THECRAZYMANGO   31,466
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Guilt

Friday, August 17, 2012

A new mother feels guilt when she has her first born and has less time for herself. I have been experiencing the same kind of guilt with my work outs.

If I work out before my internships, I feel that I should putting hours into internship. My boss lets me set my own hours but I always feel like I should be doing more. Like, I am not doing enough and getting enough done efficiently. She has never said anything but I want to do a great job.

If I work out after work, I feel guilty that I am working out and putting off meeting up with my boyfriend. Now, don't get me wrong, he supports me and working out. Even today when I forgot my water bottle and had to stop by his house quickly to grab it. He filled it with ice cold water and ice cubes so I could have ice cold water for my workout. What a sweetie! I just feel bad that I come over to his house at like 7 pm and I am so tired. This isn't a guilt he puts on me. He knows I have a busy schedule.

The guilt started to get to me so much that I considered breaking up with him. Not because of the guilt, but because I was feeling crunched for time all the time. Than, I started to pick at the little things. After some thought and consideration, I realized it wasn't the little things that were bothering me at all. I was just picking things. It was that I needed more space but yet I was not taking it. So, I need to try to take it more.

I started this morning. I left his house kinda early when he asked if I wanted tea. If I had tea, I would have stayed longer and never got my work out in. Than, I emailed my internship supervisor and let her know I was going to be in later. Than, I think the unthinkable.... I worked out. Even now, I keep checking the time because I know I should get to the internship even though I am working until 9 pm.

If you have any advice on dealing with guilt better than I am, I'd love to hear it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEAHOBI 8/18/2012 7:32AM

    Hello-

Honestly, Guilt and lack of time is why so many ladies become overweight once they find a partner; you know the whole gain weight after marriage thing. To be happy, you will have to find out what works best for you. I have had to really push myself to put me first; I need to workout. I also agree that having a schedule will make it easier. Good luck.

ps: I hope you don't give up on him; he seems like such a sweetie. :)

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PATRICIAANN46 8/17/2012 10:29PM

  Hi Savannah.........
I would definitely go with the "Planner Idea". If it is written down, it is usually done and done on time (at least that is how it works for me). Don't forget to put in some "ME" time though and don't let other things over-ride it. YOU are important and if you are stressed because of not enough "Me" time, then everything else seems to suffer. What I have also finally learned to do is to say "NO". You don't have to please everyone all of the time. I think that as you settle into your Internship, you will become better aware of what they expect of you and you will relax knowing that you are satisfying their requirements.
It will all work out. And by all means..........don't drop that sweetheart boyfriend!!!!! Ice water????? Keep him!!!
Have a great weekend.
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Patti

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1CRAZYDOG 8/17/2012 9:12PM

    The planner is an excellent solution. You definitely DO have to have me time and scheduling it will make it real!

You're lucky to have such a thoughtful guy! That's just sweet that he gave you ice and water in your water bottle! Honey, those are the things that make a good relationship!

Guilt . . . I think 1/2 my brain was occupied with guilt before I started Sparking due to being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. That was my cue to realize, for once and for all, that I had to make myself a priority or I wouldn't be around long enough to see my kids graduate, marry, have families and all the good stuff!

Take care of YOU.

HUGS,
Barb

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HDHAWK 8/17/2012 8:39PM

    You have to make yourself a priority or you won't be able to do any of the things you want to do. You're worth taking some time for you. Everyone needs it.

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OPTIMIST1948 8/17/2012 8:06PM

    Its hard because we expect so much of ourselves. I would say that you need to get yourself one of those hourly planners (dollar store! or there's got to be an app if youre a SmartPhone person) and actually BLOCK OFF TIME for each task. Workout from 7:30-8:30, shower change travel to work by 9. Work until 4pm, etc. etc. etc.

