Wednesday, October 10, 2012
For about three years while I was losing 100 pounds, I was able to fight the monster of emotional eating. In recent months, I have been failing miserably. So much so that I have gained about 10 pounds. But, honestly, it's not about the weight gain. It's more about how at the end of day, more often than not, I eat and eat and eat uncontrollably. It's scary to lose control.
I have tried tracking but that's not working. I limit my food than I find I am not eating enough throughout the day. Most days, when I was trying to watch I eat, I was around 1000 calories at 4:00 pm. That doesn't seem like enough calories, doesn't it? I even reached out to my counselor. She suggested tracking. Also, she suggested breaking food up. But, I still get this insane panic inside me.
So, what am I so emotional and stressed about, anyhow? In just a few months, I am graduating. I have no idea where I am going to work nor where I am going to live. I don't have enough money for a deposit either.
With all this going on, I feel like I have lost my spark for fitness. I am tired of trying to lose weight. I am tired of trying to have time to work out. I am tired of trying to sweat.
Any advice for me?
Thursday, September 27, 2012
After writing my most recent blog, I did more thinking about BMI and body fat percentage. I even found a formula from my personal training resources to determine what body fat percentage I should be at. It turns out that no matter how I focus on it, I should be near one number... 145. If I was a 145, I would have at a healthy BMI and a healthy body fat percentage in theory.
To get to my goal, I think I am going to try to focus on strength train one muscle group four days a week. This would be a different approach to strength training but maybe what I need to mix it all up for me! If you do this, I would love to hear which muscle groups you focus on each day to prevent overtraining and injury!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Today I went to Weight Watchers to inquire about a job there. I have lost 100 pounds and like helping people reach their health and fitness goals. Basically, they told me I had to do two things.
1. Be part of their program, reach and maintain my goal for 6 weeks.
2. Be at a BMI of 25. (For my height, that is around 145.)
Putting aside the fact I have gained 7 pounds, I am pretty happy at 160. The conversation with the district manager for WW really gave me something to think about. I am not sure if I WANT to lose 20#. No, wait. I am not sure if I have the motivation to put the energy into it like I did before. When I reached my goal of losing 100 pounds, I was exhausted and tired of trying to lose weight. I was ready to be done!
Than, there is the fact I would have to pay $35.95 for the first month than $42.95 for the following months. This fee includes weekly meetings, the point system, and an online community. Why should/would I pay for this if I have Sparkpeople for FREE?
Let's be honest! IF I was tracking my food and fitness, I would be losing weight. That brings me to my next thought. Maybe it is time to let go that I lost 100 pounds. My page is an inspiration to others to do what I did but it is not really motivation for myself like it has been in the past!
With that in mind, maybe it is time to revamp my page and focus on a goal of 20 pounds. This means removing past progress photos. Maybe putting them in a file on the computer for safe keeping. I do have my photos in places besides Sparkpeople, of course! The thing is I know if I started to focus on 1 pound a week (very reasonable!), I could be 155 by New Year's Day! That is a 12 pound loss from what I am today! My boyfriend did say he would help me. He really is supportive!
And, if you are curious, I am still fighting the battle of wanting to store all my food away for winter, like a squirrel and their nuts!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
In the last couple weeks, I have gotten up to 168. Years ago, when I was 260, this would have been a dream weight. Now, it feels like I am failing at maintaining and heading back to 260-ville.
Even through I know I cannot gain 100 pounds overnight, I felt I was losing control of my eating. That is a scary on so many levels. It wasn't until I opened up to my boyfriend about the real issue at hand, I actually was more in control.
I talked to him about how I feel a sincere fear that if I do not eat all the food at any given moment, that there will not be any food for me later to eat. This comes from two different regular situations.
1. I am a college student with very little money. Sometimes I worry how I am going to eat for x-amount days because I won't have vegetables, meat or pasta. It is scary feeling.
2. My family likes to eat. So, when there is a food that tastes really good, it is gone almost immediately. In the beginning of my weight loss, I used it to my advantage. I knew if I resisted just long enough, the tempting item (i.e. doughnut) would be gone and I wouldn't have to worry. Now, if I want to work a treat in my daily nutrition, I need to hide it. If I don't, someone will eat it on me. My niece learned this lesson as soon as she learned to talk. She started hiding her food as well. If I do not hide it, I eat extra portions because I know it's the last time I will have access to it.
These aren't pretty reasons but they are the reasons I have been able to identify. As I was wrestling with them, I told to my boyfriend about it. He was quite sweet about it and told me he would give me some of his food. The thing is I know when he was growing up he had to fight for food during foster care which he would later share with his sisters. Now, he is willing to do the same for me. That takes a very selfless person.
Putting that aside, I really admire my boyfriend's eating habits. He will put down a half ate piece of pie or cookie returning to it ten minutes later. That is admirable to me because I have to gobble mine up in seconds.
Lately, I have been buying food even through I don't necessarily need it. It is because I know money is going to run out soon and will need food. My boyfriend pointed out that I am nesting. I guess he is right. I am basically stocking up for poorer times.
Anyhow, this is my fear of having no food.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Most of you know I am dating someone. Not really a news flash. Well, Mark's mom is slow and has diabetes. He lives with her and takes care of her. He tries to make sure she eats right. Since he moved in with her a year ago, he got her blood levels to start climbing down from 500. She is supposed to be around 110 for her age.
Well, yesterday us three went to a church picnic. It has donuts, cookies, pies, cheesecake, pasta salad... not a good place for someone with diabetes. We all ate things we should have not ate especially myself.
After the picnic, I went to work out. Mark and his mom came with me. Before we went, I got his mom to check her blood. It was 380s. When we came back, I got her to check it again 190s. That was the lowest it has been at.
This was a twice fold victory. One she doesn't like to check her blood even once a day. And, it was at the lowest for a really long time!
So, even through I gained 10# from my goal weight, not a good feeling at all, it IS a real good feeling to know I am helping them by leading by example of a healthy lifestyle. This is what I really enjoy doing... helping people change their lifestyle so they can enjoy life better.
Health is precious. At the picnic, we listened to person after person ask to be prayed for their health. Some had some serious health conditions that has no cure like Graves disease, cancers, leukemia. Take care of YOU! We have only ONE body for the time we are here on earth!
So, if you are procrastinating on going to the gym, GO! Go to the gym because you need to be healthy for you, your children, your grandchildren.
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