go to work. On the way home, I stopped at the grocery store for some fruit. On a whim, I got cheese puffs. By the time, I got home the bag was nearly empty! Mind you, that was just across town.
I think it's safe to say I am mad at myself. I know better. I guess I thought it was safe. Far from it! I think I just bottled my emotions up and when I do that I emotional eat. Moral of the story is it is better to deal with emotions than try to be strong and bottle them up inside.
My grandma was so proud of me for losing the 100 pounds and for keeping it off. For some reason, it seemed she wanted us grandchildren to lose weight and be skinny. Now that I am older (and wiser), I think it was because life seems to be easier for the skinny. Mind you, it really isn't.. just seems that way. Anyhow, she wanted the best for us girls.
Not only was she proud of me for losing weight, she was really proud of my running. At the funeral, my grandpa's daughter (someone I met that day because the two sides of the family never mingled) could identify me as the granddaughter who lost weight or runs half marathons. Mind you, I just met this woman so it showed me how proud my Grandma was of me.
My Grandma came to one of my half marathons. A gift I was given. She was going to come to my race when I was planning do the full marathon but I didn't run last year.
I was going to run today but between seeing my fat roll spill over my running pants and these emotions being very close to the surface, I decided to go home. This year, my goal is to the Whistlestop Half Marathon in October. I might do it in memory of her. I might find a few 5Ks with the fundraising going towards heart disease and do them in her memory.
She died from having an aneurysm at the age of 72. So young.. really. She had so much more life to live. Much like the rest of the family, I was not ready for her to pass on.
Friday, February 01, 2013
The impact of words are be remarkable.
When I was younger, it was a boy tearing me down because my low esteem was an easy target. Today, it was a spark friend saying the right words. This friend and I stay in contact through email. Part of her email her said: Be kind to yourself. This is great advice on any day, really. But today it was really insightful to who I am and what I was going through.
Basically, my Grandma has been in the hospital for the last week and half she has been in the hospital. It started because she had an aneurism in her heart and recently turned for the worse. The worse was her heart stopped twice and was in a coma. This morning she passed away when she was taken off life support. It was a shock to the system.
With that said, it would have been easy to binge on comforts foods such as pizza, ice cream and chocolate cakes. But, I keep remembering Barb's words that I should be kind to myself. I didn't do perfect but I did alright. Hope I can remember her words for the rest of the week.
So, if someone is going through something - there are alot of somethings out there - remember you can help them through the world wide web with the power of words.
Monday, January 28, 2013
A year ago, I would have felt guilty for 'binging' in times of stress. Even last month, I would have beat myself up. This week, I am determined not to tear myself apart. I have stress in my life (who doesn't?!) and as sad as it is, eating is a coping mechanism. There you go, I binged.
Now, I am moving on.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Lately, I have felt so down and disappointed with my fitness level. I used to have great, toned muscles. Now, I just feel soft. Like my muscles ran away. I want to run Bjorklund Half Marathon but have detrained so much that I can only do about 2 miles right now. I am afraid if I train that my time won't be as good as it could be and I will be looked down at. I work at the Y and people would know I would be running it. It's like they'd look at me like, "Oooh, you're that slow." Part of the reason I'd want to do is to meet and run with the sparkers. I don't want them to think I am "slow" neither. It will be great to meet Robert, Nicholas, John and Coach Nancy. I don't think they will care if I am slow but I will. I want to be best I can be. In addition to that, I could train with a running group but they meet at 5:30 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Saturday morning. I am not sure what my work schedule will be with the next position in my schedule. Would hate to sign up and than miss the majority of the runs. That'd be a waste of money. Also, I do best with runs in the morning. The pull for the running group is being accountable for the training to a group of people and having more people I know to run with during the race. The more people, the more merrier! Bjorklund Half Marathon entry is not a guarantee as it is a lottery.
Friday, January 18, 2013
You may be wondering.. "Why does TCM update her personal life on here? It has nothing to do with weight loss."
Actually, it has everything to do with it. I have found the more stressful I am about my personal life, I tend to take it out on my health. If I have the time, I work out and/or blog. It helps relieve the stress. If I don't have time, I eat my stress. That's just a bad road to go down for me.
Anyhow, I came to update you about my life.
I found an apartment and moved into it a few weeks ago. Just a couple days ago, I learned that the roommate I replaced is actually studying abroad. I will be moving this summer. *sigh* To say the least, I was really disappointed. I like this little apartment even with the little things wrong with it. Since than, I have been keeping an eye on the apartment market. In May, I will seriously start looking for an apartment opening up in June.
Besides that, I got the part time job that I applied for in where I sell Y memberships. I am pretty excited about that. Monday we will be meeting to discuss schedules. Hopefully, I can get a few training shifts before the end of January. It would help cushions things in February.
Tonight I will be going rollerskating with my boyfriend, and his sister's family. This shall be interesting. I have never did this but apparently it's easy. If nothing else, his 5 (?) year old niece can teach me!
Tomorrow my boyfriend and I head a couple hours south to go to my best friend from High School's wedding. It should be interesting. On Sunday, I will be stopping by to see a couple family members --- my grandparents and Laura (a cousin's wife and Sparkfriend). It will great to see them!
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