There is nothign wrong with planning time for yourself, and there is nothing wrong (commendable!) with wanting to do a good job at your internship. And its important to nurture our relationships, both romantic and friendly. Clean laundry and grocery store runs are important too. Sometimes, in order to get it all in, you need to just alocate the time and tell the other stresses to "butt out!" because its not their turn. Their turn is at XX Time.

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NATPLUMMER 8/17/2012 12:58PM

    It's hard to juggle everything. I think you need to be selfish with your "you time"...workouts. Take the time you need. If they had issues with you regarding your internship, they would tell you. Your boyfriend would also let you know...the fact that he will fill your water bottle for you means he's happy that you're working out.

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Perfect End to the Stressful Week!

Friday, August 10, 2012

I should be heading out to work out but I just had to update you about my life in the last few days.

First, I started my internship this week. Boy, that is way more stressful than I ever imagined it would be. I stress about getting the marketing items done in time. I stress that I am not going to get enough hours. I stress about when I am going to work out. I stress that I am not getting my work done efficiently. I took today off.. it was marvelous. I decided from now on that I am going to take at least one day off during the week, probably Wednesday, for my sanity! I think I am going to set my hours 8-3 than work out after work.

Moving on, I have been stressed about money majorly! Yesterday, I decided to get a quick work out in before I train my client. As I was working out, we saw each other and she came to chat with me. I mentioned I was stressed about money and wouldn't be getting paid until Wednesday. I, than, asked her to get me my phone out of my bag. Later, I found $30 in my bag. I don't carry cash with me at all!! I know she did it. And, I am very appreciative. It meant I could buy food I badly needed. I, also, could put gas in my tank. I wish I could thank her but I don't want to embarrass her. Like my boyfriend said, if she wanted an acknowledgement, she would have gave it to me directly.

At the beginning of summer, she hired me to fit into a dress for her birthday party. Today is that night! And, my boyfriend I are attending! I am SO excited and proud of her. She has worked hard! She really wanted to show her personal trainer (that's me!) off! So, this will be a new experience for me. I thought my journey was alot of fun and honestly, miss it often. But, I love being part of her journey and seeing her work hard at it. It's alot of fun!

Anyways, I better get working out! After that, I am training a different client than off to the birthday party. Afterwards, my boyfriend, Mark, and I are going to the movies in the park and watch Dolphin Tale. We will probably meet up with his family at the park! So excited!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 8/14/2012 12:30PM

    Awesome!!
I think the work plan sounds good...if you can get a weekday off, that is great.
That was really sweet that your client did that for you. I bet she'll get you some more work, too.

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MYLADY4 8/11/2012 11:50AM

    That was really sweet of her and she is probably so thankful that you got her in better shape then she was.

You are about to transition into the real world so hang on, it might get bumpy but you will make it.

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SHERYLDS 8/11/2012 8:28AM

    Have fun Savannah.
Glad things are working out for you.....
A sometimes a little stress is good, sharpens your ability to plan and organize your life...so you can get even more done

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OPTIMIST1948 8/11/2012 7:33AM

    Network, network, network! Get yourself some more clients so you can train more and earn more $$. Get your workouts in while your clients are also working. (Not as good as focusing 100% on yourself - but gotta burn off that stress somehow).

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1CRAZYDOG 8/11/2012 12:24AM

    Dear Savannah:

Way to go! Sounds like you indeed had a wonderful end to a stressful week!

Know you're in my thoughts. Been so goofy busy here, but lost of stress, too with John deploying to Afghanistan on Monday. UGH.

Hugs,
Barb

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PATRICIAANN46 8/10/2012 6:34PM

  Hi Savannah..........
I am sure that your stress will lessen as you become more familiar with your schedule and expectations. Starting something new is always stressful until you have done it for awhile. Your idea of taking Wednesdays off should help.
Have a great time tonight!!! It sounds like a great way to wind down.
emoticon
Patti

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Go Dirty Girl Mud Run

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Yesterday I completed the Go Dirty Girl mud run in Welch, Minnesota. I wish I could tell you had a blast and cannot wait to do it again. Honestly, that is not my story.

