Sunday, October 21, 2012
I think I need to vent about life. I am just stressed about everything.
My internship and whether they will keep me.
Finding a place to live after graduation.
Saving money for a deposit for housing.
Gaining 10# of weight over my goal weight which I maintained already for a year.
I try to worry about one thing than another and another and another pops in and now I am in tears but I have no idea what my future will be in like two months.
I thought if I can work just one more shift at work than I could just maybe save enough money for a deposit. My boss was scheduling me twice a week. Now she has me scheduled even less. Never mind, a deposit, I now have to figure out how in the world I am going have enough money for gas and food. I have even looked into food stamps and got denied because I do not work enough paid hours. My internship is approximately 40 hours a week unpaid. Right now the plan is to give plasma and train as much as I can to save money. I might start a small dog walking business... it's a thought.
But, the questions are always...
What IF I don't save enough money for a deposit and let down my friend who I am supposed to getting an apartment with?
What IF I don't get enough hours in January to pay for rent?
My boyfriend says I could move in with him and his mom. But, I don't feel comfortable with that because they live in low income. I don't want to get them in trouble. A co-worker has offered him her extra bed at her house. Members at the Y have offered to let me stay at her homes as well.
But, are they serious? Or are they being just nice? Most of them only know me in the Y setting. Maybe I am a messy person or or rude or something on those lines..
And, back to what if I don't get enough hours. My boss says she wants me to teach Silver Sneakers but that is taught at 9 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. If I need to, how will I get another job with that one hour in the middle of the day? And, there was talk about a position as a Silver Sneakers Coordinator position but are they serious?
Alot of people talk and I don't know how seriously exactly they are... and this is my future.. my life.
Anyhow, thanks for listening. It was either telling you, a friend, or crying or both that relieved a little bit of stress.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Okay, let's keep this short and simple.
I have gained 7#.
I feel soft again. Like no toned muscles.
I feel out of shape.
Time to get fit!
But I need help.
I reached out to a maintenance team and they said the challenges are all over the place. I am mainly active on two teams - a half marathon team and a maintenance team. Neither have the focus of weight loss.
So, I am asking YOU.
What is your favorite team?
Is it active?
Are the challenges more than logging my weight?
What is your favorite challenge on the team?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
For about three years while I was losing 100 pounds, I was able to fight the monster of emotional eating. In recent months, I have been failing miserably. So much so that I have gained about 10 pounds. But, honestly, it's not about the weight gain. It's more about how at the end of day, more often than not, I eat and eat and eat uncontrollably. It's scary to lose control.
I have tried tracking but that's not working. I limit my food than I find I am not eating enough throughout the day. Most days, when I was trying to watch I eat, I was around 1000 calories at 4:00 pm. That doesn't seem like enough calories, doesn't it? I even reached out to my counselor. She suggested tracking. Also, she suggested breaking food up. But, I still get this insane panic inside me.
So, what am I so emotional and stressed about, anyhow? In just a few months, I am graduating. I have no idea where I am going to work nor where I am going to live. I don't have enough money for a deposit either.
With all this going on, I feel like I have lost my spark for fitness. I am tired of trying to lose weight. I am tired of trying to have time to work out. I am tired of trying to sweat.
Any advice for me?
Thursday, September 27, 2012
After writing my most recent blog, I did more thinking about BMI and body fat percentage. I even found a formula from my personal training resources to determine what body fat percentage I should be at. It turns out that no matter how I focus on it, I should be near one number... 145. If I was a 145, I would have at a healthy BMI and a healthy body fat percentage in theory.
To get to my goal, I think I am going to try to focus on strength train one muscle group four days a week. This would be a different approach to strength training but maybe what I need to mix it all up for me! If you do this, I would love to hear which muscle groups you focus on each day to prevent overtraining and injury!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Today I went to Weight Watchers to inquire about a job there. I have lost 100 pounds and like helping people reach their health and fitness goals. Basically, they told me I had to do two things.
1. Be part of their program, reach and maintain my goal for 6 weeks.
2. Be at a BMI of 25. (For my height, that is around 145.)
Putting aside the fact I have gained 7 pounds, I am pretty happy at 160. The conversation with the district manager for WW really gave me something to think about. I am not sure if I WANT to lose 20#. No, wait. I am not sure if I have the motivation to put the energy into it like I did before. When I reached my goal of losing 100 pounds, I was exhausted and tired of trying to lose weight. I was ready to be done!
Than, there is the fact I would have to pay $35.95 for the first month than $42.95 for the following months. This fee includes weekly meetings, the point system, and an online community. Why should/would I pay for this if I have Sparkpeople for FREE?
Let's be honest! IF I was tracking my food and fitness, I would be losing weight. That brings me to my next thought. Maybe it is time to let go that I lost 100 pounds. My page is an inspiration to others to do what I did but it is not really motivation for myself like it has been in the past!
With that in mind, maybe it is time to revamp my page and focus on a goal of 20 pounds. This means removing past progress photos. Maybe putting them in a file on the computer for safe keeping. I do have my photos in places besides Sparkpeople, of course! The thing is I know if I started to focus on 1 pound a week (very reasonable!), I could be 155 by New Year's Day! That is a 12 pound loss from what I am today! My boyfriend did say he would help me. He really is supportive!
And, if you are curious, I am still fighting the battle of wanting to store all my food away for winter, like a squirrel and their nuts!
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