In the first half of the race, I got really bummed out. Everyone had a group. And, each group had either a team name or decked out in pink. I tried my best to have fun with my own company. It was hard. These girls were diving into mud puddles, embracing being muddy!

About half way through the course, the hardest obstacle presented itself. The Wall. I waited for about 20 minutes before I was staring at the wall in fear. The woman next to me could tell that I was terrified. She was like, "Ready?" Ah, no! We talked and I gave her permission to push me over the wall. Than, I climbed it. I scaled to the top than when I was sitting on the top of the wall, one leg on each side, I was terrified. I had no idea how in the world I was going to get down. There was no one to help me but ME. No family. No friends. No GDG staff. Just ME.

That is when I looked over to the girl that was next to me and asked her to talk me through it. She did. Eventually, I got down the wall to the safety of the ground. That is when I met my heros... the girl in the line and the girl that talked me through it. Apparently, both girls were part of the same group. After they learned I was doing it solo, they adopted me as part of their group. I hung with them through the rest of the obstacles. I realize I am some people's hero but these four girls are MY heros.

At the end, my brother in law and nephew was there waiting. So, in the end, I did have family there at the race! After taking a mud shot with a couple of the girls, we went to the gear pick up where it took at least 15 minutes to find my bag. I definitely was getting a bit panicky. Than, I stripped it off in the changing tent. At that point, I was grateful for my higher self confidence because I didn't care there were zillion women that I did not know. I wanted out of my muddy clothes... NOW! Than, we headed out. I am not sure if some of this mud will ever get off my feet or my finger nails.



So, am I glad I did it?

Definitely!

Am I going to do it again?

Probably not! It would have been more fun with people and I just am not one to get muddy. I think I will stick to running half marathons. I get a true sense of accomplishment from it, something I didn't get from this mud run.

So, what's next?

After a conversation with Robert, ON2VICTORY, I realized I am holding myself back from my own greatness. In fact, I am scared of where I can go. In searching for my internship, I had major companies interview me because of my impeccable experience on my resume. This was scary. I did not get these internships with Hilton Head Health or the Mayo Clinic. And, to be honest, I am relieved.

Anyhow, back to this conversation with Robert, I realized I am scared of my greatness and the places I can go. That is exactly why I did not push myself to do the full marathon. And, honestly, why I have quit pushing myself, in general. Right now, I have no real challenges in my life.

So, with this in mind, I am going to find myself a triathlon training plan and go for it. After making this decision, I got really energized, something I haven't been about exercise for weeks. This is something I can work towards and achieve. Also, I think it will make me a stronger runner while taking a break from running.

I told my boyfriend of my training plans and he told me "You go, girl!". It feels great to finally have a guy beside me cheering and supporting me in whatever I do. Maybe, I can get him into triathlons. He loves to bike and he is an awesome swimmer. I believe he was 3rd place on his swimming team in High School. So, he is going to teach me how to bike than I hope he can teach me to swim more efficiently. I have already informed him that he will be helping me with these skills. In addition to that, it was great to come home last night from my trip and both him and his mom had so much to tell me. They missed me! It was really wonderful!

So, even through I was disappointed that my family was not there for whatever the reasons, I was thankful that some strangers came through for me in strides! And, now, I have a new direction!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEAHOBI 8/7/2012 5:45AM

    emoticon

You did it :)

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PATRICIAANN46 8/6/2012 5:25PM

  Hi Savannah........
emoticon on going through this run. You overcame your fears and met new friends along the way. It is so great when you meet someone for the first time and they take you under their wing and help you in whatever way they can. It renews your faith in people and your self-confidence must be way up to know that you entered into all of this completely on your own.
You sound more like your old self. You have a new challenge to look forward to and someone by your side that is encouraging. It doesn't get much better than that.
emoticon
Patti

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GETFIT2LIVE 8/6/2012 4:10PM

    I am so proud of you for doing this solo, Savannah! Getting muddy is not my cup of tea either, honestly. I'm glad you pushed through and did it, even if it's something you probably won't do again; how great that those girls helped you through it. Hurray for the realization and for the new direction; I know you'll do awesome with a tri!

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RUNNER12COM 8/6/2012 1:29PM

    There's nothing you can't do. You are a rock star!

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PRETTYLILHEFFER 8/6/2012 8:48AM

    Man I am so sorry! I was BEGGING people to do this with me and had no takers, but I would have done it with you! Good job for going on your own and taking that race down! I'm glad you got over that wall!

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1CRAZYDOG 8/5/2012 9:47PM

    I am proud of you, sweetie! That's wonderful that you did this and overcame your fears . . . learned to ask for help, got it and succeeded! That's HUGE!

And for sure, it's good that you are now going to embrace the greatness within you. That's what it takes to succeed. Definitely.

HUGS to you and glad your boyfriend is supporting you! That's major too.

Barb

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NATPLUMMER 8/5/2012 9:41PM

    That is so great of them to help you through it :-)
I am so proud of you!!
You go, Savannah!! I can't wait to hear about the tri!!


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ONEKIDSMOM 8/5/2012 9:36PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Going to the races alone...

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Since I started running, I have had someone, a friend or a family member, at my races. They either supported me by running with me or photographing the new memory for me.

This weekend will be different.

This weekend, I will run Go Dirty Girl, an all girl mud run. It will be my FIRST mud run. Not only will I be doing it alone (everyone else has other obligations), I will be challenged with being muddy and ELEVEN different obstacles. The one I am most nervous about is climbing over a wall and climbing a net. Heights is not my friend, and I am very fearful of it.

To be honest, I think the hardest part of this race is not going to be the obstacles. It is going to be showing up and doing it alone. My sister is taking the kids up to my parents so they can watch the grandkids for a week. My other sister has to work. My boyfriend has to go to a funeral of a friend's mom. I am disappointed but yet I understand. I really wish someone, anyone, could be there with me. In the last year, I have forgone too many races than I'd like to admit because I didn't have anyone with me. But, yet, this experience will make me stronger, gain confidence and independence!

There will be no pictures to memorate this part of my journey but I hope to update you with a blog afterwards!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONEKIDSMOM 8/5/2012 4:35PM

    Thinking of you Savannah, as I will be doing the same for my next event: also a mud run. I'm doing it as a 10K, but since my son is deployed, and none of my sisters has volunteered... I'll be there solo.

Hope you did GREAT!

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PATRICIAANN46 8/3/2012 4:23PM

  Hi Savannah.........
You will do great..........and, like you said, it will increase your confidence and strength and independence.
We will be there with you........you just won't be able to see us. emoticon Our "Spirits" will be all over the place.

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FIREFLUTTERFLY 8/3/2012 1:55PM

    my second 5K was like that,I had no one there waiting at the end for me and then I had to walk home alone too.

I found it helped me to cheer others on when I got to the finish and even during the race.

you also might learn new things about yourself in this race, you aren't relying on someone to be there to cheer you on to the finish, you have to cheer yourself, it's really cool in a way. Hope it turns out to be an awesome race for you!!!

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NATPLUMMER 8/3/2012 11:03AM

    You will do great!! I will be there with you in spirit!!
emoticon

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SHERYLDS 8/3/2012 10:04AM

    We will be cheering you on in spirit emoticon

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YDAVIS23 8/3/2012 8:05AM

    I wish I could meet you there! Sounds fun and you'll do great!

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GETFIT2LIVE 8/3/2012 1:32AM

    John has the right idea--go find someone else who is alone or a group and introduce yourself. You never know what new friends are waiting for you there! Good for you going ahead and doing it by yourself; have an AWESOME time and know that you really aren't alone, we're here cheering you on, you just can't see us!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUNNER12COM 8/2/2012 11:49PM

    You know what to do, right? Get there early, find a group of fun, outgoing happy types, and introduce yourself. Say, "I'm here by myself and sure am worried about those obstacles." And one of them will say, "pfft, don't be silly, run with us and we'll all get over them!"

You KNOW that runners are crazy fun, incredibly welcoming, and super friendly. So get out there, meet some new people, and have a blast!

(P.S. If you see a group with a camera, offer to take a photo with all of them in it. That's another way to "meet" new people and start chatting them up!)

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MAGGIENCALI 8/2/2012 11:42PM

    Have lot's of fun at the muddy and I know the feeling. I have done a couple of races alone. Just know that those that love you and all of us here at Spark will be rooting for you all the way. Can't wait to read the blog and good luck! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 8/2/2012 11:17PM

    Dear Savannah:

That shows a lot about your fortitude, though, that you have enough confidence in yourself to DO this race alone! You know we're rooting for you!!! And i know it's not the same, but just the same.

HUGS dear, and i hope you have a good time and do well.

Barb

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Breaking from Running

Friday, July 27, 2012

The main message from my last couple blogs was to take a break! Many suggested taking a break from Sparkpeople. Honestly, I am not sure if I could do that. I have too many friendships here to just let it go. With that mind, I do think I am going to take a break from running. *gasp!* This was a suggestion from Robert (ON2VICTORY). I think I am burned out from running... reading about it, leading runs, finding my own routes and doing races.

In the meantime, the guy I am dating has offered to teach me to ride a bike. He loves to bike and maybe this would be just the thing I need to mix things up. So, for the month of August, this means running if I feel like it. If not, than no guilt about not running.

In addition to taking a break from running, my goal for August is to get my workouts to be more consistent. I do well for a few days than I have a few days I don't work out. To break this cycle, my goal for August is to work out - any work out - every other day. If I so happen do more workouts than that, great! If not, that is okay, too!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XRSIZE18 7/28/2012 1:47PM

    OOOOOooooo Biking with a love interest? Sounds like the perfect way to get some physical activity to me. ;) I hope it goes well!

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PATRICIAANN46 7/27/2012 7:57PM

  Hi Savannah........
Your plan sounds great!!!!! And, I think that you will love biking. If you are tired of running, adding other exercises at this time is a good choice.
I am also VERY glad that you are not leaving us. We would miss you way too much. emoticon

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GETFIT2LIVE 7/27/2012 5:11PM

    I think that's a GREAT plan--how cool to have someone help you learn to ride a bike and do it well! It's excellent exercise, but it's also just plain fun. Nothing wrong with taking a break from running; who knows, you may find you love biking even more than running? I'm glad you are sticking around here; I'm not on as much as I used to be, but I don't plan on leaving any time soon for the same reasons, too many friendships and relationships I'm not willing to let go.

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MYLADY4 7/27/2012 5:09PM

    I hope you will love biking. It is so much easier on the body. Plus, there are many GORGEOUS trails around you (Willard Munger in Duluth, one of my favs).

To be honest, I have not ran since the EC 1/2, it just took too much of a toll on my body plus my ankle still does not feel right. I am ok with it and you will get to that point too. I still would like to run another 1/2 next year so we will see.

Take care and ride away. :)

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NATPLUMMER 7/27/2012 3:57PM

    Maybe a chance in cardio activity will be just what you need.
Great plan for August!!
Enjoy the time with your new beau :-)

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1CRAZYDOG 7/27/2012 3:46PM

    Wonderful that you have a goal to learn biking with your beau! That keeps a relationship interesting when you can share something together!!

Biking is lots of fun and I'm sure you'll get the hang of it quickly. Personally, I like it a lot.

Glad you are staying with SP!!!! YIPPEE! I would miss my Savannah!

HUGS!

Barb

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